Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

Way to go Link! As long as working with (or in some way tied to) family wont be a problem in the long term, go for which ever you like most. Sounds very promising!

Concerned Hilarity: the puppy stole a squeaky dog ball from somewhere. I saw it when I came home from dropping off the girls. I'm in good spirits and energy today, so I started stepping on the ball to make it squeak. Kierra started shivering and got anxiously playful. The puppy seemed concerned. I then spoke with my son some and when I turned around, the ball was gone. The pup moved it to the kitchen behind me. I stepped on it some more and he started blocking my foot, then carried the ball off into my room.

When I got to the room, I tried stepping on it and the pup guarded it again, but growled at my foot.
I hate noisy toys. I never buy them. I've bought the dogs frizbees and bounce balls and chew toys, but they've never been interested in them. I just thought they weren't one for toys but liked walking, running and rough-housing instead.

I then got out the dogs treats. I made the pup sit (errrr, sort of lol). I distracted him with the treat then picked up the toy. I gave him a treat, pet him, gave him his toy. I repeated it a few times so he wouldn't be so possessive and anxious. I imagine I'll have to repeat that a few more times....
and then go to the neighbor behind us and ask if they lost a toy. I hear a small dog outside barking, so it likely came from there.
And then I'll buy the pup his own. As far as squeak goes, it's not too obnoxious.

Rant: I showered the pup which only made him smell worse It reactivated the skunk oil. I even washed him in Dawn dish soap, and not even that could cut the oil

Rave: I took a Vyvance today (which is why I'm in good spirits and energy). But I've been sitting down and then typing for some 15 minutes now, and my pulse is 110 I guess I can't have everything

Blah... soooooo sleepy. I crashed at 3:30AM and woke at 8:30 I woke up straight from dreams because I felt my protection failing (period). And I woke feeling extra strange. My skin felt numb everywhere.
I ate some mushroom bisque for breakfast, finished watching Private Practice (2 episodes), ate some Tapioca, got on Gems til it made me fall asleep (15 minutes ) and now it's noon and I'm ready to go back to sleep.
I want to take a caffeine pill and try to make myself stay awake, but that only has about a 15% chance of actually working.

Rant: I'm stuck on taxi duty for up to 2 more weeks. There was a hiccup with the insurance and she has to reapply

Rant: I still feel sort of numbed. Not quite in a disassociation sort of way but close. My skin just doesn't feel quite right.

Rant: I think the Dr messed up my CPAP settings. He was supposed to have cranked up the pressure but it always felt the same. I switched the setting from 5minutes to auto and it says my pressure is "6". It was previously 7. I just don't know. I had nearly 6 episodes of apnea, an hour last night That's the worst I've done in a long time.

Going back to bed...

Being back at university has been pretty nice. Still 2 weeks until classes start, so I guess it's a little boring as well, but I've been trying to use the time productively by setting up my room and preparing for the incoming semester. At the moment I have a few goals, they include: getting back into lucid dreaming, not biting my nails anymore, losing the weight I put on while I was at home, and just to apply myself more in general.

Tomorrow I'm going to be trying a sensory deprivation tank for the first time (not sure if you guys are familiar with them) I'm looking pretty forward to it. I think it'll be at the very least, an interesting experience.

Hope everyone is well, talk soon!

Being back at university has been pretty nice. Still 2 weeks until classes start, so I guess it's a little boring as well, but I've been trying to use the time productively by setting up my room and preparing for the incoming semester. At the moment I have a few goals, they include: getting back into lucid dreaming, not biting my nails anymore, losing the weight I put on while I was at home, and just to apply myself more in general.

Tomorrow I'm going to be trying a sensory deprivation tank for the first time (not sure if you guys are familiar with them) I'm looking pretty forward to it. I think it'll be at the very least, an interesting experience.

Hope everyone is well, talk soon!

Yuppie, enjoy the productivity and the deprivement (? lol). An old member here, Tommo, used to make his own tanks. He was having a lot of trouble with it but always seemed excited.

