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    Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

    1. #19351
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      Very strange, but I'm just now developing bruises from the break. My arm is also hurting a bit more today.
      I can sit on my legs and rest the arm on my desk to use my mouse to play Roblox... but after about 10 minutes of clicking, I feel like I've been lifting weights for hours and I have to stop.
      I've spent a great deal of time in bed and on my iPad. Thankfully!!!!!! the glitch that kills it has stayed away. (horizontal lines which spread to obscure the entire screen)
      Typing one-handed REALLY sucks lol.

      I'm supposed to see a Dr. today but who knows if that will happen. Apparently, Monday is part of their weekend. Hubby wants me to see a particular Dr. The girls are only free today though. Maybe I'll have to wait until Thursday (hubby's day off). Bah!!! I need a real splint/sling with a cushier strap pad.

      **EDIT**
      Bah! Looks like I'm driving to the city tomorrow to see the Dr. The lady said I could drive myself though it might be hard if I wind up in a cast. (They don't put this sort of injury in a cast as far as I can tell). I told her I read on-line that it's recommended that people not drive for 4-8 weeks or for as long as they're in a sling. She scoffed and said people shouldn't always read stuff on-line. She was polite and friendly but that mind-set irks me to no end. I hear it everywhere.
      Yes, people should take what they read with a grain of salt and they should always look for sources to prove or disprove what they've read. But education is power. Being informed is liberating. It frustrates me immensely that people are picked on for looking for information.


      And now that I've been told I "can" drive... I will be expected to continue my responsibilities I was actually somewhat enjoying that part of my injury

      ***EDIT***
      Just found this https://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/...eaking-a-bone/
      Which made me wonder: How am I to change from driving to reverse etc. I can drive one handed, no problem. In fact, I tend to favor my left hand for driving... but what about everything else? What if it starts raining? What about my blinkers?
      I guess I'll have to go for a test drive some time today...

      ****EDIT****
      Just took my test drive. It went MUCH better than expected. I won't be parallel parking any time soon, but everything else is very doable. And the armrest feels like heaven lol.
      I am a little worried though. I've been pushing it too much. My shoulder feels like it's subluxing. One of the breaks is right there at the ball of the shoulder and another break is further down. With Ehlers-Danlos, my joints have never been overly stable to begin with.
      I can't do surgery. I hope 9REALLY<REALLY, REALLY) hope it doesn't come to that.
      Last edited by Zhaylin; 08-13-2018 at 04:49 PM.
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    2. #19352
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      UHC update... my shoulder is partially displaced but the gap is in between the need for the sling OR surgery. There MIGHT be a bone fragment broken off and floating there so a CT has been ordered.

      For now, I'm still rocking the sling. I'll be getting X-rays every week to make sure nothing shifts or worsens UNLESS the CT shows the need for immediate surgery.
      Right now it's just the waiting game.

      My pain is only a 2-3 unless I move the wrong way.
      BUT, I'm back to sleeping miserably. I had laid off the Benadryl and Hydros, but took them last night and still only got 3 hours of sleep :/

      Good news... I CAN play video games lol so long as I watch my posture and don't strain the muscles in my upper arm (which could further displace the break).

      I also got a very short hair cut One less thing to have to worry about lol."

      And now I think I might be sleepy enough to get some zzz's...

    3. #19353
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      Ugh... I’m still only sleeping in bits and pieces. My elbow was killing me, so I took my arm out of the sling and stretched it (the Dr even told me to do so; and to curl my lower arm for circulation and what not). I was afraid to though because my shoulder seriously feels like it’s going to pop out of place. I don’t know if it’s supposed to feel like that or if it’s something to be worried about.
      But great googally it felt SO FRIGGIN GOOD to stretch it lol. I’ve had it out of the sling for a couple of hours now. I’m just laying it bed.

      I honestly don’t understand all this broken bone stuff. The Dr’s say to watch your posture so gravity can work to heal the bone in the proper position. They put you ina sling. They say to move and exercise your lower arm but to not tax the muscles of the upper arm
      I’ve never appreciated, before now, just how connected everything is. I can’t really do anything with my lower arm without engaging the upper.
      Maybe the sling is just there to help those muscles not displace the bone?

      The thumb of that hand is annoying me too. It desperately needs popped. But the only way I can pop it is by forcefully pulling it (none of my other joints are that way, thankfully).

      Rant: my stomach DOES NOT like Hydros OR my CBD vape under my tongue. I feel gut punched and starving to death any time I use eithe.

