Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

I hope you get to see Mice and Men, Crashy. Sounds like fun

That sounds so neat, Anju. I've heard others talking about Synesthesia here and other places. I've never experienced anything like that so it sounds really amazing .
and I know what you mean about eating habits. But I'm actually raving about it lol. I feel like I've lost about 20 pounds. I can see my collar bones, hip bones and ribs again. And my clothes are very loose on me and some actually fall down
Which means I'm back at about 120 pounds: a much preferred personal weight. I'd like my butt to shrink some now If I lose about 5-10 more pounds I'll be ecstatic.

My rant is that we went to the DMV this afternoon but have to return again tomorrow because the new license costs $15. instead of $5. because the old one expired. But all my son has to do is turn in one form and have his picture taken, so it'll be a very fast trip. They almost didn't approve the new license because (for some reason), his birth certificate doesn't state he's a III. His old license carried the III with no problem, but now someone paid closer attention and they said they'll have to drop it from the new license. Which is fine for a temporary fix but in the long run it could cause problems because his SS card states III. He needs this license to take his GED test though, and the test is in just a few days.

Other than that, today is well. I slept from 8:30-1:30 this morning/afternoon so I should fall asleep easily tonight. I crocheted for 5 hours in the wee hours while watching Hulu, so I've made lots of progress on my poncho... but I've still a very long way to go.
Now, I'm going to get on Minecraft and chill until I go grocery shopping tonight. I will be VERY happy to pick up my Celexa!!!

Work just asked me to work more -.- I've been hating it so much recently. They say that the "team" I'm in has the most important job in the store, yet they treat us like shit. They just keep giving us more and more stuff to do, and have given us an hour less time than we had when we first started. This is obvious because when the regional manager or whatever comes in, it takes us almost twice our normal time to get everything looking right. And it's not as if we all just happen to suck. It's obviously a problem with what they are making us do and not enough time to do it!

Idiots. And then the other "teams" do the bare minimum and make our jobs harder. The people filling the shelves constantly put too much stuff on, make two slots for the same item coz they're so fucking stupid they can't see there was already a place for it. They no longer put the prices on them, so we have to do it. The people during the day are supposed to put returned items back, but they stopped doing it so now we have to do it, and it takes at *least* half an hour out of our time. Just... UGH!!!!!!!!

And then the team who fills the shelves constantly get told how good of a job they do, even though we spend half our time FIXING THEIR SHITTY WORK!!!! They fill shit till it's falling off the damn shelves and we have to take it all off and fix it. Then the managers say "Just keep taking it off, then if they put it back out, just take it off again". What. the fuck? Do they not realise how much of a waste of time that is?
When they told us to do this, we had two huge cages full of stuff which was filled too much. That's at least an hour or two of filling they shouldn't have done in the first place, and an hour for us to take it off all up.

So bloody stupid....

That does sound very stupid, tommo. But if you're getting paid and not written up or something, I'd waste THEIR time. They seem okay with paying their employees to move the same things I'd still want to bang my head off the wall lol (and theirs )

My rant is that I've been off-line for the last 2 days. Hubby even called them and their was talk of a possible bad modem but they accomplished nothing. my son went to the GED place to register for his test but their computers were down as well. (But the Library- practically right next door was fine). So I drove to Suddenlink's local office. I went in with a smile and told them I was taking care of errands and just thought I'd come in and complain in person
I told them the GED went down the same day we did so it was most likely their problem (not with our equipment). A tech guy just happened to be walking by and told her to check our address as well as the GED's and sure enough, we were on the same "node" (though several miles apart)

They were updating their equipment and we (as well as GED) had an older modem that couldn't keep up. They told me to just bring in the old one and they'd swap it out.
I caught hubby on his lunch break, drove back and the lady was "Oh, you own this..." Hubby doesn't rent anything. I guess upgrades were included in the original price and they just handed me the new one. Hubby just connecting it. I didn't have to restart my router or anything. It was recognized right away thankfully.

And because of my personal visit, they also sent someone to the GED office. He can register tomorrow (now that I have no gas).

