Ha! I'm the worst. I edit too many times... Sometimes not enough. I feel worse than I did last night. I had some really epic LD Last night. I need to write them DJ.. *Off to sneeze myself to death.*
I couldn't find a clip of it on YouTube just now, but my goodness how it sums up my life! (It can, however be rented https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ij97lXlIR-4) I use to LOVE "Monk". There was one episode where one of his assistants stole a monkey that was to be put down. She hid it in his house. Monk has SEVERE OCD- everything has to be absolutely perfect and germ free. He was walking through his house. Pictures were lop-sided, cabinets in the kitchen were wide open and food was spilled everywhere. He just continued about his business as if blind to the chaos (he was disassociating ).
Therein lies the truth to my super power
feel better soon Gordan. Have you tried allergy meds?
Personally, I love "Little Remedies" because it has the least amount of drainage into my throat. When my allergies are severe though, I prefer "Flonase" (and the name brand stuff IS better than the generic for some reason). I go easy on both though because I just don't like stuff in my nose
For allergy meds, I take an Allegra in the AM and Benadryl at bedtime... plus I get an allergy shot once a week
IC, hope you got your dream written and escaped the sneezes lol
Rant: I actually fell asleep at 3:30AM (instead of 4:30-5 I've been doing). I woke up at 8:30 to remove my CPAP. It seems, about 5 hours is the cap of my tolerance level for wearing it. I didn't bother going back to sleep because I had to get my shot today, which meant I could have only gotten an extra hour.
Rave: Skipping Provigil yesterday was a great idea. I truly do think I'm going to continue skipping every other day. I can feel it working today. I was downright CHATTY at PT and I'm just not a chatty person normally.
Rant: Haven't seen baby Raccoony all day. I hope he's just enjoying the great outdoors and hasn't gotten himself into trouble.
Rant: Miley's unreasonable and mean when it comes to the puppy. She wants to pop him for "talking" and to dump his water for having to go outside so much. I nagged her, saying it takes 5 minutes out of her day every 3 hours and to just deal with it.
Rant: Poor Momma dog looks terrible. She had bald spots on her rump, the tops of her ears and the tops of her feet. She's laying on the cold floor, shivering. She has a blanket to lay on in the other room, but she wants to be in here with me (no room for the blanket). I laid down a piece of cardboard and she's curled on it, but it doesn't seem to be helping at all.
This should be a quiet day. I really hope this energy holds out. When Ray wakes up, I'm going to have him wipe down (and out) the washing machine so I can finally tackle this laundry. I have enough energy to do so for once!! It all depends on just how long he snoozes.
Rant: My allergies have been extreme these last couple days. My poor eyeballs are suffering the most (dry/itchy eyes). I've not been taking my Allegra regularly, so that might be contributing. I think it's mostly the change of weather, though. I'm also trying to get a "fever blister". I used to NEVER get those things, but I recall ranting here in relative recent memory. They never fully break through (so far!), which is a good thing.
Rant: I was just sitting, here at my desk, when I heard some high pitched animal cries. Hmmm. I kept tilting my ears but the sound wasn't constant enough to track. Then Miley came back: "I need you to help me find out what's crying- it sounds like it's coming from outside."
And sure enough... I track down the cries to the RV. Just under it, were 2 new baby cats. Their eyes have recently opened, so they're at least 6-8 weeks old.
I heard more cries, so I called out. Then our cat, Mew, sticks her head out of a hole. Lovely. I stuck my hand up the hole but couldn't feel anything. I read what the door went to: "Sewer" I wondered if it would be locked, but nope, opened easily and there sat 3 more babies. I couldn't reach one of them and Mew bit at Miley whenever she tried to grab it. So, 4 new babies are inside. We're waiting for the other to fall out the hole (and start crying the alarm) or for Mew to come inside to eat, then we'll snatch up the last one. It's too cold for them to be outside.
When the heck did Mew become pregnant again and how is the time-line possible? Raccoony is only 2-3 months old. She must have gotten pregnant with her new brood while she was still carrying the others (it's possible, to my amazement- I had to look it up earlier in the year, when I was confused as to why a male was mounting a pregnant female)
BAH!!! Our Colony grows. These 5 look extremely healthy too yet Sick and dying cats are, of course, extremely sad. But so is having more cats than I could possibly care for.
Rave/Rant: I slept from 4-11:30 AM. I thought I slept fairly well, but I'm exhausted. So I pulled up my results. I used my CPAP for 5hrs, 38 minutes with only 2.1 episodes an hour. I went back to sleep after taking it off. Fitbit says I was "Asleep" for 5 hours, 29 minutes and "Restless/Awake" for 144 minutes It seems the largest of that chunk was right before I took off my CPAP until a short while after I fell back to sleep without it.
Rave: Momma dog looks like she's in a heavenly state. Puppy's grooming her sore ears and she's leaning into him with a look that's sheer pleasure.
**EDIT**
It might not be allergies killing my eyes after all. I just glanced down at my humidity/temperature thingamajig. It's currently 75 degrees with 37% humidity After months of it being well above 58% this is probably quite a shock to my system!!
I brought in that other kitten. Mew bit and scratched at me as well (nothing serious, didn't even pierce or scratch the skin). She might have one other hiding in there with her. I thought I heard something and she's refused to leave the spot.
