MDMA after-effects

Hi everyone

I want to discuss a strange problem that i am facing over time from last one year, but let me go into a bit details when this started to happen specifically. It was almost a year ago, when i had some friends who used to take some party drugs. Once they offered me to do the same and i didn't refuse for this. It was ecstasy (MDMA) on one night, then again on the next night. These were 2 tablets on the whole, one on each day. It went fine and i became normal afterwards and never took it ever again. I didn't want to do it again because i felt as a vague idea that i was going very down after a peak and i felt it severely depressing with everyone, as that was my first experience and became a bit embarrassing so i thought to give it up.
Now it's over a year that i get strange kind of hallucinations kind of thing. Let me explain it. I am sitting with some friends, talking on general things and i am sitting quietly and hearing their points and then i get a point to talk and i start talking. Suddenly i feel that i was talking something but my mind was paused for a second, and my conscious was not with me. Let me explain it from a scale ( -1,0,+1 and i take -1 as mind lagging, 0 as normal and +1 as hyper phase). When i am talking i feel for a moment or two, i was at -1 and when i realize that i was at -1, i am coming towards 0 but slowly, not at once. The time of coming to 0 from -1 phase is of few seconds.
This has been happening to me from a long time.
There is another thing, when i am talking something and i know that everyone is listening to me. I start feeling that UNCONSCIOUSLY i am doing some funny acts (like under the effect of MDMA people do) that is becoming funny for people and they are smiling at me but not letting me feel it. This has become very common to me. I start feeling this quite often except that i am walking and i am totally in my senses, else than that when i am sitting and i get this kind of feeling which i explained above.
I am confused about whether it is the effect of that MDMA using or is it some other psychological problem going on with me? Please help me.

It sounds like you are becoming self aware, or aware of your Self. Don't be alarmed, you can learn to become comfortable in this state. The main thing to pay attention to in the beginning is your breathing - make sure that you keep breathing and take some extra deep breaths just to be sure when you notice this feeling. It sounds like you might be holding your breath because you are startled, which is normal in the beginning, but it then makes you feel insecure, because this state requires proper breathing to maintain.

A good time to practice is during repetitive tasks when you are alone, like sweeping the floor. Watch yourself perform the tasks as close as possible. Pretend that you are just above your head and are watching yourself. You will notice that you can act independently and watch yourself sweep in random ways. Later, with a bit of practice, you will be comfortable when you are talking to people and listening to yourself speak, as if you were listening to someone else.

Also, cold showers and regular physical exercise will make the transition smoother.

If it has been a year since you took MDMA then I would say no way they are related.

If it's not then MDMA then what is this happening to me? Why i am becoming so psychotic?

Also i want to know, does MDMA trigger such things?

That is not psychotic at all - neither are these hallucinations - not even illusions. And not from MDMA either.
Either IAmCoder is on to something - you might be working on lucidity with exercises to heighten your awareness - and this could be an expression/success of that.
What comes to my mind as well though is something more serious.
There is an epileptic illness, which is characterized by seconds-short "absences" - it could be that it is hiding behind all this - and you should make sure, by getting an EEG at a neurologist's to rule that out, please.
Not epilepsy with muscle spasms, mind you - just sitting there being shortly "absent".

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Now it's over a year that i get strange kind of hallucinations kind of thing.

Hallucinations are pseudo-perceptions in a quality of the senses. Like hearing voices like from the radio - but coming out of your mind.
Or seeing people, who are not there.
MDMA is usually not potent enough to cause these even acutely - what rather is associated are illusions - you do perceive something, which is there - but you see it for example size-distorted, or moving or as if it was something else.
This has got nothing to do with what you describe.

Let me explain it.
I am sitting with some friends, talking on general things and i am sitting quietly and hearing their points and then i get a point to talk and i start talking.

So far so good.

Suddenly i feel that i was talking something but my mind was paused for a second, and my conscious was not with me.

A question - do you do any other substances at the present time - like THC?

