Difficulties with self-manipulation.
Good day to you all.
I am a 18 year old American teen, currently working on his AA degree. In the past few months I have been intrigued by Lucid Dreaming. I tried self-hypnosis, but to no effect. I remain too set in reality with my true senses. I usually go to bed around 9:00PM and get to sleep around 11:30PM. With a handful to a dozen waking periods.
For as long as I can remember, my dreams have been a bit different from what I hear about others' dreams. All my dreams are in Third Person. They usually center around a self-projection or "main character" who I identify with. But here's the kicker: I cannot fall asleep without starting a dream myself.
By which, I mean that I must create some cast, setting and short-term script. Years ago (when I was 15 or so) I would even provide minor sound effects for my conscious portions (a WHOOSH or BOOM here and there).
Now, I have only been sexually curious for only the past 3 years or so. Most of my recent "scripts" involve a good deal of sex, or sexual play, or cuddle-cuddle-lovey-dovey stuff.
Most nights, I start off either on the ending script (whatever happened before I woke up, be it same universe or not) or choose one of my other scripts. I have about 50 which I can clearly recall, with personalities (well, they ARE quite shallow I have to admit) city/location designs and state-of-the-world (Civil war, planetary isolation, etc...).
Usually when I start off a dream, it is all very rational, albeit predictable and poorly directed. As things move on it becomes more random, an event comes along which will cause my thoughts to drift. A very frequent one is where I am designing a ship (space or not) and deciding on internal layout, specs, and weapon placement (because us guys can't steer anything without it being able to kill something). My thoughts will then drift, making links between say, the function of a swarm-rocket and some show I saw. It is quite random, and feels a lot like a Wikipedia Race. If I let my thoughts wander, I will quickly lose complete control of what is happening, and be left with only minimal control of what happens.
I have quite a few Night Terrors as well. At least three nights a month, and those nights often have 3 or 4 terrors apiece.
I am tired of having these 50+ or so scripts. They bore me, provide no long-term satisfaction. Even the extreme levels of emotion I am capable of feeling (love, children, rage, helplessness) during them is better given up for something new.
Like I said before, my dreams are in 3rd person. Often when starting, I may feel very detached from the protagonist, but that fades through the night.
I would like to feel something more substantial or magnificent than my Space Operas, or tournaments, or mage's quests or strong-willed independent heroines. Could you guys provide any advice in addition to the Lucid Dreaming plan, dream journals and whatnot?
