Another [ramblesome] newbie
I am Valencia; I am curious, experienced, and decently read; I may as well jump right in.
I was about ten, the first time I remembered a lucid dream. My dreams at that age were surreal tangles of synaesthetic perception devoid of any triggers; somehow, I recognized that my synaesthesia was much too intense to be genuine, and that nothing was around to trigger it - I knew I had to be dreaming. As soon as I recognized that I was dreaming, I willed the distance to fade into pitch black so as to further intensify the color and geometric madness coyly swirling around me. The excitement of controlling these perceptions to the point of blithe luminosity obviously woke me, and I craved to experience more lucidity. I knew nothing about lucid dreaming, but I was able to use the memory of that first dream to induce more. I would meditate on the memory of the dream, immerse myself in the tangles, toy with changing the colors and causing the geometric mazes to morph or fade; I usually fell asleep in the midst of doing this, so I often fell asleep with this immersion as my last waking thought. I rarely gained control - waking seconds after, when I did - but I did experience wondrous immersions in the most vivid, detailed, fascinating, far-flung fantasies I had previously entertained only as wisps in longing waking reality.
When I was about twelve, I began to study psychology. I randomly happened upon a brief description of lucid dreaming. Once I had the term, and was over the shock of there being a name for my nighttime surreality, I began to read seriously on the topic, started a dream journal, experimented with numerous induction methods and dream scenarios, and was able to more often gain lasting control. This was around the time, also, when I began to read about hypnotism. The only available subject was myself, so I learned to hypnotize myself and had quite a bit of fun experimenting on myself with everything from constructing elaborate in-trance fantasy scenarios, to predefining my dream signs, to seeing if I could get over being shy. I didn't get over being shy, but I did manage to thoroughly drench myself with every flavor of phantastical aberrance, especially in my dreams. Lucidity became an every night occurrence; lucid control could be fathomed at will, and ceased to immediately wake me. A few years later, I began to hypnotize others; I helped some of them explore lucidity, and still frequently use trance to introduce people to this surreal plane of experience.
My dream recall has always been intense - I cannot distinguish between some of my earliest memories as odd waking occurrences or as vaguely realistic dreams. The aforementioned journal was kept religiously through my early teens, but a severe lack of privacy renders offline journaling of any type as impossible. The most I am ever able to do upon waking is hastily scribbling a few broken sentences. I will definitely start a journal on here! I miss meticulously combing through my dream history and deeply analyzing my dreams!
I’m keeping this vague on purpose; I will end up writing a biography, if I entertain too much detail. I apologize for the length, as it is.
I’ve been experiencing a dry spell for several weeks, now - Stress is definitely the problem. I’m still remembering my dreams, but I’m rarely lucid. Dream signs help, but I think I’m too tired mentally to want to have the lucid experience, or to enjoy it; I also hesitate to explore what might lurk within the crevices of my own mind, lately, as I have been subjected these past few years to emotional havoc not within my ability to tame.
Any advice? I am also curious about others’ experience with hypnosis as relevant to lucidity.
“Trance Awake” is a Lacuna Coil song, by the way, and could be an accurate summation, as an actual term, of the deeper side of my real experience. I was thrilled to discover this site, rather accidentally, and even more thrilled to see the seriousness and passion within the forums.
Thanks for putting up with my rambling; I look forward to meeting you all!