      Rave: Hulu. I’m still binging CSI but I’m now also watching Castle Rock. Maybe I should get some books to read.

      Hope everyone is alive and well.

    4. #19354
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      I am miserable. I tried to make myself cry with very limited success. But now I’m all the more miserable for it because of post nasal drip and dry eyes. Hopefully, though, the dry eyes will work in my favor sooner rather than later and help me fall the frick to sleep. I also just took 2 Benadryls to help me.
      I’m now out of my sling 70+% of the time. I’m just reclining in bed and it helps to have the arm free. I am also now using my heating pad. I think it’s helping more than Tylenol and I don’t have to eat to use the heating pad.
      I just want to sleep. Put me in a coma, please.

    5. #19355
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      Made a double post by accident
      Attached Images
      Last edited by yuppie11975; 08-16-2018 at 05:08 PM. Reason: Double post
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    6. #19356
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      I haven't cried since.... I can't even remember. Not in the last 10 years at least. It's not that I don't get sad, I just seem to be incapable of crying for one reason or another. Sometimes I even try and force myself to cry because I feel like it would be beneficial to me, you know, cathartic and all that. But, nope. Still can't do it. I'm sure I'll manage when something truly harrowing happens to me. Anyway, figured I'd drop a bit of an update seeing I'm pretty slack. It's not that I don't read this thread regularly, I just struggle to find the energy to type out my own posts. Regardless, I always check in on your daily updates, Zhaylin. So, recently I moved from living on my university back home. I'm finishing my degree online. I've got 8 classes left to go, so... nearly done. I don't really like my degree, but I figure I may as well finish it at this point with all the time and money I've invested in it. I almost feel as if university is kind of a scam, unless you are super certain about what you want to do and you're following a formalised pathway onto a trajectory that you've got all mapped out. Otherwise, it's just kind of a thing that people feel obliged to do. It makes your parents proud, people revere it, everyone champions it. When I was in highschool, we were basically all told repeatedly that if we didn't go to university we'd have no real success in life. I don't know what the motivation behind telling people that is, but I certainly don't think that it's true in hindsight. Looking back I wish I just learned a trade, like an electrician or something like that. Recently, I've been thinking a lot about, well, I've been pining more than I've been thinking, about going back in time and starting over. Having an opportunity to make all my choices again. I know that it's not healthy to dwell on the past, and that people often place weight on the past when their actions in the present could dramatically alter their future, but, I still can't help myself. Anyway, living at home has been okay. It has its ups and downs like anything else. My main joy lately has been my motorcycle. It's super fun and I'm getting better at riding every day. A couple weeks back I was going around a roundabout and I slid out and dropped the bike. I had some pretty bad road rash on my leg, but no serious injuries. It was embarrassing more than anything else - there was lots of traffic around to witness it. No one stopped to help or anything, so I had to lift the bike up all by myself. Normally this would be a challenge because it's rather heavy, but with all the adrenaline and embarrassment coursing through my veins, I somehow lifted it as if it weighed nothing. To this day I'm still pretty nervous at roundabouts now, but overall I would say that my riding is getting better. It's pretty funny if I think about it, I'm more tentative about riding a roundabout at 10KPH than I am taking a corner at 110KPH. I'm not sure what caused me to slide out, it could be tire tread, tire pressure, gravel on the road, rider error, or a combination of everything. It's funny, when I was researching tips on how to be a good rider, one thing that I saw repeatedly was 'Learn to accept responsibility for your errors' and when I read it at the time I thought 'well, duh'. It seemed silly to me at the time that you wouldn't own up to your mistakes. But, when I crashed, I didn't really want to blame myself. I forced myself to be rational and acknowledge I made an error, but it was more difficult than I thought. Anyway, there's my long self important monologue pretty much over. I'll attach a few photos of the bike before and after I repaired it. I hope everyone is doing well. Lots of love.

      38301103_2062829013728654_477416865132445696_n.jpg
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    7. #19357
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      Here is the exhaust heat shield after I sanded it down and sprayed it. (Decided to change it to black to conceal the scrapes a bit better, and also I think it looks a bit nicer)

      38434523_2062878027057086_6739605072486858752_n.jpg

      Here's my boot after the crash (that I bought literally that day and immediately scuffed )

      38471769_1054873261347035_4822897134061748224_n.jpg
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    8. #19358
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      Glad you didn't hurt yourself!!!
      That new color looks great. I couldn't see any scuffs.

