Lucid Dreams Go Haywire

I've been having this problem for awhile now. I've became conscious in many dreams this past year, but I've had some difficulty controlling them. When I become conscious and start acting on my own, things stop acting normal. People will sometimes go catatonic and stiff as a board. This is usually followed by a darkness that consumes my entire dream, and once I enter the darkness I usually forget that I'm dreaming and either a new dream starts in which I'm unaware, or I just go back to sleeping until the next REM cycle. Sometimes things will get all shaky and unfocused before they fade away. I've actually had some dreams though where I remain conscious after the darkness and when I do it typically puts me back into the same dream I was just in, but usually it seems like its in a part of the dream that already occurred and I try again to do what I had originally intended, but then the darkness returns.

I've read that rubbing your hands together can help stabilize your dreams to keep you from losing them. I've actually had some success recently with a similar technique. I was in an RV and saw a tidal wave heading right for me. I quickly realized I was dreaming because tidal waves are a huge dream sign for me for some reason. I decided to get the hell out of there because dream or not being pummeled by a tidal wave sucks. I was then in a city somewhere in Mexico. I was walking and looking around and everything was getting fuzzy and starting to go out of focus. Then I noticed the street. I could feel its rough and rigid texture through my shoes. It felt so real that I began dragging my feet along the road and was astonished by the extent to which I could feel all these little bumps and ridges. When I looked back up the dream was one of the most vivid I've ever had, things looked very real. So stoked about my lucidity I began wandering the town. I entered a house and remembered that people some times practiced things in their dreams. I had a test coming up, so I decided I'd try and study. I began searching for a textbook for about 10 seconds and then thought to myself, wait, study in my dream, this is stupid lol. So then I left the house back to the streets, and this is where things get really weird. I decide I want to have sex because I can't think of anything better to do at the time and there's already plenty of women walking around so I wouldn't have to do much work. I approach one and tell her we're going to have sex and I start to think of where we're going to do this. I then see this chair that looks sort of like a chair at the dentist crossed with a massage table and I walk her backwards onto it. I climb on top of her chair and she turns into an open magazine with a picture of her in it. WTF?! I shout. I go get another girl and she turns into a magazine before we even get to the chair. Finally I find some woman who is going to perform oral sex for me, as we are walking she begins to rapidly age until she looks like some broken down old crack whore, and that's when I just give up and wake up shortly after.

It seems like my dreams are always out to sabotage my desires in them. I wonder if it's something in the back of my mind causing these things to happen or if this kind of stuff is just normal while you are trying to learn to control your dream. By the back of my mind, I mean, for example, if I were to say, "Don't think of an elephant" you can't help but immediately think of an elephant. I wonder if in my dreams my subconscious is playing that sort of game and I just don't realize it...

Any suggestions or techniques for dealing with problems like these? It seems like a lot of times it happens right when I'm about to get laid, so maybe it's a personal problem lol

Attempting absolute control results in no control, and attempting specific control results in great control.

What I mean by this is that your conscious mind excels in forming concepts, and not details; whereas, your subconscious mind excels in drawing in the details of that which you conceive. When you become lucid, if you immediately believe you're now the centre of the universe and in absolute control, this may result in the subconscious delegating its role to the conscious mind. Your conscious mind will then have the burden of controlling EVERYTHING. Given that you are never consciously aware of more than a bit of the surroundings, this monumental task results in the collapse of the dreamscape - total blackout.

Try to maintain control insofar as you are aware of control in waking life. That is, be aware that you can change something when you wish, but do not constantly maintain awareness that everything is here because you allow it (at least not yet). This should help.

May I ask, are you pessimistic or tending towards?

If the girl scenario occurred in real-life would you likely think: 'No way! This surely can't be happening to me?'

That makes a lot of sense. I do start to over think about how I'm controlling everything and creating the entire dream myself, and a lot of times that is when it goes black.

As far as pessimism goes, I'm a very optimistic person. I believe negative emotions are wasted emotions and I always try to see the good side of everything. As far as the girl scenario being realistic, I suppose it is and it isn't. I don't have any issues with women or trying to court them, but I am more of a romantic than a swinger, except in my dreams apparently lol. Maybe it's the fact that I'm just trying to have sex with a random girl on the street, and literally on the street, the chair was out in the open. That would have been a very unrealistic situation for me and I could never imagine doing it.

I have had intercourse successfully in dreams before while lucid. But now that I think about it the only times it was successful was when I was inside in a bedroom somewhere... so maybe doing it in public was the issue, even if I wasn't consciously concerned about it.

Ah, yes. That seems to make sense. Are you aware of the mind being conceptualised as ID, Ego, and Superego? If not, ID = impulse (eat, sex, sleep, warmth), Ego = consciousness, Superego = learnt unconsciousness (maintains moral code, rules, and 'should bes' based on life experience).

Following what you posted above about the success when in a 'normal' setting, and failure when not, then it may be said that you have a strong superego. Others would say that you're listening to or being swayed by your conscience. According to a strong social norm, internalised in the unconscious, it 'should not be' right to have intercourse in a public setting. I used to wake up when I was shot or stabbed, or when I dropped from a great height (because it 'should be' right according to the superego) - in waking life, I began to convince myself through mere words that I couldn't die, and so I should fear nothing. With perseverance, I no longer woke up during these moments. I just stood up and carried on. In essence, I reprogrammed my conscience or superego.

Ultimately, assuming this is the case in your scenario, then I recommend 'speaking to yourself' (essentially altering you conscience) in an attempt to establish the fact that during these moments you fear nothing, and think it 'should be' right.