Short story: I'm a bit scared of Lucid Dreaming, in fact, I have (more of was) incredibly paranoid that I was in a Lucid Dream when I first woke up. (Ever since my first LD). I wake up at 5:30, when it's really dark out and crap so everything seems suspicious to me.
Long Story: Well I had my first LD. It was pretty cool, and it wasn't the LD that scared me but the fact that I might be dreaming. Everytime I wake up at 5:30, I would check my phone for an instant RC (I wake up in my usual REM period, and I sometimes wake up and doze back to sleep with little to no knowledge).
I check the time, I close the phone and close my eyes for about 30 seconds and look back. You know the drill, I poke my finger through my hand, check to see if my lights work, hell I even turn on the news to see if I can clearly read the scrolling text at the bottom.
Now no matter what I do, I can't seem, still, to get over the fact that I'm not LDing. Even if I do every RC to show that I'm not, I just feel like I am. Like if your body thinks you are, you truly will act like you are. I dont know why I respond this way, but if I think I'm in an LD and I'm not I start to shake. Mainly because in my two LD experiences, I was shaking violently as I woke up? I don't know.
Now, my first LD was a DILD as far as I know. I was going to sleep, and then I unconciously entered a Lucid state. I got up and paying no heed to my blurred out television that was making no sound I went to go to the bathroom. I try to turn on the light, didn't work, and I realized I wasn't in reality and I started to shake and I woke up. Was really cool, yet creepy.
Ever since, I've been toning it down. I mean, it got to the point where if I woke up at 4-6 AM on weekends by coincidence I wouldn't go back to sleep in almost a state of fear of entering LD.
When this started to tone down big time, guess who got a nightmare LD? Yup, that's me. Well it wasn't exactly a nightmare, the 'nightmare' lasted a total of 3 seconds. Then I wen't lucid for a few, or SP, not sure which (I'll go into that in a sec) and I woke up.
Basically, the dream was I was standing beside the operating bed of an unknown person in a faintly lighted room. Suddenly his eye stalks start to come out, almost floating and instead of veins it's like...clay. At first in my dream I was like "Nice..." then they glanced at me.
Never before in my life have I experienced such a fear, like this is the most intense it's ever gotten. I felt my heartbeat increasing rapidly, I started to shake and all I saw was darkness around me. I tried to move, and I couldn't. Out of instinct, I forced my arm out and rolled over. And I was awake, in that same position. I got up, and I was too afraid to go to sleep afterwards (4 AM)
Now this is the gist of everything I just said: Why am I so afraid of being in an LD? I think part of me wants to say that I'm afraid that if I think I'm LDing I might make a wrong choice, and quite bluntly be in reality. So on and so forth.
It's not the literal LD that scares me I guess, while partially it is, it's just that I get INCREDIBLY paranoid when I think I'm in an LD or falling into one. Like it's almost instinct for me to want to spring back if I know I'm starting to enter sleep paralysis unintentionally (Yes, whenever I DONT want to LD I start to do it naturally)
It's really weird. Some insight? Similar experiences? Is this normal to have these feelings?
EDIT: Any difference it makes, I'm a Junior in High School.
