Thread: A Cry For Help

RIGHT NOW! Walk away from this board for a few hours, find a nice quiet place, preferably in nature and commune with the Goddess. RIGHT NOW!
Then come back and be with us again.
You are truly loved Lost Soul, by all of us.

Listen now! Dont you ever fucking say that you should not have been born!! Goddamn curse those words!!
You are NOT A SAD FUCK UP!!! GODDAMN YOU PISS ME OFF!! NO AND DONT BE FUCKING SORRY, CUZ I SHOULD BE SORRY RIGHT NOW FOR YELLING AT YOU! BUT YOU GOTTA KNOW WHAT I AM SAYING, YOU ARE NO FUCK UP!!

And you make me cry! Really you make me fucking cry over this! Your mother might be the msot fucked up bitch ever but she did one good thing in her life! She gave birth to you!!!

So stop it! Dont say you are a fuck, your fucking not! Your are the greatest person ive have ever met in my life over here int he pshsysical!
I had given up on the goddamn pshysical plane! And the goddamn people on it! But you, you are diffirent! You made me feel good! You did! And you still do! Unless you are so sad and think your a fuck up! Then you piss me of because I know thats not fucking true!

And i mean this cuz I never swear! ANd im so fucking sorry for goign on rampage now! but there is no other way I can do right now!! You are a fucking great person, you make me feel warm and nice inside! Nobody else in the phsysical ever game that feeling! NOBODY! and you need to be soem fucking person to make feel that nice! And you are!!! Now dont fukcing say you are not!!

I dont know why the fuck he doesnt love you! I dont know! Im sure he has his reasons but its not because you are a fuck up!!! He doesnt hink your stupid, or useless, he doesnt! Its not you!!!

Your mother is fucking bitch for doing that,m and your father is a big bastard for doing that! You dont deserve this all!!

And you listent o me now and if you dont fuckiung believe me then you gotta read this post again ,and again and again! Dont give up!! Dont fucking give up!! Dont do..it..

It makes me fucking cry..and I am and I dont care everybody fucking reads this, but in those times we talked I really connected to you..I dont know..and I came to the point..I dont know..you feel so nice to me..to everybody..im sorry...so sorry for saying all the above..but you gotaa understan understand..your not..a fuck up..please believe me..believe us...

I dont know why I care so much for you, I really dont, I never cared so much for a person in such a short time..I feel like found a lost sister or soemthing..or a long lost friend..so please dont give up...I dotn know about all the people here..but I do love you..i my own special way..and I wish they did to..I wish..it was all ok..I cant make it ok..im so sorry sweetie I cant..and im so sorry...for yelling at you..but please..dont give up..

Big huggles and cuddles..Ill always be there for you..I cannt chage his feelings for you..but please..dont give up..on the world..on the goddess..on everything..im sorry..

OK, hope you are feeling a little bit better now. Lost Soul, I am really sorry for the life you’ve been dealt, but IT IS A LIFE! You have touched so many people in so many ways. Lucius and I have been crying over your post for the last hour.

Let me share a story with you of someone that also had a difficult life. This is the first time I have sat down and put this into words, it’s still extremely painful.

When she was born, the cord was wrapped around her neck. The doctors had to revive her. From the ages of 1-3, she had to have gamma-gobulin shots to help boost her immune system. She was continually having pains and infections. The doctors told her that her kidneys were only 50% functional and that they were only half the size they should have been.

She spent her teenage years with recurring bouts of sickness, slowly growing weaker and weaker. She wanted to try out for the cheerleading squad in High School, but the coach wouldn’t let her. She finally got the doctor to talk to the coach. He basically said, let her enjoy what life she has (hinting at she might not be around for long).

She went on to college and was in pre-med. About her junior year, at the age of 21, her kidneys failed totally, she had to have a transplant. With the anti-rejection medicine she was on, she had to give up her dreams of being a doctor.

She mended and lived a normal life for a while, If you can call carrying around a case full of medicine the size of a tackle box normal. She went to work in advertising and worked with many charities for the next 10 years. She did marry, but her husband was selfish and didn’t want children. She took that in stride and began to focus her work in animal rescue and the humane society.

From the years of 29-34, she had many complications from the anti-rejection medicine and had many operations. During this time she stayed strong willed and never gave up. She always tried to smile and be happy even though they removed cataracts, cysts on her ovaries, a foot of her colon, and eventually gave her a hysterectomy at age 33. Still she never gave up.

At 35, her transplant failed and she had to go on dialysis. Three times a week hooked up to that machine. Always in pain, and always having to lay in bed afterward for hours on end. Still she stayed strong and brave. Never gave up.

Last July, she received a new kidney. It looked like everything was going to be OK. She would get another chance and perhaps live a normal life. Complications arose, staff infections, un unexplained shutdown and back on dialysis. She never gave up.

