for many years man has wondered what lay in wait for him in the urban cities of our america. there have been many speculations as to the behaviors of certain female creatures that inhabit these desolate places... well... i, jake 'adidas' ******, have spent several years learning to live and thrive with these creatures and i'm here to show you what i've learned from my travels. one of the most elusive of their kind is the nina or as she is know to the natives el diablo bonita (please excuse the natives, they only took two years of high school spanish). you see the nina is specially equipped for nocturnal life. this can be seen in her over-sized pupils.
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come sun down the nina finds herself getting antsy. she quickly forages through her cupboards and looks for a depressant to calm her quaking heart. she soon finds a beverage of sorts. in the picture below it seems that she has found a red bull and vodka.
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the alcohol sooths her mind and prepares her for her night time hunt. it has been speculated for years as to what the nina actually hunts for in her nighttime ventures... but through hours upon hours of observation this reporter is fairly certain that the nina is in search of an english boy with certain... 'imposing qualities.' if the nina finds a specimen that she feels will do she will immediately scream out her very distinct war cry of doom (seen here in text: YEYEYEYEYYEYEYEYEYEYEYYEYE!!!!) then pounce on the unsuspecting male. after this... i'm very sorry to say... the man usually doesn't recover for several days. often times he is held up in bed for up to a week due to exhaustion and deep lacerations to his back and buttocks. after the nina has made her kill she'll retreat to the rice cake isle of her local super market.
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the end... for now...
this reporter plans on returning to the field to learn more about this wonderous creature.