I took another Vyvanse at 2PM yesterday. Being on Taxi duty is killing me, my sleep, my everything. I took it too late in the day, though and couldn't sleep last night I laid down, on my iPad, at 10 this morning. My pulse was racing wildly. Meh. I'm used to my pulse being fast and weird. But then I started having intense chest pain. "Chill your britches or you'll make yourself anxious and make it worse." So I ignored it, played my games and then caught myself saying "excuse me". I farted pretty loudly lol. And then I burst out laughing because my chest pain went away.


I swear, I better never have a heart attack. I get gas pain so terribly that I'll have pains shoot down my arms. What the friggin heck?

I stayed up all day today so I could pick my daughter up from work. 30 minutes before I had to leave, her wife came back to tell me someone else was giving her a ride home I could have slept all that time lol
I got up, threatened everyone NOT to disturb me. I was FINALLY going to sleep (5PM) and I was going to sleep until noon tomorrow. I woke up at 10:30

Oh well.

Rave: I placed an order, on-line, for a bunch of different e-juices. All in all, I'm getting about 90 ml for $35. (plus $5. for shipping). At my local store, I pay about $23. for 30 ml. I am SO excited about my order.

Rave-ish: the girls get to play hooky from work tomorrow. The roads are too flooded with all the rain we've been getting.

Rant: the puppy came limping into my room earlier. He was even "crying" (he produces tears when he's upset). I can't see or feel anything out of place. My daughter finally figured out that he probably hurt it from the recliner. It's a very old chair. The dogs dug and chewed a hole into it and the animals like the sleep in it. There might be a spring or something that he got his paw stuck in.

Rant: Our front door is broken. It won't close. The pins, on the hinge, look broken. Once the rain slacks off, we're going to try to hammer them back in place. Gah!

I hope everyone is well

I got my e-juices quickly and already put in a second order (I still have left over, I just wanted bigger bottles). They're okay juices. They tend to "pop" more when vaping so I changed the VP/PG ratios on this new order to see if that helps.

Curiosity: Right before I fell asleep this morning, I had a really weird pain. It was high up on my outer left thigh. It wasn't a Charlie Horse or a spasm. It was just a cramp that tinged then got increasingly worse with severe pain in the span of moments. Then it was gone. Completely. Just like *that*. If I apply forceful pressure to the area, it's slightly sore. But only slightly. I've never had that pain before so it was really weird.

Rave: I fell in love with Altered Carbon on Netflix.

Rave: No more taxi duty for me. The girls got their insurance.

Rave-ish: I'm playing WoW again... so I could play with my youngest daughter. I've gotten 2 toons to level 25, one to 21 and a Death Knight to 57 (starts at 55 though, so ) and I've only played with her once. For about 30 minutes to run a dungeon Oh well. I'm loving the game again, even if I am all by my lonesome (how I prefer to play anyhow, so it's all good).

Rant: I'm fairly certain Mojo did die in the vents. There's a slight smell of death near my room.

Rant: I have been in a very foul mood for the last 3 days for no reason whatsoever.

Curiosity: I've been sleeping amazingly well. I was falling asleep by 11 and awake by 7 for some 2 weeks. But I still needed caffeine pills to make it through the day and by 7PM I felt ready to pass out My CPAP has been scoring me at 77-100 with fewer apnea episodes. Why am I still so friggin exhausted? And why am I so crabby? My vision's ... and there's my answer. I'm working on a migraine. Light is off. My vision is weird. My mood is foul. But a three day advance notice? Bah!!

