help, only help

Hello, I am looking for help, not to understand my dreams, that is not my current interest, I need help to understand the reason for dreams and their spiritual or esoteric connection, I know it is difficult to understand so I better explain it in detail:

2 years and 3 months ago I never had dreams, I just went to sleep and woke up, it was like watching a movie and the scene went by, when I went to sleep I closed my eyes, I opened them again and it was already daylight. It was always something unimportant, without interest, I only had 3 doubts:
-Is there a spiritual connection or from another astral plane with dreams?
-What is the relationship of dreams with a strange power of my grandmother that could be related to clairvoyance?
-Why don't I have dreams?

I only have one dream as a child that I will never forget, which I will briefly summarize: I was walking down the street of my grandmother's aunt's house (a very old lady), she directed me somewhere and I had to pass by the old lady's house, as I got closer I saw a small river of blood, the closer I got the bigger it got, when I arrived and was in front of the house, I saw the old lady standing with a huge knife, the blood was coming from her, when she saw me she cut her head, fell to the ground and the river became thicker and thicker. The next morning we were informed that the old lady had died.

Just remembering this dream makes me want to not sleep, I don't know why, anyway, from that time exactly 2 years and 3 months, I became curious about why I don't dream, the dream that I just told you and my grandmother since her dreams were sometimes right, asking myself these questions over and over again I began to dream from time to time, until I had my first lucid dream.

From then on I began to enter more into dreams and I began to have recurring dreams every night, up to that point everything was "normal", I got to the point where in some dreams I could feel the passing of a full day, it was like living a day in my reality and that at the moment of sleeping "dreaming" was living a day in another reality, it was something extraordinary, but...... this is where I need help.

I don't know how to explain it, it's difficult, I don't know what it is but I feel like I'm dissociating myself from reality, it's the sensation of seeing the same movie running on 2 different screens at the same time, one 4 or 5 seconds ahead than the other, I have sensations and moments that freeze me on the street, affirming to me that what just happened I already lived, I already saw it, I already felt it, it's seeing those 2 screens at the same time and saying that I already saw it because there is a screen that is 4 seconds ahead. In those moments of freezing I ask myself where I saw that, sometimes the answer is "in a dream".

Not only that, some time ago I started having dreams that I call multiple displacements, basically they are dreams where: I go to sleep, I know I'm dreaming, I dream, I wake up, when I wake up it's like any other day, I get out of bed etc, but there comes a moment when I feel like something is pulling me from inside my body, that something that is pulling me is me. That's when I wake up, actually, it's like having a dream within a dream that is so real that it can't be differentiated.

In these dreams of multiple displacements, I get to feel and I have the fear of being and/or being trapped, within another reality, putting this together with what I explained above as 2 screens, I have no answer, and sometimes I'm afraid

Could someone explain to me the reason for this, or has anyone had similar experiences?

I don’t know whether anything I say here can help or not, but it looks like nobody else has replied so far, so I guess I should at least try. I haven’t had waking life experiences like the one you describe, but your post reminded me of a lucid dream I had recently, and maybe it would be helpful if I shared my thoughts on that.

In my dream, I seemed to have access to mental content that was external to my dreamscape, and to the dream ‘me’, which was involved in shaping the dream. There were moments in the dream where I had little previews of the immediate future like the ones you describe. To try to clarify - it’s as if I was playing a game of chess with someone, and imagining a series of moves before actually making one, only it was like temporarily entering into an immersive model of the game, completely realistic and yet still distinct from the actual game. It sounds like you’re just using the screens as a metaphor, but it could still could be relevant since what I think happened with my dream was that I was consciously experiencing mental activity that’s normally unconscious.

I believe that that sort of thing is constantly going on in our dreaming and waking lives - that our minds are actively involved in shaping the way we perceive the world. And so that’s how I would interpret your experiences - you’re becoming conscious of mental processes that were unconscious before, and for most people never become conscious. Deciding to focus on dreams doesn’t usually have such profound results, but there are pretty considerable differences in the way that people dream - just browsing the dream journals of dedicated dreamers makes that clear - and it would make sense that focusing on dreams more might have radically different results, depending on the way we’re wired, so to speak.

As far as the spiritual or esoteric aspects of dreams - well, that’s another case where there are probably at least as many opinions as there are dreamers. Although I’ve only had one lucid dream with anything resembling precognition, it’s common for me to have some sort of nonlucid insight into the future of my dream scenarios. It’s never exactly the same each time, so I can’t really generalize, but it ranges from memories of the future - almost always multiple alternative futures the way I experience it - to full-on omniscience, albeit within a completely imaginary dream context. I have also (nonlucidly) attempted to discover answers to questions about the future, which always seemed to involve synthesizing a lot of raw data, like a computer would, I guess. I have never once read an account of a predictive dream that resembles these experiences - but perhaps that’s another case of being aware of mental processes that are typically unconscious.

So as to whether there’s any connection to clairvoyance - maybe? I wouldn’t rule it out. The only time I (nonucidly) tried to look into my waking-life future, what I concluded was that taking a certain course of action would have very bad consequences for me - and I didn’t take it, which makes it impossible to know for sure whether it really would have happened like that or not. It was going to grad school, if you’re curious - and looking back, I do think that not going was a very good decision, even if it isn’t possible to know just how bad the consequences of going would have been.

Those are my thoughts, for what it’s worth. Honestly, I think the main reason I don’t find my dream experiences more disorienting than I do is that I’m just used to them by now, and not in a mindstate where I can easily make comparisons with how my experience of the world is ‘supposed’ to be. Maybe other people have some advice for the false awakening experiences, which do seem to be fairly common among lucid dreamers, including long series of very convincing ones for some.