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    1. #1
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      Hair...

      I am REALLY OCD right now. My kids have lice and even though I don't have it, I feel compelled to shave my head.
      It's been an obsession of mine for as long as I can remember... And having had no sleep for nearly a couple of days (?), I'm on the verge of giving in to it.
      I usually wear a bandana anyhow, so it won't be that big of a deal unless my hubby decides he would actually like to have sex some time this year (it's been months and we live apart, so he doesn't see me naked).

      BUT, he has a medical conference to go to in October (I will be going with him). How long does it take hair to grow back? I don't want to look like a total freak (and he will be seeing me naked then).
      My hair is currently shoulder length.

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      Shoulder length now? From shaved to shoulder length would take a year I'd think.... =/ That's a pretty vague ballpark guess. I'd say to find some other way to deal with it, avoiding the shaving your head at all costs. While it is just hair, it's still your hair, if you understand my meaning.
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      Aye... and I went ahead and did it without waiting for a response. I don't know what the hell triggered me but I'm even more f-ed up than I thought possible.
      While I love the look (for now), it triggered other destructive behaviors. The worst in memory actually.
      Even though I saw my p-doc today, I'm going to see him again tomorrow.

      My hubby will disown me if he sees it.
      I guess I could lie and say I had lice so badly I couldn't tolerate it...

      Thanks for the reply.

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      Well, I think it's good you went through with it if it's what you've been wanting to try. Women should be able to go bald without the big social reaction.
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      Women should be able to go bald without the big social reaction.
      This.

      I think it's hot, personally.
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      I pick up a half-eaten copy of a book by Neil Gaiman, and decide this is all his fault.

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      hahaa... thanks for the smiles.
      I actually REALLY like it. But everyone's going to flip (if they even notice).
      I'll take a picture once I get my DSi back from my clepto daughter *grrrr*

      My youngest son shaved himself a couple weeks ago because of the lice scare. When I saw my oldest son had the bugs, I shaved him with the electric clippers. His hair was almost longer than mine was
      ThenI guess the idea started brewing. I used the clippers with no attachment. So while I'm not "bald", I have a VERY short buzz cut.

      It's what happened afterward that threw me through a couple of loops... and I still can't sleep.
      But being on on-line games is helping me not obsess and dwell.

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      Average growth is 6 inches a year, an inch or two faster for thick hair, and an inch or two slower for fine hair. Mine grows 5 inches a year.
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      In other words... I guess I'm screwed*rolls eyes at self*

      It feels so funny. My "hair" prickles against the bandanna and keeps giving me shivers and goosebumps

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      Quote Originally Posted by Invader View Post
      Well, I think it's good you went through with it if it's what you've been wanting to try. Women should be able to go bald without the big social reaction.
      People need to lay off of each other. If you shave your head, it's cause you wanted it that way.


      @Zhaylin That's alright that you did it, you've got my approval and support. I'm really glad that you like the way you look! Always be proud of who you are and what you look like, even if you aren't always proud of your actions.

      He'd disown you? Does he really love you for being you? That's a mean thing to ask, but if someone's so critical of how you look they'd disown you over getting your hair shaved in such a way - and you enjoying it - doesn't that make you question why they accept you and care about you?

      I love my girlfriend's hair, but if she shaved it, whether for personal preference or because it was bugging the hell out of her, I wouldn't make her feel bad about it.

      Just felt I should tell you my reaction to how critically you expect to be treated by your family and friends. You're you, not their vision of you.

      One more thing: Woo hoo for you having a new side of yourself that you really enjoy! Deviance brings variety, variety is the spice of life!
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      Yeah... my hubby is overwhelmingly critical. I'm up to 130 pounds (5 feet 5 inches tall) and he says I'm fat.
      But I take comfort in the knowledge that he's just as critical about himself.

      He'd see my actions as another form of self-mutilation and a sign of mental instability (yet he also hates that I'm on meds for anxiety). He's from the old school of "buck up". "get over it" etc.