In October, she had a fatal heart attack and died at the age of 39, fighting the whole time.

The funeral was on a Friday night and had the largest attendance anyone could remember. She touched so many lives and all by the age of 39. She had requested that people be happy and share happy memories of her. The common thread was, she never gave up! She was always ready to help! She made a difference!

I’ve often stood looking over the dark abyss and thinking of taking my life. I’ve been so depressed that I thought I could just die from the depression. I’ve had the desire to crash my car into a cliff at 100 miles an hour. I even the spot picked out where I was going to check out. But I didn’t go through with any of it.

How, after the tough life my sister had, could I throw in the towel.

I found this site two weeks after my sister died and started reading and learning from everyone. Especially you Lost Soul.

Yes, I still say you are wise, yes you are the dream views sweetie. I know you will get through this. Like I said before, you have an underlying strength like the strongest titanium!

Now excuse me, I’ve got to sneak to the bathroom and dry my tears before someone sees me.

(thats such a sad story seeker..im so sorry for you)

Hey sweetie..

Im so sorry for yelling at you in the other post..but it was the first thing that came up in me..now Im just sad..so I wanna tell something else..and I dont care what all the other people that read this think..as long as you know what Im saying..thats all that matters..

When I first lost contact with him in the astral..it just broke my heart aswell..I was empty..nothing..I didnt even wanna go on with life anymore. Like I told you, Im a little dependant but I really thought I could not live without him anymore..I seriously considered suicide, because I thought it was all my fault..my fault I could not be with him. And whatever everybody said or told me it did not matter, I was broken, I was not the person I was before anymore..I was, nothing..like you are saying you are now, a fuck up..but you are not a fuck up..

I gave up on hope because I knew it would never be ok again..it was all my fault, I was a fool, I was stupid, I was a fuck up, I was a bad person..and all the possible things I thought about mysef.
I was surrounded in darkness, and demon attacks where worse then ever, demons from the darkness..and demons of my own mind. You are fighting those demons now too, the demons of your own mind..

I got lost aswell, in complete darkness, I tried everything I could, but nothing would solve the situation. I was in a depression and nobody understood why, there wasnt even anybody I could talk to about it..I was a wreck. All I did all day long was meditate and try and summon more and more energy so I could be with him again. But ti worke vice versa, nohting worked..Iw as completely giving up hope, the darkness got worse and worse and worse..I was completely down..

Then I turned to the light side in order to become a light side supreme, things seemed to go a bit better, I was feeling better but the situation didnt improve concerning him..
I was being a bit more happy and positve in the pshysical realm and became the happy hoppy, silly gayish person that I still am now. But still I was sad and mad at myself inside because I still couldnt be with him, I still blaimed myself..and felt so fuking bad about it. I still didnt know what to do..and if I wanted to go on like that was a big question..

Then I turned towards the greater balance recently..the situation improved even more, but even today I still cant be with him and it makes me so sad, I cry so much..I didnt really tell but I cry in the astral..almost everyday I do..because Im so sad..you think im strong but im really not that strong either..I cry, I yell, but it doesnt work..it doesnt.

Then I meet you..even apon our first convo it just clicks..it just feels good. For some reason I am so open for you..and you are open to me and it feels good. In that sort amount of time I just get so close to you..it just felt good. And it still does..you made and make me feel nice and warm inside. You are one of the few persons I can discuss certain things with..and I just had so much talking to you..and it made feel asif I was in love, while I wasnt. It just something diffirent, I felt a connection between you and me I dont know..amybe we ocne where friends in another life like you said..or family..I dont know, I just know that I feel good around you..an I completely open up and am 100% myself, and thats rare when Im in the pshysical..and wahts even better I just feel apreciated even when I am myself..and that what makes you so special..just that makes you special..nobody makes me feel that way..

Since I met you..I dont cry anymore in the astral. You gave me more hope, yes you did, that so called evil word, but its not. I dont cry anymore because I know it will be ok. Remember that letter I wrote you about hope..hope is caring for others..believing in others..hope is having a little faith that there are still people around who do care for you..hope is not about not believing in the bad things..its about believing i the good things..the little things that keep us happy..our wishes and dreams..the persons that make us feel good..those times that we are laughing and being silly..hope is about believiing in yourself, that you are not a fuck up, that you are the great and sweet person that you showed me.
That is hope.

You do have hope in you, and you cannot deny that..because..you gave me some..

OK, I'm back.
I've been pondering over the last hour just why I would be drawn to someone I've only known for a few months on some obscure forum haunted by people some would call wierd.

It's like we are family here. My genetic sister is gone, but I think of you with the same fondness I felt for her. You have a strong spirit, true, it is tormented and lonely, but it is STRONG.
The fact that you are still here is a testiment to your strength. Maybe things with your mother and the One will work out OK. Maybe they won't, but I know one thing for sure.
You are a survivor, my god, you made it this far!. I can see the spark within you. Last night, someone had a flare mounted on top of a crane. It glowed brightly for all the world to see. This is how I think of your spirit.