She's not a fan of the puppy but she does come inside to eat sometimes (we also leave food outside).
The kittens are in Paula and Destinees room because they have a space heater. They're not going to be overly pleased about their new roommates but there is nowhere else they can be placed that's warm and secluded from the puppy.
Bah! At around 3AM, I went to the RV to try to coax Mew into coming inside (had tried a few times throughout the day, as well). She growled, which is VERY unlike her. She was very upset. I still think she has a baby hidden in there somewhere.
So, I ended up bringing all the kittens back out to her. The kittens had gone some 12 hours without eating which is very dangerous at their age. It's better for them to be out there, even if it is cold. I hope she just as sense enough and dexterity enough to carry them back up the hole if they fall out again.
I checked on them earlier and they all seem healthy and happy
Rant: I was falling asleep to the EXTREME while playing Roblox earlier. DESPITE taking my Provigil and then 1/2 a couple hours later. Those games do, indeed, seem to be my undoing. The other day when I posted about having energy and loving it.... I forgot to rant that the energy disappeared as soon as I started gaming
I fell asleep at 4:35AM and used my CPAP for almost 5 1/2 hours (3.1 episodes an hour and I need to adjust my mask a little- had some leakage). I fell back to sleep after taking it off at around 10:30. Fitbit says I got 4 hours and 50 minutes worth of sleep
I didn't wake up again until noon, BUT: I spent 155 minutes "restless or awake". Seriously? I spent nearly 3 hours tossing and turning? That's crazy. No friggin wonder I'm always so exhausted!
Rave: No taxi duty OR PT tomorrow. The girls were going to need me to take them on Monday's because no one from the area works that day normally. But a friend is starting training tomorrow, so I'm off the hook As for PT, they were overbooked Monday, so I'm off the hook there too.
Rant: I'm being over-run with Stink Bugs. These suckers are everywhere this year. Usually, I'll have 1-2 hang out in my room for a few months. There must be close to a dozen in here. Of course, most of them are too high for me to reach
Rave: The incision is doing marvelously. No more escaping sutures so far!!
I hope everyone had a great weekend and that y'all are looking forward to the week ahead.
Oi! Of course I'm falling asleep at my desk now that I want to stay awake all night
I have to take my daughter-in-law to our local hospital at 7AM for a double mastectomy (complications from Hidradenitis, not cancer). Seeing how I don't typically fall asleep before 4:30, there just wasn't any point in even laying down.
Of course, sitting in mostly darkness is not helping matters any lol, but Birdie was insistent.
Rant/Rave: My thighs have been killing me for the last 2 nights BUT, I just used my TENS unit on it (as high as I've ever used it lol) and it seems to have helped some. I don't know how long it will help, but I welcome the reprieve!!
Curiosity: For the last few days (mostly night time), I've been having a tiny spot between my ankles (front side) that feels tingly. Almost like a stray hair or something crawling on me. There's nothing there though- not even any skin irritation I've had it before and it always makes me curious (same general area too).
Rave: I see my p-doc today. 3 months between visits is far too long lol.
Rave: I took a pic of one of my house spiders and the way the flash of my phone lit him up, he seems almost alien.
I cannot wait until I get Paula taken care of so I can crash until my appointment!!
Rant-ish: It would be a full blown, hard-core rant... if I had the energy for it. I woke with a nasty headache which has gotten worse throughout the day. I broke down and took 2 Tylenols and 2 Ibuprofen as well as half a Provigil (the Green Tea w/ Hoodia just isn't cutting it today).
It's an all over sort of headache; starting at the outside base of my head. There's some weird-ish sort of pressure behind my ears, then pain behind and above my eyes... It's almost like a "\" through my head. It's not the sort of headache I'm intimately familiar with, but I've had them at times in the past. It's dull but constant, yet starts throbbing if I move.
It's making me want to go to sleep and to move as little as possible.
I should take my BP... YIKES! I guess 1/2 of an Atenolol is in order! 149/102 pulse of 102 What the heck?!
And yet... it makes me wonder... did the headache cause the high blood pressure or was it the other way around
Meh: I'm cold, but it's 79 degrees in my room...
Annoyance: My bloat is back in force. I look like I'm 7 months pregnant again. My bowels are back to being regular, but hard to pass (completely normal for me however lol)... who the heck knows.
Amazement: I managed to drink TWO 52 oz frozen Coke's yesterday I've already had one today. I don't think I've been this well hydrated and having to pee so much for a VERY long time
Rave-ish: I managed to sleep fairly well last night. I used my CPAP for just under 4 hours, but went on to get about 3 more hours of sleep.
Concerned Rave: Paula's procedure went very well and they discharged her today.... but she "lost a lot of blood" and she reacted very badly to the anesthesia and morphine and had a very hard time coming out of it. She's having considerable leg pain/weakness/heaviness, which is just strange. I tried googling it, but everything comes up as being a side effect from cancer or chemo which doesn't apply to her.
I've been writing this for just over 30 minutes. I've had a couple distractions though, lol (2 phone calls). It seems my headache has stabilized for the time being
Rave: Oh yes!- I saw my p-doc yesterday which was very overdue. He prescribed a sleeping pill which I picked up today. I am VERY eager to put it to use
Hello everyone, I've been out of commission doing tons of medical appointments that tests.