My rant is that I've been very sleepy and VERY dehydrated lately. When I wake up, my lips are actually white because they're so dry. I finally tallied it up and I drink about 5 liters of Coke a week. That's all. I read somewhere that people are supposed to drink 2 litters of water a day?! Ugh. I rarely feel thirsty and therein lies the problem.

Gonna go watch Hulu and crochet.

Hi, I haven't posted here for a while.

I was scanning through my available friendlist and I noticed I have no one to talk to. The RR&CC thread helped me a lot when I was depressed in the past and I like it that lengthy posts weren't scorn at.

I'm experiencing a small problem now but I've no idea why it's causing me so much distress. I suddenly ran out of drive to do anything or rant to anyone because I feel they can't understand. I feel like I'm a snail hiding in my shell and the outer world is constantly poking me with a stick. One of the worst things I hate in the world is people forcing their ideas down my throat because I'm easily affected. They said they were just advising me but they were trying too hard to prove their points. I know true concern doesn't hurt you.

We got into a little debate while they are stating their points and I was expressing why I like to live my life the way it is now. I tried to explain that in doing so it gives me lesser stress and makes me happier. I've came to notice that happiness is an important factor in life and I'm not the type of person who plans for the worst when my life is stable now. They were telling me what I should look for in a job - prospects, salary, package yourself and sell yourself, etc. *Heaves a sigh*

It was a three versus one debate and I have terrible difficulties with expressing myself verbally. So in the end I just gave up and I feel so out of sorts now that I couldn't even concentrate on my work. :'(

It's so hard to find understanding people in this world. I don't force people to live a carefree life like mine, I don't force people to value the values I have in life, why do they have to prove to me just how righteous their way of living is. The world has turned me into an inward person. I used to be able to share my thoughts freely but after being denied over and over again, I have to think twice before I consider what I can say. I feel broken now.

So mother's being a total bitch. If my grades don't improve by April she's pulling me out of sixth form before my exams. In my assessments this week I have recieved 2 Ds and a C, one D in Chemistry being because I fucked up two questions that most people fucked up too, there's a guy in my class who got an A* in an A-level he took when he was 13 and he only got a B on this assessment. Then my second D is the highest mark in the class by 11 mark. E l e v e n.

But my mother looks at the grades, yells at me for not being good enough, letting the family down, calls me a whore, a slut, a bitch, says if I put half as much effort into my school work as I put into ruining people's lives I would be getting constant A*s (not even possible at my level, just saying) and how I'll always let the family down and might as well just withdraw now and go get a job.

So fucking done with this shit, I am not her only child for me to be abused by her whenever she feels like it. I am a human, I feel, I have a life and I can get hurt too! So thank you mother, for inflicting this abuse on me for all my life which now means I seek out relationships with dicks who will just abuse me and walk all over me once again. Thanks for that. Feel so fucking shit because of all this crap and I'm just, done. I can not and will not take her abuse much more. I am almost 17, she has no right to treat me this way when all I try and do is help people and get the best grades I can.

Urgh. Massive bitchiness over.

I'm just going to pretend I never said that and hope that everyone who is having a much worse time than me feels better soon ( to you all) and all those people who have lives with events that really suck, I'm sorry that things are bad and I really hope they pick up soon. Sorry guys.

Mandela - The Great Statesman It's long, but if you're bored here's something to read.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

My rant is that I've been very sleepy and VERY dehydrated lately. When I wake up, my lips are actually white because they're so dry. I finally tallied it up and I drink about 5 liters of Coke a week. That's all. I read somewhere that people are supposed to drink 2 litters of water a day?! Ugh. I rarely feel thirsty and therein lies the problem.

You still using the e-cigs? They can dehydrate you a fair bit. I drink so many cups of tea a day now lol
Actually I have for a long time, but even more now

Originally Posted by Carrot

Hi, I haven't posted here for a while.

I was scanning through my available friendlist and I noticed I have no one to talk to. The RR&CC thread helped me a lot when I was depressed in the past and I like it that lengthy posts weren't scorn at.

