Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

But but but but skirts and dresses mean I have to sit correctly and not like I'm a truck driver after a beer T_T (yes all my skirts/dresses are short, why would you ask? :p)
I don't know if I'm ranting or raving, but my weight loss is confusing the hell out of me. I'm clumsy already and it feels like my gravity center has moved or something. And all my clothes are ill-fitting. And my fingers are all pointy and my wrists got this big bone sticking out and my ankles are all bony and idk it's WEIRD. I'm far from thin and pretty healthy, but I'm not dieting nor I've taken any sport so I don't know why I'm losing all that weight. Basicly WTF body, why u getting smaller.

Louai, have a good time with your father So sorry about the girl though. Maybe it's just the wrong time.

All of my skirts are long- ankle length is preferred If I'm not sitting on one of my feet, my legs are crossed And not just crossed normally, but crossed behind the ankle too. I'm very serpentine that way. When I'm walking, I tend to hold one of my wrists behind my back or I twine my wrists so I'm holding my own hands (behind my back) Yet I don't like form fitted, constraining clothing

My rant is that I didn't buy Celexa this week which means I've been splitting my doses and my yawns are driving me bonkers. I'm also stressing about the trip a little, wondering what I'm going to do about my e-cig and juices. I need to get on the airlines website and see what the restrictions are.

Rave: I finally just finished the side panels for the iPad case and I'm about to work on the bottom and then stitch it all together. My seams really suck. I need to practice a lot more.

Rant: One week until the trip. I need to get my laundry washed up and ready to pack... I need to fill my Gabapentin and Celexa next week and buy extra juice, coils... need to buy new socks and undies and 2 weeks worth of animal food... so much to do. Hubby better not grumble when I ask for both weeks allowance. He feels that if I'm with him, he doesn't have to give me my allowance because he'll be buying everything while we're together. Yes, dear, but I still have stuff I need to pick up. The animals still must eat while I'm away.

Rave: thanks to playing Ark, I've been dreaming about dinosaurs lately Quite the change from the zombies I normally dream about.

Hope everyone is well

Haven't been around the last couple of weeks. Hope you're all doing well, too many rants to catch up on and I'm too tired to read

Placement has been both good and terrible. They marked me bad for communication today but other days they've said I'm great. It's pretty damn hard to learn and talk to patients etc. at the same time.
You'd think they'd get that. Obviously not. Also the nurse who marked me today said think about body language etc. but pretty much any time she says anything it seems like she hates me. And when she talks to other people she's just so fake and it's obvious she doesn't care.

Oh well. I'm doing well on the actual nursing stuff. Also there's this male nurse that is like a frigging nurse god (heh, like Norse god ). He's just totally on top of everything and does stuff like twice as fast as everyone else.
Kinda intimidating though coz I'm like fuck.... now I have a new standard to try and achieve.

This one patient is funny as shit. He's old and going a little crazy and they're not letting him smoke which IMO is bullshit coz who cares he's like 80.... but anyway, he RAN so fast today to the elevator and tried to escape.
He just talks about random shit constantly as soon as you enter the room. And his voice is awesome.

Anyway.... this is basically a diary now, not even really a rant. I can't wait to be done, 2 more days. It's been good but not the kind of nursing I want to do. Really hope I get to do surgery or emergency next time.

Thank you Zhaylin. I'm kinda sure though that it didn't work out.

*whispers*I'm used to being rejected T^T*whispers*

But as my masters of.......I forgot xD.......say: Keep trying.
..........yeah, just that :p
I'm not sad though. i try to look at the positive in everything


@Meoh Yeah black rabbit was really cute. That was one of the things that i really liked about that anime.
Magical skirt that almost shows but never does xD
And the conversation on the start of ep 8 when they talked about how it's art cuz it makes the imagination run wild!! XD I loved that scene!


Speaking of skirts: @Milly yeah i never envy girls when it comes to these things xD
But hey! Short skirts are cute!..........D-Does that make you feel any better??
Also I have this problem since forever. I eat a lot and don't exercise that much, but I'm always underweight! It's like always the same height to weight ratio! It's amazing! I literally don't know at all how it feels to have a little tummy!