That hemorrhage I have the bleeding location has been found out, and I currently am waiting on the results. It's ulcers, so I'm happy that the bleeding site has been located.
YIKES, Indigo!!! Now that they know what's going on, I hope they're able to make repairs or heal it very quickly!!
Get better soon, and keep us updated
Rave: PT went so well today that they said I can start going twice a week instead of 3 times. They said my mobility is pretty outstanding.
Rant-ish: My p-doc recommended I take the entire 50mg of Trazodone for sleep. I am EXTREMELY sensitive to sedation, though, so I took half instead. I thought I slept fairly well: 5hrs on CPAP, 1.7 apneas an hour, then an extra 1 1/2 hours after I removed it. Fitbit says I slept from 4:30-11:00 AM so 6 1/2 hours; but I was "restless or awake" for 52 minutes... which is a VAST improvement of my norm!!!
I went to the restroom at PT, though, and saw myself in the mirror. i look HAGGARD lol. Usually, when I skimp on sleep, my wrinkles are much more prevalent. I LOOK like I haven't slept in 2 days
Meh: Gotta go back to the store tonight; take Sis to a rent-to-own place so she can pay a bill; pick up hubby some food.
Rave: Despite how I look, I feel fairly awake today. Of course, I haven't gotten on one of my games yet though.
Curiosity: I am still MAJORLY curious as to why certain games knock me the heck out- regardless of how much sleep I've gotten (and which has been the case for some 20+ years).
I wondered if it could be some sort of seizure variant... But I've never had a history (self or family*) and the games don't have strobe-light type effects.
*When Sis was just a few days old, she had several grand mal seizures. She was put on meds and a heart monitor for them. Dr's couldn't find a cause so they wrote it off as something she'd outgrow (they were more technical, but that was the gist). And, sure enough, she did.
Rave: Headaches have been back to the usual and a 1-2 (pain scale) annoyance. My BP is wonderfully normal.
Time to get on my games for a couple hours. Let's see how I fair then
**EDIT**
I forgot to write about yesterday's adventures.
I was sitting at my desk when I felt something land on my upper arm. I thought it was an annoying Stink Bug and just brushed it away. But as I did so, I caught a glimpse of it. It was actually a Yellow Jacket.
It took me about 3 minutes to find my gardening gloves. He was on my mosquito net. I just walked over, cupped my hand over him then took him outside and released him. No fuss, no muss. Perhaps the cold weather made him more docile.
Yet, later in the evening, I felt a very sharp pinch on my lower leg. What the heck?! I looked down and there sat a friggin Stable Fly. So, the bee didn't hurt me but a fly did
Hurry up, Winter, and get here already
Rave: After my p-doc visit, I passed a shop on Main Street that had beautiful shawls outside. I stopped in to see if they had any vests to replace my tattered one. Sure enough, they did. And because it was a Summer item, it was marked down in price 40%. I told hubby about it, then took out an advance against next week. I went in and bought it today. It was normally $46. but I paid something like $29. with the mark down
Rant: But it was a very impractical purchase It's WHITE and exceptionally long (falls to just above my ankles). It also doesn't have a button or belt. There was also a pic- but it's along the outermost edge in a more stable area and easily remedied.
On Monday, I'm going to see about either buying a button or large eyelets (?) for a strap (? 2 cords to tie closed).
Rave: I was VERY well rested yesterday. My games did NOT put me to sleep.
Rant: The same cannot be said of today however But, today was a Green Tea with Hoodia day... I'm going to break down and take 1/2 a Provigil. Or, maybe I should take a caffeine pill instead.
OI!- last nights sleep sucked beyond the usual suckage!!! Though Fitbit seems to disagree.
I actually laid down, last night, at 10PM because I was too sleepy for life... and yet I still didn't fall asleep until 2:30 (according to Fitbit. I would've sworn I passed out before 1AM). I only used my CPAP for 1 hour 58 minutes. I kept waking up, then falling asleep while sitting up; waking up, then laying down. And my dreams!!- they were exceptionally vivid and exceedingly disturbing (for the most part).
I went to sleep with my undies on, anticipating Mr. Monthly. In my last 2 hours of sleep, I sweat so much I could almost wring them out!
I looked at the weather before turning in last night. The temps weren't supposed to drop below 50, so I slept with my AC on (set at 75). I was also sleeping with my heating pad on though. When I briefly woke some 2 hours prior, I had a nasty headache due to muscle tension in my neck from sleeping weird. I fell asleep with the pad behind my head which triggered the excessive sweating.
I'm waiting 10 more minutes, to gather my senses, and then I'm hopping into the shower!!!
Oh yeah, Fitbit placed my total results as 7hrs, 41 minutes of sleep with only 1.9 minutes "awake" (2 hours, 6 minutes of REM; 4hrs 33 minutes of light sleep and 1 hr 2 minutes of Deep sleep... though I still don't believe their claims of determining such )
I need to google if trazodone should be taken with Benadryl. My dreams were much more extreme than usual. I've taken Benadryl at bedtime for months now. Last night, though, I took my recommended 50mg of the sleeping med along with my usuals. That's the only things different which could have caused them...
Last's nights sleep was darn near perfect.
I started my period early in the evening yesterday, so that probably helped contribute (in the largest way) to my messed up sleep and dreams the night before last.