Let me explain it from a scale ( -1,0,+1 and i take -1 as mind lagging, 0 as normal and +1 as hyper phase).

What do you mean by hyper phase - do you have such states and in which context - how would you describe these?

When i am talking i feel for a moment or two, i was at -1 and when i realize that i was at -1, i am coming towards 0 but slowly, not at once.
The time of coming to 0 from -1 phase is of few seconds.


That's why heightened awareness like IAmCoder suggests seems rather not so likely to me.

A few seconds is a very long time - go twentyooone - twentytwooo - etc..
Also - if you really were "mindless" for several seconds - you would stop to speak. Do you get told this? Or do you speak and not know, what you speak at that moment - i.e. say weird things?

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This is really neither psychotic nor from MDMA twice a year ago - not even from a week ago it would convince me.
But the more I think about it - with you saying since one year - are you a youngster?
It rarely starts later in life.
That would unfortunately fit my theory of absences - you need an EEG I would say.
There are good drugs and don't worry yourself - this can be handled.

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Originally Posted by Wikipedia

Absence seizures are one of several kinds of seizures. These seizures are sometimes referred to as petit mal seizures (from the French for "little illness", a term dating from the late 18th century).

Absence seizures are brief (usually less than 20 seconds), generalized epileptic seizures of sudden onset and termination. When someone experiences an absence seizure they are often unaware of their episode. Those most susceptible to this are children and the first episode usually occurs between 4–12 years old. It is rare that someone older will experience their first absence seizure. Episodes of absence seizures can often be mistaken for inattentiveness when misdiagnosed and can occur 50-100 times a day. They can be so difficult to detect that some people may go months or years before given a proper diagnosis. There are no known before or after effects of absence seizures.

Characteristic:
- clinically, the impairment of consciousness (absence)
- Electroencephalography (EEG) shows generalized spike-and-slow wave discharges.

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Wishing you all the best - may my concerns be without basis - and have heightened self-awareness and feeling good with it!
:)

I would agree with StephL here, I would go to a doctor. I don't know how old you are, and regardless I would say it is something I would talk to doctor about. It might just be something as simple as a vitamin deficiency.

Given how little you used MDMA, it does seem unlikely that it's relevant to your current situation. Maybe best see a doctor in case you're experiencing symptoms of something else?

Although MDMA seems to have gained some social acceptance, long-term it is a really nasty drug.

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Long-term effects of Ecstasy (MDMA)

Long-lasting brain damage affecting thought and memory
Damage to portions of the brain that regulate critical functions such as learning, sleep and emotion
It is as if the brain switchboard was torn apart, then rewired backwards
Degenerated nerve branches and nerve endings
Depression, anxiety, memory loss
Kidney failure
Hemorrhaging
Psychosis
Cardiovascular1 collapse
Convulsions
Death
EFFECTS OF ECSTASY, MDMA, XTC Drug Facts: Foundation for a Drug Free World

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Originally Posted by StephL

That is not psychotic at all - neither are these hallucinations - not even illusions. And not from MDMA either.
Either IAmCoder is on to something - you might be working on lucidity with exercises to heighten your awareness - and this could be an expression/success of that.
What comes to my mind as well though is something more serious.
There is an epileptic illness, which is characterized by seconds-short "absences" - it could be that it is hiding behind all this - and you should make sure, by getting an EEG at a neurologist's to rule that out, please.
Not epilepsy with muscle spasms, mind you - just sitting there being shortly "absent".




This is really neither psychotic nor from MDMA twice a year ago - not even from a week ago it would convince me.
But the more I think about it - with you saying since one year - are you a youngster?
It rarely starts later in life.
That would unfortunately fit my theory of absences - you need an EEG I would say.
There are good drugs and don't worry yourself - this can be handled.



