dream the night before that one

The dream I dreamed the night before that kind of sucked. It started out, I was part of this class/group that was on a plane traveling to san Francisco(I live in ohio). The weather was gray and cloudy the whole dream. Only me and this group were on the plane. Several things I did not like about this. First of all, I had to sit right in the front, which is like sitting at the front of a scary rollercoaster. I’m not afraid of airplanes at all, but in that position I was. Secondly, I was the only one who had no luggage!! All I had was my purse, and all I had in that was my debit card, my ID, and my car keys. A credit card and my phone would’ve been nice, maybe at least a book!! Or cd player…it was a long flight and I was the only one with absolutely nothing to do. The one guy on the plane even rubbed it in, saying to me, “And I packed everything but the kitchen sink!!” That is usually what I myself say everytime I go on a trip. That pissed me off, so I said, “I usually do too…except now. I guess I will have to just buy everything.” It was because I had to leave so fast I think. I didn’t want to buy everything because I had it all at home and could’ve packed it! Now, I have to spend unnecessary money! Finally when we got to the airport it was packed with tons of people. There were few escalators, no elevators, and tons of stairs. Everyone else was going to the luggage things to pick up their luggage and shoving past me and ignoring me. They all knew where they were going but I had no idea where I was going. Someone shoved me into the wrong line onto a different plane that was going somewhere very far away like Australia or Africa. They said, “sorry, no getting off.” But I said, “No, no, waiiit!! I just got off another plane, and I have nothing, the flight was so long and this one is even longer!! Please, please, don’t make me go!!!” The bitchy stewardess said, “fine, but you have to run. Go NOW!!” so I shoved past everyone and hit them even harder as I did so, for shoving ME! And realized, that was the best way, probably the only way, to go anywhere in this place. I wanted to get away, so I found the first door I saw and went into the ginat parking lot. The keys were right in my hand!! If I could just find my car…I walked forever, and saw tons of cars that looked just like mine, but none were mine. I guess I went the wrong way and somehow walked onto the airline runway…which was abnormal in that it was an alley sloping downwards toward me, with a great big wrong way sign and a do not enter sign. I went up there trying to get to a different parking lot, I was on foot so why not? Anyway a giant plane came right for me and hit me killing me, and then I was back in that airport again!! This time, there were people on the loudspeaker saying, “do not leave, I repeat do not leave! No one is permitted to leave, as we are having a plane attack! Planes are attacking and killing people, in this crisis it is important to stay calm and whatever you do, DO NOT go outside!!” omg, are you kidding? I thought. Then I saw my mom outside sitting idly in her car, she was trying to find me. I don’t like my mom usually, but she had somehow known I was here and was trying to rescue me!! Also, she doesn’t know about this so I have to go rescue HER!! I said to this stuck up girl, “I don’t care, screw this, I’m leaving! My car’s out there!!” She said, “are you kidding me? I own a Mercedes, but it’s not worth going out there for! Be sensible!” But I said, screw you!!” and went out in the parking lot again. I did not see my mom or her car anywhere. Maybe she figured it out and left, I thought. Well, now that I’m out here, this is my one chance to find my car and get out and go home!! This time, I saw my car!! I got into it and started the ignition and tried to drive out of the parking lot. Everytime I drove somewhere, a plane saw me and came right for me. Then I was cornered and surrounded by planes, so there was no hope. This time I was hit by 5 planes at once, then I woke up. I know, right? What a bad dream.

The class or group I was apart of rushing me onto the plane symbolizes things I do not want to do but am forced to do. Then I was put in the worst seat I could get, the front. Everyone but me was prepared, and to get prepared I have to spend all my money. Then I was forced to endure boredom. I had no choice in any of this, yet I felt disappointed and angry at myself for not doing something about it and failing to be prepared. I felt inferior to the other people on the plane. when we arrived at the destination I felt left behind, and stupid that I did not know where to go. Then I was pushed into going on another trip I didn't want to go on that was even worse, and got out only after begging for pity and mercy of the person trying to make me do what I didn't want to. Then I had to push my way through other people forcefully although I hate other people doing it to me, yet the only way out was treating them the way they'd treated me. I take the first oppurtunity to leave and desperately try to get away. I try a shortcut and last resort after failing to find a way out, only to realize I'd only die and end up back in the place I was trying to escape, this time with everyone telling me not to leave, because what just happened to me, will happen to me. My thinking is, so, I'll keep trying til it works. The person who tries to rescue me, my mom, is someone controlling I dislike. I try to save her because she will only arrive at the same end if she tries to help me, then I assume she wises up and leaves me to my own devices, which I fully utilize. I got closer to my goal of escaping, yet was killed 5 times as bad as I was before.
so what do I think the dream is about? a hopeless situation with no escape. maybe it's about planning my honeymoon next month, or maybe it is about moving out of my mom's house, or maybe it is about not graduating college. I really have no idea what it means other than that anything I try is hopeless and pointless, I will only die/fail in the end anyway no matter how hard I try to escape the control of others and do what I want to do. I die trying.