<RAGE> Son of a mother****er, my Tumblr account got NUKED!!! :mad: </RAGE>
Printable View
<RAGE> Son of a mother****er, my Tumblr account got NUKED!!! :mad: </RAGE>
Rant:
So I finally have the questionnaire done, and I literally waited 15 minutes of more radio music on the phone and rode my bicycle all the way to the building I'm trying to get contact to.
Funny thing, the song that was playing just before I decided to hang up said, "Maybe I should give up!"
I disconnected the phone right after that, funny how things play in at the right times.
Rave:
I have an appointment set up for the Financial Aid Adviser, and hopefully they'll still see me as someone who can accumulate interest for them. For once I'm the side of being used a pawn for money, now all I have to do is pray and hope the appeal gets signed, and just go to the two meetings, and hopefully things will be in my favor.
Complaint:
I will never listen to a Financial aid expert at the front desk, she said I could easily set up an appointment on the phone. NEVER EVER listen to that advice again!
When my son is grounded from his X-box, it's actually worse for me:
"Mom, will you make a dessert?"
"Mom, at school today a boy got suspended."
"Mom, did you know that clocks are really just multiplication?"
*constructs a make shift bow and arrow and begins hunting the pets*
"Mom, can I have ramen noodles?"
"Mom, are you going to make a dessert or not?"
"Mom, look at Daisy."
*tucks his arms into his t-shirt*
"Mom, I've always wondered where my arms are."
/Mom pours a drink! :happy:
You took his arms! How could you!?!?!
Sounds like he's a mini-Rambo when not playing video games haha :P
A shift bow and arrows? :shock:
Yeah, he actually went outside and got a bendy branch, and some yarn for the bow. Then he got another stick and put some kind of pointy thing on the end, I haven't really investigated the arrow yet lol.
Now he's reading The Hobbit out loud, but he's completely changing the story. Most of the words have been changed to the word "poop" or some variant.
edit: now he's burping the alphabet. I'm honestly not making any of this up lol
edit 2: then fell on the floor and farted. I love him so much.
I just found out one of my friends offed himself.
EDIT: :shock: You ok, Abra? :clairity:
Uh..... All I can think about is a thread on Reddit last week, where everyone was talking about the times when you've completely missed the opportunity for sex without realising it.
Blackout > stuck in a room > light candles > .... "I wish we could play video games". haha
Sorry, I say that sort of thing quite often, it just seems like you have a heap of chances and you take them.
I know you're "not like that" etc. etc. Just sayin'.
Sorry to hear it, Abra :blue:
Jeez, Abra. :hug:
My first instinct right now is to check ED but the whole subforum tends to mix poorly with alcohol.
:hug: Abra :cry: :clairity:
My rant is that I'm awake. Stupid throat mucus. Friggin disgusting stuff that's getting on my last nerve. I even took a Guaifenesin and Ranitidine before I laid down. I'm going to try allergy meds next. But ugh< I'm so dried out to begin with and that will not help my eyes or nose in the least!!
And now my left ear hurts on top of everything else. Yeah, yeah, q-tips etc are a bad idea. Now I understand why lol. I bought one of packets of plastic ear cleaners with a brush on one end and a scoop on the other. I barely have a smidgen of wax in either ear and when I did my left, I felt the tool sort of slip a bit deeper than it should have gone :roll: It's not a serious ear pain though, just an annoyance.
I'm also ranting about my body's inability to handle stupid stuff like clothing tags and seams. I bought some new undies a week ago or so. They fit perfectly. They're cotton. All should be well but it's not. Apparently, the waist band is too wide and coarse. The width HAS to play into it somehow because the coarseness is comparable to other bands. So, I have to wear a long undershirt so I can tuck it in between my undies and my skin :bang:
The other day, I looked for one of those electric burners at Wal-mart but they were all sold out. In desperation, I bought a burner that runs on Tealight candles. I put water in that part that usually holds scented oil. It sucks lol but the water is evaporated after about 30-60 minutes. BUT, I'm going to go through a small fortune on candles :? I guess I'll try to find a proper burner next time I get paid.