Wishing you all the best - may my concerns be without basis - and have heightened self-awareness and feeling good with it!
:)

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well first of all i want to thank you for your detailed and concerned answer. I read it with proper attention and tried to understand it's everything. I really felt obliged for your concern for showing a detailed answer and what could be it's solution.
Talking about it, my age is almost 30. I myself studied medical a little bit for my interest and i liked your idea of getting EEG done. I will surely go for it.
I read your reply to my lines and let me explain it a bit more, like do i do any other thing at the present time while my mind is paused and i am not understanding the things people talking around but that lapse is very short, may be just like 1-2 seconds but when i return back to normal, i feel i wasn't there for more time let's for example say 5mins.
Also i explained the scale for reference, but i don' get the hyper phase. It was just to explain the scale. I had to give some way of telling the lagging of my mind, and i thought this was better way of expressing. Yes i do feel my mind at -1 and then coming to 0 phase.
Well, i am not worried about it, nor i am taking it's tension but the time i feel i was lagging or my brain wasn't aware of my being and presence where i was, then i become a little paranoid at that time but later i become normal as well. I feel a bit strange that i might be doing funny things during my mind lagging that people were laughing at me or smiling at me, or even telling each other that see he is becoming jerk. This feeling is very piercing to me.
Thanks once again for your kindness.

No problem - and nobody will see jerks, if my guess turns out to be correct - absences are a form of epilepsy without muscle-jerks or falling over.
Just being absent with your conscious mind for some seconds - and as you say - maybe also seeming a bit, but not overly strange to others.
With almost 30 you are still a young person - it could be.
Good luck - and really have it checked, okay?
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And - @ Nailler - I do in no way advocate the use of MDMA - but that list, you present is political propaganda and plain wrong from a scientific viewpoint.
Worse yet - one real danger of MDMA is left out completely.
MDMA does not cause lasting or any brain damage when taken alone.
The latter is important - people buying illegal drugs do not always get what they think, they get.

What does happen is a serotonin depletion, if you do not counter that with a dose of an SSRI - this can indeed lead to a depressive reaction the day/days after.

The one actually dangerous thing about it, is that some people have an allergic liver reaction to it, and that can be deadly, if no physician is close and does something. And extremely rare condition - but really dangerous.
Furthermore - most dance and sweat and loose fluids and forget to drink water - that per se can lead to brain damage in extreme cases, esp. with alcohol mixed in - not the MDMA in any direct or specific way.

In recent years there are new studies of how it can be used in therapy for psychiatric and psychological problems - so it can hardly be that toxic and dangerous as they write.
I didn't click your link Nailler - and nothing against you, you surely believe all that - but it's not what a neuro-pharmacologist would tell you.

Again - I am for more medical science being done on such substances - against irresponsible home-experiments - but also against spreading blatant falsehoods in order to "protect people" from perceived dangers.

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It is as if the brain switchboard was torn apart, then rewired backwards..

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Really now - maybe I have to bring links - but that stuff you quote there does not fit your own more rational opinion, of it being to long away for being the cause for the OP's concerns ..;)

Just say know: Erowid MDMA (Ecstasy) Vault.

Thank you for that link, IAmCoder - check the links given there - this is the beginning of one of them:

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MDMA Brain Scans Showing Neurotoxicity Discredited
Several Articles Highlight Questionable Science
by Erowid, April 2002

In another blow to the US Government's credibility as drug information provider, the Johns Hopkins brain scans which have been used to 'prove' MDMA causes brain damage have been called flawed by independent researchers and editors of the magazine New Scientist.

New Scientist challenges the ethics and reliability of science-for-politics
New Scientist documents errors and data obfuscation in compromised research
Toronto-based researcher Stephen Kish questions reliability of available PET scan data
Other top PET scan experts criticize the PET scan data
NIDA's credibility suffers once again

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This is all linked through to a wealth of information - and I had another source in mind - namely MAPS - you got to search it for yourselves, though - and can find the mentioned therapeutic studies.
Not in the USA, though - purely political reasons - Europe is a bit differently positioned - but due to trade-contracts - America forces it's partly irrational classifications on all trade-partners and such seriously impairs science - even abroad.
Switzerland manages to keep out of this to a remarkable degree by the way.