Thread: Are you attracted to people more for looks or personality?

I think people need to stop demonizing physical attraction. That's what I think.

I can't help but shake my head and smile at all of the people (mostly girls) who feel the need to justify their own preferences by assuming and criticizing the preferences of others (mostly guys). Even in the 'post hot guy' threads, [mostly girls] will pop in and be like "oh, I really don't find someone attractive by a picture. I have to see how they talk and how they act and how this and that....Oh, but by the way, here's a cute picture of them..."

Lol.

In all of the "post pictures of sexy..." threads, it seems like people just feel compelled to throw that disclaimer out there - that they (allegedly) aren't attracted to physical appearance at all. I just find it interesting, really. I mean, for all of the women that I think are physically amazing for one reason, I can name two that I think are attractive for different features or for aspects of their personality. And of course, when it comes to the type of person I would want as a partner, personality is going to trump physical appearance, but it's like people feel that it's dirty or shallow or primitive to simply find someone physically attractive anymore. To each his/her own, of course, but I guess I just can't relate to having such an aversion to the concept of physical beauty, as some of you seem to want to have. Not calling anyone out here, at all, though. It's just something I've been kind of surprised to see so much of, lately.

But anyway, here are some Gina .gifs for tommo.

Spoiler for .Gifs:

http://www.totalprosports.com/wp-con...ress-dance.gif
http://www4.slikomat.com/09/0908/xce-gina.gif

Originally Posted by Oneironaut Zero

I can't help but shake my head and smile at all of the people (mostly girls) who feel the need to justify their own preferences by assuming and criticizing the preferences of others (mostly guys). Even in the 'post hot guy' threads, [mostly girls] will pop in and be like "oh, I really don't find someone attractive by a picture. I have to see how they talk and how they act and how this and that....Oh, but by the way, here's a cute picture of them..."

I'm a little surprised at the condescending and judgmental nature of your post. Clearly, you don't seem to understand...so I'll do my best to explain. I won't try to speak for anyone else though, this is merely why I am one of those people who apparently "pop in" and claim that I am not attracted to random people that I know nothing about based on looks alone. (which, by the way, has nothing to do with "demonizing physical attraction")

One of the things you might have observed about the images I post and the people I find attractive, are that most of them are actors or other famous people, and not just random models from a magazine or random people from the internet. It's easy for me to be attracted to actors, because I associate them with their characters from different movies. It's the characters that I find attractive more so than the actor themselves. Every character has subtle nuances in their personality, specific mannerisms, tones of voice, levels of intelligence, facial expressions, how they carry themselves, etc. which, for me, is what causes the attraction.

I have no attraction or interest in a totally random "hot" person, because I don't know anything about them. For me, merely seeing an image of an attractive man is like looking at a mannequin, or a shell, I can't fantasize about them because I know nothing about them or what they are like. But if the image even has a few clues about what they are like, then it is a basis for attraction to grow. For example...I posted a few athletic girls in this thread. My attraction toward them is based on physical beauty but also respect because I know how difficult it is to be a successful athlete, and I admire their strength and fighting spirit. It works both ways of course, when I find out that a physically attractive person has a terrible personality, then I am repulsed, not attracted to them.

Apparently for some, physical attraction is very simple, and for others, it is more complex.

Originally Posted by Oneironaut Zero

In all of the "post pictures of sexy..." threads, it seems like people just feel compelled to throw that disclaimer out there - that they (allegedly) aren't attracted to physical appearance at all. I just find it interesting, really. I mean, for all of the women that I think are physically amazing for one reason, I can name two that I think are attractive for different features or for aspects of their personality. And of course, when it comes to the type of person I would want as a partner, personality is going to trump physical appearance, but it's like people feel that it's dirty or shallow or primitive to simply find someone physically attractive anymore. To each his/her own, of course, but I guess I just can't relate to having such an aversion to the concept of physical beauty, as some of you seem to want to have. Not calling anyone out here, at all, though. It's just something I've been kind of surprised to see so much of, lately.

