I feel that I have a strong fantasy idea but?

**engor** · 10-14-2010 09:35 PM

I'm not sure what to do with it! I could write a story, but I'm not the strongest writer and my ideas might not get well emphasized, plus so many people think they can write fantasy stories. I don't want the readers to feel it's generic.
My second Idea was to get it turned into a live action drama or a game, because with this current generation most people like to "see" or "play" the action rather than just read it. I thought about this a lot, but I don't have the faintest idea how to even begin writing a script or game design document for starters!
Well, I want to know what you would do; this idea I've shared with my friends (trusted ones) and family and they feel something should be done. I don't want the idea to go to a waste! In the beginning it seems cliché but, as the story dwells deeper many real life themes are touched upon. After all, the whole idea of fantasy is to make it seem somewhat believable.
What do you think?

IDEA
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14 year old Max lives an unfortunate life, he lost his Mother due to childbirth and his Father has been conscripted to help fight in World War 2. Being an evacuee, his only hope was to await his Father's return. However, one day when daydreaming about his Father in the woods, (his haven from harsh reality), he walks back to the old couples house that he's currently residing in to find two military officials outside. Immediately, he understands what's happened and runs away refusing to accept that his Father is dead. He runs back into the woods but deeper this time and trips on something hard. He finds it to be a rather large crystal than regular ones illuminating with bright white light. Something appears to be moving inside of it.... When he touches the crystal he is engulfed by the light and transported to a parallel world. He meets a 16 year old girl called Tara who is a commoner and her Grandparents who she is currently living with. They provide him with shelter for the night. The next day Max goes into town with Tara only to be attacked by Raptors. Events unfold with take them both to the capital city “Excilian.” They arrive on the day of a festival called: “New Beginnings” where everyone is celebrating the defeat of a dark entity called Magnus. The High King makes a speech and presents the famed Phonix blade crafted by the Phoenix that was used to banish the evil. When attackers try to steal it, the blade falls in front of Max who picks it up, the thing is... only the chosen one can hold this special blade… the only one destined to defeat Magnus… and so his adventure begins.

Teayro is a troubled 18 year old, he is always getting into fights inside and out of college. His anger stems from his dysfunctional family which is getting ready to suffer a divorce. He isn’t even there for his little sister, Naomi when she needs him the most. He sees life as bleak and miserable with nothing to look forward to. He sees it like walking on a treadmill: your stuck in the same situations, never getting anywhere. One day at college he finally perks up the courage to ask out his crush, Rebecca. However, he is cut short when she is being harassed by other males her age; Teayro steps in to save her to only be brutally punched in the face by one of them. When she takes him to her house to nurse him as a way of saying thank you, he notices a crystal like stone along the way. He picks it up to be engulfed by white light and transported to a parallel world. Where he is almost captured as a slave to menacing beasts called Ulgocks. He tries to defend himself to almost be turned

into one himself by the demonic contractor known as Flame, who works for Magnus turning unfortunate humans into these disgusting beasts. However, by the skin of his teeth, the Western army arrives to save all the slaves. Thus he begins his exodus along with them to Excilian. When contemplating on what to do next, he sees a little girl being harassed for by a merchant; It appears she is being accused of stealing. Using what little money he has he pays the merchant on behalf of her and leaves the area. However, the little girl follows him asking if he is an adventurer and if she could join him. After being told by the annoyed Teayro to, “go away” it dawns on Teayro that the merchant is claiming the money to be false and has the guards try to arrest him. That is, before one of the guards inspects the little girl more closely and almost gasps in shock. Teayro is arrested for attempted kidnapping of the High Princess of Excilian. Even with all this happening Teayro is unaware that when that when Flame’s ritual to transform him into an Ulgock failed, a dark evil now resides inside of him, waiting for the right moment to consume him.
(Note: Yes, two protagonists but each from two different time periods: 1940 and the 21st century.)
Why did I do this? Because it represents the storyline from two different views: The protagonists in effect are conveying two approaches to being a hero. In turn there is a guarantee for reader,player,viewer to be able to connect or enjoy at least one characters storyline.

I'm not sure if this was the ebst place to post this sorry if it's not. Could someone direct me somewhere that is more suitable please.

But thank you for reading all this if you did. I had to think carefully about if I was really ready to share the idea or not.

What path could you see this story taking: video, game or Tv

**Lseadragon** · 10-15-2010 12:05 AM

Well, my friend, you seem to have
a strong idea of what you're going to talk about
within the story.
Why don't you write it? I won't say that
it isn't sort of generic

but that's not a damning criticism.

Many generic books have been written wonderfully.

There's also the fact that you don't
ever actually need to show somebody
what you've written if you think it's terrible
(which it probably will be, at the start).

You can just use it as a
mechanism
for further articulating your ideas

and consquently have much more detail if you want to move it into other media.

Books are also easy to create independently
whereas games, videos, TV need mounds of people to
handle the aesthetic sides of the thing.

You say you're not the best writer
so write! You'll probably get better at it.