I've lost three family members to suicide in the past 5 years, one of them my age. I would hate to see another, stay with us, OK? Please?

I cannot erase the pain you are feeling. Only you can do that. All I can offer is kind words and a shoulder to lean on when you need it.

Its hard to give it a rest isnt it seeker..you see we care for you..because we dont think your a fuck-up..we think your wonderful..

And I know its not time for jokes or silliness..but you know thats the way I am, and you apreciated that..not only that but you apreciatd my whole being, that was one of things I liked about you so much but you know,

I really do feel like your paladin now, I wanna protect you and fight for you, but I cant..I wish I could just smack down your bad feelings with my scepter..or flush them away with lemon juice..I wish I could..but I cant.
But I will always be your paladin anyway, standing next to you, being there for you when you need me. You can summon me anytime you want m'lady..you can..*stupid smile*

Lost Soul...what to say, these letters can't make you reconsider anything, or change anything, but believe me, i hope to help you find your soul, because the way i see it, it is a beautiful one.

Originally posted by Lost Soul+--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Lost Soul)</div>

I thought love was supposed to come easier than this. I thought that mothers were supposed to love their children. I thought that when you found your One, your true love, things would just fall into place because that’s how it was meant to be. But it hasn’t been so, not with the people on this earth who are supposed to love me. It’s been a great struggle, and one that goes nowhere[/b]

First of all, what is love? it is described as one of the 5 basic emotions, of the 5, i think it is the strongest, and the emotion of 'love-lost' can haunt and drive anyone to death. But how does one find love; you can not find it, it comes to you, maybe one might try to hard, or perhaps be abscent of love, or even reject it totally.
I cannot describe this feeling of love, even though i am deeply in it, but i know one thing, you ARE loved.
A strange thing came to mind when reading your post, you know the movie: A WONDERFUL LIFE : well, if you had not been born, LS, things would suck, and believe me, im not religious or whatever, but God smiles upon your existance, and frowns upon those who have inficted
hate upon you.

<!--QuoteBegin-Lost Soul
Sorry, Lowercase... I guess not everyone was as happy as you thought.

Well, i can do my fucking best to see that at least one more soul is. I WILL DO ANYTHING TO HELP YOU OUT IN ANY AREA.

__________________________________________________ ________
Seeker, about your post, i have a best friend back home, and he lost his sister, shes dead now, and he was completely depressed about it, and i think he even cried ALOT, and almost infront of me, we are brothers, not genetically, but we're brothers none the less.
Upon the death of his sister, who was his best friend, before she died, his mom moved out i think in the same year, divorced his dad, and his brother moved out also. His dad is a pastor, and they do not get along because of all the trauma.
I know how you feel because i know how Jacob felt, and i grieve for you. As i said earlier to LS, these letters that im typing cannot make you feel any better, perhaps, but if there is ANYTHING I CAN DO to help you in any way i will.
______________________________________
BOTH OF YOU ARE GREAT FRIENDS, lets keep it that way.

Yeah thats right...and if you were gone..who would be my cuddle huggle buddy?

I just realized that none of us is answering you question, you asked what to do..to point you in the right direction...

Im so sorry but I cant answer that question..I think nobody really can..I can support you, and try and cheer you up, I can be there for you to talk to, I wanna cuddle huggle with you....but I cant be there for you to answer that question..

All I can say is that you need to find the strength inside of you, the will power to go on..you might not want to hear this..but you HAVE TO find hope..I am trying to help you, but I can only up to a certain point..it is you who in the end must realize that there is still that little spark of hope..is it you that must realize that there still some good things..that there really are good people, and that are some point were you can be happy..

It is you who must realize that you are not a fuck up, it ius you who must realize that you make many people, especially me, feel very good around you..you have to realize that there is still a point in living! That you are part of this all, of the everything! That you are not alone!

It is you who must realize that the Goddess put you on this path for some reason, you exist ot only for the reason to be hurt and sad, like told you before..thank you for existing..please realize this..please..be proud of yourself..after all that shit, what you've become..

thats all the advice I can give you now..I really HOPE that you will start to see that, to see that your not a fuck up, and that life isnt jsut emptiness..I really do..I hope to return some of that hope you gave to me..because you do have it in you..you do

LS, your the coolest

hey Lost Soul,

I missed out on reading your initial post. I just wanted to say I'm sorry for what you're going through, and that I hope the kind words of the members here can offer you some small amount of comfort. I'm still surprised at the kindness of the people here; it really seems to be a pretty neat place. Anyway, I will offer no words to attempt to lessen what you're going through or try to reduce it in any way, because I can understand facing things so overwhelming and debilitating that the soul indeed feels weak at times. i've always been a fan of your posts here though, and i think you're a great person; it's people like you that make this place so great. and you already know how i feel about your art.

ummm... what to say first.

