uncontrollable body movements?!? help please..
Hi, I'm Ria. I know I might sound super crazy after you might read this (so this is just a warning), but if you do, please respond and give me your output. I feel really desperate and I don't know why. I never usually ask for help, but I'm hoping SOMEONE out there can help me.. and see.. So here it goes..
I believe I found my other half and soul-mate about a week ago and over this past weekend we moved in together. Really insane, right?? Anyways..
We went out for a date the first night and since that night, I feel that I can't really sleep without him. Usually I'm the type of person who NEEDS to sleep in order to function well. I'm also the type of person who feels exhausted after 12 hours of sleep. I'm a very deep sleeper, but recently I've been feeling so AWAKE. I feel so awake, even though my body feels tired, I haven't slept deep in what feels like forever. I've had no real deep sleep recently and no real meaning to any of my dreams if I do dream a little.
The thing is that my boyfriend is muslim (and I myself have no religion, but planning to convert) and his grandfather is a big man in the spiritual world.. to simplify it, he's a priest. I won't go any further there.
When I was 14 (I'm 20 now), I had a dream that I saw God and he told me I had a gift. Recently before I met my boyfriend, I had a dream that an african man came to me and told me that I was a fallen angel, and he was really crying.
The next day after I had first met my boyfriend, he told me he had a dream about me and I was flying. I told him about my dream and we both kind of laughed but were still in a little disbelief. And ever since the start of January, I felt like I was going to have a teacher over the summer who was going to help me spiritually. I haven't met his grandfather yet either.. but before he met me, he told my boyfriend that I'm good for him.. So things are starting to oddly make weird sense.. right?? Can you see where I'm going with this..?? I mean, I felt like I had to move in with him over the weekend, it's just that crazy and that intense.
Okay, so I had to explain that all now beforehand so that I can get to the point and hopefully you guys can understand..
Yesterday my boyfriend started telling me about his religion and he mentioned that when they feel the power of god while praying in the mosque, people's body start to shake and its uncontrollable. Or crying, or yelling.
Okay, so I had to explain that all now beforehand so that I can get to the point and hopefully you guys can understand..
Last night, though I felt super tired, I was so AWAKE. My mind was so awake. I close my eyes sometimes and it feels as if my eyes are still open. When I can sleep sometimes, I focus on my breathing and I relax my body and usually that does the trick, because I can feel myself getting heavy and I can feel myself leaving my body.
Well last night, I started focusing on my breathing.. my body feels so heavy at this point, but I feel so light with air because I'm concentrating on my breath, I can feel it in my lungs and I'm taking long huge inhales.
I continue doing this, but I feel my body getting heavier and heavier and soon I feel my hands moving by themselves. I know they are moving by themselves and I'm not controlling this because they are moving so slowly.. even when my hand starts to go in mid-air, it's still moving slowly, though my body seems to be completely relaxed.. it feels like someone is moving me.
So I start to move slowly and I start to feel my abdomen move up, and my legs and feel all of a sudden push down. And soon I start to feel really really tense. It's almost like I'm fighting myself, but I'm trying hard not to fight it, I want to relax but at the same time I feel really confused and a bit in disbelief.
Then I start to move a lot and I feel really out of control of my body. My mind is SO awake, I'm aware of everything, but my body feels so asleep. My body get super tense and I feel a little shakey. At this point, I feel my boyfriend is also in a deep sleep and he must have felt the bed shake, so he moves on his opposite side of me and I try to turn myself over to the opposite end of the bed as well, so I wouldn't bother him.. I feel so confused, alone and sad all of a sudden and I end up curling myself in fetal position and I start breathing really intense and all of a sudden I start breathing like a mad-woman and I can't stop. Almost like I'm hyperventallating. My boyfriend wakes up suddently and he asks me whats wrong, but I can't control it, so he grabs me, turns me over and I start to cry very intense. I hear his voice, but I cant respond. He starts to slap me so I can snap out of it, but it feels like its taking forever for me to react. He slaps me more and more and he yells my name and tells me its not real and all of a sudden my body snaps back into it and I stopped crying and we're looking at eachother in the eyes. He lays back down and asked me what happened and all I can respond is "I don't know". We lay down for a while and he falls back asleep..
After this point I feel so exhausted and a bit shakey and still so intense but I'm still so awake. Even lately I've been feeling really out of my body and a bit dizzy while awake, doing everyday things. I dont feel like I can stand and walk straight like my feet are completely on the ground. I feel so out of it but I feel so aware of everything around me. I don't feel real but I feel more real than ever.
I don't know what happened, but I feel really weird after I woke up this morning. I don't know. Am I just doing this to myself?? I feel really crazy. I don't blame anyone for thinking that I'm insane and this is a really long post but please, God, someone help me, I'm hoping someone can understand me. I don't know what happened, I don't know whats going on. If you believe in true callings and the purpose or calling of your life or if you believe in God, or if you're a doctor. Someone, anyone.. ? Anything?? I feel so alone. I need spiritual advice. Or I seriously need a doctor, lol.
Thank you for your time reading this. God is with you all.
-Ria C-
