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    Thread: How to solve shyness problem with girls, need help????

    1. #1
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      How to solve shyness problem with girls, need help????

      Hey all

      i came on here with the hope of getting tips from people who are very good with girls, in the sense of opening/maintaining conversations. i need to know with what mentality people make this approach.

      My problem is quite unusual and i dont know whats wrong with me, attracting the hottest girls is the least of my problems, wherever i go to girls of all types, races, colors, age etc etc either come and approach me, or check me out or give me compliments, the hottest girls in the clubs turn their head to check me out, and i get compliments on my looks non stop. but the problem is i dont get any of them and i screw up all my chances because i lack the social skills and its driving me insane.

      i grew up bieng very insecure of my self, with low self esteem, thought i was ugly and thought i wasnt good looking enough for girls, and i have a fear of rejection, due to bieng rejected when i was young and that problem has stayed with me. the only thing that has changed is now im very confident in my appearance, and have good self esteem and confidence.

      the problems i do still have is having is the ability to put my self in the right mood/mentality when in situations with girls, and because i cant put my self in the right mentality, i get lost for words, get nervouse, uncurtainty kicks in and get shy and end the conversation quickly. Many girls proberly think im stuck up or i think im too good for them as they felt rejected by me as they made the move on me but i was too shy.

      part of the problem is i think with the level of attention i get i feel like there is a great expectation on me and i get affraid to dissapoint and look like an idiot, which im sure has been the case many occasions. Girls either felt dissapointed that i didnt make a move or thought i was bieng sleezy i could never find the balance.

      iv read on the internet things like put your self in a good mood, or do this or do that, just be confident and go for it, but im looking for more mental tips/skills because i believe its all about the mood/mentality you have at the time, so i want to know from the people who are very good at this how they prepare them self mentally. As in do you talk to the girl knowing you can have her, or do you talk to her as if your not interested in her and your just talking to her as if shes a friend, because i know if you talk to a girl with the mentality that you want her it usually doesnt work out. i dont mind trying and getting rejected, someone of my friends pcik up many girls and they also get rejected alot, but i just need the right approach so i have something to work with so at least im moving to the right direction, so i have the right balance where the girls isnt dissapointed that im not making a move nor does she think im bieng sleezy in the conversation etc

      any advice will be greatly appriciated

    2. #2
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      I'm not sure if I have advice, but your problem sounds similar to mine in regular social situations. Not in trying to find someone, since I've been lucky in developing those types of relationships in strange ways, but I've never been able to develop even a friendship with someone I meet in person for the first time since I was 11, because I'm so bad socially, or used to be. I also get complimented on my appearance often and know what you mean when you say you think people expect more of you and are disappointed. If I'm expected to mingle with a group who are meeting me for the first time, at first each one will try to talk to me, realize I'm shy and can't even keep up a conversation, and finally give up, inevitably leaving me to stand and eavesdrop on other people's conversations or just run off somewhere.

      Sorry for the long-winded discussion about myself. But if something's worked for me, maybe it will work for you also. Anyway, I am a lot better now because I was thrown into a lot of social situations and started caring more about other things, so being able to talk to people isn't very important to me anymore. I'm a shy person and get nervous around people. I've come to accept that, and in doing so I've actually become less of those things. Since I've stopped caring about the outcomes of social situations, responses to other people seem to come to me better, and so I actually can keep up a conversation. So maybe not worrying about it so much will help.

      Also, you don't have to become some expert womanizer. You're already attractive, and so even a little social skill will probably help you meet girls.

      Also, general quick conversation advice: Try to memorize the person's name as soon as they tell you it, then use it later on whenever appropriate. Talk to the person about themselves more than about yourself. If you're stuck on what to say, ask the person to elaborate on some specific thing they mentioned earlier. Most people love talking about themselves and will find you an exceptionally interesting conversationalist if you keep asking about them. Try to get yourself to really care about what's going on in the other person's life, since they can usually tell when you're only pretending to. If you barely talk about yourself at all, eventually they'll find you so alluring and selfless that they'll genuinely want to know more about you.
      Last edited by Dianeva; 07-20-2012 at 07:36 PM.
      Ekyu likes this.

