My first one: Does feeling emotion mean you're lucid or do you just feel it in a dream, no matter what? I've always been known to have emotional feeling, but I rarely--if ever--have full control of the dream.
Second: At times, I feel that I am lucid because I'm thinking. I choose what I want to say, and I become curious, along with emotional feeling. Does that constitute lucidity or reality checking?
Third, and the most bothersome: Why do I always feel as though I'm dying? There are several instances where I was becoming lucid, but failed to because I felt as though I was dying in the dream and it frightens me. Two of them happened to me in the last three months, when in the past, it would be a once a year experience.
One happened in Dec. 09. I was rushing to a bathroom and I could feel a "pull" in my chest and a lump in my throat. When I entered the bathroom, which was large and elegant, I stared at the mirror and saw my reflection. The feelings were made worse. I could see the fear in my own face in my reflection, and I was breathing heavily. But there was no air and I didn't feel faint; however, the pull in my chest was getting stronger. I stood there, frightened, telling myself "Don't die, don't die. You can't die!" Then the next moment I realized I was in a dream, and I could hear a buzzing sound--which is a frequent occurrence in my dreams--and I just stopped. I still felt like I was dying, though, and my surroundings began to slowly fade away... and I just woke up.
Then, last night, I had yet another experience. I was lying in a bed, in a strange and haunted house, with my girlfriend; but it was beautiful, nonetheless We had the TV on, and I remember her making comments about how creepy the house was and how it was making her uncomfortable. I had the same feelings, but I just told her she was imagining things. Suddenly, a robed figure appeared before us, but he was somewhat transparent and more like a shade than an actual man. He stared at us, but did nothing else. My girlfriend was screaming and I was paralyzed with fear. Then I felt that same pull that I did in the other dream, and I began to black out. My surroundings were fading, and I told myself "You're dead, don't fight... just accept it." I'm not sure what I felt, but I regained consciousness, the feeling was gone, and so was the robed figure and my girlfriend.
The dream continued, but the next important detail was when I saw a man appear on a wall the next time I was gaining lucidity, again. Though his features were human, he appeared demonic. I was also trapped in a state of contemplation and depersonalization. I repeatedly told myself that I was "Xyra", the main character of the story that I'm writing. The man appeared after the third time I said it, and he threatened to harm me (can't remember, how) if I wasn't Xyra. He also seemed to have this confidence that I was, but throughout the conversation I was afraid of him and the place I was in. All I wanted to do was run away, either from the house, the man, or myself. Another interesting detail was that my brother was in this house, but confused and I tried to get him out with me, though he tried to keep me there.
Sorry, I kind of rambled on lol, but I just want to know why I always feel like dying in dreams? It's almost always when I'm attaining lucidity.