Yet another rant is that I have absolutely no idea what to do with my room. It's terribly small. My bed nearly takes up the width of the room.
For the length, There's my bed, a small end table, the door to the bathroom, a small/tall end table for my bird and a built in vanity "desk".
Going the other way is another small end table, the door to the Master Bedroom, a wall hanger for my jackets.
Going down the other side is a hutch. Then the wall juts out to, making a little cubby that used to hold shelves but now holds a short pole for my clothes to hang on. It juts out again (obviously lol) and then there was my huge metal shelving unit. So, it was at the foot of my bed. Behind my bed, is the window unit AC.
In the middle-ish of the room, forming a sort of backward "L" with the vanity is my computer desk.
I moved out the metal shelving unit last night. But my bed is too long to go along either side. The parts of the wall that jut out prevent me from putting the bed there. The bathroom door and the vanity prevent me from using the other side. :bang: I could easily give up the door to the bathroom (there's another one from the master bedroom). But the accursed vanity still prevents any manuevering. The window is dead center in the room, so I can't place my bed there. The only reason I want to move it is to unblock to AC.
Maybe it would suffice if I merely got rid of the end table near my bed and moved the bed in its spot. There would be about a foot of clearance for the AC to do it's thing. I'll have to try that. But then I'm apt to feel insecure when I sleep. I like having a wall at my side.
Anti-rants:
Hubby finally gave me the holiday baklava box. Of course, we had already eaten most of it over the last few weeks, but there are still a few precious remnants :D A few WEEKS? That's gross. How are they not rotten? Do I really care lol
My plant is awesome. Hubby told me to just rotate the plant every day so it didn't lean over toward the light so much on one side :doh: Why hadn't I thought of that lol I'm sad though because I researched the plant last night and they are not meant for the indoors. And after a season, you're supposed to cut it down to stub and let it re-grow. No. I don't care about the flowers. I mean, they'll be nice and everything, but if it's a tree like plant, why can't I let it keep growing? Gardening and plants confuse the crap out of me. But I love my plant all the same :smitten:
I'm so sorry, Abra. :( My heart goes out to you and their other friends and family.
-----
My rant is that yet again some of my paranoid suspicions seem to have some logical backing. For a little while now I've been wondering if my hypothalamus and my amygdala somehow don't match. There have been studies that found sexual dimorphism for the structure of each, and then some that took it even further and linked those structures to sexual orientation. That is to say, they found that one kind of hypothalamus makes you attracted to men and the other makes you attracted to women, and this was matched and verified in control groups checking men and women both straight and gay. The same goes for the amygdala, but of course the two have to control different parts of the processing. Surely among other things, the hypothalamus was linked to what type of hormonal smell you enjoy (i.e., if you're attracted to the smell of testosterone or estrogen more). The amygdala is more implicated in emotions and is directly linked to the hippocampus, which is involved in dreams and out-of-body experiences. I'm pretty certain that the amygdala stimulating the hippocampus is an important part of how imagination works. For that reason I've wondered about my structures, because I've now pretty much proven to myself that I'm really only attracted to guys when I'm awake, but it hasn't changed my fantasizing about girls. Furthermore, I've known for some time now that in my dreams, a world that is generated by the amygdala, I am attracted to girls and often make use of it, usually not even while lucid. It happened again last night. What's interesting is that a known possible symptom of OCD is "unwanted" homosexual fantasies, though I'm guessing that the unwanted part just comes from feeling like it doesn't match you or from societal influences. I'm perfectly fine with it the way it is, and dreams are a good way to get those feelings out, I'm just interested in why it works that way. Well, looking more into the amygdala shows that its sexual dimorphism centers around the fact that one hemisphere of the brain is more dominant than the other (like many structures, there's actually an amygdala on both sides that work together). This means that if you like men one side is stronger and if you like women then it's the other way around. I can't remember which side is which right now.... But, here comes the cool part. I just found a study saying that in OCD there is a loss in hemispheric asymmetry of the amygdala-hippocampus complex. Isn't that crazy!? That would certainly correlate with fantasizing about both sexes, at least I think it does. It also gives me a lot more to think about in this respect. The brain is so intense....
