a strange problem with lucidity (read)

i'm not sure how to fully present the problem but i'm aiming to become a lucid dreamer...here's some notes from my journal that might assist:
-19/5/2014:today is the day that marks my dedication to become a lucid dreamer...reality is harsh and i can't even feel anything these days other than sadness and despair...i'm pretty sure that even if i can't achieve it in reality at least i get the feeling that i achieved it in dreams and that's what matters

-27/6/2014:i had my 1st lucid dream today (if you call it a lucid dream):i was running in an alley next to my house and suddenly the idea to preform a reality check popped to my head the moment i saw my neighbor in the end of the alley...so i counted my fingers and they were 6 so i said: 6? i must be dreaming! that moment i felt like my head was being replaced and pushed back (wasn't a pleasant experience) but ha! it started to feel like i'm lucid! yay! i ran to my neighbor and hugged him but i felt like i'm loosing control so i rubbed my hands together and gained some back! started to walk around and get the feeling of being lucid and decided to see my mother in the kitchen but i struggled to make mindfully decisions...like i know that i want to walk but i didn't feel like i asked my legs to walk...anyways i got up to my mother and she wasn't there! no matter i tried to see what my sub-conscious look like so i said out loud:what will you look like if you were a person conscious? something told me to turn around and it was a little kid (looked like me but a lot younger...scared and hiding behind a chair with black shirt and pink jeans) i fzlt like i started to get numb but instead of trying to regain control i asked my sub-conscious again:what's my true fear? i felt like i should look to the moon and there was weird writing and suddenly i lost control and the house flooded with water (weird but usual for a dream) and woke up

-13/7/2014:i don't know how to explain this but i had a dream yesterday about me going upstairs but the idea of doing a reality check popped and did and i counted 6 fingers! "i'm dreaming" i said and yes got control of the dream but after like 15 secs i instantly lost it and woke up...weird


-3/8/2014:it the 7th day of holidays and i had a weird dream:it was like i was in highschool:everything was normal until i looked down and saw that in was wearing black shirt with red stripes..."i don't have this shirt!" i said and decided to do a reality check but the moment i touched my finger i felt like my mind was getting electrocuted and abandoned the idea (it wasn't a really pleasant feeling)

-20/8/2014: i installed the new fan in my room due to the hotness of summer...yet it was a bit noisy so i guess i should fix that by tomorrow but weirdest thing that happened is when the fan woke me up at 4AM...turned it off and went back to sleep but for some reason if felt like i should do a reality check when i had my eyes closed for a while to get back to sleep...counted fingers:6! i knew that i was in a dream but i couldn't open my eyes so i decided to do another reality check:6 fingers again! "i'm dreaming! open your eyes!" i said to myself but i couldn't! again! RC:6 fingers! i finally opened my eyes and i was in control! the brightest and most warm sun was glowing and my best vine tree in my garden was deep greenish! i felt a warm feeling:like getting a hug from your mother and...it was the happiest feeling! i tried to shift wind direction:worked! blow up neighbor's car!worked but in mid LD someone approached me and said:come on we gotta go! i refused and asked my sub-conscious: what's my true fear? the guy dragged me down when i saw the weird writings on the wall again..woke up with the heaviest and weirdest headache.

sorry for the long post but here's my questions:
1-why am i having a hard time doing RC? even though i do them mindfully in real life
2-in the 3rd LD attempt(3/8/2014) i didn't make any RC in real life...the heck?
3-why i keep loosing control? even though i try to maintain it
4-in the last LD:who is this guy? what does it resemble?

i appreciate the help and sorry if it was too long again

You seem to do good for someone just starting to train lucid dreaming. Maybe you expect too much?
In a lucid dream you are not always 100% in control and 100% lucid/conscious like in waking live. Some of normal the dream elements / rules are still valid, and people tend to do stupid stuff or not doing what they decided on, especially when experiencing the first few lucids. I am myself still very much in that stage. I've been told by fellow DVers that theres such a thing as "dream stupidity" leading to questionable decisions inside the dream world.
I guess you just need more experience with lucid dreaming. Also the losing control portion is quite normal, most people struggle with that. I regularly check something, most of the time walls or the ground, to involve my senses and really get connected with the dream world. That works best for me, but I still need to do it every few minutes.

I have no idea what the guy might stand for. Maybe your subconscious wants to hide this information from you, It might be something buried deep.

what do you mean by: "2-in the 3rd LD attempt(3/8/2014) i didn't make any RC in real life...the heck?"

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Djaxup

You seem to do good for someone just starting to train lucid dreaming. Maybe you expect too much?
In a lucid dream you are not always 100% in control and 100% lucid/conscious like in waking live. Some of normal the dream elements / rules are still valid, and people tend to do stupid stuff or not doing what they decided on, especially when experiencing the first few lucids. I am myself still very much in that stage. I've been told by fellow DVers that theres such a thing as "dream stupidity" leading to questionable decisions inside the dream world.
I guess you just need more experience with lucid dreaming. Also the losing control portion is quite normal, most people struggle with that. I regularly check something, most of the time walls or the ground, to involve my senses and really get connected with the dream world. That works best for me, but I still need to do it every few minutes.

I have no idea what the guy might stand for. Maybe your subconscious wants to hide this information from you, It might be something buried deep.

what do you mean by: "2-in the 3rd LD attempt(3/8/2014) i didn't make any RC in real life...the heck?"

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thanks for the relatively quick reply 1st of all
and secondly: it's a bit clear now why am i having this sort of problems...i guess i should experience more LDs to get some control over the DW
3dr: what i meant is the day before the dream i didn't make any reailty check neither that day...and yet somehow i remembered to make a RC and why did i got "tazed" for doing a reality check in the dream?
also: what could possibly my sub-conscious hiding from me? any guesses?