I took my meds at 1:30AM and didn't fall asleep until 3:50. CPAP gave me a 100% score: 7.32 hours of use; 3.4 hourly events. Fitbit recorded me as: 7.4 hours of sleep (); 2.29 hours of REM; 3:42 hours of Light; 53 minutes of Deep. I woke up 13 x's but they only amounted to 17 minutes total
And yet... I'm STILL falling asleep at my desk
I HAVE a lot to do... but I'll probably continue putting it off as much as humanly possible lol
I WILL get my laundry done today. I'm anal about laundry. I can't wash my clothes until I or someone else wipes down the washer inside and out (only the lid though). And then I do a "quick wash" of just water and detergent. My son wiped it down for me... so now it's a race against the clock. I have to get my clothes started before someone else beats me to the machine and dirties it up again
It shouldn't be THAT big a deal.... but my skin allergies insist.
Then I have to start packing for my trip and cracking the whip until Destinee cleans out my car so I can start ozonating it (I exchanged $10. in owed gas fees for the chore instead).
I'm finally starting to grumble, internally, about the upcoming trip some. But only because it's open-ended and hubby hasn't committed to anything yet. We're only in Chicago Friday-Sunday. But are we going to visit with his daughter for 1 or 2 days or more? Are we going to do anything else or come straight home? I imagine hubby will be completely tuckered out after the first visit with his daughter. Socializing wears him out and he'll already be completely spent after Chicago and the lectures he'll make himself attend.
He surprises me sometimes, though. He has the entire week off, so he'll feel compelled to use it constructively. The cold weather, however, makes the odds even more in my favor though. If snow is forecast, at all, I'm 97% sure we'll spend 1 day with his daughter then race back home to hibernate
Rant: It dipped down into the 30's last night, but I still slept with my AC on- set to 85 degrees. When I woke, the temp in my room was still 66 and much warmer than the rest of the house.... but my humidity was only 32% My eyeballs and nose are killing me.
Insert mixture of Rant/Rave and RAGE lol:
I saw my sleep Dr. today and he actually spoke with me some instead of the usual rush we're forced through. I explained my immense confusion regarding my diagnosis of Restless Leg Syndrome. Almost NONE of my symptoms match what I've read. Bouncing my legs help a wee bit, if there's no escaping having to sit like a normal person. The only thing that helps the DEEP, DULL, toothache like, constant pain in my legs is sitting on the one with the other bent against me.
He said 'Yeah, that's NOT RLS' He then asked if the nerves in my legs have ever been tested and I told him no.
He actually had a device there at his office that can read nerve responses... it looked sort of like an EKG, and it works sort of like a TENS unit. They zap different spots with electricity... which was almost painful at times lol, but not too bad all in all.
He said he didn't see anything suspicious and asked if I have back or hip pain. Occasionally, sure, but nothing chronic like my legs.
Then the appointment became more rushed. 'I'll write you a prescription for a cream. Let's see if that helps.'
It's called EMLA and I laughed with the Pharmacist, saying that's ALL I know of the medicine. She printed me off some info which didn't help much.
I'm supposed to apply it while wearing gloves, but not rub it in. And then it's recommended I COVER the area with a bandage or wrap. Just how big is this tube of cream going to be The entire area from just above my knees to just below my hips (by and large) are what hurts. I really don't think I can wrap that easily lol.
It's rage inducing because I'm left hanging. But now it occurs to me that it might be sort of like a blind study. You know SOMETHING hurts, but not exactly what or why... so try this or that to see if it helps and, if it does, it might offer a clue to what's going on.
I just really wish Dr's would say that: "I don't know, so let's try this."
I pick up the med tomorrow, so we shall see.
Meh: I only managed to get ONE HOUR of sleep last night. My appointment was early and I was afraid of sleeping through my alarm... then after the sleep Dr, I had PT, then had to stop by Ortho to make sure I could have full X-rays of my arm... and then I had taxi duty to pick my daughter up from work (I dropped her off on the way to the first appointment). Bah! I am BEAT. But my Provigil is helping me plug along. Hopefully I can stay awake until 1AM-ish, then sleep as normal (but perfectly )
Intrigue: I was complaining to my daughter that it always irritates me that, when I skimp on sleep, I have to pee rivers almost every single hour even though I don't drink any more than usual. I told her "It's as if my body says 'Hey, we need to conserve energy and your bladder's not that important right now so deal with it'"
My daughter suggested it may be a means of regulating my temperature, which seems interesting to me, because whenever I'm exhausted I do tend to become very chilled very easily. I'll have to look into that, but how would I even word such a query
Rave: We brought the kittens back inside night before last. The temps were getting too cold and they kept falling out of their spot. Momma accepted the spot after we carried her to it and she realized what we were up to. She scratches the door to be let in and out
Rave: I've finally been approved to stop wearing my sling and to step up with progressive strength training
Rant: I have another nasty headache. Don't feel like taking my pressure again lol. Earlier today it was 134/98 pulse of 104 What the heck is up with that annoying lower number?! It always wants to be high.
Rant: The washing machine ate one of my skirts It is stuck in the middle bottom of the drum. I need to google the best way of getting it out. I tried tugging on it, as did Miley. We're worried about pulling too hard and having the skirt tear and leave fabric behind and also of pulling too hard and breaking the drum. I swear, if it's not one thing, it's another.
