Confused between my two cousins

**Arra** · 04-19-2011 11:18 AM

I just experienced the scariest facial recognition problem I ever have in my life tonight. I went to my relatives' house for dinner. (I don't see them often, maybe once every couple months or so at family gatherings. The gatherings are pretty formal. The family is somewhat rich and they care a lot about how they look, what they wear, money, etc. So the atmosphere is pseudo-laid-back. I spend most of the time trying to talk to people, but being the antisocial person I am it's always difficult and stressful. Conversations don't last long and end in awkward pauses.)

Two of my cousins, who are sisters, have a similar look. They're both pale redheads and are on the somewhat the pretty side. The younger one, about 12, let's call her Kayla, I was told early in the night had just gotten out of grade 7. The older one, about 18, let's call her Rachel, is in University.

I was sitting, talking to others with Kayla for a few minutes. I was thinking about the difference between her and her sister, that Kayla is a little chubby, and I was thinking about how old she looks. We started talking and she asked me about school. I told her a few things, and then I decided to ask her about her school. I said that I heard she's just graduated grade 7. She smiled a bit and said "that's her", pointing to her sister, and then I realized, I'm talking to Rachel!

I immediately apologized and tried to make excuses. I pretended that I had some mental malfunction and that I had no idea what I was thinking, that I don't know what was going on in my mind. I made it clear that I knew she was way out of grade 7. She was smiling but seemed okay, and kept saying it was okay as though she realized I felt bad. That might have been the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to me. I just hope it wasn't too horrifying for her, and that my excuse was at least believable.

How the fuck did I mistake my 18 year old cousin for her 13 year old sister? It seems there must be something very, very wrong with me. It was one slip-up, one of those strange things that happens in life, I hope. I just don't understand how it happened. It scares me.

One possibility is that, for some reason, I created a mental image of Rachel in my mind, how I used to see her. Rachel has gotten slightly chubby, and that’s how Kayla has always been, while Rachel used to be quite skinny, and I guess I still have that image of her in my mind.

I do have a hard time recognizing faces. I mean, if I meet someone once briefly, I probably won't recognize them when I meet them for a second time unless I intentionally paid close attention to their face. But this wasn't some brief encounter with a stranger, it was my cousin I've known for my entire life. Not seeing them very often shouldn't be an excuse.

It's one of those things that, for the rest of my life, I'll be summoning an urge to punch myself every time I think about.

**~~DeletePlease~~** · 04-19-2011 11:27 AM

You probably weren't completely focused because you were slightly uncomfortable and they do look similar so it could just be an innocent mistake. Maybe you're just looking too far into this because of how embarrassing it was for you?

Off topic: You always seem to be up as late as I am.

**Arra** · 04-19-2011 11:44 AM

If they were both around the same age, it wouldnt be so bad, but the fact that one is just reaching puberty and the other is only 3 years younger than I am, an adult, makes it really strange.

Yes, that whole night passed as a haze because I was more than 'slightly uncomfortable'. But I don't think it should be an excuse. Even if it weren't for the embarrassment, I'd still be startled by it.

It's nice to hear someone is diagnosing me as something other than insane.

I really, really need to sleep. I'm a complete idiot for being up right now. I have a final exam in 2 days at 8:30am, and I planned on sleeping early tonight. I was tired early enough. How is it 3:44am!?

**tommo** · 04-19-2011 02:33 PM

Lol the last sentence of your post earned you the like.
I know how you feel.
It's just a minor mental malfunction. Who knows why it happens. I laugh when things like this happen, I just find it hilarious.

**stormcrow** · 04-19-2011 07:57 PM

Dianeva I have noticed you tend to diagnose yourself with mental illness quite a bit. Its possible you have some hypochondriac tendencies, I get them sometimes too(I used to think I had ulcers, my lifelong insomnia was going to drive me literally insane, i have cancer, etc). I dont think you are insane, if anything you worry alot. You are one of the most intelligent, rational, and articulate members on DV and those attributes aren't usually associated with mental illness.
I get worried all the time about something happening to my brain that causes me to lose my capacity for intelligence, its probably my worst fear, I get the impression that you worry alot about losing your intelligence too.

Tommo is right this kinda shit just happens, you gotta laugh it off.
I do the same thing with names. If I'm introduced to someone I literally forget their name in seconds and its pretty embarrassing. I have to hang out with someone a few times before their name can stick. It makes me feel really really stupid but I dont worry about it too much anymore.

**Arra** · 04-19-2011 10:37 PM

Originally Posted by stormcrow

I dont think you are insane, if anything you worry alot. You are one of the most intelligent, rational, and articulate members on DV and those attributes aren't usually associated with mental illness.

Thanks for the compliment. It means a lot. I didn't think I could possibly be considered like that by anyone.

I was kind of joking about the 'insane' thing. I guess the error seems worse to me than those occasional mental slipups that happen to everyone, so I don't know what to think of it. The responses have helped though.

Names are bad for me too. I won't remember someone's name who I'm introduced to for the first time unless I take a few seconds to consciously come up with some way to remember it.

**Zhaylin** · 04-20-2011 02:53 AM

Your anxiety level seemed through the roof. How was your sleepiness level?
When my children were babies, I would go days without sleep or minimum amounts. You wouldn't believe some of the stuff I saw. Anxiety and sleep deprivation can play wondrous tricks on our mind.
And even if one or both things weren't in play, we all have off days. I wouldn't worry.

I'm 36 years old and the older I get, the more "problems" I have with recognition. I'll be driving down the street and see someone I know and wave only to have the person looked confused. Then I'll realize I didn't know them at all, they just looked like someone I knew 10-20 years ago. Then I feel like an idiot because I'll remember that people age and they wouldn't even look exactly like that anymore