Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

Originally Posted by FryingMan

(where you stop trying to "fight/fix" insomnia, and instead adopt attitudes of acceptance to experience whatever one particular night has in store for you) *really* works!!

I think that's true with so many things. It's almost like magic. Stop fighting, stop fixing, and practice acceptance instead. It's only when you can accept something, just as it is, that it starts to get better.

I had another "woken by the alarm in the middle of a dream" situation this morning. Woohoo. There are still morning wakings, but I'm making it back to sleep without a long struggle and continuing to doze/dream. Yay!

Originally Posted by FryingMan

You're welcome! Glad you liked it. He has a lot of good stuff. I haven't added the cold morning shower yet (shudder!) but I think pretty much everything from him is spot on. I jump out of bed and run outside first thing in the morning to get sunrise or low-horizon sunlight directly in my eyes whenever I can.

I think Apigenin is also in grapefruit? But the concentrations are low. I may try that. But I'm sleeping so much better now from natural rhythm adjustments and CBT-i (cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia) and circadian rhythm goodness (morning light &, exercise) and light management (avoiding bright evening lights) and having mostly rigid to-bed and rise times, that I generally think I can do without supplements for sleep.

I have ordered magnesium threonate, I already have theanine (but have ordered more), have glycine and GABA and tryptophan (he doesn't mention that, but it's a precursor to melatonin). I tried a 3-way stack the other night (3g glycine, 420mg GABA, 300mg theanine) and BOY the relaxation really hit me about half an hour after that. I was already in bed, and I felt a real "deepening" occur. I was woken by my alarm the next morning (with wake/sleep dozing the final 30 minutes, but I was asleep in a dream when the alarm hit). There are studies that show theanine together with GABA promote more both deeper and REM sleep than either alone. Deep sleep is all good of course, but it's the REM that we're really interested in . So that's good news.

I'm really grateful I found him and all the other resources available. I've always struggled with regular bed and rise times, but no longer! I'm totally rigorous about them now and after about 4 weeks I REALLY see the difference in sleep quantity and quality!

p.s. you're so lucky to be in a sunny place, with an empty eastern horizon (well I don't know what city your'e in but there is a long eastern-facing coastline of course). I'd SO be there on the beach every sunrise if I lived there...

(Moving the conversation here to stay on topic)

Great start for today. Followed his advice. Drank my coffee in the backyard to get the sunlight in my eyes. It was so lovely because the field was wet and we have waterbirds grazing back there right now. I noticed after 15 minutes or so that I felt very awake.

I also did my workout at the gym and a cold shower all before 9:30 am today, so that's great. Now enjoying a little green tea.

Speaking of green tea, that is an excellent source of theanine, but along with caffeine (so definitely not a night time drink). It's supposedly synergistic with caffeine so it offsets the crash effect later. I also have theanine powder I add to coffee when I'm not planning on making tea.

As for apigenin, I didn't know that about grapefruit. I do know it's in parsley. Last night I went ahead and added a little theanine powder to the chamomile tea since I didn't have it in the morning. I did have vivid dreams. I don't need supplements either, but I am always interested in things that increase dream vividness (assuming they are safe).

Yes, I love it here in Boynton Beach, but I don't go to the beach all that often. During the summers sometimes I will go at dawn for sea glassing when it coincides with low tide. It is so wonderful. We do get beautiful sunrises here! I would go more often if it was a quicker drive (it takes 15-20 minutes to get out there).

What's it like where you are?

I have never tried GABA - I know nothing about it. That's interesting what you write though, about it increasing REM with theanine. I wonder if there is a natural source?

Looking forward to seeing his podcast on memory today.

I am in a northern latitude where winter more or less lasts from October through April. In summer I get morning sun, thankfully, I usually have to move around the neighborhood to get the earliest post-sunrise light, I already have 3 or 4 spots where the break in the trees lets it through . I get not-quite-sunrise but still low solar angle sun in my backyard in summer. But I'm addicted, if I could catch the sunrise every day I would. There's something magical about the orange/golden rays when the sun is still just barely above the horizon. I have less evening exposure but get some, but the morning exposure is the more important one.
I don't know when the earlier morning sun access vanishes, I can see that it's rapidly already changing now in the 2nd half of September. Winter will probably be a bummer, they are dark, overcast, and grey here.