      My p-doc saw me though I was a walk-in. He's from Egypt and people shaved their heads all the time, so my actions made him smile and didn't bother him in the least. Oddly enough, I showed him my "battle scars" but didn't take off my bandanna... In turn, he made me smile, gave me things to think about and work on and it's all good once again.
      Until October rolls around lol

      But for now I'm enjoying this new sensory awakening. I always liked people playing with my hair... but with it so short, I feel everything so much more so. I know I'll eventually become desensitized somewhat, but I'm enjoying every second while it lasts

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      Quote Originally Posted by Zhaylin View Post
      But for now I'm enjoying this new sensory awakening. I always liked people playing with my hair... but with it so short, I feel everything so much more so. I know I'll eventually become desensitized somewhat, but I'm enjoying every second while it lasts
      Love that line right there.

      I guess some people just ARE that critical of those they care about. I'm very critical of myself in terms of my creations (musically, artistically, such things - it makes me way better at it when I get critical of a piece and change it up a lot though, so it's a good kind of self-challenge), but never of friends. EX: calling someone fat is unbelievably inappropriate in any situation if I don't mean them harm.

      I'm not understanding the "battle scars" bit. I don't know if you mean that's from the shaving or what, but if it's alright for me to ask, what are you referring to?

      That's really cool that your "p-doc" was so supportive of you! I'd love to hear that more people you know outside the session are supporting you.

      You've got my support if no one turns around.
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      To be painfully honest and revealing... Shaving my head made me aroused but then my head flashed a pciture from a Hustler magazine I saw when I was about 4 years old. THe picture was 2 pages. On one page was a woman strapped to a chair. Her head was shaved. On the other page was a police woman scantily dressed holding billy clubs. That brought on sexual fantasies that made me feel monstrous and disgusting. After which time of sexual fulfillment, I then had to punish myself. X-acto blade, my right thigh and calf. But that wasn't good enough. I then punched my legs, found a ruler then found a new outlet. Giving in to the urge to punish myself made me feel that much worse. It lasted about an hour. I couldn't sleep.

      Afterward, I thought about the intensity of my actions. I woke up at 2:30 PM 2 days ago. I hadn't been sleeping. I'd been taking caffeine pills to sustain me when sleeping was no longer possible (chores, appointments). Plus, about a month ago I couldn't afford my anxiety meds, so I started taking some Saint John's Wart I had had for a year or so. Once I got back on my meds, I continued the herbs out of habit.
      All of those things combined trigger my extreme actions/reactions.

      I told my p-doc all of this and he agreed then lectured me about doctoring myself. I agreed to knock it off

      I got back at around 9:30 and fell asleep until 11:30. I woke on my own thanks to all the caffeine in my system. I have to take my oldest daughter to Magistrate for truancy, but after that I'm going to try to crash for the night.

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      Quote Originally Posted by Zhaylin View Post
      That brought on sexual fantasies that made me feel monstrous and disgusting.
      That part I understand, but why the punishment? It's one thing to feel an animalistic urge (and maybe even savage depending on what the desire is and how the society views it) and another thing entirely to act on it. Sometimes the action itself isn't "inherently bad" unless the society demonizes it. What I'm reading out of you is, "I'm punishing myself for being human." Given enough time with that kind of behavior and you'll drive yourself insane. And my honest opinion? You have destructive behaviors because you view your own humanity as wrong or evil, and, at the same time, you are a human being. Medication is only suppressing a symptom, Zhay. If you came to terms with who and what you are inside I don't think you'd ever feel the need to punish yourself again. Coming to terms with yourself doesn't mean viewing yourself as a monster, either. Find your balance. Don't let other people (like your husband...) pressure you into thinking less about yourself. Mostly though, don't accept what I (or anyone else) has to say unless you sincerely believe in it. If you believe there's truth in the words I've given you, I implore you to explore the possibilities of looking at the world (more so humanity) in a new light.
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      Quote Originally Posted by Zhaylin View Post
      I told my p-doc all of this and he agreed then lectured me about doctoring myself. I agreed to knock it off
      Quote Originally Posted by Invader View Post
      If you came to terms with who and what you are inside I don't think you'd ever feel the need to punish yourself again. Coming to terms with yourself doesn't mean viewing yourself as a monster, either. Find your balance.
      I also am at a loss of comprehending why you'd have the need to punish yourself for being human, for indulging in your desires, which are normal, which are human. I was thinking about you all last night, worried and interested at the same time. While I don't understand the need to punish yourself, I'm really glad to hear that you're going to "knock it off". Hearing about these things really makes me worry. We're always here for you, even if we aren't there in person to give you a shoulder to lean on if you ever need it.
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      Thanks Invader and Clyde.