I'm experiencing a small problem now but I've no idea why it's causing me so much distress. I suddenly ran out of drive to do anything or rant to anyone because I feel they can't understand. I feel like I'm a snail hiding in my shell and the outer world is constantly poking me with a stick. One of the worst things I hate in the world is people forcing their ideas down my throat because I'm easily affected. They said they were just advising me but they were trying too hard to prove their points. I know true concern doesn't hurt you.

We got into a little debate while they are stating their points and I was expressing why I like to live my life the way it is now. I tried to explain that in doing so it gives me lesser stress and makes me happier. I've came to notice that happiness is an important factor in life and I'm not the type of person who plans for the worst when my life is stable now. They were telling me what I should look for in a job - prospects, salary, package yourself and sell yourself, etc. *Heaves a sigh*

It was a three versus one debate and I have terrible difficulties with expressing myself verbally. So in the end I just gave up and I feel so out of sorts now that I couldn't even concentrate on my work. :'(

It's so hard to find understanding people in this world. I don't force people to live a carefree life like mine, I don't force people to value the values I have in life, why do they have to prove to me just how righteous their way of living is. The world has turned me into an inward person. I used to be able to share my thoughts freely but after being denied over and over again, I have to think twice before I consider what I can say. I feel broken now.

They try to force their way of life on to you because they want you to be unhappy and unfulfilled like them.
You notice when you feel like crap, you want others to share your pain? That's exactly what they're doing.
However since they aren't very good people, they purposely attempt to bring others down with them, instead of just finding other people who already feel the same, like you or I would do.
You'll notice people who are happy with their life, and you are, they don't try to convince other people to do anything, and if they do, it's in a friendly manner and they won't get angry about it.

Keep doing what you're doing, if it makes you happy, what more could you possibly want!


Speaking of people forcing their ideas down people's throats.... This isn't actually this bad, she was nice, but I was just reminded of it. This cute Chinese/Aussie girl just came to the door this morning, she was with some religious group I can't remember, and she was selling books for fundraising or something. Honestly I can't even remember what she said it was for, hopefully it wasn't actually something serious, coz I bought one of the books for $20 instead of $25 (was one of those "donation" type things lol). Anyway, yeah I said I was interested in the cooking books and she kept trying to ask show me the religious ones and ask if I've thought about what happens after we die etc. lol
Anyway, it annoys me that I'm so easily swayed by cute girls. I just can't help it. I mean she wasn't even THAT amazing, but I have a thing for Asians.
The only two times I've ever donated to people is because the girls were good looking. Actually three times. Goddammit.... :S

Holy crap you guys, I'm so happy to be alive. X) You guys rock. You just do. I've missed you all.

I have only one message to bring for now: DMT!!!!!

Oh my fucking god you guys don't even know. Everyone here needs to experience DMT RIGHT NOW. This is urgent. I just came down from another blast off. XD

CARROT I've not seen you here in forever. Sorry you're having to deal with all that crap though. Tell them you're doing what you feel is best for YOUR life.

Wishful. Ugh. No, you do not have to take that crap. I don't understand how people can talk to others in that way- especially their own children!! Move out as soon as you're able. My mom could be verbally abusive to me. when I moved several states away our relationship got better She still tried to put me down, but when I can just hang up the computer (which I use as my phone- outgoing only), she learned to watch her words a bit more carefully. Not that I ever had to hang up, I just think it was always at the back of her mind.