Life is otherwise quiet and fine. Hope everyone out there in DV is good

**EDIT**
I have no idea what's going on with my brain. I just googled migraines and found auras. My visual disturbances are nothing cool like the ones I found. It's just that my eyes are slightly harder to focus, so images are slightly blurry. The biggest problem is that the "contrast" seems wrong for the world. As if light isn't "bright" enough.
Furthermore, auras are very short lived from what I skimmed. A three day warning doesn't make sense.
Meh... one more puzzle to piece together

Curiosity: This morning I recalled something the Allergy Dr. said. I woke to find myself picking my nose as I do most mornings (um, yeah) when I recalled he said I had a slightly deviated septum. So I wondered if my morning habit could cause it. It can't. (thank you, Google, once again). It's even actually associated with Ehlers-Danlos. Huh.
It can cause headaches. I've had headaches, to varying degrees, nearly every single day for my entire life since around puberty. One side of my nose constantly feels clogged. It can also cause sleep apnea.
I see the Allergy Dr. on Thursday (I think- it might be the Gastro Dr.), but I definitely have to remember to ask more about this!!!

Rant: I have a bruise on my side.

What did you do to yourself, IC? Hope it goes away soon

I dreamed (the night of the weird cramp) that the entire underside of my thighs were severely bruised. I was concerned and was going to ask a Dr about it. But then I wondered, in the dream, if it was because I barely move. If it's sort of like blood pooling to one side of the body after a person dies It never occurred to me that the cramp caused the dream until now. When I woke up I had to look myself over

Rave: It is the Allergy Dr I see tomorrow I just hope the rash on back of my neck doesn't disappear by then. I've been lightly scratching at it from time to time to keep it irritated. I'm sure the rash is similar to what I get on my scalp and I want him to SEE it and identify it so I can finally and properly treat the annoyances. And I can't recall if I wrote about this or not,but I also have a cyst, bug bite, or something behind my right ear. I tried silver nitrating it last night but the sticks are so old they're worthless. I'm going to have him look at that too. It's teensy tiny though but as hard as a pebble.

Rant: I went out for lunch earlier and realized my car's inspection sticker died in January I hope I don't get pulled over before Friday or Saturday. That's when I'm getting my oil changed and I'll have them inspect the car then too. The sticker's only $12. something so it's not bad... just annoying that we have to do it to begin with and annoying that I never even noticed lol.

Blah: I need to get off my rump and make a new lanyard. I finished 2 panels, but meh, I used yarn and it's just not as durable as hemp... but I don't want to start over... but I really need to... but...

Rant: .... teeny tiny skin tags. They're flat, barely visible and all over the side of my neck... where the strap of my lanyard rubs. Wearing a lanyard every single day for some 3+ years seems to have side effects. At least, I'm 99.9% certain the lanyard is to blame. I truly hate carrying my mod around though. It is so much nicer just to wear it. Perhaps I could make a new strap and line it with "silk" or something. Yet, that would require learning how to do something else and I really don't feel like getting into all of that again. My brain needs a break (A break probably the LAST thing my brain actually needs but I still don't feel like it).

Curiosity: I think WoW might be causing my headachy symptoms. The game's too dark. I need to google how to change the gamma or brightness because it just isn't obvious under settings.

Meh... it was much of the same 'ole (nothing) at the Allergy Dr. He did confirm that the knot behind my ear was a cyst. He was... not quite appalled, maybe more feigned (what's the present possessive of appalled lol...) ?, that I used silver nitrate sticks to rid myself of the last one I had on my chin. He went on a spill about what I was actually doing, but I'm quite well aware. I still think silver nitrate sticks are one of the best inventions ever- when used responsibly and kept away from your eyes.

I told him I seem to be "allergic" to clean because I break out in hives after washing clothes but that the problem ends after a couple days. He told me to try Ivory Flakes- that it doesn't get your clothes very clean (if they're soiled) but it's extremely gentle.
He said I need to use a steroid cream on the rashes on my face and that I should see a dermatologist for special shampoo.
He's scheduling an appointment for skin testing and I return to him in 4 months.

I ran my hubby to get his car inspected and I made an appointment for my own for tomorrow which is a huge relief.

In other news, we lost one of our trash cans. The kids leave them down at the road for too long. Tonight, the wind is gusting to 40mph. One of the cans was found, but the other has vanished. I couldn't even find it when I drove around. Maybe it'll turn up in the light of day.

Blah.

