Merrrrh........

Sorry if this is absolutely boring to ya'll but I need to type and what better place to go on about stuff then here.

CAUTION!

Just a warning unless your extremely bored your prolly not gonna want to read this.

End of Caution
Merrrrrrh(Depression)
Well folks. I'm sitting here typing. but of course you already knew that. Ok i'm stalling.
Not very good at this kindof thing. Nehow, To be honest I may know alot about lucid dreaming but as far as experience goes i have VERY little. It bugs me too. because, Sometimes--Most of the time if I could have one wish. Just one. It would be that i could lucid dream at will. I have worked for many months to lucid dream, with only little success. And even at that only sparatic, isolated intervals. *sigh* I have worked on my dream recall so much that for a time I could easily remember five dreams a night. sometimes more. But still little sucess. I refuse to believe that I "can't" lucid dream. But there always that lingering doubt. Ugh! its like a endless hill. and you keep climbing, and climbing, and climbing. And you keep hoping and praying. because you know that soon you'll reach the top and then its all downhill. But theres a problem. The hill keeps going up. Always up. And I can't seem to see the top. Lucid dreaming is one of things I've wanted most in my entire life. And now, what am I to do. What will I, Leoj, Do about it? I've asked myself this question many times. and yet. I keep answering the same. Well, I guess i'm just gonna have to keep trying. But i'm afraid that one time. I'm just gonna give up. My will to go on wil be exstinguished. and I will no longer try. I know anyone whos gotten this far prolly is thinking that i'm either loony, depressed, or just weird. But in fact I'm usually optimistic. I dont know why i'm this low right now. Well......I do know why. Its because of all the failed attempts. All the effort without fruit. All the time and energy devoted to this, without seeing barely anything to show for it.*sigh*
in a few minutes i'm going to go to bed. And i'm going to tell myself that i'm going to have a lucid dream. I trust and hope that I will. But i'm afraid that if I dont, then in the morining I'll just --give up--

I dont know, No one has prolly read this far anyways, but if you have. Thanks. I dont really need anyone to reply if you dont want to. I just had to get this stuff off my mind.

I'm always excited if I've had some minor success. Except for one WILD. Because I got stuck in sleep paralysis, watching colors drift around, and feeling my limbs get sore and itchy and not being able to move even one bit. I decided to never use that technique again, but ever since it seems to happen spontaneously, just not lasting so long. Anyway, the other night I was at a halloween theme park (think Six Flags Frightfest), and I ate some candy and suddenly my molars crumbled up and I spit them out, then I looked at a ride and the sign said "Spooky Ooky Boat Ride of Horror", then I looked back at my broken teeth in my hand, then back at the ride, and the sign changed to "Scary Train of DOOM", then I thought Wow, I'm dreaming! so the first thing I wanted to do was conjure up a girl I used to have a crush on, and when she appeared she had a penis on her forehead! I thought, thats weird, and then I started to give her a kiss anyway, and then I woke up. Has anyone else ever conjured a person or object and had it appear deformed? anyway, it couldn't have been five seconds of lucidity, but I was still very glad about it, just because it doesn't happen often. Anyway, I must emphasize again, WILD may be totally unfun, I wish I didn't try it.

Yeh, I kinda know the feeling. I have never been a determined person in my life and I have given up so many "hobbies", if you want to call them that (or perhaps a better word is single-serving interests), that it's actually funny at this stage. I blame it on many things. I blame it on genes, since my mother says that she used to be interested in most of the things I am now, only to have given up. I blame it on my curious nature which seems to manifest itself with my inability to not try out new and interesting drugs.
I blame it on lack of time.

And every night before I go to bed, I am determined as hell to have a lucid dream. The one thing I do not lack is belief. From what I have read, ANYONE can have them. I am even beginning to experiment with astral projections, but needless to say I have not succeeded in that either.