RAWR: The trip is closely approaching. I still need to vacuum out the car. Tomorrow night, I ozonate it. Grrr... I also have to take Paula to the Dr at 9AM tomorrow to have her drains removed.
BAH! Broke down and took my BP 137/101 108. What the heck?! My resting pulse is way too high too
Guess it's time for 1/2 an Atenolol and bed if this headache doesn't subside soon. I don't have time for this crap...
**EDIT**
Seriously? I took that BP med and (some time later) it's now 142/89 109. Makes absolutely no friggin sense. It brought down my high number but raised the low one?
My headache has GREATLY subceeded (how is that not a real word?), so that's all I really care about.
Oh yeah... and I YouTubed my washer problem. The area my skirt is stuck is called the agitator and it seems like a very easy problem to fix. I just need to buy some rope from the Dollar Tree tomorrow.
- Managed to pay off a few credit cards with two jobs, and the feeling of being secure financially makes it worth it. My girlfriend has a godmother that lives here, and she’s trying to find work there so we can hopefully reach out more. I’ll try my best to help her even though she is trying to start high, and trickle her way down if her high expectations with job matching don’t work out. I understand that finding something close to your profession is ideal, but finding a temporary job to get some underpinning going is at least something rather than nothing. Then again, the fear of being at a dead-end with not finding anything to progress towards is just as mentally taxing. I can only just do my best to support, and see what direction she’s trying to go for. I admire her being independent and not really relying on me financially for this as I know some relationships can go sour when one person doesn’t pull their weight.
- Got the catalytic converter for my vehicle fixed even though it cost me a grand. It made me realized that as much as it’s good to pay off debt, and leaving them at zero can be relieving, it doesn’t stop life from coming at you like a freight train.
- Got a Samsung Galaxy S9+ a few weeks ago and I love it. I don’t miss my iPhone 5s at all. The iPhone X just made me disgusted with Apple, and I caved into the impulse buy as an excuse to defect from the Apple brainwash juice (no offense to Apple fans; I just miss Android). Putting a substantial amount of money down so the financing isn’t going to kill me puts things into perspective as I never in my life thinking I could do something like that and still have more to save.
- I managed to get some work done in my room and made it to where I can get more efficiency out of it despite the small space. What I find funny is that for the rant below coming, the foldable desk I’m comfortably typing on was really just for setting up my drawing monitor as well. Which would make me wonder what would be the point? Just silly drivel I worry about for some reason.
Rant(s):
Spoiler for Rants:
- I can’t seem to find joy drawing as much before. Whether it was grinding hours working on 3D models and dealing with the crappy progress and having a few milestones accomplished, or just wanting to pick up on the neglected 2D aspect of it all….I feel like I’m just a workaholic like my father. Even after countless dreams where I’ve grown to become less materialistic and serious about the rat race in life, putting my time into making more money to create more security for a family if I’m fortunate enough to experience that just seems more worthwhile than trying to have a hobby in between. But, that in of itself is also just very awkward to be happy about as the former obviously has its setbacks of having positive reinforcement, and just making sure the mental upkeep is sustained so I don’t go crazy in the process with two jobs. I’m glad that I’ve been able to just tap into a tunnel vision focus with two jobs and feel a little bit more unhinged and less fearful of willing to make a change for the better.
- I want to get into image streaming again, but I have to start figuring out what I want to get out of it. As much as it’s fun to see information overloaded in your head screaming at you like raging monkeys hoping for a eureka moment, it can often paralyze oneself to want to do anything; an existential neurosis on what to do with seeing alternatives that you know you can’t take all at once, and the disappointment that comes after coming to terms with this. And yet, it’s that same aiming for a fine target in that sea of apprehension is what would make image streaming have more usefulness. It’s just figuring out what’s useful for me beyond the day-to-day grind that is the instrumentality of life. Blah blah blah, I can’t wait for Friday, and the next one to come.
- A few married women have been trying to make me their sprinkle on top. One from the main job that I just shut down immediately before she tried to get into her long-distance fantasy from her SO, and the other that just straight up asked if I was single while her friends looked at her funny. She was drunk, and I try not to reason with drunk people. Because at the second job, I lost my s***, raised my arms up, slammed the table so hard to make two people shut up arguing over something stupid (they eventually tried getting me in trouble but they forgot it’s private property where we have our rules if you want to **** **** over; thank goodness we're cool with the cops around here for this company). It’s like Florida is analogous to entering a different dimension. You learn you have limits, and you can’t always be a cool cucumber all the time, nor expect people to be loyal to their SOs and not ask you awkward questions like if I’m single or not. Even a co-worker subtly tries to advance towards me even after-the-fact she knows I’m taken. It’s so funny how I complained in the past of not really being with someone with the friend-zone thing, and now this. How, how on this green earth and clean atmosphere this side of Florida (compared to Texas) is this possible? You’d think with the cleaner atmosphere, there would be more clarity in people’s minds.