I basically run outside in the morning, find the sunniest spot in the neighborhood, and do squats/pushups with the sun in my eyes. I notice a marked increase in energy and motivation when I get a good solid dose of direct low morning sun.

I may try ordering the apegenin, it's the only thing from his recommendations that I don't have (there was actually one more he mentioned but that may be just too much!). I want to do updated sleep logs with the sleep stack from him and see if I can tell any difference. That'll probably take a couple months to fully complete. And it won't be entirely scientific because with the drastic light exposure changes coming with winter, it'll be hard to tell what had the most effect. At least it's cool now, sleeping in the heat was really difficult.

One change I made -- I'm a side sleeper, and I for a long while used two pillow stacked one on the other, one was large, and I discovered I was waking up at about 5 hours or so really warm, hot even, from having this pile of pillows right up against me. I ditched the larger pillow and just folded the smaller one in half to make it taller, and I find I'm sleeping better with that. If I wake and feel too warm, I'll stick out an arm on top of the blanket. In the hot part of summer I just ditched the blanket entirely.

He did say that it's best to delay the morning coffee until about 1.5-2 hours after waking, he said that avoids the afternoon crash. But I'm highly caffeine sensitive so I don't drink either coffee or tea (it makes me nauseous and dizzy).

Originally Posted by FryingMan

I am in a northern latitude where winter more or less lasts from October through April. In summer I get morning sun, thankfully, I usually have to move around the neighborhood to get the earliest post-sunrise light, I already have 3 or 4 spots where the break in the trees lets it through . I get not-quite-sunrise but still low solar angle sun in my backyard in summer. But I'm addicted, if I could catch the sunrise every day I would. There's something magical about the orange/golden rays when the sun is still just barely above the horizon. I have less evening exposure but get some, but the morning exposure is the more important one.
I don't know when the earlier morning sun access vanishes, I can see that it's rapidly already changing now in the 2nd half of September. Winter will probably be a bummer, they are dark, overcast, and grey here.

I basically run outside in the morning, find the sunniest spot in the neighborhood, and do squats/pushups with the sun in my eyes. I notice a marked increase in energy and motivation when I get a good solid dose of direct low morning sun.

I may try ordering the apegenin, it's the only thing from his recommendations that I don't have (there was actually one more he mentioned but that may be just too much!). I want to do updated sleep logs with the sleep stack from him and see if I can tell any difference. That'll probably take a couple months to fully complete. And it won't be entirely scientific because with the drastic light exposure changes coming with winter, it'll be hard to tell what had the most effect. At least it's cool now, sleeping in the heat was really difficult.

One change I made -- I'm a side sleeper, and I for a long while used two pillow stacked one on the other, one was large, and I discovered I was waking up at about 5 hours or so really warm, hot even, from having this pile of pillows right up against me. I ditched the larger pillow and just folded the smaller one in half to make it taller, and I find I'm sleeping better with that. If I wake and feel too warm, I'll stick out an arm on top of the blanket. In the hot part of summer I just ditched the blanket entirely.

He did say that it's best to delay the morning coffee until about 1.5-2 hours after waking, he said that avoids the afternoon crash. But I'm highly caffeine sensitive so I don't drink either coffee or tea (it makes me nauseous and dizzy).

Ah, man, I guess I am lucky then. I won't have to worry about sunlight at all in the winter. When I lived in Connecticut, I would get Seasonal Affective Disorder every winter. I did not know at the time I had a bad vitamin D deficiency. So the combo sent me into depression every winter. Down here that is not a problem. A lot of reasons to love Florida.

Ah, man, I can't imagine sleeping without AC. We are lucky because down here all of the houses have AC (up in New England we didn't have that). After watching his video I ordered a cheap knock off of the eightsleep he mentioned. On amazon they have some similar thing with a water-cooling system. I only need a twin size so it was not too bad. $250 bucks and that included the cover to go with it. That's a lot of money, but, I figure this will help my sleep a lot! Even with AC I am often hot at night too. I like it 70 degrees or cooler if I can have it, but we keep the AC at 76 at night.