About 3 days ago, I woke with a "knot" in my back- somewhere between my spine and shoulder blade.
Well, it's not a knot but a full blown pulled muscle
The only thing I can think of is the puppy is constantly in and out of my bedroom which means I'm constantly reaching behind myself to shut the door behind him. I must have done something weird to my muscle then made it worse by trying to pop my upper back and stretch the "knot" out
I could barely sleep last night, it bothered me so much. I ended up dragging out my heating pad, but the pulled muscle is in such a weird spot that it was hard to keep the heat on it.

Rave: I finally finished my lanyard yesterday I even made a special trip to the store on Saturday night just so I could buy some more hemp for it lol
Here's the process
Attachment 9854

Here's the finished product
<a href="https://imgur.com/I6zyoBn"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/I6zyoBn.jpg" title="source: imgur.com" /></a>

Now let's see if I copied the right links...
I did not lol. Grrr...

I would edit and attempt some more but....
... for some reason, on all browsers, DV is being dial-up slow.

Hope everyone is well.

-Fixed my sleep schedule
-Set alarm for WBTBs
-Did RCs erryday and wrote them down
-Did meditation twice per day

Still getting scummy high school anxiety dreams. Thats a rant in and of itself and extremely frustrating.

-+-

Also I'm in a new roleplay and I just found out the GM has zero clue how to run a good RP. I should probably call him a counductor rather than a GM because its terribly evident this story is on rails. Any time someone does something that opposes their secret grand plan for how the story is going to go even a little bit he kills their character or puts an unkillable characters. He gave one of the antagonists a bunch of new powers they did not have prior just to kill off my main character because she had an item on her person that she shouldn't have had because it could give her power. Then he gave the other players a power up out of nowhere so they could beat back the newly powered up antagonist, then took away their power up after the battle. Safe to say I quit because there are no questions that this GM is a control freak who isn't giving us any choice or direction for the story. I expressed my qualms but have yet to receive a reply.

Also Said GM did the equivalent of "Human-Covenant War Day 1: The high carity defense fleet arrives at reach on Earth and Reach and master Chief is killed by the first elite he fights while the entirety of Noble Team are there to protect him." Then had the gall to get mad at me later when I retreated from a fight after we'd established the enemy was (as you could tell) on a completely other level than my forces.

-+-

Amazon delayed my programming textbook a whole month for who knows why when I had 2-day delivery. Now I'm a whole month behind in a class.

I would raise a ruckus about those books, Jade. There's no excuse for them to be THAT behind.
That GM would make me furious.

for your anxiety dreams but grats on all the rest!!

I've been trying to screw up my sleep schedule, but it seems to have stuck I don't want to fall asleep until 3-4AM so I can get back into walking at 1AM. But nope. I'm asleep by 1:30AM at the latest.

Rant: My back is still killing me. But it bothers me mostly when I'm reclining in bed or laying down to sleep. I can still carry stuff, move and do everything I usually do So (drum roll, please), I googled it It seems I have a pulled Rhomboid muscle. It's caused by lots of things (mostly athletic which don't apply to me lol), but the likely cause for mine (other than closing the door after pup), is sleeping on my side and poor computer posture. It'll take at least a couple weeks to heal. 1/4 of Valium didn't help much at all last night, so I'll be taking 1/2 tonight.

Rave: I am SO happy to have my lanyard back... and good juices... and a reliable source to buy from. I also threw together a decent Vanilla/Clove blend as well as an almost nice York Peppermint Patty blend. My only complaint with that one is the after taste. It sort of lingers like fake sugar or very dark chocolate (a bit too bitter and "off")

Hmmm... I might not want to take 1/2 Valium tonight. Need to google if it ?? hinders breathing. I had one of my worst apnea nights last night.

Concern: Hubby complained last night that my allowance is too steep and he'll "try it for a couple more weeks". $200. a week has been an IMMENSE relief. I get what I need (meds, gas, animal food, food for myself) and I've been able to get some wants too (e-juice, Hulu, Flixify, WoW). I love not having to scrape by anymore. Going back to the way things are when I'm paying back debt is going to be miserable.
BUT, if Flixify turns out to be legit and long-standing I can get rid of Hulu which will save $15-ish a month.

