Mannerless boyfriend - grr

There are a couple things that bug me about my boyfriend, two of which are him constantly interrupting me when we talk and him never ever saying 'please' or 'thank you.'

I try not to hold the lack of pleases and thank yous against him as much because that is a product of his upbringing. When I visit him (he lives at home still), his parents will not say, "Can you hand me that dish, please?" Rather, it's, "Gimme that dish" and no thank-you afterward. This is why I've quit buying my boyfriend gifts and tried my best to cut down on taking us out - I have to pay for everything, and he has never thanked me on his own. Hell, he never even thanked me when I bought him a Wii or any time I've bought him some game he said he wanted. I refuse to prod him like a child to make him say "thanks" - as a grown man, he should know how to do this.

And the interrupting makes me want to slap him. Sometimes it takes me five or six tries to try and say what I want to say, and half the time I don't think he even hears it. I admit, I sometimes will interrupt someone, but I catch myself and apologize. I've been just training myself to finish my sentence when he decides what he has to say is that much more important than what I have to say, and if he asks what I just said, I simply reply, "You were too busy talking over me to hear it."

I know, probably trivial stuff...but ooooo it bugs me so bad. I'm not sure how to approach this, if I should at all. Thoughts?

Just tell him, it's not like he'll throw a hissy fit...

Dump his inconsiderate ass?

Do you know if he actually appreciaties the things you do? I mean, as you say, it's a product of his upbringing? Perhaps he actually is thankful for the stuff, but just because he was never taught to, he just doesn't think about saying it?
I say confront him and tell him what you're feeling and so he can tell you what he's actually feeling. Preferrably without being annoyed when you do it.

About interrupting you, I totally get you, and perhaps you could bring that up, but I think that's probably a much harder habit to correct :S

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Orphic

And the interrupting makes me want to slap him.

---

Do it!

Relationships are built on two gigantic principles, in my experience: Selective honesty and communication.

Selective honesty: Be honest about 90% of everything. If you withhold all your feelings, you're shooting yourself in the foot. If you can't tell him the truth, you have a very limited and uncomfortable future together. This can change, of course. Now, that 10% is for things like, for example, telling your every thought - including about dreams you have about things that would offend your partner (dreams are only one example. Another example: For a guy, you wouldn't tell your girl about every girl you saw that turned you on, that's just offensive.)

Communication: If there's a problem between you two, tell THEM about it, get things settled between you two. While asking for advice isn't a bad thing, you should really be talking to him about it, and not let things like this fester.

I know I need to say something to him, but I'm just...not the most articulate person when I speak in person (writing is a totally different story). I guess I was just wondering if there was a good/best or bad/wrong way to tell him, or if I should just be firm about it.

And I don't know if he's actually grateful for stuff or if he just takes it for granted, but I definitely want to instill the habit of verbally expressing thanks in him. I think it'd benefit him not just in our relationship, but in general if he learned to say "thanks" and "please." But I don't think this is something worth dumping him over at all. He's still a sweet person, but I just wish he'd thank folks who do things for him is all (as in not just me).

Relationships are personal. Someone who plasters theirs all over the net is more interested in attention than in crafting a relationship. Or so it seems to me.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Orphic

I know I need to say something to him, but I'm just...not the most articulate person when I speak in person (writing is a totally different story). I guess I was just wondering if there was a good/best or bad/wrong way to tell him, or if I should just be firm about it.

And I don't know if he's actually grateful for stuff or if he just takes it for granted, but I definitely want to instill the habit of verbally expressing thanks in him. I think it'd benefit him not just in our relationship, but in general if he learned to say "thanks" and "please." But I don't think this is something worth dumping him over at all. He's still a sweet person, but I just wish he'd thank folks who do things for him is all (as in not just me).

---

Now tell me - is there some reason you can't (or won't) tell him what you just told us? There's a reason people are sometimes easy to talk to, sometimes hard to talk to: because it means something when a person speaks to you. At times you're very connected and conversation flows. At others, you can't get the words right. Imagine that both situations occur for a reason. Then get at WHY you need to talk to them anyway. It's not a matter of whether or not you can or if you should, but whether or not you will.

If you definitely need to keep talking to us instead of talking to him, I'll answer your question. The "best" way to tell him is not something we can tell you, because only you will know. You'll find it by talking to him in person, starting a conversation, and working your way into the important needs between you two for the relationship. He's not fulfilling yours and doesn't know it, and you may not be fulfilling his and not even know it. But you can find out. Go for it, and good luck. Report back here to satisfy my curiosity. :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Philosopher8659

Relationships are personal. Someone who plasters theirs all over the net is more interested in attention than in crafting a relationship. Or so it seems to me.

---

Asking for advice in a non-direct is what I see going on here, not a demonstration of a lack of serious consideration for her relationship. There was a time when you, just as the rest of us, sought out another's insight into a situation in which they could do little more than reassure you or give you ideas of what you should be doing.

Is he really worth it? There are plenty of men who don't need training on how to be an adult.

He doesn't have manners and doesn't treat you like you should be treated. Sure, it's just a "give me that" instead of "may I please have that", but it can and probably will get worse.

I wouldn't thank you for giving me a Wii if I was him.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Saturos

I wouldn't thank you for giving me a Wii if I was him.

---

What?

And you should tell him. If he doesn't... improve, for a lack of a better term, then you should leave him.

If he interrupts you, you need to say, affirmitavely, "Don't inturrupt me!" Don't scream/ shout/ yell it, but say it with authority

As for the "please/ TY" stuff, talk to him about it. I'm actually not too far off because of how I was raised, we are polite, but some people like to HEAR those words. Since being with my GF, I have learned my manners more... that and because I've matured more since I was 17 as well, lol (I'm 24 now). So maybe it's more based on age maturity than actual politeness? Sounds like he may not have been raised with the same manners you were

Talk to him about it, and tell him how you feel and what you'd like out of him

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by OldSparta

What?

And you should tell him. If he doesn't... improve, for a lack of a better term, then you should leave him.

---

If he doesn't improve (or try to), it means he doesn't care about how you feel when he treats you like that. Or, he doesn't want to make the effort which means he doesn't care enough about the relationship in general.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Spartiate

Just tell him, it's not like he'll throw a hissy fit...

---

^

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Philosopher8659

Relationships are personal. Someone who plasters theirs all over the net is more interested in attention than in crafting a relationship. Or so it seems to me.

---

You're very concerned with how things seem, ja?