I guess i can start off by saying we have never gotten mad at each other *cough* or called each other names.


Honestly, i missed your intial post to. But... im a very non judgemental person.

I like to classifey myself as a kidder, ill make ppl mad to get a laugh out of THEM, but never mean it. ( although i was seriouse about the whole____, you know thing with that 1 guy)

What ever you do don't jump,


but the fact is ...i... need you !


*Runs out room crying*




PS: awnser me truthfully, What do you do in your Lucid Dreams

I'm here... thanks everyone... I'm not sure what to say. I'm not sure of anything anymore. I have tomorrow night off, and I plan to dedicate it to Her, my goddess and light Aurora.

I didn't say much at work tonight. I sat at the cutting unit way in the back, in the dark part of the fab, and just numbly did my job. My supervisor (who is also a friend and a sister witch) came up to me, in my dark corner, and asked if I felt cut off from the goddess. This was rather out-of-the-blue, and I stopped what I was doing for a moment. I let myself slip into the All... or, rather, I tried... and I felt nothing. I looked up at her. "Yeah," I said. "I guess I do."

She told me to open myself up to Her, to go home and light a candle and just sit there. She said not to think of anything, to just let myself become one with Her. She said it would start the healing process. She also said that she didn't know what was wrong, but I was usually so bright and cheery at work, and when I came in tonight, she instantly sensed that something was different.

And then, again out-of-the-blue, another older woman jumps up and proclaims, "That's right, Melissa. Men suck!" I just looked at her, half-smiling. She nodded at me. "That's your problem, right? Some guy?"

I had to laugh. "Partly, I guess." I replied. She grinned. Now, this is an older woman who has had her share of hardships in life. Her eyes are a roadmap of harsh wisdom. I look to her as an older sister because she's still young at heart. But it's still funny as hell to hear a 60something year old woman talk about men like a jaded 20 year old. She waved her hands at me. "They're all worthless pieces of shit! Every one of em! They're only hear to make us come."

Again, I had to laugh. Hearing this from a woman of her age is definately amusing. My witch friend laughed too. And then, just for the fun of it, I started to sing (very loudly, which is scary!) a Tori Amos song, specifically designed for bad days:

Assholes are cheap today
Cheaper than yesterday
Small ones are half a crown
Sitting up or lying down

I'm usually regarded as the resident tard at the fab because I tend to be a bit on the chaotic-neutral side of things when I'm there. I'm the one who gets a running start and jumps on the wheelie-tables just so I can go for a ride, or sits in the paper bin just for the hell of it (hey, it's a night shift, I need to amuse myself somehow). So I was surprised when the woman in the fab started singing along with me!

And then, on the way home, I cried. I pulled over so I wouldn't crash my dad's truck (funny that, here I want to die and I'm worried about wrecking my dad's truck!) and I cried until the tears stopped coming out. Honestly, I don't know if I feel better or not. But I guess I must because I'm still here. Thank you guys. I'm so sorry for being such a spaz and a psycho. I guess I proved to everyone here what a headcase I really am.

You know..its really nice to hear that you cried..remember what I said about that..and you did that, and thats good..it really its hon it is..I hope your feeling alot better now..and remember..

not all men are assholes!

Originally posted by Lucius

not all men are assholes!

Nope. Just the straight ones.

Silly, you are feeling a bit better dont you ^_^

Oh and also all married men, right , me and seeker were really worried yesterday..hes nice too! ^_^

Yes. I'm just kidding (a bit jaded, but kidding nonetheless) when I say that men are assholes, men suck, blah, blah, blah. I don't mean it in my heart. It's just a way of letting off some steam because 98% of men, essentially, do suck.

Thats ok, I know that, but its nice to see you say it in such a way(rather humorous), which means you are feeling abit better and being yourself again, makes me happy ^_^

I must agree with you LS...
The way most men treat women is so bad, basically leading them on and fucking them for their breasts. It makes me really mad.
I would rather stare into my girlfriends large beautiful brown eyes- surrounded by green rings, and have her starring right back at me, all night-instead of a hot night of sex.

Thats just me, and i hate how men treat women. FUCK THAT SHIT.

I love you... you wouldn't happen to be Mormon, would you?

You said it lowercase!
Go romance and cuddle power ^_^

Originally posted by Lucius
You said it lowercase!
Go romance and cuddle power ^_^

So says the gay man and the taken man! Come on guys... throw me a friggin bone. I'm starving.

Awww sweetie..I'm still your cuddle buddy ok? I'll show you some diffirent kinda love ^_^

*huggle cuddle* Be my buddy..*bounch bounch*