getting a feeling

this should be taken seriously. maybe you guys could help me out.

I have been feeling strange lately, well for awhile. I try to be a very socail person, talk to alot of people, and joke around alot. but most of the time I need to be wired on coffee and have extra energy. when I'm not drinking coffee I feel like saying something is pointless. Like, what do I get out of talking to someone about something I most likely not even care about. I guess I don't think about stuff enough, maybe I don't care about enough stuff. the only things I can surely say make me happy are Talking, Dancing, smoking and blowing rings, and very few other things. very few bring great enjoyment. I feel like I never have anything to say, I feel like everyone talks about random pointless cookie cut s@#$, people just have their McConversations, quick and unhealthy. no one ever really wants to talk about anything deeper then "Nice shirt" blah blah etc, i'm exaggerating, but it is how I feel.
I never really know what to do, I never know what to say, I barely know who i am as a person. I always think about differant ways of doing something, never there being an objective right way, I guess I should look for which way makes me happiest, but does one make me happier because of my brains wiring through the years of interaction, or is there a core ME that I need to discover.
Because I simply don't believe that. and the thought scares me a bit. I feel like I can do whatever I want because nothing really matters.
I can never be content with just relaxing, I'm just sitting here and listening to music, I'm not happy about it. I feel like I should be doing something, like be part of the world. go exploring. meet new people. but when I get somewhere i can make some sort of progress I never know just what to do.
the worst part is i barely know what i am talking about. I don't know anything.

Well the first thing I would ask is just how much coffee you drink. If you are addicted to coffee it could be the effects of withdrawal. Withdrawal from caffeine addiction causes nervousness, anxiety, irritability, trembling, and a few other physical conditions. This probably wouldn't be the whole problem either way, but if it is it would be a key to getting better.

coffee aside..it sounds like you're not satisfied with life. and you never will be until you make an honest look within to find out what makes you happy and whole

life can take you strange places. where do you want to go?

Are you an introvert trying to be an extrovert?
Doctors used to think I had bipolar disorder because I often skip sleep and feel great, more energized and more social when I do. But I can't often stay up and running on my own. I need forced activities and/or caffeine pills and the likes.
It doesn't make complete sense to me, but going without sleep triggers anxiety which often manifests itself with enjoyable excitability akin to being high. At low levels, it is very enjoyable and I thoroughly like speaking with other people. If it gets too high, though, I'm a wreck.
Perhaps coffee gives you a similar experience?
You sound depressed and anxiety often goes hand in hand with depression. You also sound young, without focus, without goals.
There's an old saying that to have friends you need to be someone other people can be friends with. What is it about you that makes others desire your company? Are you thoughtful, outgoing, loyal, extreme, passionate, creative etc?
Write a list about qualities you like about yourself. Then make another of things you would like to improve.
If you're anxious, it will be difficult to focus on what other people say and most of what they say may seem trivial. But to be a good friend means listening and letting others express themselves.
Write a list of goals- short term and long. It might help point you in a more positive direction.

:hug: I hope your chaos gets better soon.