Rant: Well the day just started...lol nothing new.....well let's see.....I'm trying to reach masters league in CoC so I can get the 1,000 gem bonus. I need that fourth builder. I shouldn't have built that x bow though. Last time I tried to reach masters, I faced so many hard th9 bases bcz I myself built an x bow and was now equated with them. DX
I'm trying again today. Gonna keep searching for free THs. Maybe I can do this this time.

oh also, I'm downloading this dubstep mix. I sure hope net and browser don't fail me each time. 250 MB. Last time it failed near the end. 200 MB waste from that day's net share. I get only 500MB a day

Some punk ass came to me this afternoon, telling me that girl that didn't smile weren't pretty. Sorry I didn't feel the need to be pretty foy you, champ. I will look like debbie downer if I want to!
@Louai it does and they are! I'm just so used to wearing jeans that I sit like a caveman most of the time. (I'm very ladylike that way :p) but I have a braid that goes down to the top of my thighs so I'm still a princess, right?

@Milly Lol some ppl don't know what "mind thy own damn business" means XD
Also braids are very nice when done properly! That long of a braid can make wonders! I just hope you're not doing it country girl style

Rant: I'm feeling real down and bored today. Well today and yesterday. I don't feel like doing anything. Meh it'll pass. It usually doesn't take long to pass.

Mills sounds like you need to pamper yourself a bit...it is Autumn after all...soak in a warm bath...snuggle with hot chocolate...mmhmm

Rant: I have kids going crazy all day...even kids from other classes coming into my clsss Oo...then I come home to my daughter totally freaking...and proceeds to have a meltdown for third time this week... :/

to all.
*GLOMP* Tommo! I was wondering where you were hiding.
Body language is important. Paula works as a scrub taking care of mentally and physically disabled people. She got in trouble with one of her supers about a month ago. They thought she always had an attitude. I told her to watch how she walks and carries herself. A lot of times, even I think she's angry. She walks with a "purpose" and heavily. She like charges into a room lol. It makes her seem unapproachable.
But people who are outwardly phony are worse, IMHO. They're words might drip with honey and they might be smiling, but you can never tell where their intentions and heart are.

I'm naturally humble. (An oxy-moron in announcing such ) When I talk to others, I assume they're more important than me, their needs take priority etc. That doesn't mean to say I'll be a doormat, it's just I let my attention go to them. Watch your feet. Are they pointed toward or away from the person? Don't look at your watch or the clock. And smile. Not a massive, phony face eating smile, just a slight upward turn of the lips. Or even a one-sided grin (just watch that it's not cocky ) Be demure, approachable, relaxed. Be aware of the people and situations. Be ready to carry a take-charge posture when required so people don't doubt your ability.
I LOVE body language if you couldn't tell Always assume the other person can read your thoughts. Your body usually fills the thought. If you're thinking about strangling someone or about how stupid or ugly the person is, the thought usually comes across in your posture and expressions.

gah... hubby called. Gotta help him then go to the store.

Later, taters.

Finally FINISHED!
Here's my handiwork.
iPadCaseB.jpgSheetzLanyard.jpg

I have one strap I transfer between lanyards.
Now I just have to make a strap for my iPad case. i didn't learn spacing as well as I thought. The iPad fits perfectly but the Dollar Tree case/cover is too big.
The case took a total of around 52 colored bags and 9 walmart bags for the sides and bottom panels. Each large panel took around 8 1/2 hours and the sides/bottom about 2 each. whip stitching it all together took a couple hours. So, about 26 hours of work and maybe $1. for the canvas. The bags were free unless you count just how many times I've eaten there to accumulate so many bags

@Zhaylin

That is so cool! I know you do these kinds of handy works, and you're good. I really really like the one on the left.

Also, I've read and watched lots of lectures on body language. I know what you mean. I try to be bodily approachable as much as I can in public. The first thing I practiced was walking confidently. It actually pays off. Ppl read that and I seemed to receive more respect and admiration.
Also watching other's body language to tell if they're interested or not is a thing i do when i talk to ppl. These things are surprisingly easy to do cuz most ppl are transparent when it comes to postures.