Tommo. Nope. I've been back on real cigs full force for some time now. I think it's just that time of year again. I noticed I have to water my plant a lot more frequently. In the winter months, my room tends to get bone dry. I think I've also been trying to get sick. I've been getting a ridiculous amount of sleep. I just can't keep my eyes open. I feel okay, but I might be about to get whammied by something if my body doesn't succeed in fighting it off (sleep is almost always my first indicator of illness).
And now I have a low grade "fever" to add to the symptoms. I don't think it's a real fever. My internal thermostat has always been wonky. If I get overheated, my body feels like a furnace and I run a temp (usually from sleeping under comforters )
I had my heater off and a fan running last night. My son came in and said my room was cold. It was 37 degrees outside lol.
Blec

lol about donating to cute girls. Sucker

Aly! So glad to see you again! But be careful with that stuff <end nag>

My rant is that I've been sleeping way too much. Plus my throat and nose are a bit sore from dryness. And, despite my fatigue, I've been very restless. I want to finish my poncho pronto, but I can only crochet a couple hours at a time else the "blisters" on my fingers bother me too much (the blisters never break the surface on the finger used the most but does form on my pinky lol)
I want it to be a long poncho so this is going to take forever lol. Right now it nearly reaches my waist. I want it to reach, at least, my hips but preferably my knees.

Oh yeah. Another rant is just my body's weirdness. I'm not sure when it started but it's been a long while. whenever I get hungry, it feels like I've been punched in the gut. Not the punch itself but the after effects. I actually sit doubled over until I can eat. What the heck. It makes ignoring the hunger impossible. But sometimes, I just don't want to eat right away. Grrrr. (Like now. I just woke up and wanted to post before watching Hulu and eating )

Hope everyone is having a good day.

Ugh... my daughter was just in a car accident of some sort. They drove into a creek. 4 people were trapped in the car when I spoke with her. I have to go pick up her and her boyfriend. My husband is coming and he's grumbly about it. He is NOT a diplomat. He says no one other than the kids are to stay on the property. I'm sure the boyfriend hopped to stay here tonight but now that's not possible.
Oh well. I'm just glad the two of them are okay and I hope the others are.
Idiots shouldn't have been out on the road and I'm an idiot for getting out there as well. The creek is flooded. Hubby doesn't know that part. I tried to keep him out of this but I needed refined directions

**EDIT**
The kids were even bigger idiots than I thought. They went out in this weather to go "Mudding". The driver saw the water was up but he thought he could make it okay. The truck was overwhelmed but unmoved (thankfully). They tried to wait it out but the water was rising. They had to wade through freezing water and one of them fell and cracked her head open. She clung to a tree for about an hour until help arrived. She and another girl went to the ER for the head wound and exposure. The driver was wearing shorts
To make matters worse, the dummies went grocery shopping before hand and lost everything. I hope it wasn't much. AND the truck belonged to a friend.... who delivers pizza for a living.
I told my hubby on the way to get them that if the driver was the one I suspected, it was most likely because of inexperience and the overconfidence of youth. He had just gotten his drivers license

The kid apologized for putting my daughter into harms way and I told him she has a mind of her own and that all of them should have used better common sense
I'm just glad they're okay and they learned their lesson (I hope!) And I'm thankful for the couple who's house they stumbled upon, for keeping the kids warm and safe until I could get there. (There were only 4 kids total and two went with the rescue squad. I picked up my daughter and the driver... her boyfriend).

Originally Posted by tommo

They try to force their way of life on to you because they want you to be unhappy and unfulfilled like them.
You notice when you feel like crap, you want others to share your pain? That's exactly what they're doing.
However since they aren't very good people, they purposely attempt to bring others down with them, instead of just finding other people who already feel the same, like you or I would do.
You'll notice people who are happy with their life, and you are, they don't try to convince other people to do anything, and if they do, it's in a friendly manner and they won't get angry about it.

Tommo, thanks for the advice!

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

CARROT I've not seen you here in forever. Sorry you're having to deal with all that crap though. Tell them you're doing what you feel is best for YOUR life.

Zhaylin!! Thanks for the concern!

I'm feeling better already and I'm glad I'm still remembered by some of you!

I noticed I stopped coming on DV ever since I have work. Now I'm currently working and schooling. My emotions these few days were a whirl of mess. After I've somehow gotten over those depressing feelings of being told what to do with my life, I was suddenly consumed by stress because I have 4 school assignments due this month and I barely have time to complete them due to work. But I've decided to take unpaid leave to complete them and now I'm zest for my leaves. My leaves allow me to stay at home consecutively for 5 whole days. xD

One day after being told by my colleague on how to lead my life, the same guy was talking to us during lunch on the best way to live your life. I have decided not to respond him and focus on my yoghurt while another one of my colleague "entertains" him. I agree with Tommo that truly happy people will not convince you to do anything.