O, what's interesting is that I don't see anyone attacking others for being attracted to someone based on looks alone...what I do see, is that you clearly feel a need to defend yourself and your own views while needlessly casting judgment upon others who are merely sharing their own opinions on what they do or do not find attractive. Simply because I state that I am not attracted to a person based on looks alone, does not mean I am demonizing physical attraction, nor does it make implications about your own beliefs, and certainty does not imply that anyone whose views are different from mine are "dirty or shallow".

Fair enough, nina. And as I said, I wasn't specifically singling anyone out. I don't even remember who made the comment in the other thread, that prompted me to even mention it in the first place. It is just that I know it's a subject that (though you may not believe so) has come up in the thread previously. It's not always something that's said in a specifically accusational tone, but more than a hint of smugness. I'm not thinking enough of it to go back through the thread and weed out what I feel were such type of comments - because it's really not that big a deal - but it's just something I've perceived, however subjectively that might be.

The reason I'm not singling anyone out is specifically because I didn't really think anyone one was necessarily having a problem with my own tastes. I was being a little more general (and bare in mind, I've been drinking ), but it just seems like there have been plenty of off-handed comments in this thread, in my memory at least, about the same thing. Maybe I'm off. I dunno.

I definitely get what you mean about physical attraction being something complex to some, and not to others, though, so I do see where you're comin from. It is much less that I think everyone who simply writes about how they must have context to find someone even the slight bit physically attractive (although I may not be able to relate). I do understand that. I more rambling about those that tend to look at other peoples' preferences - quite overtly - as somehow 'wrong' (for lack of a better word, at the moment). Like I said, I could swear that there was a bit of that going on earlier in this thread, and it was something I've heard a lot of lately - whether hear or off site - but I could be just a bit irritated by it and blowing it out of proportion....maybe.

An any case, I've said my piece.

Time for a little Jessica, to smooth things over:

Keep in mind though that I'm only talking about attraction to males.

I do feel a hint of superiority about the fact that I'm attracted to males based on their personalities far more than their appearances. Is it justified? You assume it isn't, but maybe it is. I get the feeling that people who are attracted to males based solely on appearance are more likely to be shallow people themselves, who just want sex and who don't really care about what's on people's minds as much. From my experience, it seems that this is likely true, not just an unjustified assumption I'm making. I consider shallowness a negative quality, so that's where the hint of superiority comes from.

Well said Nina

I'm also not much of a visual person. Though that's not to say I don't enjoy looking at pictures of pretty people. Wouldn't call that attraction though.. Attraction is more like:"Come here so I can sexually harrass you" while I (usually!) don't feel like I want sex with a random person on a picture, but I can appreciate that person's looks and enjoy it, in a non-sexual way.

It's a strange concept huh physical attraction if you think about it..

Like, how can you know you are really attracted to a person on a photo and your mind isn't just playing tricks on you?
For example, you're looking at a random handsome guy's picture and his crotch is really visible through his underwear. Your mind starts making associations - this one's really obvious here: penis, sex. So subconciously (or not) you're thinking about sex, and you find yourself getting excited. You think the guy excites you and you're attracted to him while actually you were just making sex-associations and it didn't have to do with his person per se.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

Keep in mind though that I'm only talking about attraction to males.

I do feel a hint of superiority about the fact that I'm attracted to males based on their personalities far more than their appearances. Is it justified? You assume it isn't, but maybe it is. I get the feeling that people who are attracted to males based solely on appearance are more likely to be shallow people themselves, who just want sex and who don't really care about what's on people's minds as much. From my experience, it seems that this is likely true, not just an unjustified assumption I'm making. I consider shallowness a negative quality, so that's where the hint of superiority comes from.

Well it's true I'm attracted to males based on how they look. Or I'm probably just finding a common topic among my female friends. I was never really interested in guys, and the girls just go on and on about guys. So I took a look at few of the more popular artistes and take my pick. But to be honest, I'm more picky on females. I was attracted to one singer when I was young because of her looks, but as time passed, I get to know more about her, the feeling stayed or grew strongly. But I outcast another female singer I have a liking to for a couple of years simply because I wasn't appealed by her character and her outlook towards life.