Ramble:
Spoiler for Ramble:
- My second job is hinting towards me becoming a Restaurant Manager, but they’ll have to find someone else because unless the pay is higher than the threshold with two jobs, it’s not worth it. Florida just has that atmosphere where you shouldn’t revel in the idea that you’ll be secure with just one job. With scam, fraud, and there being rare cases of companies that actually care – combined with what I went through transitioning here, I unironically may have to decline the very same thing I was pushing for that I thought would matter relative to the working skillset I tried to develop over the years. I realized the person trying to endorse me into being a manager was the same person I had unsettling feelings working with due to their unhinged personality. They’ve changed for the better, but only when I made a grievance to her to my GM; found it funny how indirectly auditing my own manager to the GM led to that, and her thanking me for telling the things I’ve said to the manager. That only propagated my fear of her, but for now, she hasn’t gone bonkers on me – still, keeping cautious just in case.
- I talk myself into realizing that this second job is just that – a side hustle where I shouldn’t overthink and just go through the motions. But, when people talk about how she is, and they come to me for feedback, I guess I just naturally want to reciprocate because it’s what I had to do before coming over here with the other job that I was close to being in a higher managerial role. However, I don’t look for opportunities to do this, but it seems people just want to come to me. I find it funny how they praise me so much, but I haven’t gotten serious to where there’s full commitment – mostly to just split my energy to where I don’t get burned out.
- On a different note, as much as I have mixed feelings about this – a co-worker was fired at the second job. It was always uncomfortable working with them. And the closing manager that was terminated before for unlawful termination of another employee (which I think was just said employee misunderstanding what he said) also had a dislike of her as well. I’m no saint either as we’ve exchanged jokes about their mentality here. With a job that has so much leeway in putting up with people’s flock, her getting fired for raising an ant’s nest just shows that it’s worth it to be patient rather than being baited by people wanting to bring you down with them. But, I’m not praising for joy over her being non-existent here as my transition here was due to helping out someone that was laid off. Still, as much as the feeling will be temporary, I can’t shrug off the fact that I’ll have better peace of mind along with others as well with her not being here.
- Staying here with a distant relative is cool and all, but I can’t wait to get out. I was going to just find a place for myself, but the price point was attractive --especially with the cost of living here in Florida. But, when you look past the smoke and mirrors of that attraction, it’s better to take the risk of being by yourself in the long run – at least for me. I think I’m just being paranoid, but when someone talks about their dreams, and you get shoehorned into being a proxy for it, and you don’t want to reciprocate…..RUN.
I have a lot to say but at the same time I don't really have a lot to say. First off, of course there is the usual housekeeping and I extend my warmth to all of you and provide the obligatory apologies for not posting as much as I should. Lately I've been trying to better myself and figure out how to optimise my life, and it's just so overwhelming. The best way I can explain it is that it feels like my head is going to explode with indecision whenever I try to narrow down what it is that I should do to take proactive measures. There's a million things I could choose to do and being in the position of trying to get something, anything done, and feeling the conflation of every possibility outcome and choice is absolutely maddening. Then of course come the feelings of pointlessness, why not just revert back to nihilism instead. Honestly, trying to order yourself almost feels like some sort of practical joke designed to drive you insane.
My goodness, Link! You have a lot going on. Sorry you're not enjoying your art, as much, anymore
Your job drama always makes me SO thankful I've never truly had to deal with that, long term. I can't stand two-faced people, deception, or job "politics" (or politics in general ) I am so grateful I've been blessed with not having to be part of the work force.
But, some people have great fulfillment in work and would find my lifestyle torturous
It's great that you're "taking care of business". Just don't neglect your other needs
Meh: This post has been open for over an hour I started writing my reply to Link but then one thing after another after another popped up.
Turns out, the washing machine hack does NOT work for our machine. My son looked up a different video and got through the first step on his own but then he needed a socket wrench. Mine were too small. Called hubby and he brought over ginormous ones Then he had to search his garage for smaller sizes and try several before he found the one that fit.
Then everyone struggled to actually lift the agitator out. I got it one-handed rofl. We wiped off some excess grease, unstuck my skirt and WOW!- it was like threading a needle. My skirt went through the side bottom crack and then up through a slit
All of that took an hour.
Then hubby was up and about and feeling productive, so we brought Miley to his house to get the ozonator out of his attic.
And now he has his engines idling for the Fiat and truck.
I, however, am doing NOTHING. I washing the washing machine from where my skirt has been stuck in there mildewing. Then I have to wash a couple more articles of clothes and my jacket.
In the meantime, I have to roll a lot more change. Strangely, hubby's sort of feeling guilty about that and offered to just give me some money if I need something.
I told him it needs done regardless. It's just collecting dust and Stink Bug bodies lol I don't know how I've been managing to eat through my budget so quickly these last couple months.
I am very proud of my kids cooperation. Hubby needs to stop by more often. It's like when the landlord plans to stop by, so you hurry up and clean
Rant: That numbing cream didn't work for crap last night. But I didn't exactly follow the instructions either. It's just WEIRD. I can't wrap my brain around applying a cream and NOT rubbing it in My TENS unit, however, did help some. I don't know why my legs have been especially aching lately.
Rave: I am SO happy I can take Ibuprofen again.
Rave: The babies were too confined in the container we had them in, and they were soiling the sheet I put in there with them. So we turned the container on its side so they can explore (and we can wash the sheet). They are so stinking cute and VOCAL.
Rave: Puppy did so well when hubby came over for repairs. We blocked him in the girls' room. He was concerned at first (he's not allowed back there, normally), so he peed a little. But when hubby was here, he didn't bark or carry on one bit. He just sat at attention on the other side of the block (?? part of a bed that metal's, springy but exposed- sort of like the box spring? We use it to block the girls' room from the kitchen. It's the perfect length).