Rant: I need to wake up extra early one day this week to take my car to Walmart for my oil change.

Blah.

There was mixed info about Valium and sleep apnea, but hey, the machine is breathing for me so I gave it a go anyhow. I went from 4.6 events per hour (4.44 hrs total) to 6.5 events (4.45 hrs). And that was just and increase of 1/4. And I have no idea how well or poorly I did after I took my machine off (it makes my nose itchy so I tend to take it off in my sleep). I actually slept from 2:30-9AM. I tossed and turned so much, FitBit says I only got 5 1/2 hrs of sleep.

To further confuse and annoy matters, the valium is so old, I don't know how much good it's doing. I woke in agony today. BUT, if it's not helping as a muscle relaxer could it really make the apnea worse and if not, is the pain contributing then?
I woke up wanting to go straight to the Dr. But, really, what can they do other than give me better meds? Nothing. Rest and recovery is the only cure.
And Ibuprofen. I need to start taking that more regularly.
Friggin ridiculous.

I'm very cranky about it... but also somewhat optimistic. If anything can mess up my sleep schedule, it's this. Maybe it would be best to try to sleep in shifts again. I took a nap the other day and slept wonderfully. Perhaps 8+ hours laying on the muscle is too much but 2-4 is okay.

Rave: It's snowing. Great big, fluffy fat snows

Originally Posted by 101Volts

Considering Father's had stomach surgery for an ulcer and has been recovering, nice things are going on here.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

101Volts, I hope your father recovers completely and quickly.

(Continued from Page 761 in October.)

Father seems much better lately. He hasn't had coffee for months now either, he used to drink maybe 2 cups a day and he'd have lemon water frequently enough. He worried over me too much despite me (and others) telling him "Don't worry!" so I wonder how much each thing contributed to the situation.

So glad he’s doing better, Volts! And yeah, all those things could have played a role (well, I’m not sure about lemon water- not very familiar with it’s role with ulcers). I hope you’re doing well too.

Rant: I am extra sick. Not well in the least. I’ve spent the better part of the last 2 days in bed. My shoulder seems MUCH recovered. But now I’m working n a cold or something. Seriously, body Not only a cold, however, but another flipping “migraine”, allergy eyes, extreme lower back pain AND adrenaline surges. The last 2 are from my own stupidity and they should resolve in a day or two.

I called in my Cymbalta yesterday, only to be to,d there were no refills left. Great. I ran out 2 days ago. I called my p-doc straight away but he had already left for the day. He called it in for me today and they were picked up tonight. Going without for even 12 hours brings on the surges. I always forget it also keeps the lower back pain at bay (by and large).

Miserable, miserable me
I am SO sick of being in bed at this point in time. I feel like barfing.

Seriously, can’t I go at least 1 month without feeling like crap at one point in time or another lol. You’d think I was 80 years old. My hubby is friggin 73 and HE’S not as poorly off as I am most of the time

Rave: I’m in love with a new show called “the Good Doctor”.

I took a break from this forum. I haven't been doing too good mentally lately. But recently I have started reading positive affirmations to myself. And I even made one up tonight which is 'I am calm'. Affirmations seem to be really helping me even with my dreams. I had 2 nights of lucid dreaming last night and the night before. I'm learning that I don't want to stay stuck in the past anymore... I'm going to a community college taking MIDI. I'm doing great on my assignments. I have a question. About each time I load this site in my browser (Chrome) it redirects me. Might I have a virus or do any of you suggest I use a different browser or is that new? (Edit I tried a different browser but it does the same thing...)

Originally Posted by oneiroer

I took a break from this forum. I haven't been doing too good mentally lately. But recently I have started reading positive affirmations to myself. And I even made one up tonight which is 'I am calm'. Affirmations seem to be really helping me even with my dreams. I had 2 nights of lucid dreaming last night and the night before. I'm learning that I don't want to stay stuck in the past anymore... I'm going to a community college taking MIDI. I'm doing great on my assignments. I have a question. About each time I load this site in my browser (Chrome) it redirects me. Might I have a virus or do any of you suggest I use a different browser or is that new? (Edit I tried a different browser but it does the same thing...)

