Running away..

You'd think I'd be the last person to post something like this, so here goes :(

I recently had long debates with a family member of mine, who told me I was just running away from my problems in real life, and it was true, my entire life, the only things I found pleasure in were escapes, like video games, daydreaming, and now LDing. In dreams, I literally have no memory of the outside world. I've found myself willingly return to that world once I've figured out I've forgotten what it was like for anything to be real. It's the ultimate virtual reality. But in pursuing my hobbies, not just lucid dreaming in general, I neglected real life, leaving my life outside of the hobby or the dream to suffer until I became an expert at it and moved on to something else. I realized this was true but I still want my lucid dreams.

These days, I've been depressed, and I feel conflicted, because I want to pursue LDing again, but I also want to improve real life, and I know you can do both, but I don't know how, and it's eating me from the inside. My dreams are now either forgotten, or abnormally violent. Something is stopping me from pursuing the dream world again, but I can't just return to reality now with what I've experienced. I want to stop escaping, yet some part of me still wants it. I know there problems in my life like my low self-esteem, short temper, sensitivity, among others, but there's still that deep longing to go back, to experience something that is unique to myself. I feel like I've been ostracized from both dream and reality.

Thanks for reading this, any advice or commentary would be appreciated.

I'm not sure if the following will help, I guess the best I can do is outline how I feel about it.

In the hope never to become depressed by my dreams, I've always accepted the dream world as a complementary world to real life. I like to think of them as two completely different experiences made to aid each other. Both worlds have much to offer. In the dream world I can express my feelings, I can live out my joys and I can try to explore the limits of my brain. In the real world I get to live in a simple constrained world where I can learn and make friends.
Dreams satisfy my need for experience, a place where I can marvel at all the unusual and fascinating creations of my brain.
Reality offers an unpredictable world, where I can learn, make friends and pursue arts and hobbies which are unattainable in a dream.

They help each other out, in a dream I can contemplate my real life actions, and in real life I can work on having more dreams.

There is no escaping life, and there should be no need to be. Cherish the moments in your dream and instead of longing for reality to be different, love the the relation between life and dreams for what it is.

I don't know much about depression, so I can't help much. But I know that it is possible to live both happily in your dreams and in real life at the same time.

You haven't said much about your waking life, except that you have neglected it in favour of escapism. I suppose it depends on how bad that really is.
There's nothing wrong with a good dose of escapism, but if you have really lost your grip on waking life to the point that you feel you have neglected it, then of course that's very demoralising.

I can only suggest that you try to get your waking life in order first. It may be that your problems with dreams being violent are a reflection of your self doubt or self disappointment?

Remember though, that your own self-assessment is a very subjective thing. One person can be absolutely gutted that they did not become prime-minister or president, another can be happy with very simple pleasures.
("The key to happiness is to lower your expectations until they are already met"!).

Try to analyse what you might do in the short term to gain some small waking success, but make it a modest ambition.
You might also think about a more ambitious goal, but break it down into simpler, realistic steps.

You can't do anything about past regrets, but you can always set yourself future goals.

Once you have peace of mind with your waking goals and ambitions, you should be comfortable to allow yourself the escapism as simple pleasure, rather than seeing it as the reason for your waking regrets.

That sounded really crass and preachy, but I hope it helps?

I can understand depression, low self esteem, escapism, obsession with a hobby neglecting others, and then a switch in the topic if my obsession. That sounds like a description of my life. Yup, been there and to some extent still am, though I am beginning to get out of that I think, and for me LD is both an obsession/escapism and also part of the solution. I think the solution involves stopping for a while, not just escaping mindlessly, mindfulness and focus. Now one can be mindful and focused on dreams, that is ok, as long as it is the focus of one's attention and not an escape from focusing attention elsewhere. It is a change in attitude. And I don't mean to preach, but just saying what I have been discovering for myself. For me pursuing lucid dreaming has caused me to stop and think, to become more aware. Escapism is still a major issue for me: you will find that I am on DV way too much for example. However, I am more accepting now, even of my escapism. I focus less on the conflicts and contradictions within me, am more at peace with myself. And that has improved my waking and dream lives both. I would say the opposite of lowering one's expectations, though, I would say one needs to raise one's expectations: the sky is not the limit, you have the potential for infinite self control and self awareness. However, that is a future potential, and it would be a mistake to live so much in the future or the past to regret that the future is not there yet or that the past is gone. If you live in the present moment without regrets that you are not living up to your potential yet and that you did something you wished different in the past. Do not regret what is not currently in your control, but look at the opportunities in the current moment, and choose the best option for that moment. It may be baby steps, but as long as they lead in the right direction, those baby steps will lead to infinity and beyond :).