Alyzarin: That's interesting to think about! I'm the same way with dreams about girls, though I do lean towards guys in waking life. I think I've only had 2 dreams about guys years and years ago, and I've had at least 6 about girls. Do you think any of that has to do with the stria terminalis (part of the amygdala)? (or is that what you were talking about?) In my abnormal psych class we were going over gender identity disorder, and they've found that in the bed nucleus of the stria terminalis: (copied straight from my notes)
-Typically males have almost twice as many of these neurons as females do
-Number of these neurons in brains of male-to-female transsexuals was in the typically female range
-Number of these neurons in brains of female-to-male transsexuals was in the typically male range
But could sexual preferences get mixed without any gender switching?
Zhaylin: It sounds really awful, but how about Crisco? If you get a tub of Crisco and stick a string in it, you've got an everlasting emergency candle (you can look it up if you'd like). I bet you could do the same thing on a smaller scale with the tea lights after all the wax is out. Probably burns a lot worse if you get it on you though.
It sounds very crowded, so this probably won't help at all, but I like to make a scale map of my room and all the stuff in it (I know, nerd). Then I can move all the crap around to different positions so I don't actually have to move everything 12 times to see if it fits.
Edit:
I'm the most active user on DV for this week? Oh, that's sad :/
Rant: Man, my jeans are wet from the rain.
Rave: My financial aid appeal thingy is approved! I have one more semester to bring up my grade, and I'm so happy. The counselor was nice to me as well....thank goodness.
I'm so happy :D
First, a question of my own. Did the study that found that information about transsexuals include gay transsexuals? If not, I'd bet money that the whole thing is wrong, or at least inaccurate. And here's why. The stria terminalis is not actually a part of the amygdala, it's a pathway that connects the amygdala and the hypothalamus. In other words, if there's one structure in the whole brain that's a likely candidate to be dimorphic for sexual orientation in the same way as the amygdala and the hypothalamus, it's the stria terminalis. If that study doesn't include gay transsexuals, then it's overlooking an extremely crucial fact: the statistical majority of people are straight, regardless of whether or not they're transsexual. This means that if you just compare brain sexual orientation to default body sex (i.e, male for male-to-female transsexuals, and vice-versa), most transsexuals will appear to be the same as gay people. So basically what I'm trying to say is, let's say for example with a MtF transsexual, showing a "stereotypically" female pattern in a structure such as as the stria terminalis could simply reflect the fact that's she attracted to men and may have little or nothing to do with her transsexuality. Does that make sense?
Regardless of the answer, however, the fact that the stria terminalis and the amygdala are actually two separate things removes the need to consider them together in this particular case. So in answer to your question, yes, the effects on sexual preference generated by direct modifications to the amygdala such as in OCD don't necessarily have to match up with any potential "rules" in relation to the structure of the stria terminalis.
That's interesting that you've had the same experiences, though. What were you taking SSRIs for again? :huh:
And for the record, I've never had a non-lucid dream about a guy that I recall. :chuckle: But I seem to have at least six about girls in as many months, it gets bad lol.
Alyzarin: Ok, let me just try to clarify what you're saying here:
-A MtF transsexual, for all brain biological purposes (so I totally butchered that, hopefully you get what I mean), is a female.
-A female liking a male is straight
-Therefore a MtF transsexual having a sexual preference for males is, at least neurologically, straight.
-By appearance alone, the sex of the transsexual makes it look as though they are gay. Vice-versa, a transsexual who is actually gay will appear to be straight.
