When Lucid, People don't Act Like Themselves

Wow, it's been a while since I've posted on the forums. Anyway...

My latest LD goal was to spend time with my best friend from college. I became lucid and found her. When I tried talking to her, she didn't act like herself. She was having a completely different conversation with me than I was having with her. It was as if she could see me but not as myself. I couldn't get her to talk directly to me. I got really emotional to the point that I woke up.

In a non-lucid from the night before. She was the person I remember.

I haven't seen her in probably 5 years now and probably never will again. In a painful lucid dream from just after she left to go back to China, I found her in my room. I gave her a big hug and told her how much I miss her. With tears in my eyes, I could see her standing right in front of me, but I knew it wasn't really her. I felt like I was looking at a super realistic cardboard cutout. She just stared at me blankly as if she was looking through me as if I wasn't there.

I'm not sure if I should try to find her in a lucid dream again or not. I'm afraid it will end up a painful experience. Has anyone else experienced something similar? Is there something I can do so that she will act like herself again? I know it's not really her and maybe that is why it doesn't feel right and she's not the person I remember. In every non-lucid of her, she's herself. Does anyone have an experience they can share or maybe advice on the subject?

I have an old best friend that pops up in my dreams from time to time. She seems to act like herself as well but I don't intend to dream about her. I think you already mentioned the answer to your problem. You know it is a dc so you don't expect to get the full experience. When your non lucid you don't have that barrier because you don't know she is a dream character. Are you sure there is no way of contacting her? Not even through email or facebook? Cause it sounds like you really want to talk to her. Not that dreaming about them is wrong. My dead dog who I can't see in WL pops up in my dreams plenty of times and I'm always happy to see him without it affecting me in a negative way.

I really would like to talk to her, but there's unfortunately no viable means to do so. It's kind of a weird situation. It sounds like there's no way for me to get the LD version of her to be as I would see her in waking life. In an LD I'll just always know it's not really her. I'm not even sure what I expected out of meeting her in an LD. Maybe closure. If she were to act herself in an LD it may just make me miss her more. It sounds like I may just have to deal with the fact that the friendship came to a close, not because of issues we had but just life taking us in vastly different directions. I'm having a lot of difficulty deciding if I should stop trying to find her in an LD.

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Originally Posted by dark_grimmjow

I really would like to talk to her, but there's unfortunately no viable means to do so. It's kind of a weird situation. It sounds like there's no way for me to get the LD version of her to be as I would see her in waking life. In an LD I'll just always know it's not really her. I'm not even sure what I expected out of meeting her in an LD. Maybe closure. If she were to act herself in an LD it may just make me miss her more. It sounds like I may just have to deal with the fact that the friendship came to a close, not because of issues we had but just life taking us in vastly different directions. I'm having a lot of difficulty deciding if I should stop trying to find her in an LD.

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You could still get her dc to act as her by thinking of her qualitys and the way she is,without thinking of her as a dummy/cardboard cut out in a way(Maybe like a dc clone of her?)but yeah...It probably would make you miss her more. It can be difficult to get over old friends but with time you'll get over it. Meanwhile you can focus on making new friends or the current ones you have.

Thanks DreamCafe11. I expected the DC version of her to act normally just because that version of her looks like the real person. I never tried thinking of her qualities and the way she normally acts when interacting with the DC. I will have to try that to see what happens. If I can have at least one LD in which her DC acts like the person I remember then I think I would be happy. After that, maybe I can move on.

Maybe the DC you are currently seeing in you lucid dreams is not her...Maybe it is just an illusion,a mask under which someone else hides or something else or a symbol...Maybe the DC is fake, next time you get lucid try to find the real her,maybe call her to come and find you ;)

That's a good idea! I'll keep in mind what you said, DreamCafe11, and also try your idea, cosmiconeiro, at the same time. I've always gone searching for her. I've never called out to her asking her to find me. Maybe if I combine what both of you suggested, then it'll work out. Thanks!

I had experiences where dream characters behave differently from their waking counterparts. I guess it's just the way our subconscious conforms to our lucid awareness. However, I have had non-lucids in which family and friends had behaved differently too. Dream reality can be a bit quirky. I guess the best you can do is to think of the dream character as part of your friend, that way the dream character will behave more along how you know her to be. It could also be that subconsciously you might be feeling like she may have changed a lot and this line of thought might be manifesting in your dreams.

Only person that's consistent for me is my departed significant other. She behaves in her familiar way whether it's a dream character of her or if she embodies her dream character to interact with me.

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Originally Posted by dark_grimmjow

I'm not sure if I should try to find her in a lucid dream again or not. I'm afraid it will end up a painful experience. Has anyone else experienced something similar? Is there something I can do so that she will act like herself again? I know it's not really her and maybe that is why it doesn't feel right and she's not the person I remember. In every non-lucid of her, she's herself. Does anyone have an experience they can share or maybe advice on the subject?