    3. #3
      InSaNiTy Ekyu's Avatar
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      I probably was one of the most shyest people in the world when i was little. I maybe said 1-2 sentences in a week, and most of those where things like "What is for dinner, I don't like this..". When i was 12-13 years old, i realised that i needed to change this, otherwise there was a big chance i would get bullied.

      How did i do it? I pushed myself, i did things that some 'normal' people have trouble doing. Like asking a phone number of a girl, give a flower/hug to a random person. A lot of people will say "take it slow", but in my experience this isn't as effective and takes quite some time. So do something far away from your comfort zone, do it a couple times. And afther a while asking a girls phone number or just talking to one will seem like a joke. This worked for me, but i think it would work for everybody.

      It's actually through this way that i got to know my first girlfriend, so who knows you may get lucky! So just keep pushing yourself away from your comfort zone, find new challenges everyday! Also Dianeva gave some good pointers you could use in a conversation, let us be honest, girls like a good listener!
      Last edited by Ekyu; 07-20-2012 at 07:58 PM.


      All successful people men and women are big dreamers. They imagine what their future could be, ideal in every respect, and then they work every day toward their distant vision, that goal or purpose.

      It's best to have failure happen early in life. It wakes up the Phoenix bird in you so you rise from the ashes.

    4. #4
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      1. The harder you try, the worse it's gonna be. 2. with that in mind...just talk, man.
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      Give girls attention, they love that shit. Talk about yourself if the conversation comes to that, but don't drag it on or downplay yourself like you're not confident or something. Then, give her more attention, even if that means just listening to her talk about tons and tons of shit that you've got no interest in. Inject some humor here and there, and try and find similarities between the two of you, make a connection. If you compliment her, don't do it in guy-talk way (like saying "you're hot as fuck" or "let me hit that baby" or some shit), tell her she's smart, pretty, different, and interesting. I don't know if I'd necessarily say it outright or be blunt about it, but joke around with her (joking, imo, suggests and promotes comfortability). Play it cool, don't be all nervous, be agreeable (but not a suckass), and slightly antagonize her (jokingly, of course) here and there once you've been talking a little longer. You've got to keep a healthy balance in your behaviour, too much of one thing is usually bad--you've got to give it the right touch. If you can manage all that, and you're always getting compliments on your looks, you'll do just fine. If it helps, view it as a game. But really, you should have no problem. Women really love attention, so if you're interested, all you've got to do is act like it (which if you truly are shouldn't be too hard). Make her feel special, separate from all the women around her, and as long as you're not homeless or something, she's yours.
      Supernova likes this.

    6. #6
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      some very good advice thanks guys

    7. #7
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      One thing: don't try to 'perfect a technique' in a theoretical sense, and then apply it. Just go in there and chat to every girl you see, whether you're attracted to them or not. You'll find that you're shit over and over when you do this, but with each failure you'll get better in an intuitive sense. Naturally, you'll soon find it easy to speak to girls... but this only comes from exposure.... from simply doing it miserably. From doing it miserably, you'll eventually come out great. It's all good saying you're not bothered about failure, but unless you do it continously and fail continously, you won't get better. This applies to everything. You won't find a 'technique', but you'll fundamentally feel that you're adaptable to the situation -- exactly what you want to be. I hope this is motivational... just go out, fail, and try again. Rinse, repeat. ^_^ So long as you learn from your mistakes, you'll guide yourself.

      I'm heavily intoxicated, and so whilst surprised I can type legibly, I hope what I type makes sense.
      Last edited by Wolfwood; 07-22-2012 at 11:30 PM.
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      Who looks outside, dreams;
      who looks inside, awakes.

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