Waves! 8)

As you would gather from the title, this is regarding a certain someone I think I love - Well, it's more a case of loved, but don't see her anymore through various circumstances, mainly because we just don't get to see each other, not by choice. Although I was never completely certain about my feelings, or I just saw her as a good friend, I don't know. But, really, it's irrelevant to these dreams I've been having. I think maybe... I've been in love two, maybe three times in my life. But of those times, I only ever dreamed about that person maybe a couple of times in the whole period I knew them. But this, well, shall we say new interest, has sparked my subconcious into overdrive for some reason. In the months since I knew her, I must've had some twenty-thirty small time dreams, and maybe three or four intense, vivid and in some-cases semi-lucid dreaming. Now, I have no skills in regards to dreams. None, I've never read a book on the the subject, never studied or learned how to do this and that. I guess you could say I have natural abilities. Hmm, I guess I'm psychic in some ways, as my friends often referred to me that way. I'm not a big believer in "all that", though. I'd like to, just can't bring myself to do it.

Now the point of this post is my dreams. They seem... so vivid.. so intense, like nothing I've experienced beforehand. I wake up feeling almost shattered from just having the dream, and continue to think about the dream all day. And yes, they are connected to this, new love interest I had. I don't really wanna go into personal details regarding the dreams, but it's nothing erotic or anything other than simple day-to-day life within a dream. What gets me is how often the scene changes in these dreams. For example, last nights dream was; One minute, we're on a bus, then a park, the next, on a beach (and strangely, in the dream I was talking to her about how I often have dreams of the waves.), the next, in a hallway of somekind (which is VERY often). Sounds like a drama of somekind eh? The last part of the dream, I'm waiting for her to come out from somewhere, and it turns out she's in pain with something, crying and sweating and I feel her forehead, which is boiling and such. But... the scenarios in the dream never make sense to me. So little sense infact that I can barely describe them to you now.

I usually get these dreams in the morning after already having slept most of the night. What is interesting is the sensation of the dream.. I told you it was vivid, which it is. But what's strange is how, although I don't think I'm *aware* I'm dreaming, I do seem to be in control of the environment in some way. Or it feels like someone else is controlling the environment, and I'm making small adjustments the way you would to a story. Now, I know, love can blind your judgement of dreams, but I've had tonnes of dreams about her before. These new dreams (two in the last couple of days) are faster, more scenes, more vivid, more control over the situation. If I close my eyes I can still see vague still-frames of each scene.

i just wish I could find the perfect words to describe it. I wish I knew what these dreams meant. Maybe they are just strong dreams, nothing more. Or maybe they are, what you might call, the perfect form of a lucid dream. Where, you are in some way in control, but not aware that it's a dream.

Edit: Oh, a few things just came to me. Those hallways, I just get the feeling it was a hospital. Not only was she in a white-kinda robe thing, but also there was a docter that showed up toward the end of the dream.