      Maybe it's because I live in Coal Country, but College isn't overly pushed. Or, perhaps my kids didn't apply themselves to be noticed in that way. When a kid gets to High School, they choose a career path- professional or technical. Professional puts them on the path to college and lines up all the classes and courses they need to get there. My kids chose tech. The last two years of high school are spent with their time divided between educational courses at the school at hands on courses at a near by Trade school.
      I'm sorry you're having doubts. I think a lot of people go through that period of "what-ifs". I think it's very responsible that you're finishing what you started even though your heart not not be in it any more.


      Rave: I finally got some sleep... though looking at my timestamp, it might not have been as much as I thought Hubby called and woke me at 10:30AM and I've been up and out of bed (and in my sling) ever since. I feel like the walking dead, but pain has been tolerable.

      Rave: Dr's called today and my CT was approved. I have it done, locally, on Monday. I see Ortho on Tuesday. (I also see the sleep Dr. on Monday). Tomorrow, I'm going to see my general Dr. about getting some sleeping pills. Hopefully, I won't need them.. but if the last few nights are my new norm for a while, I definitely will.

      Here is my beautiful bruise
      Bruise2.jpg

      Time for me to get back to bed and let my arm out of its prison.
      Sweet dreams, DV.

      Oh... and here is my new haircut
      WarriorPoselol.jpg

      (and yes, I am wearing a skirt as a dress Thankfully, I have several long skirts because that shall be my attire until goodness knows when )
      Last edited by Zhaylin; 08-17-2018 at 03:24 AM.
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    9. #19359
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      yuppie11975

      This was deeply thought provoking for me

      Thank you for sharing THIS Wow ⚘

      ⚘⚘⚘

      I haven't cried since.... I can't even remember.

      Not in the last 10 years at least. It's not that I don't get sad, I just seem to be incapable of crying for one reason or another.

      Sometimes I even try and force myself to cry because I feel like it would be beneficial to me, you know, cathartic and all that. But, nope.

      Still can't do it. I'm sure I'll manage when something truly harrowing happens to me. Anyway, figured I'd drop a bit of an update seeing I'm pretty slack.

      It's not that I don't read this thread regularly, I just struggle to find the energy to type out my own posts. Regardless, I always check in on your daily updates, Zhaylin.

      So, recently I moved from living on my university back home. I'm finishing my degree online. I've got 8 classes left to go, so... nearly done. I don't really like my degree, but I figure I may as well finish it at this point with all the time and money I've invested in it.

      I almost feel as if university is kind of a scam, unless you are super certain about what you want to do and you're following a formalised pathway onto a trajectory that you've got all mapped out. Otherwise, it's just kind of a thing that people feel obliged to do. It makes your parents proud, people revere it, everyone champions it.

      When I was in highschool, we were basically all told repeatedly that if we didn't go to university we'd have no real success in life. I don't know what the motivation behind telling people that is, but I certainly don't think that it's true in hindsight.

      Looking back I wish I just learned a trade, like an electrician or something like that.

      Recently, I've been thinking a lot about, well, I've been pining more than I've been thinking, about going back in time and starting over. Having an opportunity to make all my choices again.

      I know that it's not healthy to dwell on the past, and that people often place weight on the past when their actions in the present could dramatically alter their future, but, I still can't help myself. Anyway, living at home has been okay. It has its ups and downs like anything else.

      My main joy lately has been my motorcycle. It's super fun and I'm getting better at riding every day. A couple weeks back I was going around a roundabout and I slid out and dropped the bike. I had some pretty bad road rash on my leg, but no serious injuries. It was embarrassing more than anything else - there was lots of traffic around to witness it.

      No one stopped to help or anything, so I had to lift the bike up all by myself. Normally this would be a challenge because it's rather heavy, but with all the adrenaline and embarrassment coursing through my veins, I somehow lifted it as if it weighed nothing.

      To this day I'm still pretty nervous at roundabouts now, but overall I would say that my riding is getting better. It's pretty funny if I think about it, I'm more tentative about riding a roundabout at 10KPH than I am taking a corner at 110KPH. I'm not sure what caused me to slide out, it could be tire tread, tire pressure, gravel on the road, rider error, or a combination of everything.

      It's funny, when I was researching tips on how to be a good rider, one thing that I saw repeatedly was 'Learn to accept responsibility for your errors' and when I read it at the time I thought 'well, duh'.

      It seemed silly to me at the time that you wouldn't own up to your mistakes.

