Adrenaline

[Zhaylin]

I take 80 mg Celexa to help manage anxiety. For me, anxiety = almost constant adrenaline surges- no worry, no panic, just adrenaline for absolutely no reason at all. My pdoc is out of town until Wednesday. I've been out of my meds for a week. Today, the surges are almost unbearable. I am doing nothing but lurking here and playing Facebook games, but the surges still strike. Any suggestions on how to manage them? I've tried deep breathing, visualization etc. The only thing that helps is sleep. Ideas?

[Raspberry]

Hmmm... I don't know anything about your condition or your meds, but it sounds to me like you have excess energy to burn. I recommend doing some exercise. It'll also release endorphins and make you happy! Just pull on some trainers and go for a jog or fast walk

[Zhaylin]

That's the one thing I haven't tried. I always figured exercise would release more adrenaline. It's worth a try.... after I wake up lol. Having surges for some 12 hours exhausts a person. I'll wake up with them. Celexa is the only thing that keeps them at bay (or Prozac/Lexapro/etc. basic SSRI's). It's highly annoying. Thanks a million for the suggestion!

[Raspberry]

Hey, are your surges better now?

[Zhaylin]

I've been asleep almost this entire time. They're currently still surging, but I'm going to work out soon, after I eat. Hopefully it will help. It would be so cool if exercise does the trick.

[Zhaylin]

Exercise made the rushes 100 times worse. Now I'm raging and exhausted. I don't want ANYONE talking to me or even looking at me. I've not been this enraged in a LONG time. I'm even being grumpy at my hubby which almost never happens. I'm taking a very short break, then I have to go back to his house and help him move more furniture, boxes and God knows what else some more. Hubby just called. He's getting impatient and I started crying. I told him about the surges but he just does not understand. He laughed at me and it helped lighten my mood. He said he's grateful for any help and doesn't care how grumpy I get at him Ugh. I'm actually shaking a little lol. I'll be going back to sleep the second I'm done helping him! Tomorrow, I'm calling my pdoc. Hopefully he's back in town. If not, I have to wait til Wednesday.

[Raspberry]

Ahhh.. I'm sorry! I assumed it would help burn off the adrenaline and calm you down... I'm sure your husband understands

[Zhaylin]

No problem. For the normal person, it probably would have worked It was a great idea. Yeah, hubby was great. We finished up in less than an hour and it was easy labor. Today I tried shocking the adrenaline out of my system and took 2 caffeine pills. It made it neither better nor worse, though I did get a couple heart palpitations . I called my pdoc today, hoping beyond hope to catch him at his office. No such luck. He's gone until the 21st. I have a 'script *somewhere*. He wrote me one a month or 2 ago, but I didn't need it at the time. I've torn my room up looking for it though. Grrrr. Tomorrow, I'll search my car. Now THERE'S a task I studied the surges earlier. I was laying down, thinking about taking a nap, and so long as I was perfectly still, the surges diminished greatly. But if I would move even my eyes, while they were closed, I would get one. My thoughts don't matter much. When I become enraged they flare more. Literally beating myself up when the rage becomes too great, diminishes the surges for a little while. (I've fought the urge to self injure for a couple days now though *woot* I take a seroquel and go to sleep instead.) My blood pressure is fine. My blood sugar is great. I had a complete blood work up a couple months ago and it was all great (it was almost exactly the same from one I took last year ) So, it HAS to be psychological. Stress isn't a great influence on it either way though, so who the heck knows what's going on in my head/body. I swear I have an overactive adrenal gland. For some reason, SSRI's do the trick though, so I wont look a gift horse in the mouth. I just wish I understood the mechanism of it all! **EDIT** Oh yeah.. I can hear the surges. They zap my face more than anything which is typical of traditional anxiety/panic. I get an intense sudden *flare* of tingliness around my nose and mouth and there's an incredibly brief flare up of pressure in my ears. It's not so much a *sound* that I hear, but a dimming of noise, a pressure and a very slight "buzz" (I don't even know if buzz is the right term, it happens so quickly). That's what made me think of blood pressure, but that was a dead end.

[Raspberry]

The only thing I can think of to get a glimpse of what it's like is when I go to rock concerts and almost faint from all the adrenaline and heat/pressure of people. You better check your car quick, 6 days is quite a long time to be having these surges. I'd get yourself checked out at the hospital if anything gets worse... And please don't self-harm, I know it can happen on impulse but it won't fix things in the end.