Where do you get redirected? To DV through Cloudflare? If so, that's by design. If not, could you please post in meta, so we can look into this?

And welcome back, glad that the affirmations are helping. Setting the intent is not placebo, it's a real thing. You are, what you think you are. Good luck!

yes dreamviews and its cloudflare. thanks for letting me know its normal and thanks for your response gab.

I keep getting the redirect "verifying setting" sort of thing. I just figured it's a new thing with DV.
My problem is that DV has been so SLOW. It's much faster than it was last week, but it's still slower than usual.

Oneiroer (and woot/woot, I remembered how to spell your name without peeking )
Sad to hear about the anxiety. Glad the affirmations are working. As Gab said, you are what you think you are.

If you start the day smiling- even if you don't want to- you'll find yourself smiling naturally throughout the day. People always tell me "Bah, I'm NOT going to fake it." But they forget the rest of the current saying "fake it til you make it."
Or, perhaps, I just see the saying differently I don't believe "fake it til you make it" all the way to the end. But rather, fake it til you make it your own. ACTING happy will make me FEEL happy sooner or later.
I hope the MIDI goes well (is that a course or a test?)

2 major complaints from me today: 1- urethra discomfort. I must not have had enough to drink yesterday 2- very weird tingling between the corner of my eye and nose. It's not the eyeball. I guess, technically, it's the side of my nose. But it feels like I have a loose eyelash tickling the corner of my eye. It's a very faint tingling sort of sensation. I've never had that before but for the last couple days it's been annoying me. Keeping a finger there stops the sensation so perhaps it's a weird muscle twitch.

Lesser complaints:
Sinus pressure; slightly elevated BP (which may have kept me with a week long headache) but I can't take BP meds because of the allergy testing I'll be doing on the 22; boredom (?)- I just want to stay in bed on my DS and iPad; dog farts

Raves: My shoulder seems completely better; my lower back stopped hurting just some 12 hours after I got back on my Cymbalta; Animal Crossing. I'm currently in love with both Pocket Camp and New Leaf.

I agree that dv is slower than it used to be. It used to be faster. Thanks for replying. I'm taking a Midi Course.

When I think of Midi, I think of music- like basic melodies for old school video games. Am I thinking of the right thing?

Our local homeless guy died and made it into the newspaper. I mean, there are more than JUST him but he's the only one (that I know of anyhow) who actually LIVED on the streets. Reading the article, my goodness, I had no idea. One of the policemen were interviewed and said he had dealt with Carson (the homeless man) for his entire 21 years of service.
For the last 4 years, though, Carson made a friend who was able to give him a place to live. He died at the home of another friend though. Passed in his sleep. He was an older fellow and an alcoholic.
My only story to share about him is that the kids (when mine were kids) used to call him "Crazy Carson". I would always scold them and say, "No, it's MR. Carson. Treat him with respect."
Other than that, I never really had any interactions with him other than to pass him at a store or gas station.

Rant: Paula has full-blown flu I've felt cruddy forever, it seems, but even worse these last few days... though somewhat better today (and, so far, headache free ). I just have zero energy and almost zero appetite.

Rave: My silly hubby. I told him, yesterday, that I might be contagious. I went to pick up his dinner and he opened his garage with a face mask on, his fingers in the form of a cross.

Blah... Hubby's sending me out for food now. I swear, I exist only to drive people places or get people food

Yes, you're right but you can do much more with midi these days. If I can share a song when I get one finished I'll post it here if you'd like to listen.

Nice! Recently got an MPE MIDI controller, the seaboard rise.. So much fun

What do you learn in the MIDI-course? I know all about how to use it as I've been doing the hardware synth thing for a few years... but is this more on the programming level?

Cool not sure what that device is but cool! Not too much programming I think but more editing somewhat and playing a midi keyboard controller, plus more stuff. I'm learning to use the Logic Pro X DAW.