Rant: Going to my dads on saturday, not today. I know that when you get rejected for a friday date, you call a friend and get wasted in the pub, but since neither me nor any of my friends drink, imma waste my sorrow with some snacks and anime xD
Pat me on the head, guys. T^T
Well I'm already back on track though. Tried talking to a cutie in college today. Of course i was a gentleman and respectful and didn't freak her out, but I got rejected again TvT but it's just a matter of time. I should stop trying to find a gf like this, though. I should try after I get to know the girl so then I would be sure about her personality. But on an unrelated note, when I was exiting the campus, there was this cute girl sitting all lonely and sad in a building corner, and then I saw some guy standing a bit far just staring at her. A creep. I so wanted to punch him in the face lol but I just walked by and left. He can't do anything to her really. There is security there, and that spot has a good amount of ppl traffic. Not to say that I would punch him in the face if there was no security. I'm not that much of a hero xD

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

Skinny jeans comfortable. What have you been smoking I'm waiting for the world to wake up and realize how perfect skirts and dresses are. I feel suffocating and itchy in anything else.
Much success on your exam and grats on your transfer And major grats for finally kicking that infections butt!

Well skirts or dresses aren't really my thing.

And thank you, I'll need it!! I know I can pass but I just need to stay focused and try not to stress too much (even though I already know that I'm going to be nervous as hell).

Rant: So my placement just called my parents and my teacher, and they don't want me to leave? Apparently I was such a good co-worker, but my evaluation was pure shit? And my teacher promised me she was gonna arrange a new placement for me, but now it seems like she's not really up for it anymore. If she's picking the company's side over me, I'm just gonna drop out of year 13 honestly.

Am in a foul mood again for second day running...my daughters continual meltdowns and stress at work have led to me being completely drained of energy and emotion.
Also compounded with a feeling of failure...when I can't even get a lucid. :/

Zhaylin your cover looks cool...i'm gonna crawl inside it...n hide

Sorry to hear that Crashyy, my only advice would be to burn the place down, I don't think i'm being so constructive right now

I need a hug.

Hmmm now I realise why im so down, its Autunm , and its the leaves, how could I have forgotten. The colours of the leaves make me think of New England. A close friend of mine left to go live back home in NE. Something happened and I never heard from them again. It wasnt a happy time.
Sync my daughter is singing cry tho your heart is broken in her bedroom...

@Meoh

DW about the lucids. It took me 2.5 months to get my first, and after that it was maybe like 1 LD a month. Or 2. It gets better with more practice. Just stay consistent and take it easy. Don't burn yourself out.

There's a force in the universe that makes things happen. And all you have to do is get in touch with it, stop thinking, let things happen, and be the Dream.
I've been busy..

Lauraw glad your back....I hear what you saying...I agree totally...I just lose my way when I do think and I get distracted from the path...a bit like Dorothy in the wizard of Oz. But without the high production budget and without toto (I'm a cat person myself), but definitely with the flying monkeys and witches.
So yes I go for the no thinking bit when I get the chance and only then find peace and clarity.

Rant: My uncle is coming to stay over for a week or two. He is coming for a visit from london. Problem is we have only one bedroom, and so he'll sleep in living room where i usually sleep. I'll have to sleep in the bedroom......with my mother, sister and brother........yeah.........shit.....Also I can't head right back home in the morning since he's here, so it's gonna be a long wait each day until he's gone.......sorry uncle but your existence in my reality is simply inconvenient TvT

Trying to see the band Blind Guardian next week. Really hoping I'm able to go. Haven't been to a big concert in quite a long time!

Spoiler for Rant 1:

A co-worker apparently was irritated that I gave a customer $1.00 off since the digital app for selecting their coupons didn’t go through. We were getting heavy traffic pretty soon if she made the checker wait there any longer, and she does this patronizing, motioning gesture for me to come to her. She professed that she was in the process of showing the customer of getting their pin number set up, but she wasn’t cognizant of the fact that it takes at least 15 minutes, or so, to get the account set up. Ergo, the checker would be waiting longer than intended to reach the same impasse with the processing along with 2-3 disgruntled customers that would be screaming at us for not getting this done and over with.