[Zhaylin]

It wasn't in the car I'll have to endure until Monday. I just hope Court goes well this week. If it's anything like last week, I'll have myself committed until my pdoc returns. Last week, my 15 year old daughter was removed from my home and placed in a Shelter while she waits for a bed at a juvenile facility (major truancy issues plus she "stole" a classmates Kindle). Now my other 2 have "trials". It's my 14 yo daughter's 4th offence and the Magistrate said she'll go into a facility if truancy kept being an issue. It's gotten no better, so she'll likely get shipped off for 6-13 months. My 16 yo son will likely get a warning only. I take comfort that it's before the Magistrate and not the judge and we don't need a lawyer unlike last week. It should go >well enough<. Today's surges are no better, no worse. Just constant. And to think I dealt with these things for YEARS before I finally broke down and saw a pdoc. Meds have spoiled me I've not self-harmed But if I get the urge, I've retired my blade and use an old DSi power cord on my back instead. It stings like heck, hurts worse than my blade and only leaves a mark for a day at most. I feel like some fanatical idiot, but it works to quell the rage and I wont have to worry about infection or scars. Thanks for all of your input, Raspberry, and for listening. You've been a true life saver (or, at the least, a true sanity saver )

[Raspberry]

No problem I like helping people. And whoa at the trials, we don't get that here. We get major fines and the parents go to court, maybe even prison (I think) if it's really, really bad. I hope your kids see sense and realise that they may as well get an education and be done with it. But when you get the meds your surges should calm down Just think that soon it'll be Monday and this will all be in the past. It's just hanging on until monday.. And have you tried snapping a band against your wrist? Stings like hell but doesn't scar. It can bruise though :/

[Zhaylin]

Aye. I used the rubber band trick years and years ago when I first broke the cycle of my SI behavior (quit for nearly 8 years). I does, indeed, help Thanks for the reminder. I'll have to pick some up at the store tomorrow. My kids don't "skip" class, they just refuse to be woken up. I try, my 18 year old tries, but it's hopeless most days. The Magistrate said they are old enough to wake themselves up and get to school, and if they fail to do so, they'll get in trouble. I actually had to attend school with them from November- December break. THAT was an eye-opening experience lol. If they were younger, I would/could go to jail. But because they're teens, most of the responsibility is falling on them. I do, however, have over $1,000. in Court fees to pay though Are you located in the States?

[Raspberry]

Nope, I'm from Scotland, UK And I have a friend who doesn't wake up properly... The same thing happened to him. He still managed to get A's in all his exams and is now in his first year at uni. But he's falling behind on assignments because he stays up late and sleeps most of the day. I self harmed a little last year. I got depressed during from around May to November and it just kinda happened... I'm fine now though, or at least I think I am. I panic when I get stressed though, incase I sink back into it. 5 days left! Excluding the rest of today, although it's currently 5:15pm here.

[Zhaylin]

Oooh, Scotland! Is it beautiful where you live? My kids are failing because they miss so many days. If it was up to tests alone, they would pass because they're all pretty smart (my son has a learning disability so he'd suffer more). But they give so much homework here that you have to attend every day just to do those assignments. I hope your stress level stays balanced and you don't slip back into bad habits. It is hard when you know something works... at least temporarily :/ I wanted to SI earlier. I even got all my tools together... but I'm simply too apathetic right now to care. I should be in jail right now- instead, I'm on probation for a year. I've been driving on a suspended license since January because I didn't pay Court fines. Lovely. I wrote all about my crappy day in the Daily Accomplishments thread in the Lounge. Apathy seems to have diminished the amount and intensity of the surges, so I guess they're stress related after all. I took 50 mg Seroquel AND 200 mg caffeine before my meeting at 10:15 earlier. The seroquel/apathy/depression/whatever seems to be winning. I'll probably go to sleep soon. (Yeah, I realize caffeine isn't the best thing to take in the world when you have problems with adrenaline/anxiety/panic, but stress makes me sleep and I was hoping to stay awake. I think it's interesting that the surges aren't as bad despite the caffeine)

[Raspberry]