Rant-ish: Turns out, we probably wont be back from our trip until late Wednesday or Thursday. We check out of Chicago on Tuesday. Bah. I definitely didn't want to be stuck there for that long. It'll be a nice break once I settle in, though.
Time to get to work on change and vegging out
**EDIT**
I don't know how I managed to miss your post, Yuppie. We weren't posting anything close to the same time. Maybe the timestamps are broken... or my vision is
So sorry you're struggling. Don't feel bad for not posting.
Try not to OVERTHINK everything. Don't focus on "the long game" right now. Just take smaller steps. Make a list of things you want to do or accomplish. Even if you just partially finish one thing a day, you'll be making progress. Try not to dismiss or minimalize your attempts and successes.
Also, don't try to change too many big things at once. You'll overwhelm yourself and burn out. Let's say you want to exercise more. Start with a 30 minute walk a day. If that's too much, cut back until you're comfortable. Then establish the routine. After a couple of weeks, the routine will have become a habit and you can slowly build up or intensify things from there.
BUT, you wouldn't also try to stop smoking at the same time That's just a recipe for failure.
Work on ONE huge thing at a time and add in a couple smaller things.
What sort of household management? Chores? Repairs? That's what I struggle with. I just don't care enough lol. But when I'm serious, I start with one drawer at a time. Then I organize all of that and move to surfaces. Then corners and so on.
When one room is finished, I'll move to the next and repeat.
Bah! I am dragging today. And I CAN NOT afford to drag today
I have decided to keep things simple for this trip. I'm not taking my CPAP or crafting supplies... Just my clothes, toiletries, food (), DSi and games, and my vaping stuff. And also, the handle from my broom People may look at me oddly, but I don't care. I need it to keep up with my PT and to pop my shoulder
Rant: I got just under 6 hours of sleep last night. I thought I slept fairly well, but when I took Paula to an appointment today, I kept nodding off in the car while I waited for her
I've taken none of my stimulants today. We leave at around 2 AM, so I'm going to have to force a nap at some point.
I'm worried about my vaping, more than anything, for this trip. I've always vaped in our hotel rooms. I've never been a cloud chaser, so vapor was never a concern. Now that I've switched to a drip tank, though, clouds can't be helped. I still have my Nautilus tank, but even at 18 watts (my preference for that one whereas my dripper is at 70), it tends to taste burned with the drippers mod. The mod I used with the Nautilus died a few months ago.
Bah!! I need to get off my butt and roll that change. I have to buy some cat food for next week. The dogs are all set, but the cats run out much faster. I also need to buy 3 packages of baby wipes and another cheap multi-plug extension outlet thingy. I need to leave mine here so I can keep the heater turned on for Birdie.
I am running out of time. Nothing like waiting to the last possible second to get things done
I think, I just complete mastering wilding, by "dive in" in less than five minutes from cold turkey, just before eating my dinner, without any Rem of what so ever
The scenary was so dark and scary, that I can't believe how I sit in the middle of it and laughed my ass so hard, that the scary creatures was just looking me silly. omg
Zhaylin, first let me say that one of my ambitions is to try to engage with the content that you post more thoroughly. I feel as if you award me a lot of your time and in return I often gloss over a lot of the things you have to say. I hope you don't take this personally, it's more of a reflection of me being busy and disjointed. As I said thought it is my ambition to try to change that behaviour. I'm sure your first instinct is to say that it's okay and you don't mind, but I really do feel as if it is unfair of me to act in that way, and I would like to take more of an interest in your life because I care about you and it's important to me.
As for the vaping thing, I have vaped a hand full of times trying other people's vapes. It's really amusing seeing how much vapour I can pull and then blow out. Vaping is actually really tasty/smells pleasant and of course is much less damaging than smoking cigarettes. For some reason I never ended up switching, in my country it's not really freely available, so that could be part of the reason. I guess it was more so me just not taking enough interest though. It's easier to stick to what you know. I've been off cigarettes for a few months now anyway since I've been home.
Major Congrats, Gordan! I have a hard time lucid dreaming because, as soon as I realize I'm dreaming, I start to wake up lol. I can't imagine trying to WILD!!
please don't say that, Yuppie. If I feel like you feel compelled to read my ramblings, I'll feel like I'm being a selfish burden and I won't type as much. Or hey... for anyone who wants me to shut up, here's the secret weapon
But seriously... please don't feel compelled. Take what you can and what you want out of my words. They are NOT.THAT.important.
When I ramble, it's mostly just a means to get my own thoughts in order.
If someone else learns something or feels inspired, great. I love helping. But I'm no Sage
As for Vaping, ease of access is definitely a huge part of the draw. That and finding a flavor (and a nicotine strength) that you enjoy more than cigarettes. It's great, though, that you didn't have to rely on vaping to get off the smokes. Grats!!
I worried for nothing about vaping in the room. The air flow was so perfect, and my clouds were nearly non-existent anyhow, that I had no problems whatsoever.
Rave: We made it back home alive and in one piece My goodness, getting there though... there were a few close calls. One car, in particular, actually made hubby squeal () and jump. He said it missed us (while merging) by less than 6 inches! *whew*
We arrived, in Chicago at around 1PM (we left at little after 2AM). It was about a 9 1/2 hour drive, but we stopped along the way a few times.