Okay enough of those artistes talks. When it comes to real life I find myself having a strong liking towards a person because of the qualities she portrayed, and the way she carries herself, and most importantly can we get along. Lots of people have a pretty face, but what I am looking for... Is a uniqueness behind that pretty face.

Too many WORDS!!!!

Nonetheless, I need to add my bit now.

I am not attracted in any deep (like, I would date them) way to most of the girls in this thread. As Nina said, some of the actors, yes, because I have some personality behind the person too (and of course Nina and my friend )
But, I am extremely attracted to the beauty of their figure. The lines/curves, the colour in their eyes, the shapes, the poses etc. I find that those things attract my attention.
And the only way it is different from, say, a photo of a beautiful landscape, is that there is the "I would fuck that" factor.

Oh and thanks for the gif's O! Early Christmas Gif's haha

Originally Posted by nina

It works both ways of course, when I find out that a physically attractive person has a terrible personality, then I am repulsed, not attracted to them.

I couldn't agree more with that statement.

Oneironaut Zero, I'm sorry if I'm one of those people who said something that you found offensive. It was just my thoughts on the subject, and I agree with Nina, I'm not trying to be condescending to your efforts to have a good time.

I just don't get the same pleasure from pictures alone. I have to have some knowledge of the person to be attracted to them, you know? See them in action, what they have to say, what they think about things.

Originally Posted by lifeinsteps

I couldn't agree more with that statement.

Oneironaut Zero, I'm sorry if I'm one of those people who said something that you found offensive. It was just my thoughts on the subject, and I agree with Nina, I'm not trying to be condescending to your efforts to have a good time.

I just don't get the same pleasure from pictures alone. I have to have some knowledge of the person to be attracted to them, you know? See them in action, what they have to say, what they think about things.

I feel the same as you too!

But I'm just posting for my own pleasure. For my own eye candy~

I didn't want this to be too long. Lol. Just wanted to respond to those that took the time to respond to me, before moving on.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

Keep in mind though that I'm only talking about attraction to males.

I do feel a hint of superiority about the fact that I'm attracted to males based on their personalities far more than their appearances. Is it justified? You assume it isn't, but maybe it is. I get the feeling that people who are attracted to males based solely on appearance are more likely to be shallow people themselves, who just want sex and who don't really care about what's on people's minds as much. From my experience, it seems that this is likely true, not just an unjustified assumption I'm making. I consider shallowness a negative quality, so that's where the hint of superiority comes from.

I appreciate your honesty. This is kind of the view that I was talking about. I do understand that it's based on personal experience, though, so I guess I'm not going to try to tell you whether it's right or wrong (as if there's any specific answer to that). It's just one thing that kind of 's me, when people assume that just because you think Person A is attractive - for physical reasons - that you're likely too simple to have more profound reasons for thinking Person B is attractive. But like you said, your feelings on it are based on your personal experience. I can respect that.

Originally Posted by Meeps

Like, how can you know you are really attracted to a person on a photo and your mind isn't just playing tricks on you?
For example, you're looking at a random handsome guy's picture and his crotch is really visible through his underwear. Your mind starts making associations - this one's really obvious here: penis, sex. So subconciously (or not) you're thinking about sex, and you find yourself getting excited. You think the guy excites you and you're attracted to him while actually you were just making sex-associations and it didn't have to do with his person per se.

I think 'attraction' is broad enough a term, to where it's possible to be 'attracted' to different facets of a person. I think the way a person keeps his/herself fit can be very attractive. When I'm attracted to a girl's eyes, I can want to stare at them all day long, even if the girl isn't really the most conversationally stimulating. If I'm attracted to her body, I'm not thinking "man, I want to marry this girl. She's amazing." I'm thinking "I'd like to see her naked. Maybe run my hands over her for an hour or two." Maybe appreciation for the latter does come with being a visual person? I dunno. Nina, do you consider yourself a visual person? We're both artists, but I don't really know enough about what draws you to art, in particular. (And you don't have to answer that. I'm just curious. I know that this is getting off-topic, and I'm kinda for even bringing the issue up in the first place.)

