Unsettling anti-lucid dream theme, Also dose this count as my first lucid?

Do you think this counts as a lucid dream?


I've been having a couple of dreams where I seem to come close to begin lucid but then I drop it for some reason or I forget.

I've also been getting this weird theme from my own dreams specifically those where I'm becoming lucid that Lucid = BAD/Evil and usually my dream characters turn on me if I willingly excersize any level of control over my dreams. I don't know if this is coming from my own inhibitions or what.

So the dream...

So I had a motorbike in this dream. while I was sitting around before setting off someone stole my bike... Like cartoon style (Picks up above head and runs off and then jumps on a bus)
A DC of a friend of mine (Sarah) appears and says she will help me, we both give chase my friend is much faster than me and pulls ahead.

We go into this underpass, and my friend points at this small hole in the wall saying they went down this tiny hole.
This caused me to doubt the dream.
"Really? They went down this tiny hole? With my motorbike... On a bus?"
my friend insists it's true then crawls in the hole and I notice how incredibly sexy she looks today (random)

I crawl in the hole but the passage juts up at 90' angle I then get stuck, I try to back up but I find I can't move at all. I then suddenly realize I'm stuck like this because of sleep paralysis and that I'm dreaming. Realizing this I will the passage to undulate like an intestine and get squeezed through releasing me.

I fall into this small room but I suddenly forget I was lucid, I'm frustrated because I know something terribly exciting just happened but I can't remember what.

I call out to Sarah and her voice echos back from another small tunnel, I follow and end up in a house.
Sarah is there next to my motorbike. I suddenly realize this house is full of everything I've ever lost/misplaced.
But Sarah is angry, She claims I used witchcraft and forbidden knowledge in the tunnel to unstick myself, and that makes me disgusting, She then snarls at me for looking at her for finding her attractive. before attacking me with a sword... I try to run but like before she's much faster than me and kills me. waking me up.

---
I had a similar experience in another dream whenever I approached lucidity or doubted the logic of the dreamscape this bizarre non-eulucid monster would appear and attack me immediately shocking me from any thought process... When I asked other DC's about the monster they strongly implied that the attacks were my fault because I was "thinking disgusting/vile things"

Do you, even if just deep down, think that LDs are bad? If yes, then I would say definitelly your dreams and DCs actions reflect that.

Dreams are thought responsive. What you think is what will happen. That doesn't mean, that other, random, surprising things can't happen. But if you affraid of something, it will manifest, if you summon something, it will be there.

I'm not sure if I think it's wrong or evil per say. I'm worried about the potential impacts it might have on my dreamscape.

Thing is my subconscious is wild magical and intense it's also dreadfully violent sadistic and cruel. Begin bludgeoned and slashed apart by a friend of mine while I try to run away screaming and pleading for my life was a mild ending to my dreams,
I mentioned a few weeks ago how I begun recalling truly traumatizing nightmares dreams about begin violently raped until the fear and pain woke me up then experiencing sleep paralysis with my attackers hands around my neck pinning me until I faint with fear. That one disturbed me for days afterwards.

I've been tormented and abused badly at several points in my life because I'm transgender, thus I think that's probably why my dreams are so dark. I want lucidity to empower myself against the worst of these assaults, but still part of me is genuinely worried that I might take away from the good parts of my dreamscape it's unique eccentric and wild nature.

I don't know how I can get over that apprehension, I mean presumably I'd had to be lucid and stop an attack but not unravel my dream-scape in the process.

Maybe you could try using a mnemonic/mantra to change the way your dreams behave? 'my dreams are happy' maybe :P that seems a bit weak though to be honest, if being tortured by your friend is a mild thing. If your dream characters turn against you when you start exercising control, you could try to physically will them to change the behaviour, or calling out in the dream 'dream characters disappear NOW', 'dream characters kinder', this could get you more used to changing the way DCs behave in lucids and affect the way they behave in normal dreams.

My DCs just stare at me but there are a lot of people with DC problems, they even know that the person is dreaming and ask them to leave or give them a speech about how bad it is to become lucid..

So your subconscious turns against you after you getting lucid?
Reminds me of Inception.
Just saying - seems kinda funny.