I don't understand side sleeping . Back sleeper all the way.

Yes, I know he said that. There is a trick though. You can add powdered theanine to coffee and it should help with reducing the crash, like in green tea. However, I don't think the delayed caffeine intake changes your schedule. I think he suggests that just as a way of avoiding the crash. I try to keep my caffeine intake to as early as possible - I want as little of it in my system by night time. And ... I'd rather enjoy my coffee first thing in the morning, and take a bit of a crash

Took a cold shower today after walking the dog and getting what morning light there was and doing some light calesthenics. Slept a bit worse last night, lots of wakings, but I've set intention to remember dreams and lucid dreams higher, so that may be interfering. But I always got back to sleep. Recall medium, but over several wakings, and remembered one dream after getting up that I'd forgotten by the time I got up. I even cranked the shower all the way to cold, and was amazed that I could take it without a big shock reaction (I did it in stages, not all at once!). Surprising, because my cold water is only about 8 degrees F year round.

My wife is a sugar/sweet addict and I usually go along with her. We ordered more ice cream and yesterday I ate it along with her. I'm going to stop it, though, because I'm sure I sleep worse after eating it during the day. Really. I'm. Not. Going. To. Eat. The. Ice. Cream. My big improvement in sleep came when we ran out of the ice cream and didn't re order, a week or so ago.

I'd definitely like to get a cooling (and warming!) smart mattress cover. The one promoted on the Huberman podcast is crazy expensive, though, and of course unavailable where I live. In winter time, unless the heating is really cranked up, the bedroom is quite chilly, so extending a hand/foot out of the covers works well.

But even on a "worse" night, I still slept I estimate a bit more than 7 hours out of a bit more than 7.5 hours in bed. I think it may soon be time to set a fixed wake time at between 7 and 7.5 hours, to further consolidate sleep. I'm now not drowsy/nodding off in the evening, a sign that my sleep drive is lower, or, I suppose, that I've caught up on sleep. But I've come to like that evening drowsiness, so this morning I got up well before my alarm when I found myself awake and not all that drowsy, and got a jump on the day and the morning circadian rhythm goodness (outside, light, exercise, cold shower).

For some time I suppose I must have been managing my frustrations fairly okay, because it's only been like this week that I've started feeling frustrated with many things again, maybe in part because of this weekend which just felt a bit wasted because of unexpected things stupidly going wrong/breaking. And we're just quite busy/full because of work, which in a way would be good, but it's interfering so much with my own personal time. Time which I normally dip into for doing art/creativity stuff or even just general R&R stuff. To the point that lately I feel I just hardly do anything I want to be doing. Although, yesterday or something I'm sure some of this was set off by some thing I saw from someone I follow, which just made me feel incompetent in some way, a feeling that I know is driven by the fact that I am probably not practising even half as much as I was even a year ago.

Since we first got these work things going in the last couple of months, I've also barely been able to give morning dream recall any real amount of attention or focus, even on weekends when I get time for it. On the weekends I just can't care enough. On the weekends I want to do nothing, especially if I haven't had much alone time in the week. Although recall is initially pretty decent and I'm getting interesting dreams that I want to record my recall on, sub-consciously, it is just such a low priority right now. Most weekday mornings I don't even have time to do any recall anyway, as that's something that generally takes me anywhere between ten to thirty minutes, sometimes more if there's more than a few segments to recall. I hate that feeling of it being low down as far as priorities go too, because it's just once again the feeling of life getting in the way of doing anything I'd like to do/get done, something I feel has been a huge constant for me in the last couple of years (actually mostly unrelated to Covid, too).

Originally Posted by DarkestDarkness

For some time I suppose I must have been managing my frustrations fairly okay, because it's only been like this week that I've started feeling frustrated with many things again, maybe in part because of this weekend which just felt a bit wasted because of unexpected things stupidly going wrong/breaking. And we're just quite busy/full because of work, which in a way would be good, but it's interfering so much with my own personal time. Time which I normally dip into for doing art/creativity stuff or even just general R&R stuff. To the point that lately I feel I just hardly do anything I want to be doing. Although, yesterday or something I'm sure some of this was set off by some thing I saw from someone I follow, which just made me feel incompetent in some way, a feeling that I know is driven by the fact that I am probably not practising even half as much as I was even a year ago.