Originally Posted by Carrot

I was attracted to one singer when I was young because of her looks, but as time passed, I get to know more about her, the feeling stayed or grew strongly. But I outcast another female singer I have a liking to for a couple of years simply because I wasn't appealed by her character and her outlook towards life.

I can relate to that. I think it's always disillusioning, when you feel interest toward someone for their looks, initially, but then that person ends up (as I always used to say 'opening their mouths and quickly becoming the ugliest person in the room'. I know quite a few girls like that. It's because of that personal experience that I understand where Dianeva is coming from. When it comes down to it, I'm looking for more than physical beauty as well, and I'm glad that I have such high standards. But at the end of the day, my sentiment toward those types of girls is usually 'man, that girl is still absolutely gorgeous...too bad she's such a bitch.' It's like the physical beauty doesn't 'go away.' It's just overpowered by the fact that this girl has the personality of a desert cactus.

Originally Posted by tommo

Too many WORDS!!!!

Nonetheless, I need to add my bit now.

I am not attracted in any deep (like, I would date them) way to most of the girls in this thread. As Nina said, some of the actors, yes, because I have some personality behind the person too (and of course Nina and my friend )
But, I am extremely attracted to the beauty of their figure. The lines/curves, the colour in their eyes, the shapes, the poses etc. I find that those things attract my attention.
And the only way it is different from, say, a photo of a beautiful landscape, is that there is the "I would fuck that" factor.

Oh and thanks for the gif's O! Early Christmas Gif's haha

Agreed. And you're welcome!

Originally Posted by Carrot

I like Sarah Walker from Chuck!

She was the main reason I watched that show.

Originally Posted by lifeinsteps

Oneironaut Zero, I'm sorry if I'm one of those people who said something that you found offensive. It was just my thoughts on the subject, and I agree with Nina, I'm not trying to be condescending to your efforts to have a good time.

I just don't get the same pleasure from pictures alone. I have to have some knowledge of the person to be attracted to them, you know? See them in action, what they have to say, what they think about things.

It's ok. I don't think you said anything offensive at all. It was just slightly related to the issue - though I understand your perspective on it. For the most part, I reserve judgement on what I 'think of' a woman, until I can actually see her in action, get a feel for their sense of humor and what they think about life in general - you know, just getting to know them - but I guess what I just can't wrap my head around (above all else) is not having some sort of physical attraction to someone at all, for their looks. I mean, whether it's the way they smile, their curves, a specific pose they are doing, or what. For me, it's like physical attraction has its own section of my interests, completely apart from character and mannerisms, and they rarely ever cross. I just gauge them differently, I guess. I just don't like to see when people assume that may be attracted to physical beauty are shallow. And I apologize to those who weren't actually doing (or thinking) that, for derailing the thread.

So let's keep it moving!

Not sure if any of these have been posted yet:

Spoiler for Gwen Stefani (who reminds me of a chick I used to see):

Spoiler for Katherine McPhee:

Spoiler for Jessica Biel (Dat Ass):

I'm just going with what I've said before, I would never try to be in a relationship with a person or anything unless it was based on their personalities, but that doesn't mean I can't also really appreciate their beauty. Why should the two be mutually exclusive?

Originally Posted by Dianeva

Keep in mind though that I'm only talking about attraction to males.

I do feel a hint of superiority about the fact that I'm attracted to males based on their personalities far more than their appearances. Is it justified? You assume it isn't, but maybe it is. I get the feeling that people who are attracted to males based solely on appearance are more likely to be shallow people themselves, who just want sex and who don't really care about what's on people's minds as much. From my experience, it seems that this is likely true, not just an unjustified assumption I'm making. I consider shallowness a negative quality, so that's where the hint of superiority comes from.

Well yeah, but who doesn't think that? But I think that's only if you're treating it like a legitimate attraction, like you really want to be with them. Sexual attraction is a pretty normal thing that most people (other than asexuals) have to some degree, and even just aesthetic attraction, it doesn't mean you want to start a relationship with someone for just that reason.

By the way, great pictures, O. Keep 'em up.