Is that correct? And if so do you mean that not having physically gay transsexuals would invalidate the study because they'd be denying random sampling or what? (Sorry if I'm being thick here, but that's mostly the part I don't understand)
And in reply to your answer to my answer (sigh, again): That's good to know, makes the whole thing less complicated... until you try to piece everything together :P I was thinking more along the lines of what if there were more neurons in the stria terminalis in that particular area, but not enough to trigger the "I'm not the right sex" thing? Obviously there aren't any clear-cut lines in the brain, I'm just wondering if maybe a few more could tilt the scales of sexual preference without touching sexual identity.
I was taking SSRIs for depression. Why? I know they have great capacity for reducing libido, but I don't understand your connection between SSRIs and sexual taste.
Link: That's AWESOME! I'm happy for you :D Being able to pay for college without freaking out is a wonderful thing.
Yes, I believe you have that all right. Basically what I was saying is that if they don't differentiate between straight and gay transsexuals, particularly because that makes it much more likely that most or all of the participants will be straight, they're ignoring the fact that the part of the brain they're trying to implicate in transsexuality also has strong (and potentially more significant) reasons that it could be linked to sexual orientation instead. Like, essentially, what I'm saying is that they can take all non-transsexual straight guys and all straight male-to-female transsexuals and test their stria terminalis they may find that they all have the opposite structures. However, simply using that as evidence as flawed logic, because existing evidence points more strongly to the thought that if they were to do the same study with all straight guys and all gay guys they would find the exact same results, because it seems more likely that the stria terminalis plays a role in sexual orientation. In this way it would just be a byproduct of being transsexual and not something to really consider as a cause. If the study had differentiated between straight and gay transsexuals (and non-transsexuals) there would be an answer to this, because then they would've have been able to see if the same opposing structures found in trans vs non-trans straight people was inversely present in trans vs non-trans gay people. If it was, it would have shown that it was likely just related to sexual orientation, but if it wasn't it would've implied stronger evidence for a link to transsexualism.
That's a good question, but it's hard for me to answer. Considering that I don't think it's actually a structure related to transsexualism it's hard for me to really justify any sort of response. I'm not entirely sure how conditions such as OCD effect the stria terminalis either.Quote:
And in reply to your answer to my answer (sigh, again): That's good to know, makes the whole thing less complicated... until you try to piece everything together :P I was thinking more along the lines of what if there were more neurons in the stria terminalis in that particular area, but not enough to trigger the "I'm not the right sex" thing? Obviously there aren't any clear-cut lines in the brain, I'm just wondering if maybe a few more could tilt the scales of sexual preference without touching sexual identity.
Ah, I see.... I was mainly wondering because OCD is a part of a spectrum of related conditions like depression, bipolar disorder, anorexia, etc., and they're all mainly treated with SSRIs, and I remembered you saying your sister (was it?) has OCD. It's a genetic condition so it's possible that you have a predisposition for it even if it didn't come out, since the same genetic factors can cause all of those things listed but people with that factor can have a combination of them, all of them, or none of them depending on various other aspects of their lives. I was mainly wondering because if you do have the genetic marker then it's possible that your amygdalae are symmetrical in the same way that would give you the same type of situation as me with liking girls in dreams but not so much in waking life.Quote:
I was taking SSRIs for depression. Why? I know they have great capacity for reducing libido, but I don't understand your connection between SSRIs and sexual taste.
It could really be for a number of reasons though, I just like to analyze. :P
My eyes hurt so much because I've been staring intensively at my work computer everyday. I have a sudden thought wondering if I'll go blind because of it. I've already set my brightness and contrast both to zero and I doubt it'll help much on the long run.
Yes that's crazy Aly, so now I'm confused whether I'm attracted to male or female again. Or I could put it in such a way that I'm attracted to female emotionally but I'm attracted to male sexually?
