Anxiety, dreams, weird stuff...

Ok, so something weird has been happening to me. I think I know why, but it sucks, so I'm seeking confirmation.

Background on the situation:
I've been trying to learn lucid dreaming for about a month or two seriously, and I only really wrote down my dreams for about a week.
I've been waking up lately having anxiety attacks. Some real bad ones, straight out of the dream world. It's making it nearly impossible to remember my dreams, because I wake up all freaked out.

I think it's because my girl just left me and I'm involved in some pretty bad depression right now, and I think my dreams are manifesting things that are making me have anxiety attacks. I think I'm probably having nightmares about her, but I can't even remember them. It sucks...

Any suggestions? hah... besides get over her? I already have had that one... It don't happen in a day... not when you've been with someone for 2 years...

No, it doesn't, does it? I was with someone for 8 years... that sucked to get over, let me tell you. What sucked even worse was that it was entirely my fault that we separated. =( But that's another story...

Anyway, I don't think there's really any advice that anyone can give in a situation like this. It's something that you need to figure out on your own. You can try to find ways to relax, or ways to occupy your mind. I do promise you that eventually it stops hurting. Mostly anyway. =) As far as the dreams are concerned... well, again I don't know that there's any tried and true advice that anyone can give to help you out. Again with the relaxing (though that's way harder to do than it is to say, isn't it?). Or maybe try a dream-catcher. The Native Americans believed that the dream-catcher would filter out the bad dreams and only let the good ones pass through. Or, in my esperience, if you want to block dreaming altogether, wear something made of iron.

Yeah, yeah, I know what you're thinking. What is it with Willow and her damn rocks? :P Iron, for some strange reason, blocks off energies. I don't know the scientific reason for this--maybe Seri can explain it--but I know it to be true. It's bad if you're trying to work with your energies because it's comparable to bashing your head against a brick wall. But, if you are trying to block your energies, it works very well.

Um... that's all that I can think of at the moment. I'm tired and my brain cells are slowly dropping out of my ears.

2 years huh? wow..i understand how you'd feel. never happened to me before, but i've been with this man for almost a year now, i can't even imagine how painful it would be if we broke up...the only advice i have for you is...time.

Perfect your lucidity to the point of becoming Godlike. It makes it much easier to deal with the (sometimes) painful hours of wakefulness.

I think this has something to do with one or maybe all of the stresses in your life.

Something happened to you in your dream world

something scared you or rocked you or flashed crazy in front of you

and it was enough to flip out your tonal

and so you woke up in a stressful, axiouss state from a similar state in your dream

you might have been in danger that night, glad for now you are all right

hope it wasn't her, man...that's so shitty

hope you feel better

I had a dream:

Ok, so I remembered pretty much all the dream for the whole next day(yesterday? not sure, bad weekend). But the only REALLY important thing was the end. Ok, so some background info on the situation:

The way I met my ex was through her approaching me while I was still in high school(seems so long ago). I was a shy punk rock nerd, and although I had red spiked hair and projected myself as being a tough ass(sometimes), I usually was just quiet and did my own thing. Well, her boyfriend at the time was one of my old friends. We used to play guitar together and were going to start a band called "Naked in Public", but it never worked out because me and the other guy that were going to be in the band did some things back then that he(my ex's ex), did not like(ie, smoke pot). So, we kind of had a falling out, and I had never met his girlfriend(the one who became mine) until she started approaching me. Well, some shit went down, we ended up kissing, and her ex(my old friend) left her over a kiss. We ended up "doing it" like right after she left him, and we stayed together ever since(on and off, she doesn't seem to know what she wants.) It was a strange way to meet a girl, but we both felt very strongly towards each other immediately. I still say it was true love, since it was like love at first site. I've never felt anything like being with her, and doubt I ever will again.

Any ways, so because that was the way we got together, she had a thing for her ex(my old friend) for awhile afterwards, since she hated herself for "ruining what they had". So, I was kind of skittish about her hanging out with him back in the day, because I knew that he just wanted to fuck her one more time to be a dick to both of us, and she still kind of liked him. Bad situations.

Well, she's the girl that just left me after 2 years(on and off) and I finally had a dream, but it wasn't how I thought it would be.

So like I said before, the end of the dream was the important part:

Me and her were together in the dream, and there had been some strange conflicts during the dream. She got pissed off and took off to some party. I, of course not wanting her to be a slut(one of my fears), went after her. I arrived at the party and her and her EX(my old friend) were in bed together. They were fully clothed, and actually looked like they were trying to sleep. I started to attack her ex, trying to punch him in the head, but it was like my hits weren't connecting, or were really weak, and they were just pissing him off. Then he got up finally, all pissed off, and started to kick my ass. That's when I woke up having an anxiety attack. It was 5 in the morning, and I didn't go back to sleep until an hour and a bowl(bud) later.(sorry if the bud reference upsets any one, but it has been the only thing allowing me to sleep for a little over a week now.)

So, I thought it was strange that A) I couldn't hurt him in MY dream(probably my fear), and B) that it was her EX, and not the dude she's with now(I would think I would want to kick his ass subconsciously more than the other dude's).

So yeah, I remembered a dream finally. A shitty one, too. I believe my dream last night may have been similar, but I think I smoked myself stupid out of depression yesterday so I couldn't remember it.

I hate suffering and pain...

I hate fear...

I hate feeling alone...

suffering is the illusion of those who would have you fail.

fear is channeling of a primal evolutionary trate, named by man to cage and distort the peaceful planet we live upon, to make man need man.

None of us are along because we are all connected. We are independently origionated, but we all did come from the same, we are all the same, no matter what are modern isolationist rhetoric would convince us of.

we are at peace when we want to be.

it takes strong will and personal power to overcome all the spells that have been cast on you sincec birth, all the negative ethos bard spells that trick us into depression and anxiety.

they can be overcome you know that but how hard it is to believe

A warrior knows that there is no good or bad because his life is designed to make him stronger. Do not let these things use you, use them.

good dreams will come.

Love is rough.... time will help the wounds heal, but, I wont lie to you , they do leave scars, and you will never love somone the way you loved her... Love is never the same, sometimes its a fleeting thing that is hard to grasp, others its as solid as a roc, thing is your realtion ship with anyone else will be different so that love you share will be different.

Don't smoke yourself retarded, you dont want to forget, if you forget, this will happen to you again and again, you must learn..

I know...the hardest thing is that it feels like your stumbling around in the dark bumping into things as you go... the thing is, the things your bumping into are the rest of us stumbling around =) We are all in this together, and as Blulanou says we are all connected, we are each unique and our own person, but we come from and therefor are a part of the whole.

So go out, hang out with your friends, have a good time, and learn from your experience, think about the dream some more, try to see the things that will have only meaning to you.

Quote:

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You smoked yourself retarded[/b]

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-Half Baked

As much as I'd normally love to post a very long explanation of my point of view, I feel it's not truly relevant. However, I do want to say..

As much as lucid dreams are fun, exciting, and great, don't depend on it as a sedative from reality.

I could say more, lol, a lot more! But I feel that says it all.

~ Michael : O'nus

I don't lucidly dream yet, O'nus...

It's not a form of sedative reality to me... because I can't even do it.

I'm not looking to sedate myself any more any ways.

I've posted long about this(today even), and I've explained my past all too well.

I have sedated myself, I have closed myself off, I have been "fucked up".

I just want to be able to remember now... my dreams... my life... my self...

[b][i]

as dr. phil says...they say time heals all wounds, but time heals nothing, it's how you spend your time.....start a new venture that is your own and wont remind you of her....keep busy!