**Siиdяed** · 10-15-2010 01:51 AM

Just write it out. It isn't going to be great. Because it's cliched and juvenile fantasy. But it'll be valuable practise writing and getting into the habit of writing.

**Siиdяed** · 10-15-2010 04:06 AM

"My father didn't get shot down at El Alamein for some cock-sucking velociraptor like you to go chewing me out today!"
Max caught the raptor's outstretched jaws in his hands, grappling the beast's dangerous snapping maw to the ground and stamping the spur of his boot into its cold, calculating eye.
"Unlike the Phoenix - whose name this very blade takes after - I hope you don't rise again."
He drove the wicked sword down and through the blinded beast's thrashing neck. The ever white hot steel hissed as it cut through Cretaceous hide with ease. He felt the warm splatter of dino-blood on his face, and what he felt wasn't dissimilar to the spurting relief of ejaculate.
His companion, a low, degraded peasant girl with great weals and untreated boils about her face, hobbled up beside him, cackling to herself with what was once coquettish mirth, but had long since descended into abject madness. Max remembered his first days in the realms about Excilian, and the waspish young naif of a girl who had tailed him about on his boyish adventures againsts Magnus...after some thirty years here with no sign of home nor end to his perpetual questing he had seen here wearied and worn to little more than a complaining bed-mate. She danced and prattled at his side, but he thought nothing of it.

"There will be more of these terrible lizards about," he sighed, reaching into his battered jerkin for a crumpled pack of cigarettes. "Let's just hope the cavalry arrive in time."
He lit up and took a long inhale. Then he jerked his sword free, and swung it over his shoulder.

On the far grassy ridge, the arrowed and pointed heads of more raptors were emerging, stalking over the rise and snapping at the air where they smelt the rich stench of Max, ragged adventurer and endless thorn in the side of the Dark Lord Magnus...Magnus, Max thought with a shake of his head. Even as a child I should have known it. Magnus...Max...one and the same. The dark lord that arises the day I arrive in this godsforsaken little fantasy wankfest. He's the me that wants to grow up. To write serious literature. To go to that little grammar school in Dorset and do Linguistics. Write biographies of Proust. Or Pound. He's the dull dull future I don't want to grow into. Fuck, I've been in comatose shock since 1942. I saw that in the Emerald Mirror Orb on the Westerlands of Erllinquis. But I don't...want...to...wake...up.
The raptors snarled and howled and began their loping, scrabbling charge.
Max continued to smoke his cigarette with a grim calmness, the fiction of his being assured but embraced at once. He ran a hand over his rough, stubbled jaw, and fingered a puckered scar that stretched from ear to chin.

A raptor sprang, feet away now, long teeth hinging open for the closing of the trap. The stench of its brother's blood splattered about Max's face made its nostrils flare wide and engorged with frenzy.

Max did nothing, but stood and smoked and stared gloomily back.

There was the sound of a roaring zephyr and a shrieking of a multidinous aviary and the raptor erupted into a shower of thick crimson and stringy entrails. Behind it the others of its brood did likewise, in various other degrees of erupture and contortion, their clunky large and flayed body parts strewn haphazard and spinning about the bloody field.

Overhead the bizarre canvas contraption soared past, the great wicker cages stocked full of all colours of all kinds of parrot and canary and winged fancy, carrying the strange aeronautic bombadier on his way. He waved to Max, who nodded distantly back. The thing was one of Max's more inspired suggestions to the Excilian state, in some part designed after an aeroplane Max once say fly over his country house in the dreary 1930s. He had got the science of the thing wrong someways, but it didn't matter all that much.

He finished his cigarette and began to trudge onwards, making his way through the bloodied scraps of dinosaur flesh. He felt a little melancholy today. But then again, fantastical adventure does that to a man, after awhile.

Hey. Thank me whenever.

**engor** · 10-15-2010 07:45 AM

Thank you for taking the time to read my post.

Lseadragon: I might considering writing it out, I'm glad you think it's a good idea that's the main thing

Siиdяed: you made me lol so hard, thanks for the little story idea, sounds like Max is a hardened gun nut

He's actually quite the opposite, might suit Teayro though.

But, I tried to stray away from the cliche has much as possible, there are now elves or dawfs or whatever, because that is all very cliche!!!!!!!!!

I couldn't help having some though, the story shouldn't seem like it's absolutly drowning in it though, I'm sure about that.

I'm open to any other comments as well

**Lseadragon** · 10-16-2010 06:19 AM

Originally Posted by engor

But, I tried to stray away from the cliche has much as possible, there are now elves or dawfs or whatever, because that is all very cliche!!!!!!!!!

Cool fun facts: You should not shy away from something just because it's a cliche. It's much more important to ask yourself: Does my story need X? If it does, it goes in. If it doesn't, no matter how original it is, it'll just be cruft and should be scrapped.

Pare your stories down to what they need. This is not a call for minimalism - they may need an awful lot, sometimes.

EDIT: It should be noted that I'm bad at this. I purplify my prose a bit much.