Not your Standard Type of Nightmare

I have been having the same nightmare on and off since I was really young (I am now over 40). It isn't like the usual nightmare where I am scared of something or someone or I want to run away, and I always can't quite remember what it is when I wake up, even when I wake up and I remember it clearly and I tell myself that I have to remember it and when I fully wake up the memory will just disappear every time but it is like I am standing in a place that is nowhere, somewhere completely dark with nothing there, not outside or inside and no one else is there but I am never questioning myself what I am doing there or trying to get out and as far as I can decipher there will be an object, something completely harmless, like a book and I will start to feel this horrible feeling because I know something is going to happen and then it does, and it is like the object multiplies, it isn't that it is hurting me or I am scared of this item, but for some reason it will be like there are suddenly hundreds more of whatever item I am dreaming about and I will feel this absolutely overwhelming, intense, horrible feeling that is literally just unbearable, so much so I will wake up usually crying or screaming and I will have to get out of bed and walk around to get rid of this feeling.

The feeling is nothing like I have felt before when I am awake, it isn't horror or fear, the only thing that comes close to comparing it is if something really horrible happened to a family member like if you had a brother or sister and someone tortured them in front of you and you just had to sit there and listen to them screaming in agony or maybe some sort of really horrible guilt like you had accidently set fire to one of your family members or something. The feeling is that bad that I think if I had it for a long period of time when awake, I would just go mad or want to kill myself because it is just completely unbearable.

I know it has something to do with my Dad, I didn't have the best childhood with him, more mentally abusive than physically (and not sexually) and when I once spoke to a councilor about him, the nightmares decreased quite a lot or when I did get them, I would always wake up before they got to that unbearable point (when the object multiplied). He died last month and I had that same nightmare again last night which was the worst in over 10 years (which obviously isn't a coincidence). Again I can't quite remember it, it is so frustrating.

So obviously it stems from my abusive Dad and maybe some really bad traumatic incident when I was really young, which if I find it that unbearable it in my dreams, I don't think I even want to remember it when I am awake but at the same time I do want to know what the nightmare represents.