Hard to believe this is even a topic - it's well known that men are attracted visually and women for reasons of personality/relationship. It's for biological/evolutionary reasons, and not something that a person can change about themselves, so we should all try to be open minded and accepting of it. What a lot of women don't seem to understand and some seem to get bent out of shape about is that when men are attracted strictly visually to women it's not the same thing as wanting to date or have sex with them, or even be friends with them - it's just eye candy. Though of course some men are shallow enough to want to act farther on that attraction alone. But when women say they're "attracted" to a man they mean in the sense of having some level of relationship. And I think for that reason they fail to understand that a man's visual attraction isn't the same as what they mean when the say attraction.

Ok enough talk -

(Sorry, no name)

Originally Posted by Darkmatters

What a lot of women don't seem to understand and some seem to get bent out of shape about is that when men are attracted strictly visually to women it's not the same thing as wanting to date or have sex with them, or even be friends with them - it's just eye candy.

It seems to me that only the women who are more outgoing actually get this. I've only been friends with a handful of girls who I can tell that I find them incredibly hot, without them being like O.O "You want to fuck me!??".
Those girls didn't want to fuck me either, they just understood the difference.

Or.... maybe they did want to and I just missed several chances to fuck beautiful women.
jkjk

Oh, and

Originally Posted by ShadowOfSelf

How is she a bitch? lol. How dare you insult Lara Croft -.-

I said, IF she was a bitch. She isn't though, at all. She's a perfect example of a great human being.

Stana Katic, again





And, two sisters. I'm sure you know who they are....

I'm sorry.
Thread divergence please.

Originally Posted by Oneironaut Zero

It's just one thing that kind of 's me, when people assume that just because you think Person A is attractive - for physical reasons - that you're likely too simple to have more profound reasons for thinking Person B is attractive. But like you said, your feelings on it are based on your personal experience. I can respect that.

Thanks . For the record though, I wasn't saying that I think anyone attracted to physical appearance is vain. Only that in the case of attraction toward males, wanting to be with them based mostly on appearance is vain.
Have you considered diverging this topic into another thread?

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

Well yeah, but who doesn't think that? But I think that's only if you're treating it like a legitimate attraction, like you really want to be with them. Sexual attraction is a pretty normal thing that most people (other than asexuals) have to some degree, and even just aesthetic attraction, it doesn't mean you want to start a relationship with someone for just that reason.

I think that some people do, males and females. With some types of guys, if he has a really hot girlfriend, his friends will be like "how did you get such a hot girlfriend!?" and he isn't likely to break up with her, no matter how crappy her personality is. And women can be like that too. But honestly, I could be wrong and don't have much experience. Most of it is probably from watching TV while younger, which might be misleading.

Originally Posted by Darkmatters

Hard to believe this is even a topic - it's well known that men are attracted visually and women for reasons of personality/relationship. It's for biological/evolutionary reasons, and not something that a person can change about themselves, so we should all try to be open minded and accepting of it. What a lot of women don't seem to understand and some seem to get bent out of shape about is that when men are attracted strictly visually to women it's not the same thing as wanting to date or have sex with them, or even be friends with them - it's just eye candy. Though of course some men are shallow enough to want to act farther on that attraction alone. But when women say they're "attracted" to a man they mean in the sense of having some level of relationship. And I think for that reason they fail to understand that a man's visual attraction isn't the same as what they mean when the say attraction.

I doubt that many women think this. I can definitely tell when women are attractive, it's nice to look at hot female bodies and I definitely get the eye-candy thing. I assume it's similar to most women, so they should get it, unless I'm partially bisexual or something. I could never figure that out.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

I think that some people do, males and females. With some types of guys, if he has a really hot girlfriend, his friends will be like "how did you get such a hot girlfriend!?" and he isn't likely to break up with her, no matter how crappy her personality is. And women can be like that too. But honestly, I could be wrong and don't have much experience. Most of it is probably from watching TV while younger, which might be misleading.


I doubt that many women think this. I can definitely tell when women are attractive, it's nice to look at hot female bodies and I definitely get the eye-candy thing. I assume it's similar to most women, so they should get it, unless I'm partially bisexual or something. I could never figure that out.

