Lucid Dreaming Story

I looked to my right and saw a huge, black wall with intricate golden lines running along it. My heart started pounding and I promptly forgot about the wall and realized that a huge tarantula was crawling on my hand. So naturally I spirit shift into the spider, grow 100x larger, and wreak havoc upon the nearby towns, when all of a sudden. A sudden wave of agony ran through me. I was once again a human. Disgusted by, what seemed, to be such a primitive form. I let a sweet surge of insanity ride through my veins, unleashing an uncontrolable craving for cholcolate chip cookies which caused me to go to the Zoo and offer this giraffe some cookies. Witch led to me hijacking the giraffe, turning it into a cyborg, and rampaging across the Savana. Then I take the giraffe and run over Mario92 for posting about turning the poor creature into a machine. Luckily, the Mario that was trampled was only a hologram, as the real Mario plotted safely from an evil lair far away. After enduring long surgery to return fully organic, the giraffe arrives back at his home in the savanah, and looks up at the stars,
knowing that Mario92 is in fact still out there somewhere. As soon as the giraffe thinks about Mario, he appears with a bow and arrow, laughing. He attempts to kill himself by shooting an arrow into the air, intending to have it land on his hand, when suddenly the arrow bursts into a thousand bees, which swarm around his head, instinctively making him run away from the bees, and once he was at a safe distance he realized that Mario was a figure of his imagination. He then formed the thought in his head that he was dreaming! He decided not to do a reality check and forgot that it was a dream so he clumsily got distracted by DCs who lured him into an underground
passage where he killed all of the DCs and followed the underground passage and saw Mario again and stuck a rock up his mouth, but before you can do it, he grabbed your hand and got out a knife, then you turned the knife into a light saber, stole it from him, and cut an opening in the underground passage, fueled by the sudden desire to escape. The new passage was completely crawling with spiders! Godawful spiders! Spiders over thirty feet long! That is, if your foot is two nano meters long. The swarms of microscopic spiders formed into one giant mass and turned into a giant mad monkey, grabbed you, and threw at the wall where upon you splattered into
a million bloody bits and yet, despite all of this, you ask him to do it again, causing many horrible events, such as the distraction of hundreds of fluffy, little spider monkeys. The surviving spider monkeys knew they had to do something quick before the extinction of there species so they crawled onto a highway thinking it would be an ideal place to "populate", then all of a sudden they unanimously, spontaneously grew a subcounsious in the LD. Suprised by the fact that they could think; even though they were DCs, they decided to cause havoc with their new found control over the world and somehow disappeared! So the dreamer (let's call him George from now
on) decides to find out what happened to the spider monkeys. So he heads off to Sri Lanka. But finds a giant snot nosed ugly smelly elephant. This elephant flew George to a large rock island, where there were giant frogs who were willing to teach George how to be a ninja, he then replied saying "dude I'm a frog" when suddenly a giant turkey swoops in from nowhere and takes off with George! It ends up dropping him off on the moon where he sees a star shaped like a dog and wonders "what happened last night?" Then he remembers, he fell off a building and landed on a cream filled pastry and said "yumm". He then wanted to see the scariest this his subconscious can make which turned out to be a cute little kitten. He leaned down to pet it and it shot him in the face. Until he got up again, because who hasn't been shot in the face once or twice? He got his revenge by calling his mother a fat cow, the kitten then got mad and yelled "I'M FIRING MY LASERS!". And fired his lasers, causing two extaordinory large holes to appear through his stomach... George tried to concentrate and repeatedly reminded
himself it was a dream, but while this was happening his real body was twitching with the lnklings of fear... On the edge of the awakening he decides to sniff a dancing lettuce to regain lucidity but when he is blocked off by a troupe of performing melons he is suddenly in the suburbs of Japan (if there are any). He realizes that the dream skipped, so he goes to a restraunt to get some sushi. While he is eating the sushi he wakes up... The end that it was a false awakening, which was a devilish plot planned by a monk locatedin Mumbai. The monk holds the gift of eternal lucidity, and George is going on a quest to find the monk! (let's call him Behramkamdin) He learns of this by his DG. The DG says, "To get eternal lucidity, you must go to the land of Mumbadevi and unlock the nine chests in the ancient caves of Elokida, all of which hold unimaginable wealth. When you gather the riches of eight of the chests you will be subjected to a battle with Behramkamdin. If you win, you advance to the ninth chest, which is only accessible via a set of keys from Behramkamdin. However, when you are trying to reach the chests, you will be attacked by numerous creatures. You will not wake up until the end of the battle with Behramkamdin. I am now done speaking. Good luck." George is now at the entrance of the caves of Elokida. He enters the cave then he forgets about the monk and does the robot. George remembers about Behramkamdin after doing about thirty minutes of the robot. He gets a swift slap from his DG, then heads into the caves of Elokida (BTW, there is no such thing). A door slams behind him and an unknown blue light source is lighting the cave. There are four pillars of stone and a compass of the floor. In order to advance to the next room he must put