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I've gone in lucid search of very close old friends a few times myself, and got surprisingly similar results (including the painful disappointment that this was not the "right" person)... but I still will occasionally visit them again, and think it's not a bad idea for you to continue doing so as well.

Why? I'm not sure. I think that the perceived connection, even when painful, with my old friends is somehow therapeutic, and leaves me feeling like something good has happened. Keep in mind that it isn't so much that you are creating a DC of your friend as it is you are allowing memories of your friend to bubble up freely in a place where they can be experienced in the perfect private environment of your dreams. Your friend might not act as she is supposed to act, or even (as has happened to me more than once) might not even look quite right, but your memory of her is momentarily present in your mind in a very real and current way. That can be painful, sure, but it also can be fulfilling, because for a moment she is with you in a way that far surpasses simply remembering her in waking life. Plus, as time go by, the pain is less (though it'll never go away), and the familiarity of the moment is improved, no matter how strangely the DC behaves. I know that might not make sense now, but in time I bet it will.

Also, if I can be allowed a fantastical "Beyond Dreaming" moment, what if you are connecting with an avatar of your actual friend? Probably not, of course, but her reaction would probably be what you describe, as she probably wouldn't see you as a perfect representation of yourself either, and it might take some careful communication to finally get her to understand who you are, and to draw out from her who she really is. This might all sound a bit sound silly, of course, but if you think about it, the best foundation (they say) for sharing a dream is where both dreamers have a waking-life intimate connection, like close friends. So who knows? Maybe you are reaching your friend for real, but the connection is still quite faulty... silly yes, but it might be a reason to try it a few more times because, hey, you never know! ;)

Aside from all that, I think the folks here have already answered quite well, so no need to add more.

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Originally Posted by dark_grimmjow

Thanks DreamCafe11. I expected the DC version of her to act normally just because that version of her looks like the real person. I never tried thinking of her qualities and the way she normally acts when interacting with the DC. I will have to try that to see what happens. If I can have at least one LD in which her DC acts like the person I remember then I think I would be happy. After that, maybe I can move on.

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Cool and no problem. I look foward to reading the results you get after implementing the advice given to you by everyone. That is if you feel like posting it here.^.^Either way I hope it works out for you.

I had an interesting bit of DreamViews Day Residue this morning, when I had a dream including one of those dear friends I mentioned above. She appeared a few rows behind me in a theater, which soon became a church, and she seemed annoyed at my presence -- which I confounded by shouting rude statements to the priest and congregation. I became annoyed at her negative reaction (which amounted to a severe frown), and she began to fade from the dream. But, as the dream shifted to a ride on a tour bus through high desert (I was in the front seat, between two large middle-aged women who were passing a huge joint back and forth) I remembered this thread and said, "Wait, I need to take the high ground here, and be kind, not mean, to Beth [my friend]." So I gathered that sort of feeling and turned to see Beth and her boyfriend [from the era I knew her, years ago] a few seats behind me, beaming... from there a pleasant semi-lucid ensued, where my wife joined us at a bar, and much happy catching-up ensued.

Not exactly what you were talking about, Dark_grimmjow, I know, but I thought I'd share -- and take a moment to thank you for the thread, and the special moment it afforded me!

@dark_grimmjow, you would likely be able to get better results using "The Jedi Mind Trick." It works quite well for changing a DC's reactions, I use it all of the time. If you aren't familiar with it from Star Wars, go to youtube and do a search for "these are not the droids you're looking for" to get an idea.

Let's say your friends name is Sarah…"Sarah, you remember me, you always really loved talking to me…how the heck are you?!?!" Continue to lead the conversation as much as necessary.

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Originally Posted by fogelbise

@dark_grimmjow, you would likely be able to get better results using "The Jedi Mind Trick." It works quite well for changing a DC's reactions, I use it all of the time. If you aren't familiar with it from Star Wars, go to youtube and do a search for "these are not the droids you're looking for" to get an idea.

Let's say your friends name is Sarah…"Sarah, you remember me, you always really loved talking to me…how the heck are you?!?!" Continue to lead the conversation as much as necessary.

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That sounds like a good idea to establish a connection with the dc through words. :3 I remember doing something similar to get rid of or make friends with violent dcs.

I really appreciate everyone's advice and I plan to make good use of it in my next LD. I'll def post the end result. @Sageous I think you hit the nail on the head about why I am even doing this. While the experience has the potential to be painful it is also somehow therapeutic. Also, I'm glad that this thread had a positive side effect like that. I hope my endeavors will be positive also. If all goes well, I could see me remembering her in this way on a fairly regular basis. I am hoping the opportunity is there for me to put it to the test tonight.

Well, I finally had another LD, except it was only a semi-lucid. This is the first lucid of any kind since my last dream involving her. I had/possibly still harboring feelings for her now. Well, this is what happened.
We were walking around and she suddenly dropped all of her clothes and we started getting frisky. Only for me to awaken shortly after. Not to say that the experience was not enjoyable, but this isn't the direction I would have taken things if I had been fully lucid. I am not sure what to expect the next time I encounter her in an LD now.