That's the way that I feel, too, at least if I'm understanding you correctly. My fantasies about guys are mostly actually about sex and the really primal aspects of it, while my fantasies about girls are mostly centered around making out and the romance aspect. When I'm particularly aroused my male fantasies become extremely fetishy, while my female fantasies become, er, psychedelic. They're both very real attractions, and either one could seem more appealing based on your situation, they just have different demands. Why not just say you like both? You seem to have a grip on it, and the only way you'll figure out for sure which one you prefer is through experience, anyway.
heh, you'd hate my room. I always feel like the "contrast" of my world is wrong, so the brighter the lights, the better. I have 2 overhead lights and 2 lamps. All of them have 75-100 watt bulbs in them and I keep all of them on whenever I'm awake. And I STILL feel it's too "dark" sometimes. :roll:
I don't really understand sexuality. I don't tend to think about genitalia. For me, it's a completely emotional thing. Male, female, my mind doesn't care. I could love and have sex with either. I'm not even turned on unless I know and like a person. It's only for religious reasons that I'm not with a woman (or having sex with other men). Sex is (strangely) almost spiritual for me. I find it "healing" and sense indescribable "energy" from it. Back when I actually spent time around people, I would sometimes want to have sex with someone just because I felt they were somehow suffering and needed a release. About 98% of the time, sex wasn't about me or what I wanted, but about how I could make someone else feel better. Spirituality alone prevented me from being a "whore" however lol. I'm a strange one, I know :cackle:
:banana:, Link. Glad you got some GOOD news for a change!
My rant is that I'm paranoid and I HOPE to use that paranoia to quit smoking. I saw my p-doc today and complained about all of my throat mucus and he said smokers are prone to get that. That, the lungs excrete mucus as a defense mechanism. I hadn't read that anywhere, so when I got home I googled "smoker throat mucus" and I learned all about COPD. I don't have a cough. My lungs don't feel raspy in the least. But I'm losing my breath more and more easily.
I took some allergy meds earlier though. They knocked me out... but also GREATLY reduced the mucus. So I don't know what the heck it's from. Maybe it's from a combination of things.
I took a nap from 6-9:30 PM and I woke because I drooled a huge puddle :lol:
A big anti-rant is that I got a website from my p-doc. He tried giving it to me a couple weeks ago, but I misunderstood him. I thought he said "V tele". Today he wrote it down for me and it's "veetel". The site streams movies. Some of them are very recent. The only rant is that there's not much activity and there's no way of really searching what's playing at the time. So I'm "following" a few people who have line-ups that I like :) I watched "Infestation" earlier. It was friggin hilarious.
Oh, another rant about the site is that some people don't tell you what's playing at all. It's just "Media 1", 2, 3 etc. But the movie title usually appears on the movie in a corner.
I still love Hulu best of all though :smitten:
Alyzarin: Right. Wow, I miss the obvious sometimes >.> That makes sense.
Zhaylin: I know a good site... if you're curious...
Anti-rant/rave: MY HUSBAND GOT A NEW JOB!!!! Yeah! That means he's getting a hell of a lot more money than he was, with better hours and more interesting content. So now... WE HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO SAVE MONEY!!! Yay! No more living paycheck to paycheck while dipping slowly into savings! (And we budget and don't spend a lot of money on unneeded things.) Now we can finally afford a new bedspread. Or a bookshelf. And we can afford tuition without freaking out that he hasn't gotten paid back. Or maybe a rifle before these stupid gun laws get hammered out. (Now a rant) - No matter what your political slant, you have to agree that executive agreements that bypass the representatives elected by the people are total bullshit. I get that stuff happens slowly (if at all) in Congress, but those people are there for a reason.
Anyways, I'm overall very, very happy. If we live basically the same as we are living now, by the time I've graduated we will probably have enough money for a down payment on a house :)
I know I shouldn't limit love to gender but I really can't imagine myself with a guy. I can try it since it's going to be easier for me anyway but that would be against my principles if I were to enter a relationship casually for the purpose of trying. After all, I've been trying to get myself to be attracted to guys when I was younger but I realised it wouldn't work out so I started blurting out to people that I don't like guys.
Regarding sexual fantasies it's actually going down pretty much, maybe because my OCD isn't concerned about it any more and with much disappointments from life, I decided not to hope too much for anything sexual related. But I seemed to take note of guys more when my OCD was at its peek.