Since we first got these work things going in the last couple of months, I've also barely been able to give morning dream recall any real amount of attention or focus, even on weekends when I get time for it. On the weekends I just can't care enough. On the weekends I want to do nothing, especially if I haven't had much alone time in the week. Although recall is initially pretty decent and I'm getting interesting dreams that I want to record my recall on, sub-consciously, it is just such a low priority right now. Most weekday mornings I don't even have time to do any recall anyway, as that's something that generally takes me anywhere between ten to thirty minutes, sometimes more if there's more than a few segments to recall. I hate that feeling of it being low down as far as priorities go too, because it's just once again the feeling of life getting in the way of doing anything I'd like to do/get done, something I feel has been a huge constant for me in the last couple of years (actually mostly unrelated to Covid, too).

I understand how hard living as an introvert can be, and absolutely needing that recovery time. I hope things get better for you.

I can say this: you are not incompetent because you've been busy and haven't had time to practice. You are not incompetent because someone else is productive, or talented - you are not them. They may be awesome, but so are you. They are them, and you are you. Comparing ourselves to others is like worrying. It does nothing to help us, but it does consume our energy that could be spent on ourselves. And not to mention, our worth is not determined by how much art we produce, or how much we work. It is determined by our Soul. We are worthy just as we are; by nature of what we are. It also helps, I think, if we view our worth through the lens of things we can control, rather than things we cannot control, such as: being kind to others, providing service to others, and practicing virtues (including one of the most important: self-compassion). Some things are out of our control.. such as life getting in the way.

I hope that wasn't too preachy or rambley.

*hugs and love*

From their Facebook Page:

Breaks my heart. This is probably the last picture I’ll ever get to take on my favorite beach.
The only picture I’ve seen of Cayo Costa, FL, it was under water. I know the ranger living there his house was destroyed.
My heart goes out to everyone who is suffering during from #ian2022 disaster.

Cayo Costa UPDATE from Park Manager:
Docks, maintenance shop and pole barns, ranger residences and chickee are all in poor condition and may need to be replaced. The cabins are standing as is the camp store. Structural assessment needed. The firewood storage for campers is gone.

CAYO UPDATE: Park Staff
All eight Cayo staff are accounted for. Ranger residences on Cayo have damage, some staff have lost their vehicles and at least one lost his personal residence on Pine Island. Please keep them all in your thoughts.

My favorite place on Earth (Cayo Costa Island) took the direct hit from hurricane Ian last week at an almost cat 5 storm level.

Very sad. I love to go there at least every year, often twice a year. I started going there when I was 6, and I still remember it back then (31 years ago).

One thing I've always wanted to do some day is be one of the volunteers that stays out there for 6 months at a time. When I'm old and retired. I'm going to do that.

In other news, my son Ian was very delighted to have a hurricane share his name, considering what he wanted for his birthday this year (just a couple weeks prior to this) was an emergency weather radio. He loves anything to do with meteorology and natural disasters.

Watched an old movie the other night and developed a huge crush on Ingrid Bergman. Maybe I should watch newer movies so I can have more realistic celebrity crushes. I guess it's an improvement from the time I had a crush on Cleopatra though.

Also, I haven't had a lucid dream for a while now. What has happened to my lucidity?

Anyone do anything exciting over the holiday?

Alone for the holiday. Caught up on sleep, baked, and cooked for myself. Simple and relaxing. Likely the same the next holidays.


Sometimes i train so hard it hurts when i walk. It also seems like i have a severe case of heat rash that seems to never go away.

So tired. Had a long day!!

I didn't really sleep much again last NIGHT, but, I know that is my fault. Had to get up super early. I've been pretty busy lately.

Going to sleep now!