      But,

      when I crashed, I didn't really want to blame myself. I forced myself to be rational and acknowledge I made an error, but it was more difficult than I thought. Anyway, there's my long self important monologue pretty much over.

      I'll attach a few photos of the bike before and after I repaired it. I hope everyone is doing well. Lots of love.*
      ⚘⚘⚘
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    10. #19360
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      Well thanks EbbTide, I'm glad you enjoyed it. What specifically did you find provoking? I appreciate your comment, I just didn't consider my post to be particularly profound.

      You look healthy Zhaylin! My favourite photo of you was the one you used to have as your avatar, with the long blonde hair and the bandanna. (Assuming that was you)
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    11. #19361
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      Cool

      Yup...

      All of it inspired me
      I like the way you write. ��

      Oops

      I forgot
      DV can’t handle phone enicons
      That ?? is the smily face with sunglasses emicon from this phone.

      Let me see if I can find it in the dv collection of emogys and

      I can’t find the “cool” emoji
      That makes me feel “where the F is it” hahaha
      :
      Last edited by EbbTide000; 08-19-2018 at 02:55 AM. Reason: Looking for “cool” emicon, can’t find it.
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    12. #19362
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      Thanks Yuppie. That was a very old pic (of me lol- have I changed that much )

      RAVE, RAVE, RAVE: Sleep Dr. was going to give me the occipital blockers until I told him it made me sleep for 2 weeks. Now, he wants to give me botox It's supposed to help with migraines. Insurance has to approve it. BUT, I held my ground. I told him 2 main things I wanted to talk to him about were Provigil, provigil, provigil.... and his thoughts on the nasal pillow worsening my TMJ which, in turns, seems to be worsening my migraines.
      He's going to make a call to the mask supplier about hooking me up with a full face mask. AND... he wrote me a script for my med.
      Y'all have NO idea how friggin happy that makes me.

      Rave: CT went without a hitch. Now I just have to wait for the verdict tomorrow.

      Rant: I almost dropped my dinner last night and instinctually swung for it. My shoulder has been bothering me ever since. I'm back to 2 Extra Strength Tylenol twice a day instead of once with breakfast as I have been doing. I could have swore I wrote this already.
      I'm afraid Ortho isn't going to have great news tomorrow.

      Meh: I didn't sleep last night. There was no point. I had to be out of the house by 7:30. I'm supposed to go grocery shopping tonight, though, so I really should sleep before now and then....

      **EDIT**
      And oh yeah... I don't cry either. Unless I'm FURIOUS about something. Then I can't stop the tears
      I didn't even cry for the breaks.
      My eyes will sometimes well up a bit for various reasons (sad show, sad event, pain, speaking in high pitched baby talk lol) but I always bite it back. Mostly because I despise crying because 1) I brainwashed myself as a child (had a list of punishable offenses via SI and that was 1 of the 3 worst "crimes") 2) the way it makes my eyeballs feel If I break down and cry, I'm toast for the rest of the day- emotionally drained, eyes irritated to the point I must sleep to escape it. Meh...
      Last edited by Zhaylin; 08-20-2018 at 05:57 PM.

    13. #19363
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      Bah! Surgery, it is.
      I went to Ortho at 4, had another X-ray, spoke with the PA. She gave the DR's recommendation, then sent me next door for blood work and an EKG. I made it home right before 7.
      My surgery is for Thursday.
      Blah.

      Surgery doesn't scare me. Anesthesia worries me because I've come out of it hard before. I'm not worried about recovery. I still wont need a cast. They said that from the moment I enter the Hospital until the time I'm ready to leave will be about 8 hours. Some muscle may have to be repaired or removed (they said it's an unimportant bit though that most people don't even notice).
      It's very silly but I'm mostly worried about my flexibility. I've always been the double-jointed weirdo. And I like it that way.
      I'm slightly worried about airport security. I need plates and screws (or what ever they're called).

      How the heck did I manage to hurt myself so much from a simple fall and jerk? Yeah, I know the power of puppy's jerks but still This seems a bit extra.

      To add insult to injury, I *should* be starting my period today. Lovely.
      It's the simple, every day things that are tripping me up the most- showering, covering myself with my blankets, WIPING And now tampons... with my non-dominant hand. I couldn't even properly pee in a cup today

      And I'm curious about my blood results (and astounded I already have the results!!!). My glucose was 80 but there was a trace amount of ketones. For my urine test, under bacteria, it stated "Rare". Rare what, lol

      I am so sleepy but I'm not in the mood to go to bed

    14. #19364
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      Do you browse the forums much zhaylin, or only this thread? I was wondering how many active users there are floating around these days. Also, have you heard from woblybill recently?
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    15. #19365
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      I'm usually in this thread or the Lounge.
      I've not heard from Wobly
      People disappear from time to time. I worry too- especially when they're normally very active.

