Is my subconscious using sex as distraction in LD?
I am trying to use LD to connect with my higher self and "progress" spirituality by discovering who I really am. I know I'm not my ego, nor my body or even my mind. I've had a kundalini awakening in Dec 2012 which gave me a glimpse of what it's like to be connected to Oneness; it's incredible, indescribable bliss and I know it's just the beginning of my journey of enlightenment. I had this knowing that we are all being called to return to unity, to oneness.
I started lucid dreaming practice 9 months ago and have had 15 or so LDs, and they are starting to be more frequent now ( 2 last night, and 3 in the last 3 days). Even if I don't become lucid I remember almost all of my dreams. Daily meditation and dream journaling helps. The challenge I face is though I don't consciously want to use LD to have dream sex, I often find myself having sex with my dream characters and then waking up. I'm not judging myself or being repressive, but I just prefer to use my LD time (which is precious time) to explore the spiritual side, like having conversations with my dream characters or call out for my spirit guide, or even flying or walking through walls. But I find that my subconscious seems to gravitate towards sex almost like using it to distract from "higher" goals. I want to have more profound experiences in LDs.
Maybe it's part of the spiritual progression I have to go through like 7 chakras, the lower ones are about physical desires and the higher ones are more spiritual. I need to overcome the pull of the lower chakras to progress to higher levels. Also, I have also noticed that the "me" that is awake in my dreams is not the same me that is in the physical waking state. The "me" that is awake in the my dreams is very playful, child-like, and moves about with wild abandonment. In person, I'm a mild mannered middle-age wife/mother, reserved and thoughtful. My lucid dreams have shown me that my soul is nothing like my physical self. I even dream that I am different person, sometimes an old man, sometimes a child, sometimes a different race, or I even dream in third person like I'm watching a movie. Seems like I have not even begun to know the totality of who I really am. One time I dreamed so deeply I had trouble waking up mentally, physically I woke up but I have to really focus to remember my identify, my name, where I am, what my memories are. Like I'm an actor who forgot the script to a play but the curtains are opening and I'm scrabbling to pull my identity together so I can wake up in the physical world. My ego seems to completely dissolve when I dream and I'm aware through all of it, and the dissolution carries into the waking state. My perspective has changed dramatically; I don't take myself seriously; everything that defines me during the day, my looks, habits, opinions, thoughts, goals, desires are so easily forgotten in the dream state.
Anyone have trouble reconciling who they are with awareness of who they really are in LD? What about ending up having sex with dream characters when your intention was to become more enlightened?