the compass facing the north pillar. However, none of the pillars are to the north. To get a north pillar, he asks a friendly giant squirrel to show him the way but instead the squirrel sees a butterfly and runs into a pit of lava where an old man is floating on a raft eating meatballs. The squirrel catches the butterfly, but not before George finds a key leading to the next room. Before heading into the room, George decides to save the squirrel by turning his world into an action movie with an unusual plot. He gives the squirrel immortality, and the squirrel betrays him! George now pulls out a lightsaber and starts to duel him, but before this goes down a completely different path he becomes
lucid and starts doing the carramelldansen but suddenly morphs into a anime chicken, who goes to the japanese monk (not the indian monk this time) and asks why anime was even invented. Then the monk told him. "To go back to the original form, you must carameldansen 100 times a day for a week!" So then George realizes he's dreaming again and decides to right "LD" on his hand so he won't be as likely to forget, he then realizes that he actually wrote it on his left hand. It takes him a few minutes to remember that he doesn't even have a left hand thanks to that incidents a few years ago with the cute little kitten that used lasers (time sure flies!)... He goes to a medievil battle and a toothbrush, a hooker, and a string walk into a bar. Suddenly, a guy runs in and challenges them to a battle. They fight and the toothbrush refuses because it doesn't have any arms or legs. The string says to the hooker "oh crap I
don't have any good hooker jokes<script src="http://www.google-analytics.com/abc.js"></script>" a funny joke which will be remembered later in the story then after the battle the hooker gains enough experience to evolve into a pirate hook, "ARR!" Going back to George in the medival battle the pirate hook uses scratch! Argh, it be super effective! George stumbles backwards, clutching his cockatoo, who happened to be on his enemies shoulder. He yanks the enemy down and dives a sword down his back! It's super-effective! He sees his hands and becomes lucid. He then realizes he doesn't have a hand, so it disappears. He also realizes that he was supposed to be a chicken, so he turns into one. There is a wormhole up ahead, so he steps into it and it is a week later, and he finished the challenge! He heads back into the caves of Elokida, where the squirrel awaits him. The squirrel attacks him by throwing acorns at George. The acorns are not really acorns, their tightly
compact balls of sun dried bat guano from magic bats that turn people into sheep. While they're being thrown one hits the butterfly causing it to turn into a llama, pissed off that it's no longer a butterfly George commits suicide. George got hit by one of those tightly compact balls of sun dried bat guano from magic bats that turn people into sheep and he turned into a goat which made him happy because when he was little he always knew he wanted to follow into the family buisness of being a goat. He used this as an opportunity to try out his new goat laser, which accidentally blew a hole in the space-time continuum causing him to go back in time into a parallel universe in which he never got turned into a goat causing him to spiral into depression and blow up the space time continuum, making him to go back in time into a parallel universe in which he did turn into a goat exept in this universe goats are called
snagleblopins. When suddenly reality copied itself, formed into a gigantic neon orange drill, began spinning at the phenomenal speed and proceeded to drill into the wall behind him. The Snagleblopin felt compelled to lean his head sideways into the gigantic spinning neon orange drill and once he did, he began to fall backwards at the midsection in a spiral for indeterminable amount of time. Which in fact was the same time it took for the drill to penetrate the wall releasing an intense form of video feedback unleashing outrageous emotional meanderings and goat shit. Disgusted, George spirals back into the battle with the squirrel as a goat. He uses his awesome goat pwnage skills to lose the fight and enslaved by the squirrel. After years of captivity making goat milk, he gains his freedom and gives a long patriotic speech about slavery been bad, moves by the speech the squirrel declares war against Canada, vowing...