I'm fine with brightly lit rooms as long as the lights are not shining onto my face. I on my room lights during the day too especially if I'm going to use the computer or read. I just don't understand how some people eyes can take all the light shining from the monitor and I bet they would love to use their computer in the dark.
You should give it a try if you're adamant about quitting smoking! I'll support you. :)
Searches for "veetel" on the net and gets live streaming website instead. :roll:
Oh my, I didn't know you got a husband because I thought you are studying. *Checks Profile* Oh my you're indeed studying and you're younger than me! :shock:
Have you checked the flicker rate of your monitor? If mine is under 75, I go mad. I'm HIGHLY sensitive to flickers.
Thanks for the support. I know I SHOULD stop smoking, I just don't know if I'm at THAT point just yet.
And yeah, that's what Veetel is. To get movies, you have to search users threads under Entertainment. I'm still getting used to navigating the place.
I'm definitely interested NewArtemis :)
And :cheers: for hubby's new job.
I'm so glad that I don't truly have to worry about such things.
I hope you can get all the stuff you need and want soon :)
Anti-rants:
Just finished watching Taken2 on Veetel. I didn't catch it from the very beginning though, but it was close. Great movie except for one thing. When a certain character was being "bled", what happened to all the blood lol. And why didn't this person bleed to death afterward :roll:
I'm also 95% mucus free. I had forgotten what that's like. I took some generic decongestant earlier and that did the trick better than anything else.
Rants: But I took the meds initially because I had "mold" in my nose. I've not had that smell in a very long time and I was afraid it was going to wipe me out. The smell makes me headachey and nauseous. But I searched and found the meds and I'm okay now. 2 hours later, the sensations from the smell are still lingering, but it's no longer over-powering.
Another of my rants is Cocoa. I don't know what the heck has gotten into her. She's always peeing inside now. I leave the door open for her but she wont go out there unless I get up and walk to the kitchen (the door to outside is then in my line of sight). Is she just insecure for some strange reason? And then she turned around and pooped on the porch some time back when there was snow on the ground. When the snow melted, I discovered it.
Is she just THAT old and lazy and/or sickly now?
I had to physically pick her up and carry her out into the yard earlier. Why? Because it was super foggy?
Strange, strange dog :?
Heh that's the usual response I get :P I actually do better in school when he's around, in the dorm I was super depressed without him, and he's a good influence. Provided people aren't child-briding it up, or marrying people grossly older or younger than them, I don't really see that age should be an issue. Love and compatibility should be the main factors (the reasons for getting interested in getting married), followed by maturity (the deciding factor). If you aren't mature, I don't think you should get married. You can't be selfish, you can't be petty, you have to be able to admit mistakes, and on and on. Then you have to have the tenacity to stay married, because there will be times when you're super pissed off and want to leave each other, and maybe times where you don't love the other person anymore.
Eric and I both went into our marriage with all those things made quite clear. We do not expect that our marriage will last with love alone, and it seems like a lot of people do that. Both of us are not done maturing (should you ever be?), but we try to do well. We fight well and we make up well. He is the most compatible guy I have ever met, and he is also the one with the most admirable qualities. His parents have been married for about 35 years, mine have been married for about 30. Mine have been through the situations I have talked about, and they are also marriage mentors (so you can bet that they picked out every potential problem and talked about it... and they were right... but we work on it.) Both sets gave their blessing.
I hope that didn't sound too preachy, it wasn't my intent :P And if it helps your mental picture any, I'm turning twenty in a few days. And I'm a semester ahead in college, now counted as a junior. :)
Zhaylin: Thank you! I am incredibly happy. With college being such a drain on finances, it has been kind of hard. I'm glad we have some savings :P Your dog could be afraid of the snow, it's very interesting to watch my parents'. Of course she still pees outside (as close to the porch as she can get), but as soon as she finishes she runs back in where it's warm.