Rant:
I just wanted to share some music. I just wanted... to share... some music.
Whose music? My music! I made some music. And it said some things. Things that I am not ashamed of, but typically keep to myself. The drummer in a band I play in (not one I lead) heard I make music. "Oh, dude, can I hear?" Okay, yeah, sure... I sent him a link.
He listened.
And got offended.
And quit the band we're in even though I don't write any material for that band
...
Didn't even tell me about it. He told the band leader, who was both upset that all this was happening and confused why the guy wouldn't first take up his grievances with me, since I'm the one who offended him.

DICK MOVE, MAN. WE HAVE A SHOW IN THREE WEEKS.


I'm so tired of this. Why am I even trying to make music if it can't serve some purpose? Why am I even trying to facilitate discussion if people just want to shout at one another? Why do I seek out other musicians if they're just going to hear my work and say "What, you're not on my side of the socio-political aisle? YOU'RE A BAD PERSON" and turn their backs.

Why play for an audience that is apathetic? Why join artists who only feud? Why in God's name was I given an itch to write, to sing, and perform if there's no helpful or meaningful purpose for doing any of that??


I just want to quit... and I can't. I can't hang up the tools and become something else. I can't do it. It's not what I'm made of.

You can't please everyone in the world. There are always going to be people out there who are going to not like what you do or not like what you stand for. Was he the writer of the group?

Originally Posted by Lang

Was he the writer of the group?

Nah, that one's just a cover band at the moment. Fundamentally chill, low-pressure group. Dude bails on us because of something I wrote for a completely unrelated project.

Originally Posted by Signet

Nah, that one's just a cover band at the moment. Fundamentally chill, low-pressure group. Dude bails on us because of something I wrote for a completely unrelated project.

That sucks.
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My rant: I'm not feeling too great at the moment. I feel dizzy.

Rant:
I woke up at 3:30 and jotted down some notes for my dream, then woke up again an hour or so later and did the same thing. But I was so tired I wrote over my previous notes and now I can barely read anything! After that I was trying to do WILD, but kept falling asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow and slept for 15-30 minutes before the process repeated itself. This happened at least three times, and I even slept through my alarm which never happens to me...

Finally I woke up at 7:00 without being dead tired, and was trying for an hour to fall back asleep, and just when it seemed like I was finally entering a dream... my dad started yelling downstairs and woke me up! AUUUGHHHHH!!

So I saw this thread and decided I'm going to unload here.
Tonight I'm wracked with cloying sadness. At first thought, there seemed to be not reason for it. I've been allowing the tears to happen so that I can get it out of my system. Something obviously needs shifting inside me. As another way to unload I started writing, which turned two poems. One for my sister who signed herself into MH a few days ago. And one for my mom who passed away almost a year and a half ago. I cried through the writing process and realized I hadn't really taken the time to truly feel for my mom or sister. It's been a couple of hours now and I can't shake this sadness. I really want to just get to sleep and work it out in my dreams maybe but I can't because tears keep stinging me back to wide awakeness. Spring is always teeming with sorrow for me. And now a flock of geese is loudly honking nearby in the middle of the night!

Hi guys. How are you?

I hope everyone is doing well. I am on summer break right now. I want to get back into lucid dreaming while I have the time to practice. Lots has happened since I was last on. Got a promotion at work. Going to be ese co-coordinator next year. I'm currently spending my time being obsessed with cooking Indian cuisine and making jewelry. Having lots of fun with my time off.

See you guys around. <3

I'm sick. The worse part of it is that it's really hot (in the 90s) in my room. We don't have an air conditioner in the bedroom. I'm probably going to make some ginger and mint tea.

Scientists have found part of the brain that triggers out-of-body experiences.

During an out-of-body experience, you might first feel weightless, like you’re drifting away from the ground. Then, you might see your body from above, as if detaching from it into a phantom twin.

These startling sensations occur in an estimated 5 percent to 10 percent of the population and in many different cultures. An out-of-body experience can happen when someone goes under anesthesia for surgery, has a near-death experience or wakes up in the night temporarily unable to move or speak, a phenomenon called sleep paralysis.

