Me being longwinded and two questions
Right.
I've been trying to have myself a proper lucid dream for a while now.
After doing the obligatory "half read information in a rush and so try to WILD at night for a week" and "remember many dreams I don't think important enough to write in my journal (after all, they weren't lucid, right?)"; I've spent the past few weeks taking things far more seriously and doing much more detailed reading on the matter at hand. (I also now write EVERYTHING in my journal)
My previous understanding was woefully far from complete (not that it is complete now, just a little better).
Anyway, during the past few months I've had a grand total of five experiences with lucidity.
1. Standing at my backdoor I notice that the sun is flying around the sky like a pinball. This makes me wonder if I'm dreaming and I realize that I'm doing just that. But the dream starts fading to black (the sun stayed below the horizon during one of its dips) and so in a moment of urgency to get something done while I'm still dreaming - I try to fly off into the sky.
--Wake--
2. Whilst walking around in a shopping complex I somehow realize that I'm dreaming, instantly everything starts turning white. Quite calmly I rub my hands together and am rewarded with the entire dream pulsing into clearer focus and throbbing with colour. Then for no apparent reason (I wasn't trying to have a sex dream) I grab the breasts of the first attractive woman I see (rude of me, I know). She is unsurprisingly shocked and runs off screaming, at which point I spend the remaining few moments running around the building trying to find a door so I can go somewhere new. (For some reason I feel trapped in the shop, despite all the doors I seem to be ignoring in my search for a... Door)
--Wake--
3. I'm on a roof. The building, and the surrounding city, seem war-torn and damaged. For no real reason I wonder if this is a dream and am instantly aware that it is. Having read an article about prolonging your lucid dreams to prevent waking, I rub my hands on the pebbledashed wall next to me (to see if it works better than hand on hand in gaining clarity). Though the dream fades to black and I wake up, I'm left with a very vivid sensation in my right hand - I can still feel the wall's texture when I'm eating breakfast.
--Wake--
4. I'm on a bed with a woman, we are sat face to face and seem to be breathing into each other (I breathe out as she breathes in and so on). I realize this is odd, not least because the bed is suspended upon nothing but a clear white infinity (also, once I look directly at her I'm alone and always was), and decide that I must be asleep. Once I come to this decision everything fades out to white.
--Wake--
5. I find myself locked in the room at the top of a lighthouse. The room is not circular, nor is it nearly small enough to be a lighthouse room (it is in fact very large), but nonetheless I am certain that I'm at the top of a lighthouse. All the glass is reinforced and so thick I can barely see the light of day through it. However, I see a huge set of double doors and know that I can travel through them to go anywhere.
As soon as I think this - the doors open on a field of wheat and I try to fly off into the sky. I succeed in half floating through the heads of wheat, perhaps no more than a foot off the ground, before it all fades to black.
--Wake--
That is as good as it has been. (Though each of these left me exceedingly pleased with myself upon awakening)
Now - the first question I wanted to ask is about the nature of what people call "low level lucidity". It seems to me that it doesn't exist (I am happy to be corrected if this is a stupid thought and I just haven't read the relevant information).
I am firm and certain in my desire to spend my first few lucid dreams doing nothing more than trying out ways of solidifying and lengthening the dreams I manage to attain. I want to try out asking for clarity and focusing on small dream details and asking my dream guide for handy hints... And a hundred other tips I've read for getting a better quality of lucidity - Long before I mess about with what I can do in a dream, I'd like to gain confidence in my ability to LD at all.
So why in all but two of those moments of lucidity I had was I trying to fly, or grab a boob, or go through a door?
I think that in those dreams I was never actually lucid at all. I believe I was simply having a non-lucid dream where the plot of the dream was "you are dreaming that you are having a lucid dream about flying", or whatever... If that makes sense?
Furthermore, when I was rubbing my hand on the wall and when I rubbed my hands together, I was calm but quite exited with this new sensation (and being lucid is sensational, as you guys know, even for a few seconds) - whereas in the other dreams I was exited, but very anxious and felt rushed to do something quickly.
Also, only the two times I tried to stabilize the dream did I wake feeling like the dream was... Different? At least it felt that way. I felt like I'd actually BEEN somewhere else moments before, rather than simply dreaming.
Secondly (if anyone is still reading all of this), I'm curious if dreams usually fade off into white (or some other colour), as before I tried LDing I never had a dream fade out into anything but the void. (There has only been, in fact, that one occasion I mentioned [that I can remember] in my entire life)
Sorry for going on so long, I tend to do that.
