hey , i'm sickofthisplace.

**sickofthisplace** · 01-15-2014 07:23 PM

hey guys, my name is aykut and i'm new to this board and lucid dreaming itself.
about myself i'm 15 years old turning 16 soon and am from germany visiting an academic highschool.
i'm a melancholic human often thinking about life and death and the universe itself and i suck at school because i'm lazy as fck.
i've never truly experienced love but there are people i have feelings for but i don't know how to describe them.
my family is pretty poor and are always arguing but it's a bit awkward to describe my family situation. we don't like each other but dont hate each other aswell.
i for one view them as my 'creators' because i don't like the concept of family. they dont love you for who you are , they do because they are you and you are them in a weird way. can't describe it well.

to explain my lifestyle i've to talk about the situation of our district or my city. i'm turkish and was born and live in germany. i come from a small village.
after i graduated from elementary school i visited an accademic highschool in a bigger city of the district.
in this city actually everybody knows everyone from facebook 'n stuff besides the famous people dont know the no-names for obvious reasons.
i look like a retard and i'm short (1,60 meters). i failed one year and now i'm in class with some retards and a fame person i'm friends with now who failed one year earlier. we visited the same class alltime though he never paid any attention to me. i kinda liked him since i have been knowing him and i feel like we are soulmates (no-homo).
he is one of the only person i would consider a 'friend' because i think he would understand me even if we dont talk about this kind of topic.
if it was either do or die he probably would drop me but i'm okay with that. apart from that i hang out with some stupid people who are in my opinion considered fame though they don't take me with them when they do something on weekends or birthdays the only times beeing special events like festivals. i'm king in faking my social status and thus appear fame to the retards even if i'm not fame a bit.
in my opinion the most apparent reasons for me doing that are me trying to protect myself from society and the world itself. if even one nN was to bash me i would verbally destroy him even if i didn't had anything to backup my words.
the other reason would be to be able to meet fame girls and extend my connections for the future. im really into females even if i don't imagine doing dirty stuff with them. i just like girls. the beeings itself and how they act , look and smile.

everyday life and reality are boring i've no future because i'm too lazy to learn for school and i don't like my family in general because we are not able to really communicate with each other most likely due language barriers. i speak fluent german and english but no turkish even if my family is using it everyday and since i have been born. i'm sick of this place and have no ambition or any plans for the future. i just want to enjoy life till the end because LUCKILY i'm able to feel and have emotions. i like to cry.

and one of the most enjoyable things in my life is reading manga. i'm really into it and prefer seinen. and here comes why i want to be able to dream lucid. to escape this boring reality and spend more of this little time we have left on earth happily. i actually believe in god because i'm from a muslim family. well that's what i like to think at least. i'm too lazy to prey five times a day. i'm drinking to increase my fame though i don't particularly like it. tastes like sh.it with the expection of some beer. i'm an occasional smoker and tbh i like it. i'm not addicted to it and even if i were i would be to lazy to go out of my way and leave my house to smoke. i like weed and would do it more frequently if i had enough. didn't try anything else yet.

yep , that's my story and probably nobody cares about it anyways not that i blamed you for not though. typing it out just brought my mind to ease a bit.

so about the main topic. i heard about lucid dreaming from the afore-mentioned friend and he said he had tried it one time but it didn't work so he dropped it. yesterday i kinda picked it up again and wanted to do this by all means. i think it's something that's worth to put a effort in. lolz my dad just has come to my room and i explained this to him and he labeled it as bullshit. not that i expected more.

i learned a few RC's e.g the nose, phone, fingethroughthehand tricks.
i got myself a student blog and a pen to write down my dreams.

since i started this yesterday i managed to remember one dream and wrote it down after i waked up around 3:30am. was a dumb non-lucid dream about me wanting to smoke with a few friends in school and getting lost and waking up.

one problem on my mind are the RC's. i'm not able to concentrate on a single one and then end up doing three different ones in a row. is this okay or should i try to specialize on one? i've read that you should be critical about your surroundings and do the RC's serious and not by default without critizing something. that's like so hard because literally nothing unusual happens in my boring computer life. i've done it atleast five times while typing this while asking myself the question 'Is this a dream or reality?' , inside my head.

i think today im going with the MILD technique.
thanks for reading.

**IAmCoder** · 01-15-2014 08:21 PM

Moin, moin. Welcome to this place, I trust you will fit right in if you are sick of that place!

I too have full command over those languages and have lived in small villages in Germany. And can feel your pain as an outsider there because I grew up in South Africa.

Keep writing down your dreams. Start thinking through your day backwards in fast-rewind mode within a minute or two before bed each night. That will help with the recall and improve your focus to alleviate laziness. You can't do too many reality checks. Master them all.

Easy on the beer - it dulls the mind. Save up for some whiskey instead. No need to try anything else, take my word for it. And forget about your fame, man. You might even be using that word wrong. Either way, Keep Walking.

Go out and seek wonder - the world is much, much bigger than the village you find yourself in. Have you seen Spain or Italy or Holland yet?

The day will come soon when you have your first lucid experience. And you will see that just as you can control your dreams at night, so you can control your fate. You won't always be 15 for one. And you are about to see on here what marvels await you if you learn to take full control and responsibility of your mind. And your computer life.

