[first post]

Hi everyone,

I have been having a lot of strange dreams lately, but they aren't lucid. I hope it's okay if I post about them here because I really need to write and think about them. Before I get to the dreams, I should say that 3 months ago I lost a friend of mine, but we hadn't even spoken in over a year. We went to college together, but when we graduated we drifted apart. When I found out he died I felt so awful (and still do) for letting us drift apart, and I even felt out of place at the wake and funeral because I didn't think I had the right to mourn him at this point.

Anyway- the night after the wake I had a dream that my friends and I (who attended the wake together) were all there again, but my friend who had died was also there; he was alive. He was hugging us all and asking if we were alright. I found this especially disturbing because when I woke up I had forgotten that he died.

I was dealing fairly well with the whole situation, but then a couple weeks later I had another dream about him.. and he was alive in it again. Since the first dream, I've had about 5, and he is always alive and we are always interacting. I am struggling to understand why my brain wants me to re-deal with this over and over.

My most recent dream was two nights ago and I haven't been able to get it, or my friend, out of my mind since. This dream started with me at a party at our alma mater and my friends brother was there; we were talking about my friend and I expressed my sympathy to him once again. He laughed it off and suggested that I hadn't heard the good news- my friend was alive and well and it had all been a misunderstanding with the doctors. My friend arrived at the party then, and we got to leave the party to talk. I asked him all the questions about how this could have happened, and how his health was now- and he assured me that he couldn't be doing better. I was so relieved, and so shaken by this news, that I cried for a long time. It was about here that I woke up.

Upon awaking I was positive that my friend was alive. It probably took me a solid 10 minutes to fully and entirely grasp that it was a dream and once again I was stricken with the grief. Now I can't seem to shake this horrible feeling- just like I felt the first time I found out.

Thanks for reading this. I think it's helpful for me to write about it, because none of my other friends are experiencing these dreams. I hope they stop soon.

-EmptyDreamer

That must be awful. I really don't know how to help you with this, since I'm new here... But I hope it goes away. I also hope an experienced user here replies.

Sounds like one of the stages of grief, denial.

Sorry for your loss and I hope your dreams get better soon.