I'm so glad you figured out a great sollution (why can I never spell that word right ). It sucks, though, that it has to be unpaid leave!
Just try to avoid the emotional/psychic vampires as much as possible. It's hard to do sometimes, though, because they seem to be numerous and everywhere!

My rant is that my arthritis is getting worse. But it is still very tolerable. I need to break down and see a specialist. My OBGYN/primary Dr. was going to set up an appointment, but I've never heard anything.
I tend to always have a small red knot on the inside middle joint of my left first finger. It's sore and my joint is always stiff but it interests me more than it causes discomfort (I've had joint stiffness/discomfort all of my life. By and large, i'm fairly used to it). but now I'm getting a knot on the same place on the middle finger of my left hand. What the heck. maybe I'm crocheting too much which is causing the flare-ups?
I woke several times throughout sleeping because of pain in my hands. I just flex them a few times and fall right back to sleep. that happens so often, these days, that I don't think I even fully wake up.

A rave is that I had wonderful sleep. 11 hours in all. my body wanted to wake up several hours ago but it was still dark and gloomy through my curtains so I thought it was too early to wake. It's just cloudy because a storm's moving in
Time to get back to my poncho, if I can lol. I hope everyone is having an excellent day.

@Zhay: About the stomach stuff... that sucks lol. I don't know what's wrong with you but you have my sympathy, I've been getting lots of stomach problems lately. Probably from eating pizza at work like every day. @_@ And I'm glad your daughter is alright!! Don't worry about the DMT, it's totally safe as far as health concerns and stuff go. Though I do probably use it a bit excessively. >.>

-----

RAVE: I smoked some more DMT this morning. Holy. Freaking. Crap. It's funny that you guys were talking about synesthesia earlier on this page because I normally don't even get it from anything really but I had it this morning. Not exactly the same as naturally of course (you wouldn't be able to function in reality if you had it like I had it lol) but still, synesthesia nonetheless. It was unbelievably amazing, fucking incredible. It was a link between my body's physical sensations and my vision, and I know that it wasn't just hallucinations changing randomly because it was constant and repeatable, i.e. the same physical sensations always matched the same visuals. It was pretty much just centered around my breathing. Without breathing my field of vision was mostly just a white light with some grainy colors over it, I was already coming down. But as I breathed in and out it would twist into these hyperrealistic human entities that transformed from one build and pose to the next in the most fluid and mind-bending and sexual ways possible. I could feel them as a part of me just like I would feel any other part of my body because they literally were just my breathing, but I still felt their human shapes as well as if that was also a part of me. You guys... you need to experience it. >w<

More DMT stories please! Love those trip reports

Definitely going to try it once the Acacia has grown a bit bigger and mature.

RANT: all these posts about DMT and I have none. Torture!

You lucky bastard.... I want some Acacia lol. As soon as I can get my hands on a scale and some harmine I think I'm gonna do some pharma, I'm already getting a little worn out on smoking. I've been doing it every day for like a week, though the majority of it was lower doses. It's fucking amazing but it can also be fucking terrifying. >.> I've heard some wonderful things about Acacia though, I want to start experimenting with all the different aya plants....

DMT is ridiculous. I've been offering it to all my friends too, I'm trying to blast off as many people as possible. That friend of mine who I got to trip just from smoking weed, I got her to a breakthrough for like her second trip ever. She was shot back in time to an ancient civilization where she was welcomed but then held captive and forced to watch their absurd and incomprehensible rituals and deal with their shit. Like she would burst out laughing talking about how they just kept sailing around in circles on a boat over and over and she couldn't understand it lol. Apparently they also kept giving her snacks like crackers and stuff but telling her she couldn't eat them.... She claimed to have been held captive there for exactly 22 days and 48 minutes. She was only in the breakthrough for like five minutes, five minutes of constant laughing so hard that she was crying. The second she came out of it she yelled "I know everything there is to know!!!" XD