I live in a small city/large town, it has it's good and bad areas. But the countryside is gorgeous Lot's of fields where I live. But it rains a lot. I missed over a week of school from the snow earlier haha. I live near Edinburgh, so it's not in the highlands or anything. I know how your kids feel. I'm 15, and I always feel i'm never getting enough sleep. I try to get 10 hours, but by the time I get home from school, do homework, have dinner, go in the bath etc, I feel i've done nothing fun and stay up later. Then I wake up feeling tired. I force myself up at 7am though, because although it's horrible, I really want to get decent exam grades. I'm smart in a common sense way, but when it comes to subjects I really need to force myself to learn it. Yeah my stress levels are fine. It's mostly if something happens with my parents. My mum left my dad for another man last year and that set the whole thing off. I got quite depressed and exhausted. The other month my register teacher came up to me and said "You weren't happy for a while were you? I hope you're ok now." It shocked me quite a bit, because I didn't realise it was that obvious. Mostly I spent my days out walking whenever things got bad but if I was stuck inside I felt like I was going to explode if I didn't do something... I've got a few scars on my arms but they're not that noticeable. There's actually a reason behind why people self harm. When I hear people talking about it who've never actually experienced it, they say stuff like "Why do they do that to themselves?" and "Oh, they're an emo." Self harm creates pain which causes your brain to release endorphins, which make you happier. Hot food, chocolate /sugar and exercise also release them. That's why some people comfort eat, and it's why I spent a hell of a lot of time out walking near my local lake. I know that feeling of not caring I used to force it on myself. Instead of feeling angry or upset, I would sit completely still, and just wash my emotions away until I was numb. It kinda happens automatically, though not recently. It can be a bad way of dealing with things though, because you bury them down and don't face them. Still, I guess it's better than self harm. One of my friends also SH. She's actually the one who kinda shocked me out of it. She showed me her legs (with the intention of shocking me), which are so cut up she can't wear skirts without wearing dark tights/leggings. She also has scars on her wrists that she covers with bracelets, and she used to pull and tug her hair out. I'm sure she's done it round her hips too, where her underwear can hide it. Maybe it's a sign that your body is trying to recover itself. I know adrenaline makes you more hyped up and alert, but since you're sleeping so much, maybe your body is telling you to slow down and let it rest for a bit. Since exercise aggravates it, maybe that's a sign too.

[Zhaylin]

You sound like an incredibly down-to-earth and smart 15 year old! I wish I had your ability to wash away emotions. I'm still pretty much raging mad 24/7. I was fine earlier until I couldn't find my comb. Then I trashed my desk and SAW myself throwing things at the wall- but I talked myself down from actually doing it lol. I've never been one to throw temper tantrums. It's getting on my nerves Still having constant adrenaline rushes. I've settled some though. I actually enjoy my FB games- a little- again. I spent almost 3 hours rebuilding my city in City of Wonder Yeah, I tell people the reasons for SI all the time. Most people think if you hurt yourself, your one step above (barely) above killing yourself. No. SI is about STAYING alive. It's a faulty coping mechanism, but it IS used (primarily) TO cope. I have been guilty of calling my 15 yo daughter emo though. She would cut her arms then wear short sleeved shirts. I told her then of my life-time battle as a self-injurer and further told her: 'NO ONE ever knew what I was doing. I would NEVER draw attention to my injuries. To do so, you're either: screaming for help or begging for attention.' With her, it was mostly the attention part. SI seems the big thing to do now-a-days And yeah, hubby's confused about the adrenaline and sleep thing. He says if I'm all hyped up on adrenaline, how could I possibly fall asleep. With me (?) all these bursts of adrenaline exhaust me. I don't have to do anything. My body thinks it's in a constant state of flight or flight though which makes me incredibly sleepy. I don't notice the surges in my sleep. So, yeah, perhaps my body's shutting down to recover all this.

[saltyseedog]

You are frustrated with your life. You don't want to be here. You sleep all day. You want to escape. You feel like your trapped in a place you don't want to be. It is only natural to be angry. It is your defense against what you don't want.

[Zhaylin]

Yes, but I normally (as in my entire life) have internalized my anger. Which is why I've fought SI so long and hard. This new, grumpy me is hard to live with lol. I know I'm mad. I even understand and accept WHY I'm mad. But all this lashing out, out right temper tantrums etc are simply NOT acceptable. Yet, I'm too mad, too tired, too beset by these cursed adrenaline surges to properly internalize my rage like I'm "supposed to". I would like that last statement to be satirical, but sadly it's not. *sigh*

[saltyseedog]

A girl I know in real not internet life is going through something similar. Having anger built up her whole life and she can't function to her full potential because of it, and she just wants to get rid of it but doesn't know how. She asked me for advice, and there was really nothing much I could say to help. Basically its all about her dad. The only way the anger will really go away is if her dad apoligizes for everything he put her and her family through, or if he dies. I think its the same for you too. Its not going to go away until your situation thats making you angry changes.