Now, scientists have pinned down a part of the brain that may be going haywire during out-of-body experiences. The findings, published last month in the journal Neuron, hint at how the brain creates our everyday sense of reality and could point researchers toward new types of anesthesia in the future.

In 2019, an epilepsy patient visited Josef Parvizi, a neuroscientist at Stanford University and senior author of the recent study, and said he sometimes felt like he was floating, reports NPR’s Jon Hamilton. The patient felt “like an observer to conversations” going on in his mind, Parvizi tells the publication. The neuroscientist had a hunch that whichever brain area was undergoing unusual activity in the patient due to his epilepsy could also play a part in this altered state of consciousness.

Since that meeting, Parvizi and his team have tracked down a part of the brain that may be involved in out-of-body experiences. The culprit is a small sliver of tissue, buried deep within the fold running down the top of the brain, called the anterior precuneus.

During the study, stimulating this area with electricity resulted in unusual sensations in eight volunteers with epilepsy. (The patients already had electrodes inserted into their brains to help with monitoring before unrelated brain surgeries.) When scientists sent electric pulses to this chunk of the brain, the volunteers did not have true out-of-body experiences, but felt like they were floating or falling. They also expressed feeling dizzy, dissociated and less focused.

“All of them reported something weird happening to their sense of physical self,” Parvizi tells Bruce Goldman of Scope, Stanford Medicine’s blog. “In fact, three of them reported a clear sense of depersonalization, similar to taking psychedelics.”

In this way, the anterior precuneus is likely the seat of a person’s physical sense of self, or the idea that experiences are happening to you, not to someone else. Disrupting this network in your brain could shift your point of view, making your place in the world seem unreal, the team found.

This understanding could point doctors toward potential treatments for people with trauma-related mental health problems that cause feelings of dissociation, Sahib Khalsa, a neuroscientist at the Laureate Institute for Brain Research who was not involved in the study, tells Scientific American’s Diana Kwon.

The “sausage-looking piece of brain,” as Parvizi calls it to NPR, might also act as a substitute for anesthetic drugs during medical procedures in the future. Stimulating this region in study participants created slow rhythms of brain activity. These brain waves and the feelings of dissociation resemble those created by the anesthetic drug ketamine, says Patrick Purdon, an anesthesia researcher at Harvard Medical School, to NPR.

Most drugs for general anesthesia travel throughout the whole body and brain and carry some risks, since they slow heart rate and breathing. Purdon tells the publication that by sending electric pulses to this part of the brain, scientists might design new methods for anesthesia with fewer side effects.

HERE: https://www.npr.org/2023/07/03/11858...dy-experiences

Originally Posted by Lang

In this way, the anterior precuneus is likely the seat of a person’s physical sense of self, or the idea that experiences are happening to you, not to someone else. Disrupting this network in your brain could shift your point of view, making your place in the world seem unreal, the team found.

"unreal"

or perhaps the disruption "could shift your point of view" revealing that what we take for the "real" is but one aspect of consciousness…..

Getting back (back (back (back (back....)))))))) into lucid dreaming practice. For the Nth time. "This time I won't quit!" Yeah, right. But I have some new tools for motivation (Huberman's videos on motivation, dopamine, focus, neuroplasticity, etc.) and hopefully I'll stick with it this time! DJing for about a week and practicing lucid presence during the day. Had a very short LD last night but YAY LD. Also had a very long, vivid non-lucid with high presence. Those are the sorts of dreams I want every night, LD or no LD. Also, with the return of LD practice, my sleep maintenance insomnia has returned. Doc gave me something to hopefully reduce the night-time pee trips, and I have this week successfully managed back to sleep almost every time I've tried. I'm like 3 for 4, which is great for me! Now to try to figure out how to fall asleep *faster*. Actually felt the beginning of a potential WILD, but in the past my interest has piqued up too much and I lose the sleep, so this time I just kept very quiet and let myself fall asleep unconsciously. Glad I did, then I had that great non-lucid and short LD!

Originally Posted by Lang

I'm sick. .

Rant: At 2:00 in the morning I was throwing up. Not feeling too great. Not much Lucidity last night because of it.
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FryingMan: You got this!!