For me taking off $1.00 their order to get them out as quickly, friendly, and efficiently as I can, she expresses this patronizing disposition with a visage as if she’s going to prowl on me. She prefers that customer going through so many layers of equivocation as to why they have to wait that long for a coupon is pragmatic. She gives me the detached justification that if we take it off just like that, what would be the point of the digital app. So instead of patronizing her with some existential nihilism as to why it’s utterly meaningless for there to be an app, I just did a clever conversation of playing dumb, and asking her on the workflow of what to do next time until she feigned that kind disposition.

The ultimate objective for the role is to simply alleviate traffic, and utilize whatever workflows and authority you have to get it done. Think like the customer is the initiative instead of thinking about the customer. It’s clear that from her gesture and disposition at the time, she has some kind of conflict with me that doesn’t cater to her textbook logic. I ended up talking to the manager in charge who agreed that what she was doing wasn’t sound logic whatsoever; just make the customer happy.

If I started to humiliate her by informing the customer why they had to wait so long for one fucking dollar off, along with the more despicable disposition of how utterly incompetent she was in wasting more time than needed, I probably would’ve gotten in trouble. But, I would’ve had sound logic to justify my actions. She has moments of consternation in general with getting things right, and I thought I was the perfectionist, but I was proven wrong. Just think on the fly based on the circumstances, and understand that the store leadership completely understands that you bended the rules just a bit, especially for one fucking dollar off. If it was more than 10 bucks, then yes, it would be understandable for her to be irritated, but why bother wasting your energy expressing a demeanor that feels that I did something wrong when I didn’t?

My higher-ups informed me gently that I should be more serious, but this was for a different circumstance. However, the last time I was serious before shifting to this location ended up with me talking to the unit director, and him saying how I can get in a lot of trouble if I’m like that. My boss in this one wants us as managers to treat each other as best friends, and I’m sure friends don’t motion their finger demanding you to come to them. It seems that the next time she foams in her mouth for a trivial amount, I will ultimately have to make a complete 180 in my working persona, which is the last thing I wanted since everything was running so smoothly.

On a positive note, my bosses want me to be prepared to move higher in potentially being a store leader. But with where I am now, it seems I can’t have a neutral disposition that fixates mostly on work ethic vs. trivial, petty things like a $1.00 off coupon. Are you fucking kidding me? You work for 9 years, and think having someone wait for one fucking dollar is a better normative work ethic vs. just giving it to them, and then shifting them to an empty register where they can get a 1 on 1 interaction vs. disgruntled customers giving us the dead eye?

I’m saving up for a punching bag in the future.

Spoiler for Rant 2:

Somehow, a relative thinks I’m contributing to my vehicle breaking down every now and then when it was the mobile mechanic would fucked up on a big job just to get a seal in place. They completely ignore the fact that how they find problems with the vehicle via their “ears” is not a sound thought process at all vs. going to an established one that has all of the utilities to pinpoint it, albeit a higher labor cost and what have you. I would’ve had to fork over $1,300 for labor and another $1,300 for the engine part that wasn’t even the issue; it was the transmission. So along with that amount, it would at least be $1,000, and the worst part:

- I’m not even pissed off of how much I would’ve paid for this, but the fact that the relative didn’t inform me that it wasn’t the engine that was the issue. I had to get that info from someone else, and I quickly realized that they don’t have the type of decency to at least apologize over how they acted when I didn’t have enough cash at the time to get something fixed that didn’t even need to be fixed. They’re so predisposed in making me the scapegoat in general, because somewhere in their head, they have an infantile concept of me. But I digress, it’s my fault for making them think that way since I usually act that way to make them feel at ease since they already went through hell in their life. But not being able to forgive, and apologize for wasted expressions of blaming, and figuring out who was the culprit of the conflict with the vehicle is just something I’m completely disappointed in.

- I know I have to work out certain idiosyncrasies with my overall behavior just like anyone else, but not informing me at all, and having the thought process of how it’s still my fault is not flourishing at all.

- I almost died in an accident a few weeks ago with said mobile mechanic who drove way too fast in heavy rain. We ended up in a ditch where he was going crazy about his existence coming to an end while I was just chuckling with a "ya-dun-fucked-up" mindset while the water slowly crept up on us. I was the one assuring to him that we’re still alive, and being the nice guy instead of getting an attorney for his demonic, speedster-esque fetish.