The other night I smoked a big dose and assumed that I was dying. The hallucinations were so intense that nothing was able to form any dream sequences because there was too much going on at once. Rather, it was like a fucking massive amount of concepts were all being forced through one dynamic pattern at one time. Despite the lack of a complete construct each concept was viewable "to it's end".... I've been describing them as like metaphorical threads with visible endings but it was only the tips of them that were viewable in the pattern. Like, even though it was just instantaneous clips of each one, I could see entire entities and settings sliding from one to the next relentlessly, and it was tearing my mind to shreds as it was happening.... Consciousness folding over into itself recursively as I've been saying.... When I actually came down enough to realize I was still alive I tried to get a drink of water. I was in my bedroom in pitch black, but I keep water bottles on the headboard of my bed. The problem was that moving around didn't change a single thing about my visual field, which was like looking into another world in its own right. My spatial perception was totally fucked because of it, it felt like everything that I knew should be right around me could easily exist in any and every direction at any time, and when I tried to reach for things it only verified that. I couldn't even tell what direction I was reaching in. I heard myself knocking some stuff over so I gave up. After a few more minutes I managed to sit up and turn on the light, and I had like quadruple vision. The whole room was pulsating and breathing with a huge transparent psychedelic pattern that is damn near impossible to describe without just seeing it....

I smoked it again a few hours later too. I started seeing a city from bird's eye view forming under me. This huge building rose out of the ground in this smokey, gentle visual style and then trees started sprouting up around it. People began forming on either side of the trees as well, but like easily as big as the trees. The city then warped into a big neon-colored psychedelic spaceship, and the people were the passengers. I kind of stopped paying attention at that point because I was just enjoying the body feeling and the sensation of being dissociated so much. It felt like being in multiple worlds at once, and like... the best way I can describe it is that even though the real world was still totally vivid enough to function in, it felt more like I was in the visuals than I was in the real world, but it wouldn't stop me from totally being able to do things in the real world too even while my mind was adrift in other realities. The idea of it made me incredibly horny. >_>

Originally Posted by Amiana

RANT: all these posts about DMT and I have none. Torture!

Come visit, there's plenty to go around.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

Come visit, there's plenty to go around.

I have no idea where you live but I'm already tempted

YES! I propose a DMT party at Alyzarin's, who else is in?



This will not be like any party you have attended before, there will be incomprehensibly beautiful decorations, machine elves (christmas!), and lots of completely immobile people. Please leave your Ego at the door.

Good, good.... Everyone come smoke my DMT, all this tripping is driving me a little nuts lol. Things are getting mildly manic. My libido is sooooo high right now. >.O I neeeed more mind-bendy twisty warpy latexy sexy goodness.... No... I need MORE DMT. What I have is not enough. I can't stop thinking about that synesthesia experience.... I need to be in that place all the time. DMT has no tolerance... especially when combined with harmalas. With pharma this could work. The trip never has to end. NEVER. O.O

Everything in my entire life makes sense now. This is what DMT does to you.

Just wiped my entire hard drive clean in a partitioning catastrophe. Everything is gone. Nothing is recoverable. "But Snowy, why didn't you back--" shut up. I fucked up and I'm pissed about it.

I wish I had a more eloquent way to put this, but... shit.

I'm feeling so damn cold .. I'm under a blanket, wearing a sweater, drinking tea and I'm still cold. I hate it when I'm the only one who feels cold. It's just 19 degree celsius and the worst is yet to come. Fuck you Winter.

Originally Posted by SnowyCat

Just wiped my entire hard drive clean in a partitioning catastrophe. Everything is gone. Nothing is recoverable. "But Snowy, why didn't you back--" shut up. I fucked up and I'm pissed about it.

I wish I had a more eloquent way to put this, but... shit.

Wow, so that's what a drunk post from me looks like.

I'm impressed with myself, honestly. No spelling errors or anything!