Agreed on both counts. I guess I was over-generalizing. But Nina seems to honestly not understand purely visual attraction, and I get the same vibe from a few other people who have posted on this thread.

Erii, you're obviously not one of them!! Damn!! Having a hard time looking away from that Gif.

I don't know if it's genetic or psychological, but some people seem to be unable to be attracted to someone without knowing something about their personality. And yeah, some people seem willing to forgive massive personality problems for the sake of purely visual attraction. Though I suspect that's mainly out of insecurity or some type of complex. Some men want a 'trophy wife' not necessarily because she's attractive to HIM but because of the envy she'll inspire in everyone else. And of course some people are attracted to abusive people with little regard to how they look. I guess it's hard to generalize about attraction because people might not even understand why they're attracted to who they are.

I can see someone who I think is smokin' hot, it doesn't mean I would want to be with them though, when it comes to actual relationships it's not based on looks at all. But I can still look at someone and think they look awesome.

Splitting off the conversation from the Hawt Sexy Females thread - like Tommo said, too many words!! Sorry for any confusion.

do we have to say this about all women now? "I don't find x model x attractive. i have to know she is into literature, (like i am), to find her truly -- ah.... beautiful.."

progressive and modern yeah

Not sure how you'd qualify this, but I have had sexual relations with women who were physically attractive and not the greatest person alive - but now that I think about it, I actually was attracted to their personalities. Maybe for bad reasons - out of my own insecurity and whatever complexes I have going on, but still I was ATTRACTED to her personality.

But that was only for short-term sexual romps - not anything more serious. For that I'd want a woman who seems stable and who shares a lot of my values. Of course, it would be hard to find a woman like that who would have anything to do with me...

So - a question to people who seem to care more about personality - does it have to be a GOOD personality, or just one that you find attractive (like for instance if a woman likes men who are aggressive and strong, even if they're a bit too aggressive).

A square is a rectangle, but a rectangle is not necessarily a square. Call me a bigot or whatever, but I won't ever be attracted to someone who I find ugly. Ain't gonna happen. However, if a hot girl has a horrible personality, she's out too. I guess it depends. In a relationship, I would pick the moderate looking girl who I really understand over the bitchy supermodel. Personality is important to me. People bug me. Let me make this a simple as I can:

As far as sex goes: looks all the way

A real lover, a girlfriend, etc: There is a line, a boundary that my brain makes that divides girls who I find attractive enough to pursue and those who I do not. The subject must meet that criteria, but other than that it is personality all the way.

Originally Posted by Darkmatters

...and I get the same vibe from a few other people who have posted on this thread.

I can't respond to much at the moment (at work), but I just wanted to say 'thanks for that'. I was beginning to think I was the only one.

I can relate to what most people have said. Attraction can be complicated. I also wouldn't be attracted to someone I find repulsive physically. Well... that isn't even completely true, I have been attracted to one such person. But not in general.

I think attraction to males is more inherently personality-based anyway. Attraction to both sexes just feels different. I can find women attractive in a sexual way and enjoy looking at them (but it's usually accompanied by comparing myself to them). But I'd never want a relationship with a female. It would just be repulsive.

Personality does play a huge factor for me. Actually, it isn't even personality I care about, so much as the mind, and personality can be an indicator of the contents of the mind. In high school a situation would repeat in which I'd be infatuated with someone, usually a quieter guy who was at least mildly attractive, because I felt I could relate to him. But then one day I'd see him talking with friends carelessly and acting like an asshole, or playing rap music or something, and the attraction would go away. Then, even the physical attributes that I once found attractive, I don't anymore. And the same goes the other way. If I'm attracted to a guy mostly based on his personality, then even his physical attractiveness increases in my eyes. My mind will seeing him through a somewhat distorted lens. Any positive physical characteristics he has, will be emphasized, and any negative ones will be pretty much ignored, so he might go from a 6/10 to a 9/10 or something.

I fell in love before i actually saw a pic of him sooooo....

As long as they have a vagina or an anus you can put your penis in it.