- He gets in an accident with a bus driver, and gets paid for the injury vs. little children potentially getting killed, and the relative still favors him as the victim.

- He also rammed the back of my vehicle to the front of his while trying to repair the car; he's gotten way too comfortable, honestly.

I just don’t know anymore, but I’m glad I typed it out, and I know how I should assess myself with them. To continue loving them in spite of their constant predispositions of treating me as the scapegoat, and just patiently augment the income, eventually leave them, and wish them well; none of this grudge over transient, petty issues.

I've unofficial (indirectly) been told that the company I work for approved my application for tuition reimbursement. I'm not entirely sure yet of all the details, but I think once I sign my life away (for 2 years) I'll have a $25,000 or so check coming my way. Yeah, that's OK.

I kind of wanted to leave for a more laid-back work environment, but what's 2 more years tacked on to the 8 I've already spent there? Besides, I'll be making more cash on the new position, I've already accumulated some vacation time, and... yea... almost free education.

And since I've been there several years already, I'll probably be able to grab a 1st shift job easily. A couple years ago, I didn't even want to consider working 1st shift. A couple years ago, I loved 3rd shift. Now... I'm counting the days until I can get off 3rd shift and never work a night shift ever again. About 4-8 more months, I'll guess.


That's a good rave. Rant... um... I can't complain after that.

LinkZelda those people sound very petty/annoying/blinkered unfortunately there are a lot of them about, and I know what you mean about fixed mindsets I get that all the time at work. I generally just ignore it outwardly but am totally disbelieving inside, of it all.

Sefalik glad things are looking up.

LouaiB almost the answer I was going to give LinkZelda: Family Oo "can't live with um ..can't live with out them" or is that "!can't live with um...can't live with um"

I haven't posted anything here for a long time though I've been lurking. I wish I had confidence in my work like I had back in school. Nowadays anything I see or hear seems to be lowering whatever confidence I have bit by bit. While I'm working on an illustration, I may see something really good on the internet and then I don't feel like continuing the project because I'm not as talented as whoever made that. Some days I can't get myself to start on a project because so many people are better than me. I'm scared to show my work to anyone because one negative feedback brings back all the negatives ones I've ever heard in my life and they keep playing in my mind on repeat until I convince myself that I'm an utter failure.

Anju, that sounds very familiar to me, I have a pretty negative mindset...but then that's why i'm into the whole LDing thing to try and get over that.
Your art seems pretty amazing to me...if they're is someone better that doesn't mean you have to stop/dredd...
If you applied that to every sport in the world then no one would play football etc etc
Enjoy what you do, and make a statement about who you are! I think your art does that already, its beautiful.

One of reasons I love being a teacher is I get to do Art ,mostly whenever I feel like it or am bored

Originally Posted by Anju

I can't get myself to start on a project because so many people are better than me. I'm scared to show my work to anyone because one negative feedback brings back all the negatives ones I've ever heard in my life and they keep playing in my mind on repeat until I convince myself that I'm an utter failure.

Forgive me if this is unsolicited advice:

- I face something like this where I go to other forums, and look at all of the artists, especially for 3D-Modelling. I had the same problems where I felt posting my personal projects were inferior. And before that, there was a community that I tried to post artwork in, and it just got negative ratings that were so abysmal. I tried to foster unconditional positive reinforcement in seeing the criticism as an opportunity to just get better, and try to go back to the rudiments. In this case, it was how to sculpt a face.

- I re-evaluated my standards of creating something, and realized that action-to-id, i.e., my actions solely justifying what I see myself as an artist, or even as a human being, shouldn’t really be confined on seeking satisfaction of people complimenting, and potentially circle-jerking off of something I did. I just had to be in a different environment where people fixated on the concept at hand to help build the artwork vs. the ad hominem, and personal attacks of a person’s competency in general.

- I detest sites like deviant art because it seems like a massive circlejerk, and me referring to it as a guidepost would just lead to a dead-end, especially when people favor fan art, and things of that nature vs. something more abstract, personal, etc.

- People in other forums that used to be critical of me started professing that I’m showing improvement, and even in cases in other sites that solely fixated on criticism vs. constructive criticism. Their words are merely supplements, but aren’t my only guidepost, because if they weren’t to exist, I would lack one, and question the meaning of wanting to do anything related to art at all.