      It's a problem my p-doc has been trying to help me with for years.
      Unfortunately, I HAVE to take meds. Anxiety triggers cateplexia which mimics narcelepsy. My anxiety is accumulative. Even when I face stressors and nothing bad happens, the anxiety never subsides and I "pass out" (it's more like falling asleep but I have no control over it). Whether I'm driving relaxingly or speaking to a friend, I'll have constant adrenaline surges and fall right to sleep. I also have PMDD so near the time of my period, it feels as if someone has kicked me in the crotch a few hundred times which (even for a girl lol) is extremely painful. Meds take care of all those things.

      I'm going to have to tell my hubby about my hair. My son ran into someone at the Kingdom Hall while shopping and he told them about my hair. While Jehovah's Witnesses do not maliciously gossip, they are human and my action will be passed from ear to ear I'm sure. It's better hubby finds out from me than others.

      My oldest son has taken to calling me "Cancer Patient" *grrrrrr* I told him I'm going to call him that because his hair is just as short, but he says he's a guy and carries it off better.

      I still like my hair cut though

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      That was more informative, I didn't know the issue was as complicated. So then, the anxiety triggers your self-punishment episodes? I thought the cutting was something you've avoided for a while, if I remember correctly from reading it elsewhere on the forums. I hope it's something you can get over entirely.

      And I'm glad you like it.

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      Not so much... the anxiety triggers cateplexia. But if the anxiety is bad enough it can lead to self-injury as a means of "grounding" myself. Rage and self-loathing are the major triggers for self-punishment.
      I avoided the episodes for at least 6 years when I was spiritually strong and religiously active. I hope I can be rid of it entirely too...

      I told my hubby about my hair. He looked ??? depressively shocked but he said nothing because I blamed my cutting it on lice. He'll probably stew over it for a couple of days and then say something. For now, though, it's all good

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      Quote Originally Posted by Invader View Post
      Well, I think it's good you went through with it if it's what you've been wanting to try.
      Not if the urge is due to OCD(obsessive compulsive disorder), or some other form of mental illness ie. anxiety or stress.

      You may not be aware that Zhaylin self-harms, and engages in other destructive behaviours of varying degrees.

      Zhaylin, your p-doc is a psychologist/psychiatrist, right? What is his assessment of your overall progress so far?
      Last edited by Flashdance; 07-03-2010 at 06:44 AM.

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      Quote Originally Posted by Flashdance View Post
      You may not be aware that Zhaylin self-harms, and engages in other destructive behaviours of varying degrees.
      I've known for a while now.

      And yes, good only if she wanted to do it out of her own genuine curiosity.

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      He is a psychiatrist but also serves as a psychologist. He does more than just give me meds. I see him about every 2 weeks and talk to him for 30-60 minutes. He's been a tremendous help and says I've come a long way since I began (with fewer and fewer relapses).

      I've been genuinely wanting to shave my head for as long as I can recall... but expectations of loved ones and society have always kept me from trying. OCD, inspired me to care less about those things.
      No... now I'm down-playing my actions. I would not have gone through with it if it weren't for pervasive thoughts.
      It was both things I guess.

