Task of the Year: Task 1
I was in Germany with Kes, I was trying to take a picture of her in front of an old building with trees. I was struggling to get the frame right and took a dozen or so pictures. We decide that we want to eat a small lunch somewhere, so we go to a double-decker restaurant that sits on a pier off of a river. I am feeling like getting a drink too, so I offer to buy us a round of drinks. Kes decides to get a white wine and I select a brown ale off of the menu. There aren't any prices listed, but they must be reasonable, right?
I walk to the bar to order the drinks. When I order my beer, I notice that it comes in a huge glass container, as if I were buying a bottle of scotch. There is a price tag that states "$121." What?!!
"Wow, I didn't realize this beer cost that much," I exclaim to the bartender, "It's good at least, right?"
"Oh, yes - quite great."
Whatever, I think. We're on vacation and it seems like it contains the volume of several beers. I begin to pay and ask, "What does it taste like?"
"Watered down garbage, it's awful," the bartender slyly replies. By now, my card has already processed the payment and there isn't any turning back. I'm so angry at the bartender for misleading me. I angrily take my stupid drinks back to our table. Kes has transformed into Michael. As we drink, I tell Michael that I have an appointment I need to go to, and he is free to come with me. I need to meet up at a large lecture hall for a gathering of former study abroad students from across the globe.
There are at least 300 people at this lecture - it's huge. The presenters aren't very exciting, but I hear them mention something about a student who was abducted in Africa and later found dead.
Michael loudly blurts out of nowhere, "So wait is she alive or not?" My heart stops as 300 people look over at us and make disgruntled faces. After hearing several side conversations about how rude the question was, someone else shouts, "Who else here is confused about this lecture?" About half the attendees raise their hands.
Side conversations begin developing, with a lot of things mentioned being culturally insensitive. I am so disappointed that these people, who have studied in different nations, continue to hold these viewpoints. But the tipping point occurs when someone says, "Deaf people don't need ASL - they don't deserve to be seen or heard." I get so angry that I spill my shitty beer EVERYWHERE and stand up on a table about to tell them off. In the process of standing up on the table I hover a little, which makes me realize that I am dreaming.
I fly across the lecture hall when I realize that I should do the first task of the year. I fly through several walls, looking for a good environment to cause cheeky destruction. I fly through several offices and decide to start here.
I ask several office workers, "What's my superhero name?" None of them seem too enthused to answer my question and either ignore me or spout gibberish. I decide that I will need to victimize my dream characters individually.
I walk up to an obese, middle-aged, balding man and ask him what my superhero name is. He looks at me unimpressed like I should already know the answer.
"Butts," He said, "But I don't know how to spell it." He walks away to work the fax machine. I giggle and think that maybe I should ask a dream character that has more significance to me, like my dream guide. But also...what the hell...Let's try another random dream character!
I walk up to a lady in a very very tiny cubicle and ask her what my superhero name is. She seems like the lady here to help! My superhero name pops up on the screen: Miran65.
"But it's pronounced Miraz," she states. Whatever, I can take that. Better than Butts.
"What's my superhero power?" I ask
"You can pull boobs out of closets."
WHAT. LOL. What does that even mean??????? I start laughing in the dream, oh boy.
"OK - awesome! Now I need a superhero suit!" I exclaim. She smiles, and points to a device across the room. It looks like some weird exercise machine. She explains that I lay on my back on the floor while she pushes a lever up between my legs. As the lever pressurizes the machine, a superhero suit will appear on my body. Steamy!
I strip down to my underwear while she runs my information with her coworkers. I can see on her screen all of my aliases, including Butts. OMG lol.
I have some trouble escaping my feet from the bottom of my skinny jeans, which I totally expected. I stabilize the dream and continue. The machine is ready for me!
I lay down on the device. She pushes the lever between my legs. A screen appears, counting down from 45 seconds. I was so giddy at this point and hoping that the dream would last long enough for me to see the results.
Steam appeared around me as my superhero suit materialized on my body. I LOOKED DOWN AND COULD NOT BELIEVE WHAT I WAS SEEING.
I was wearing a shirt - a targeted T-shirt (if you don't know what that is - click here.)
I have created a picture of what my shirt looked like for your viewing pleasure.
I could not believe my eyes. I haven't even thought about targeted shirts in at least a year. Where in the depths of my dark consciousness is this coming from?!
Oh also - I wasn't wearing any pants. Just some pink undies. I guess this is my superhero costume, y'all. A targeted t-shirt and pink undies.
Dream me was literally rolling on the ground laughing. My subconscious has always been cheeky, but this was a new low.
After gathering myself I asked the friendly secretary lady if she could show me how my powers worked. I was lead outside to a steam punky world on top of roofs, but unfortunately the dream ended here.
Also, I'm doing these tasks in order without looking at the next one, so god help me please on what's to come...
Boring Dream
Dream starts on a staircase - I think it's my birthday or something, we are celebrating. There is a mixed drink on each staircase step. We go out to a bar and drink, some friends and I want to go back to the staircase to pick up our unfinished drinks, but we don't want to literally be drinking and driving back to the bar.
|
|
Bookmarks