      Rant: The bruising has migrated to my elbow and just below it. It is VERY tender and a little swollen My shoulder blade area is really sore too- but that probably has to do with posture and driving weird more than anything else.

      Humorous: My sleeping sickness struck today. I got a really good nights sleep, woke at 9 but I couldn't stay awake. I went back to sleep after breakfast and was dead to the word until 2PM I'm glad I didn't have much advance notice for the surgery

      Rant: I broke down and painted my desk where the particle wood is chipping away. It's just a sticky mess and the wood is still crumbly

      Blah...
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    16. #19366
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      I went through and read over my dream journal last night. It's pretty interesting looking over stuff you wrote around 6 years ago. I'd like to get back into lucid dreaming, I think it's amazing, the only issue is that it's rather time consuming. Do you lucid dream much these days, Zhaylin?
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    17. #19367
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      Nah. LDing is way too time consumingf and my sllep suffers too much for it. Plus, I enjoy deciphering what my subconscience is processing.

      From my FB becuase typing really sucks right now lol
      " I have no idea exctly what they did lol. [surgery wise] I woke up extremely sick so I refused pain meds. I was VERY unsteady- fel t like walking on a boat. They gave me a nerve block for my arm before surgery. My arm is still like deadwood lol. My nurse looked A LOT like my cousin Denise 20+ years ago. Didn't catch her name though. I had BK for dinner so I'm about to take somemeds. Going to bed soon-ish...
      ... pain's not too bad... yet lol. Just took a Hydro in anticipation. My arm being numb, tingly and complete dead weight is bothering me more than anything else. That, and the nasty, super sweet after taste in my mouth. And having to pee again rofl They really pumped the fluids in me."

      Hopefully, my arm will come back to life tomorrow so I can proprly type.

      **EDIT**
      Oh yeah. Pic...
      BigBandage.jpg
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    18. #19368
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      yuppie Hello ⚘

      There is an dream game in this thread. All you do is say to yourself "what's in Ebb's drve box" any time or as you are dropping off to sleep. Note your dreams and stuff in your dv dj then look at rhe weekly target (in the box) and see where you question "what's in Ebb's drve box" was answered by "Our-Dreaming-Mind"

      Here is the link

      ↘️↘️↘️

      https://www.dreamviews.com/beyond-dr...xperiment.html

      ↗️↗️↗️

      Quote Originally Posted by yuppie11975 View Post
      I went through and read over my dream journal last night. It's pretty interesting looking over stuff you wrote around 6 years ago. I'd like to get back into lucid dreaming, I think it's amazing, the only issue is that it's rather time consuming. Do you lucid dream much these days, Zhaylin?
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    19. #19369
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      The nerve blockis wearing off and pain is replacing it But it's still not intolerable yet. I've been trying to keep ahead of it with Tylenol and Hydros and CBD. I have a very addictive personality so I'm trying to go easy on the Hydros.

      Rave; I can feel my hand well enough to play video games though. That will help keep me distracted.

      Rant: I've been VERY jittery- shivering a bit like I'm cold and have low blood sugar I nerve block also partially paralyzed my bladder so peeing has been weird. I'm also still just a tad unsteady on my feet. All of this is very strange...

      **EDIT**
      Inever thought I'd live to see the day. I am in so much pain, not even video games can distract me. I can't go to sleep and hibernate through it either. I'm also using an ice pack. I HATE ice packs, but I'm THAT desperate. On the 1-10 scale, my pain is at a steady 8-9. Hydros aren't making a discernable dent in it either. I just sent hubby out to fill my scrips... for more Hydro :/
      I may SI later if there's no relief just so I can get a rush of endorophins to help out.
      I'm in so much painI can't even eat.
      This sucks SO much!
      Last edited by Zhaylin; 08-24-2018 at 10:14 PM.
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    20. #19370
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      Sorry to hear you're in so much pain Zhaylin, I hope you feel better soon.
      I turn 21 in 1 hour and 15 minutes. This is probably the most underwhelming birthday I've ever had. Since I moved back to my hometown I don't really have any friends to celebrate it with. I'm not depressed about it or anything, I guess it's just another normal day.
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    21. #19371
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      Happy day to you, Yuppie. Hope you can do something nice for yourself if nothing else

      Rant: This pain is pure hell. I never would have had surgery if I knew this was in store me. I SI-ed last night and it did next to nothing. And I managed to cry today which didn't do much either.
      So, I called hubby and had him take me to the ER. My surgery info said if my pain worsened or didn't feel helped by meds, to go there.
      They gave me a Percoset and a script to have a few filled. But now it has to be approved by insurance.