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      Quote Originally Posted by Zhaylin View Post
      Thanks Invader and Clyde.

      It's a problem my p-doc has been trying to help me with for years.
      Unfortunately, I HAVE to take meds. Anxiety triggers cateplexia which mimics narcelepsy. My anxiety is accumulative. Even when I face stressors and nothing bad happens, the anxiety never subsides and I "pass out" (it's more like falling asleep but I have no control over it). Whether I'm driving relaxingly or speaking to a friend, I'll have constant adrenaline surges and fall right to sleep. I also have PMDD so near the time of my period, it feels as if someone has kicked me in the crotch a few hundred times which (even for a girl lol) is extremely painful. Meds take care of all those things.

      I'm going to have to tell my hubby about my hair. My son ran into someone at the Kingdom Hall while shopping and he told them about my hair. While Jehovah's Witnesses do not maliciously gossip, they are human and my action will be passed from ear to ear I'm sure. It's better hubby finds out from me than others.

      My oldest son has taken to calling me "Cancer Patient" *grrrrrr* I told him I'm going to call him that because his hair is just as short, but he says he's a guy and carries it off better.

      I still like my hair cut though
      Definitely more than I was reading about earlier. Thanks for sharing all of this with us, I feel like I understand the situation a little clearer now.
      "Cancer Patient"? I wouldn't call my mother that even if she cut her hair short and I felt the need to be mean to her. I'd spank him. XD But then, I'm not a parent, I don't know what that would be like. I trust you'll know how to handle him appropriately.

      Quote Originally Posted by Flashdance View Post
      Not if the urge is due to OCD(obsessive compulsive disorder), or some other form of mental illness ie. anxiety or stress.
      Stress is not a mental illness. Stress is a part of daily life, to varying degrees.

      Quote Originally Posted by Zhaylin View Post
      Not so much... the anxiety triggers cateplexia. But if the anxiety is bad enough it can lead to self-injury as a means of "grounding" myself. Rage and self-loathing are the major triggers for self-punishment.
      I avoided the episodes for at least 6 years when I was spiritually strong and religiously active. I hope I can be rid of it entirely too...

      I told my hubby about my hair. He looked ??? depressively shocked but he said nothing because I blamed my cutting it on lice. He'll probably stew over it for a couple of days and then say something. For now, though, it's all good
      Good to hear he didn't freak on you or something! Sounds like you know him and his behaviours pretty well, I hope that understanding aids you well.
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      Yeah... I know hubby very well.
      I told my son the good people on DV said I should spank him for his mean words. He asked if I was trying to tell him something. I thought "Yeah, stop calling me CP." but he then said "You don't really have cancer do you?" I said no, then he went on to say he wasn't, therefore, being mean.*rolls eyes*

      Anyhow... here I am in all my goofy glory:
      http://img59.imageshack.us/i/baldme.jpg/

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      That doesn't look too bad, Zhaylin.

      I was half expecting you to look something like this:



      Last edited by Flashdance; 07-05-2010 at 12:52 AM.
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      ROFL! Thank goodness I didn't SHAVE my head, or I very well could have!

      Hubby's taking this MUCH better than I thought he would! I guess he can still surprise me after all.
      I've been very careful to keep my bandanna on whenever I'm around him. He came outside a minute ago and I didn't see the garage open, so he surprised me. I was dismayed and tried to grab my bandanna but he laughed and said he's seen me bald before
      Just yesterday (or was it this morning) he said he was going to have to buy my a wig. I told him I always wear a bandanna so it didn't really matter. He said he could put a box over his head but it's not quite the same lol...

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      Quote Originally Posted by Zhaylin View Post
      Anyhow... here I am in all my goofy glory:
      http://img59.imageshack.us/i/baldme.jpg/
      Reminds me of GI Jane, lol. But really, it looks fine

      Wish I saw this thread earlier, because they do make lice shampoos
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