Originally Posted by
Darkmatters
I've debated posting this for some time now. It almost feels too personal - too revealing. And I'm not sure quite what is revealed by it. But I don't think it's good.
I had a few dreams in which I committed rape.
And looking back, I'm not sure but I might have been lucid in them. This was before I really knew what lucidity was, though I had experienced it randomly a couple times. In these sex dreams though if I was lucid it was with an extremely low level of awareness.. in fact the only reason I say I might have been lucid was because of a sudden surge of excitement, which might have been more because of the sex or just a part of the dream itself.
The dreams were all pretty similar so I'll just generally describe them.
It would start with finding myself in an undefined space facing a woman. It seems like the dreams started this way. or at least now I can't remember if anything led up to this. So, I find myself before a woman and I experience a sudden overwhelming surge of excitement and decide I'm going to just grab her and start having my way with her. Writing this now, it sure does sound like I might have been lucid.
So anyway, I grab and I start forcing myself on her... and yes, the more I remember this the more I believe I must have been lucid - I certainly didn't believe it was a real life situation... the reason I got excited and decided to do this is because I knew it was a dream and there could be no real harm to anyone. Still I don't feel good about it.
Anyway, the main thing about these dreams - I always hated they way they end. They never lasted more than a few seconds... just long enough for the woman to look me right in the eye and get a growing look of horror and revulsion on her face and her body would grow cold and immobile. It was basically as if she died right there in my arms horrified at what I was doing to her. I would always wake up immediately afterwards and feel terrible. I wondered what the hell was wrong with me that I would dream such a terrible thing, and I'd feel depressed and awful for the entire day if not longer.