[Zhaylin]

Ahhh... so I have another... hmmmm, 6 years to go What you say does make sense, but I've always been one to forgive, forget and take the anger out on myself. People don't usually change. I can't go through life bottling everything, hoping they will. I have to change myself instead. Or maybe I'm lying to myself which is why I have the surges in the first place. But no. Despite what people (Dr.'s may say), I still think there's a physiological source of the surges. My life remains the same? I have the same stress level and whole 9 yards but a little pill makes the surges go away? My mentality and situation never changes. There has to be a reason why the pill works? I think I have an abundance of anger because of the surges. I guess I'll find out in 3 more days. If the surges and anger subsides after I start taking my meds again, then I can blame the surges. If they or the anger alone remains (I have no doubt at all the surges will vanish), then I need to have myself locked away for a few years. Jail is looking better and better

[saltyseedog]

Self harm creates pain which causes your brain to release endorphins, which make you happier. Hot food, chocolate /sugar and exercise also release them. That's why some people comfort eat, and it's why I spent a hell of a lot of time out walking near my local lake. I think cutting yourself distracts you from the emotional pain which can be much worse. Maybe people do it for different reasons though I don't know. I actually haven't been able to sleep all night because I became aware of the feeling in my heart. It feels like I want something so bad in waking life but I can't have it. I think thats whats keeping me up. For months I had this and I would stay up all night on the computer, just trying to get tired. then in the day time I would just lay around normally not feeling like doing anything, or being with anyone, excect my exgirlfriend, but when I was around her I could barely stand it because I loved her so much, but i didn't think she wanted to be with me. It tore me up inside. But little did I know she was just as obessed with me. she just has the tendency to be distracted by others, because its in her nature. And now we can't be together. but I know this how its supposed to be, but it hurts so bad. and the worst part is she is unsure if I still love her, and assumes that I must not love her anymore, because I haven't tried to contact her since. So the biggest issue was lack of communication that caused all this. But, I already knew it was going to happen like this before this lifetime. I planned it out accordingly. Now I'm just not trying to stray off the path. Doesn't really have to do with anger but whatever.

[saltyseedog]

Hmmm I think the pills distract you from your emotions.

[Zhaylin]

But my emotions stay at a constant. The outwardly expressed anger is the only thing new. And I've been behaving and staying away from self-injury (with only a couple lapses in months). The excessive sleep I can write off (mostly) as being a side effect of Seroquel (which I normally DON'T take because it makes me too sleepy, but being without Celexa, I'm relying on Seroquel completely). The surges are a result of NOT being on Celexa (the reason I take the med in the first place). I created this thread to try to find ways for managing the adrenaline rushes. But if it's physiological then perhaps there's nothing I can do but ride it out. I DO have anxiety, but the surges are constant and completely illogical because they strike in the absence of anxiety. Do I have the right to be mad, depressed, anxious, stressed? Absolutely lol I think the surges aggravate the emotions- but not necessarily the other way around. (((((Salty))))) I hope things improve for you. Sounds like more than something I could handle. If you want to be with her and she wants to be with you- unless there's a huge issue (like she's 30 and you're 15 or something), why not? If communication was the main problem and you're aware of it now, why not help her see it and go forward?

[Zhaylin]

I'm a freagin idiot. "I normally don't take Seroquel" because it makes me sleepy. I also don't take it consistently because I can't afford it. I've been taking it every day since I ran out of Celexa (almost 2 weeks), hoping it would help with the surges. It hasn't. Instead I'm raging. Here's my sign: Oops.. wrong sign: <me> I'll stop taking the Seroquel and see if the rage subsides.

[Zhaylin]

I have seen an immediate and extraordinary improvement now that I'm off Seroquel. I'm still having consistent adrenaline surges but I'm no longer sleeping in excess and the rage has almost completely subsided. Even my kids have noticed I thought it was too good to be true so I researched the half-life of the medication and I was right on the money. Seroquel is quickly eliminated My pdoc will be interested in this recent discovery lol That's one medication I will definitely never take again. Wellbutrin is the only other med that's ever made me rage. Now I know...