Done lucid dreaming (ripped up dream journal)

**evo315** · 12-10-2012 05:01 AM

I'm very concerned with the possibility that I am developing depersonalization disorder. I'm 22 years old and currently attending a new University. I went from having a lot of friends back home to zero here at school. Stress from my course work and not having much contact with the outside world is causing me to lose my mind. I have been out of touch with reality and nothing seems real to me at times.

I've always been what you would call a "natural" lucid dreamer. As a kid i would frequently wake up in a dream, but i thought there was no real purpose for it so i left it at that. After discovering the possibilities of what can be done in a dream, I got more and more involved in the practice. It wasn't until about 6 months ago when i started writing my dreams down and keeping a dream journal. After i stated doing this i became lucid a lot more often. When i woke up in a dream there wasn't really a need to do a reality check. There was an irrefutable distinction between waking like and real life, up until the last month or so.

I became dependent on reality checks and started doing them every time i saw something out of the ordinary in waking life. This increased my lucidity significantly. Up to the point where i was have lucid dreams nearly every rem cycle, every night. The realization that i am dreaming a lot more really started skewing my perception of reality. I stopped doing the reality checks in my dreams, but felt the need to continue with them in waking life.

Just as a fun little thing i set the "kick" music from inception as my alarm clock. I've been using it for about a month. I would set it on low volume so it would barely wake me up. This caused the music to play a role in multiple false awakenings. I used this as my most reliable dream sign.

Recently, i was in the library doing coursework listening to music. My ipod was on shuffle and the inception kick song started playing. Immediately i did a reality check and it worked. I was in fact in waking life, but i didn't believe it. I was using this as a dream sign for weeks and having it work, so the one time it goes off in waking life i cant believe its reality. My heart started beating intensely and i got tunnel vision. Things were moving in slow motion and i felt completely detached from reality. I had to leave the library and go for a drive.

Ever since this panic attack i haven't felt all there. I feel as if im viewing the world in third person. I'm under a lot of stress at uni and im hoping this feeling will pass after im home for winter break. Until then I'm completely done with lucid dreaming. I wrote this in my journal "You will no longer have lucid dreams. You will be unaware you are dreaming when you are sleeping. Waking life is reality." I studied these couple sentences for a minute or two and ripped up the journal and threw it away.

If things dont get better when im home im going to see a doctor. I'll keep you guys updated with whats going on. Thanks for listening/reading.

**melanieb** · 12-10-2012 05:22 AM

Have you ever noticed OCD habits in your daily life? It sounds a little like the habitual usage of reality checks has come to skew a few of your perceptions.

Try and remember that anything you experience can not physically harm you, even if you do feel heightened stress or anxiety. If it doesn't get better or easier to deal with consult a physcologist or similar counselor and check back in here when you can.

This really is a community that cares.

*hug*

**TheObserver** · 12-10-2012 05:28 AM

Only you know what is best for you, and if you want to make a change it must come from within. Best of luck to you, and hopefully a day might come where you can come back to LD'ing without fear of losing reality.

**evo315** · 12-10-2012 05:36 AM

melanieb, I do have compulsive tenancies but i have never been diagnosed with OCD.

Just to clarify because i didn't in my original post, i'm not blaming lucid dreaming for anything. I'm thinking and hoping it just has to do with an overload of stress and anxiety towards the end of this semester. LDing is just pushing me over the edge. I'm hoping to get back to normal when i go home to my old life and relax a bit.

**Michael073** · 12-10-2012 09:39 AM

Wow that sounds really heavy, man.

I really wish u the best of luck! And really try to think about yourself.. do what YOU want.. etc etc.
I hope u can get everything straight and come back in chilling mood to actually have fun! Because u must do something super good if u have LD's every night!

**Michael073** · 12-10-2012 04:45 PM

Oh and u say u were in the library (in waking life) and u did a reality check.. and it worked? How's that possible? Then u don't use a accurate reality check? Just asking..

**evo315** · 12-10-2012 05:01 PM

The reality check worked as in it proved it was reality. Some people take the term reality check the other way. Not sure what one is technically right.

I did go lucid twice last night and when i noticed it was a dream i just laid down and tried to fall back a sleep in my dream. It only took about 10 seconds so that seemed to work pretty well. Now that i dont have a dream journal hopefully soon ill start forgetting most of them.

**LucidMoon** · 12-10-2012 08:53 PM

You're under a lot of stress, try to stay calm. Talk to your friends and family. Is probably good to take time off lucid dreaming and anything else mind related. Unwind, party, find yourself again.

**Sea** · 12-10-2012 09:46 PM

evo, I think it's probably a good idea to let go of trying either way. In other words, don't do reality checks, don't try to have lucids or recall dreams, but if you do have them don't sweat it either. Any chance you could take up something new to meet people or do some volunteer work? I know it seems impossible if you're busy and stressed, but it might get you out of your own head.