But when I wake up in the morning it's a different story. It's as if, I was delusional the night before. I laugh at my petty attempts at trying to induce lucidity and I do not even bother to write down my dreams, because I don't see any point. During the day, I totally forget to do reality checks as well.

I suppose you just have to keep trying.. It's easier said, I know, but I am not trying to be condescending or anything, since I've achieved fuck all myself..

There is something that I can do very well, though. Something very small and insignificant. And I used to think that I could never learn how to do this thing. Eight months have passed. And now not only my friends, but most people that witness me doing this thing seem to comment on my alleged "talent" and dub me as a "legend". I look back to eight months ago, and I can remember that feeling of hopelessness. Now, I laugh at that feeling, and when other people ask me how can they learn to do that, the only thing I can genuinely say to them is, "Practice, practice, practice..."

That has little relevance to lucid dreams, that's just my two cents I suppose. But what stops me from being a quitter is just imagining myself eight months from now thinking, "Fuck me! Lucid dreaming is so cool, I can't believe I thought I couldn't do it!" And I really hope that someday I'll be able to say that...
And so, I accept my humble status as lucid novice, and I'm willing to put my head down and just practice. Without this approach lucid dreaming would already be just a part of my wasted past, along with karate, guitar, piano and all those other things I wished I could do.

I have been trying to have lucid dreams for about a month now. and over that month I have only had 3. I've gotten mad at myself because every night when I go to bed and don't have one I get mad at myself. But every night that I did have a lucid dream it was because I was happy that night. Every night before I had a lucid dream I was so excited and I told myself that "I don't think I will have one, I will." Lucid dreaming is all in your head, and if you are depressed and sad you are never going to have them. You have to be happy and know you will have one, and never give up.

Thanks ya'll,
I guess I was just low last night. and my outlook has changed too. Now, I'm excited about going to sleep cause I get one more chance to lucid dream. So sorry about all the depressed mumbo jumbo in the first post.

Kid M what is your talent, if you don't mind me asking.

Well, like I said it's pretty insignificant, but since you asked: I can roll a perfect spliff in record time under any conditions.

I guess that says a lot about me, but what the hell..

8) Don't feel so bad man. I havn't had any succse at this lucid dreaming stuff either. But after reading this stuff ill try and go to bed cheerful of the next day. ENFACT the only time i ever rember lucid dreaming, is when i was really excited about going somewhere in 2 days. hmmmmm and let me get this straight you havn't had a lucid dream in 8 months. Well all i know is i look FORWARD to remembering my dreams in the moring. Before i started reading all this stuff about lucid dreaming i used to think i just didnt dream. Right now 4 me, i think its fun engouh just to rember the intresting things in my dreams.

The only bad things are i never do anything that intresting and another is i had this bad dream about some 1 i though was Hot and we did some stuff :wink:

Thats Awsome Kid M, hehe.
Nehow. I guess your right Shadow, it is pretty kewl to remember dreams. But the prolblem I have with realising strange stuff in my dreams is that there is ALWAYS weird stuff. I mean weird. Kinda freaky sometimes. Maybe it'll make things easier. Who knows.

I think I have the right perspective now.

Peace

let's see....when I first started, I had read of the importance of writing your dreams down. so, I got a notebook. for about three days, I wrote down every detail I could remember in my dreams. the next night, I had my very first lucid dream. I kept that up for awhile, a few weeks, having an LD every other night. but then I started getting lazy with the writing, I quit my journal, and as soon as I did my LDs came to a screeching halt. so about a month later, I started writing again, and slowly started to get more lucid dreams. they got better and longer and more vivid, and just a few nights ago I had one where for about five seconds it was just as real as waking life! (now my LDs last about as long as a normal dream!) my point is, maybe you should try keeping a journal. (I think you said you don't? :? )
it may work for you!

I'm just now discovering a technique that i call "wake up" and I will be discussing it in a later thread. (It may already be one :oops: ) I use it instead of a journal now


I sure hope I helped! :? :D GOOD LUCK!