- So, like what MeohMyoh mentioned, I use lucid dreaming as my guidepost to eventually express myself in the future. I feel there’s more potency with dreaming as it’s something that occurs on a nightly basis that we can be inspired from. The only thing that gets in my way is wanting to recall it all since I’ve been demotivated in being militant on that in spite of being lucid frequently. Another guidepost I have is personal image-streaming sessions where there always seems to be a concept to be made, it’s just that I have to seize the information, and note it down to debrief myself later on if I want to draw the concept, sculpt it, and maybe even animate it.

- I think those two guideposts I made for myself exemplify the path I want to walk down, and their existence isn’t as transitory since as long as I’m capable of recalling dreams (hope I don't get a lobotomy), or typing down my mind’s eye visualization for inspiration, I would less likely implode on myself because they’re things I can reconcile with. The criticism, constructive or not, from others is something I structure with the mindset that:

- “Yeah, my work may be shit in context of other people’s schemata of how one “ought” to art, and there may be things I can learn from the criticism, but it’s not my guidepost as it’s merely a supplement towards the bigger picture.” I’m not saying I’m an art guru, or anything, but there is a satisfaction when I got a little better in facial anatomy, for example. I’m still progressively learning, but the path makes it fun, and having a futuristic framework of those guideposts still being there makes it more fun.

- I like your artwork, and I’m really shit when it comes to painting colors. Years back, my art teacher said I was pretty good with colors, but with how she painted in general, there was always an inferiority complex getting in my way. Each artwork a person is doing is adding on to their personal story in their quotidian lifestyle. Just because one person seems more competent in anatomy, or knows how to make a better stroke better than you, me, or anyone else, doesn’t mean it has to be part of the story you’re going through; it’s not an end-all be-all integration that you must follow, or you may implode on your very foundations, I think.

Originally Posted by MeohMyoh

LinkZelda those people sound very petty/annoying/blinkered unfortunately there are a lot of them about, and I know what you mean about fixed mindsets I get that all the time at work. I generally just ignore it outwardly but am totally disbelieving inside, of it all.

Yeah, there’s a lot of internal screaming going on, but it’s a testament that I should be more serious with them so they won’t capitalize on my neutrality for the sake of getting things done.

@Anju

While I'm working on an illustration, I may see something really good on the internet and then I don't feel like continuing the project because I'm not as talented as whoever made that. Some days I can't get myself to start on a project because so many people are better than me. I'm scared to show my work to anyone because one negative feedback brings back all the negatives ones I've ever heard in my life and they keep playing in my mind on repeat until I convince myself that I'm an utter failure.

UGH!! I get that when making music too!!! I would take a break every hour when working on a project, and maybe open YT to watch something. Then. THEN. The intro songs they put!!! Or when I download a mix and listen to it and every song is better than the one before. So then when I return it's like "Ehhhh I'm far from them."

It's weird cuz this really started only like a month ago. It was very strong in a period before but I managed to control it. Now after a year and a few months of hard work I feel like I'm burnt out. It'll take so much more time and effort to match them that it seems not worth it. I know this is just a period bcz my love for music is too strong to care about how good i am. I'm still gonna make music. There is so much to be explored and enjoyed. So really lately, after listening to motivational talks, I just decide that even if I'm terrible, I do music for myself and my own enjoyment. So basically, the quality doesn't matter. What matters is my passion and love of every track I work on. It's just impractical to compare oneself to others. Heck, even pros still feel jealous of all the skills the other pros have that they don't. It simply never ends if you allow it to start. So yeah, motivational talks. Listen to them.


Rant: I just got off of the phone with a person who needed a teacher for their 8th grade daughter. Math and english. There are my fav subjects and the easiest for me. But, she said she wanted a female teacher. I was like "ok, np, i understand. Goodbye" but after the call, all I could think was "facepalm. What kind of mother doesn't even allow for a male teacher to approach her daughter. That is sexist and destructive for the child.". I mean, what am I, a child molester?! Lol but this mindset is pretty common here. I wasn't surprised one bit.

Rave: I made a chord progression + melody today. I'm thinking of how to develop it into a full track with some meaning; a theme. I most probably will download some anime episode and sample a vocal