many say its sleep paralysis coinciding with the dream.
Never heard of people suggestion this, but it's clearly a misconception. By that logic, all our dreams would consist on slow motion mechanics, because the underlying physiological concept present in SP is already present when we dream (read, REM atonia).
On the rest, you are right. A example of what you describe is when you summon a house. You can plan the house of your dreams, but you cannot define the aspect of every single block it exists. I tested this with small living animals (my cats), and even though the clones I made were identical, none of their fur exactly resemble my cat's. Of course it's just naturally hard to pay such big attention to detail.
How do you explain normal dreams where the person running starts running in slow motion?
Classical emotional content being presented in the dream. Those dreams are often associated with specific issues the person has, like the fear or something, or the apprehension regarding something. Other famous examples than the ones you described are showing up late, being naked in public, etc etc.
But to be precise, there is indeed "dream lag". It's much shorter than the one that happen in the waking life (for those who don't know what I'm talking about, watch this video), but it has no influence in dream content, as much as a delay on your television signal doesn't make the content slow-motion.
but in normal dreams where one does expect something to work, in most cases they still don't.
You'd have to back that up with statistical data before claiming something like that, but it's easy to perceive those events as supporting the general rule that dictates that the majority of dream plot involves negative sense.
lights are one of the main things in dreams that do not work right even when expected to work.
I barely have problems turning on lights during my dreams. Don't get tangled in these "hard-stone principles" because everyone dreams are unique Same goes to "I can't read in my dreams" or "I wake up if I close my eyes".
Can we really just leave that to mere expectation or is there more to dreams than just simply expectation?
Of course there is, and it goes practically implied in the mechanism of dream control. A good analogy is making sand dolls. You are in control, but you can't really go beyond the capabilities of the sand. Normally you don't need to worry about this, because shaping sand gives you almost infinite possibilities of creation. Once in a while though, you realize that you can't choose the location of every single grain of sand. Sometimes it crumbles due a wave of water, sometimes someone you hate smashes it. Sometimes you're too impatient. So yes, the dream itself plays a huge part on dream control ^^
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