I was dragging (I never did take that nap beforehand), the last 2 hours of the drive, but I plugged through and did amazingly well. My arm held up great, though I did start wearing my sling about halfway through.
Rant: On Saturday, we decided to look for McDonalds lol. Everyone told us it was easily within walking distance It would have ended up close to 5 miles. Almost right away, my lower back started killing me. But I plugged on. Then, I felt on the verge of vomiting and hubby's not in the greatest shape, either, so we stopped at an Indian restaurant we happened to see. Of course, it was up 3 steep flights of stairs I felt BAD. I ordered a rice, some bread (naan?), and a sweet Lassi. I slowly started feeling better and hubby said my "color" was back to looking normal (so, I guess, I LOOKED almost as bad as I felt lol).
We walked back. Until Tuesday!! I had a nasty cramp (?) in my right calf. The leg I baby when I walk with a limp. My back continues to hurt, though not nearly as fiercely as it did initially.
SO!- I guess I can, indeed, tell the sleep Dr. that I DO have back pain!! I just move so infrequently, that I've forgotten all about it
Rave: The drive home was MUCH nicer!!!! His daughter lives along the way home (some 2 hours out of Chicago but 7 hours from home), so we stopped and visited for a while. We ate sushi and I was amazed. I LOVE eel. When I eat it at the place closer to home, it ALWAYS blows up my stomach. When we ate, with his daughter, my stomach didn't complain in the slightest. Which makes me wonder about the quality of the more local stuff
Back at her place, I was just making small talk. I asked what she's been playing on her X-box. "Nothing. Do you want it?" I **try** to be polite and considerate. I hate being a mooch. I SUGGESTED she sell it or trade it, but when she hummed and ha-ed, I told her I would happily take it off her hands.
I made out like a bandit!! I got 3 x-box 360's (one is broken), a wii, games, cords and controllers for all of them, AND a television As well as a pair of new shoes, a jacket, and a designer purse/computer bag.
I handled the drive back home much more easily. There was a lot LESS traffic and the moon stayed hidden behind clouds, most of the way, that there were fewer deer to worry about too. Interestingly enough, I started out wearing my sling but I took it off halfway through because my arm started cramping lol
We made it in at around 4:30AM. It's now 8AM. I have PT at 2:00, so I trying to stay awake until after then. I've been starting to feel sleepy, though, since about an hour ago.
It is SO nice to be home!!!
Last edited by Zhaylin; 10-31-2018 at 01:12 PM.
Reason: SUGGESTED is not the same thing as considered lol
Heh, I sent my hubby an email at the crack of dawn yesterday, saying I truly knew then that I was home. Despite feeling sleepy the last time I posted here, I couldn't fall asleep until the following 6AM. To top things off, I woke up and removed my CPAP just 4.58 hours later
I did sort of snooze, off and on, until noon though.
Rant: I've been fighting the beginnings of a headache since around 1PM yesterday (it's now 2AM). I blamed the Provigil and was JUST about to take some BP meds but decided to check my stats first. 124/88 resting pulse of 88- which is tremendously great for me.
Hubby blamed a storm system that was heading our way (but never materialized into much of anything).
Rave: PT was brutal in the best possible way They stepped up my therapy and the last thing I worked on was a sort of stationary bicycle that you "pedal" with your arms. I got 50 rpm's for 2 minutes forward and 60 for backwards. My pulse was 131 when the 4 minutes ended.
Rant: But several hours after PT, I noticed my left wrist hurt with certain movements. When I woke, it still hurt and I had considerable soreness at the inside (spine) and outside (armpit and downwards) of my right shoulder blade. I think I pushed myself a little too hard. I have PT again today and I'm going to have to ask them to dial it back just a bit until my wrist is better. The soreness is actually nice lol. It's what I always feel after a proper workout. But my wrist is almost concerning. I don't think it's sprained... but it's close.
Meh: Our long haired ginger kitten was disgusting yesterday so I took a shower with her. It was her first time and she did amazingly well until she was soaked. Then she had had enough! I had to finish MY shower, so I set her in the bathroom itself. I knew she'd be freezing so I rushed. I picked her up, when I was through and wrapped part of my towel around her. I brought her to Miley so they could cuddle. When the kitten was pulled away from my towel, I discovered she had pooped on it.... and the poop was squirming with worms
I was certain she had them, a week ago, because her breath smells like death; but I got too caught up in the trip. Today, she was wobbling on her feet and she lost her bowels again on the floor I bought some soft food for them, when I went shopping earlier. I just hope she can expel them before it's too late. I'll dose Maaria, separately as well. Then on Monday I'll buy some more wet food and give meds to the older kittens... then the cats... and I have stuff to dose the dogs tomorrow while I'm on a roll.
Rave: I fought back my aversion and handled a spider earlier. It seemed lost, walking in an open (and stuffed with junk) drawer beside me. I set my hand in front of it and, after a couple tries, it got onto my finger and I set it at the edge of the top of my desk cabinet.
Then, the silly thing went to the center and kept webbing down in front of me... so I got it again... then again and eventually set it beside my desk on a box.
It was a non-scary typical house spider. Now I need to step up my game with the Nursery Web spiders
Bookmarks