      My pain is finally down to a 5-6. Not great. I'd like to have it back down to a 3-4. But it's a VAST improvement over the 8-9 it has been!!!!!

      Hubby's been a real trooper. I guess it helps that I'm normally very low maintenance lol.
      And my esteem had a slight boost because 2 people have now concluded I'm "a small person" (weight wise). Today, the Dr guessed me at 135. Nope. I'm about 150 now (We were calculating how much Benadryl I could safely take).

      Time to get back in bed.
      Hope everyone has a great day
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    22. #19372
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      They gave me 7.5 Oxy cut with 375mg tylenol. it's not working much better, but I'm not currently wishing for death or for my arm to just fall off.

      this whole thing has been so weird. I twilight sleep more than i properly sleep. It's like I'm partly awake, partly asleep but dreaming. the dreams have been everything from just sounds to out-of-focus pictures.

      On top of all of that, my period showed up, my bed clothes are partly sullied and I have no other clean sheets. As it is, I'm going to have to have one of the kids make my bed which is a huge undertaking. I am very picky about my layers and can't tolerate wrinkles. that's hard to do when your bed's a desk
      PLUS, my shift key is dying

      I did happen upon something kinda neat. i was rubbing the side of my neck and it felt like a long hair was pulling my ear down. I don't have long hair any more. was it a thread from a pillow?
      Nope. None of those. I think it's a residual effect from the nerve block. Even now, if I just lightly touch it, it feels like something tugging on my ear

      rave: someone close to me is getting me some weed tomorrow to try for this pain. it will make me feel car sick as all get out, but hopefully it will work and i can get some proper sleep.
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    23. #19373
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      I used to religiously smoke weed from the time I woke up until I went to sleep. Did this for around 4 years, but then I started feeling anxious whenever I smoked, so I ended up giving it away for good. Probably for the best, it made me very lazy. Also I save a lot of money not smoking.
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    24. #19374
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      My brother is a pot smoker. He got into heavier, deadlier stuff for a few years but finally put it all behind him. Except for pot lol. He’ll be a stoner til the day he dies.
      I hope you had a good birthday, Yuppie.

      Great googally moogally I have finally been sleeping. I woke at 11 for my pain Meds and decided I should eat one of the pepperonni rolls hubby gave me. I kept them on my bed for easy access.
      It took me an hour to finish one (and they’re the size of biscuits lol) because I kept falling asleep WHILE EATING IT

      Rave: I risked it and took a shower last night. My bandage is water proof so that was okay. I’m just still really unsteady and didn’t want to fall. It felt so friggin wonderful... until I turned the wrong way and the water made direct contact with the bandage. YOWCH!!

      RANT: My arm feels like a balloon that’s about to pop. The pressure is so weird.

      Rave: this new medal has kept the pain tolerable for the most part. It starts to wear off 4 hours in, so I take one Tylenol to hold me over.

      Rave: My iPad came back to life. Don’t know how long it will last, but I’m enjoying it while it does!!
      I REALLY hope the new one is released in September and not in October as some are speculating
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    25. #19375
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      One persistent problem I have with my life is that I always feel disorganised. It's difficult for me to commit to certain things because the idea of having to keep track of it is overwhelming. It's kind of hard to explain. For example, the tasks I do daily are kind of check list based, and I feel wrong if I don't do them. So, when I wake up, I have to make my bed and make sure that my room is aligned correctly. That everything is in its correct position. It's basically an obsession/compulsion. I refer to it as 'Organisational OCD' (not an actual medically recognised term). It's really hard to explain even. If I try my best to just ignore my urge to do something then I can just forget about it pretty easily, but I typically end up doing it because it feels nice. Kind of like scratching an itch or whatever. I should probably see a psychologist about it. I just feel like it prohibits me from making personal progress because all my goals are associated (in my mind) with this sort of attentive anxiety. I'm not really sure if you guys will understand what I'm trying to describe, it's difficult for me to even quantify it.
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