You say you think about life and the universe, but have you really been brave enough to think about death? If you are ready to live with the understanding that you could die at any moment, and are prepared to stop squandering your energy on fame and tears, read this post: http://www.dreamviews.com/attaining-...ml#post1737341.

**sickofthisplace** · 01-15-2014 09:19 PM

thanks for the response. sorry was taking a leak for an hour.

i feel like an outsider in my own house and family more than outside. i just can't express myself to my family because i lack the use of language and they don't understand it anyways. nobody does and they can't because it's a barrier i create in my own mind. tbh there is no problem anywhere but i make them up because i makes me feel better. i suck at school because i'm lazy and sleep in school cause im doing pointless stuff in the internet till midnight and have to wake up around 6am. if i wanted to i could do anything i want right now. i could learn for school but i do not. why? just because. there is no reason. it's not because i don't want to it's just because. and i'm accepting it. i know there is so much more into life than i can imagine. but so what? in the end we all are apes who can feel. everything ends one day and this is what makes me sad. i'm not sad. don't know if anybody comprehends the bshit im sewing right now but welp. and i have literally no talent or any interest in coding. the only reason i would pick it up is to ddos some big companies for fun. and the stuff about fame is automatic. this is just the kind of person i am. i actually look like i don't care what people think about me but i care a lot and in a different way i don't because everything ends one day.

i can enjoy life when i'm not thinking about the principle of life and death. i've been thinking about death a lot and honestly i'm afraid while i'm not. and i don't waste any energy because i don't have any.
stuff like the tommorowland 2012 video make me so excited. i'm only using the computer to read manga , talk with friends or play league of legends. the girl i love greets me sometimes but it's to make fun of me probably.
but i'm sure she doesn't feel any affection towards me because she didn't text me on fb. and everbody knows girls approach guys with messages these day , don't they? and to be honest i'm okay with it. beeing able to look at her smile alone fills me with happiness. who cares lol i'm a little kid in puberty who typed this for attention. i probably don't know why myself anymore.

well thanks for the rewind tip anyways really appreciate it.

and i've a question since you seem like an experienced user here. are you allowed to use this forum as your dream diary? i mean i'm going to use my blog as diary and type it out here is this allowed?

and i'm gonna read the text you linked me too. seems fresh.

**LouaiB** · 01-15-2014 11:02 PM

Hello! Welcome to DV!
Man I know what you feel.
First of all, I hate studying, and am lazy, but I force myself cuz I now if I didn't, one day I will just regret it.
Second, I have a lot of fights with my family. divorced parents who start a war if the see each other. Pretty depressing, but be positive and the world throws all its beauty at you.
Third, I fear death too, a lot. I know what you mean, fear it and not at the same time. It's like you can't fear it 100% of the time cuz your instinct or whatever tells you you need to live.
Fourth, man, you wanna live, stop smoking and drinking! It only shortens the precious time you have left in this wonderful life! Especially wonderful with LDing!
Finally, I'm a muslim too. I am lazy, so I don't prey, but I became an atheist a few months ago. Haven't told anyone at my community, or, you know, I would be called "kafer". who wants that!?

Hang in there akhi, you will survive!

**gab** · 01-16-2014 11:56 PM

Welcome to Dreamviews!

Welcome
Induction Methods and Techniques

Post your questions, we will be happy to help. Happy dreams

**IAmCoder** · 01-17-2014 06:18 PM

That has got to be some kind of record. Congratulations.

Originally Posted by sickofthisplace

i feel like an outsider in my own house and family more than outside. i just can't express myself to my family because i lack the use of language and they don't understand it anyways. nobody does and they can't because it's a barrier i create in my own mind. tbh there is no problem anywhere but i make them up because i makes me feel better. i suck at school because i'm lazy and sleep in school cause im doing pointless stuff in the internet till midnight and have to wake up around 6am. if i wanted to i could do anything i want right now. i could learn for school but i do not. why? just because. there is no reason. it's not because i don't want to it's just because. and i'm accepting it. i know there is so much more into life than i can imagine. but so what? in the end we all are apes who can feel. everything ends one day and this is what makes me sad. i'm not sad. don't know if anybody comprehends the bshit im sewing right now but welp. and i have literally no talent or any interest in coding. the only reason i would pick it up is to ddos some big companies for fun. and the stuff about fame is automatic. this is just the kind of person i am. i actually look like i don't care what people think about me but i care a lot and in a different way i don't because everything ends one day.

If you are making problems up where there are none to make yourself feel better, you seriously have to put some more thought into learning to code. If everything ends one day, then you can't explain why there is still something right now or why you are acting like you have forever before you have to take responsibility for your actions.

Originally Posted by sickofthisplace

the girl i love greets me sometimes but it's to make fun of me probably.
but i'm sure she doesn't feel any affection towards me because she didn't text me on fb. and everbody knows girls approach guys with messages these day , don't they? and to be honest i'm okay with it. beeing able to look at her smile alone fills me with happiness.

E-mail's for geeks and pedophiles. Be romantic. Write her a letter. You have one moon until Valentines Day.

Originally Posted by sickofthisplace

well thanks for the rewind tip anyways really appreciate it.

and i've a question since you seem like an experienced user here. are you allowed to use this forum as your dream diary? i mean i'm going to use my blog as diary and type it out here is this allowed?

and i'm gonna read the text you linked me too. seems fresh.

Sure. The third button on the top will get you there - it is allowed and encouraged...

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