You aren't going to make any headway with her using a pluralistic argument that God won't send a good person to Hell for being a Hindu, Jew, Muslim, etc. Her philosophy-in-a-can has built-in defenses to that. Your argument has to come from within a Christian context, but fortunately, you have a lot to work with. Like practically any religion, some people make Christianity look crazy, others make it look like the most sensible thing in the world. Tap into the "sensible" Christian potential. DO NOT mistake "sensible" for "watered down." If you pee on her leg and tell her it's raining, she won't buy it.
Here's an example:
WRONG: Telling her that it's silly to think a good person would go to Hell for not beleiving in God. She's already reconciled that. Strange as it sounds, that belief is what's fueling her evangelism. She doesn't want all those good people to go to Hell, and that's why she's trying to make them all Christians.
RIGHT: Tell her it's blasphemous for her to think she knows who is going to Hell and who isn't, and that it's blasphemous for her to think her preacher knows, too. God's ways are a mystery to us, and to think that they can be boiled down into a neat little formula like that is wrong headed. Notice that this argument comes from INSIDE Christianity. She's already closed her mind off to anything that comes from outside.
Be subtle. Don't say "Here's a nugget for ya! Put that in your pipe and smoke it!" as a prelude to your argument. Not that you would, btu remember this is about helping your friend, not being "right." You can't fight "right" with "right." Instead, have a pocket Bible of your own, and find scripture of your own to help your cause, and when you strike up a conversation, start with a neutral introduction that will NOT put her on the defensive. AS SOON AS SHE STARTS TO BE DEFENSIVE, you've lost her. Try this: "You know, I'v been thinking about some things, and you're just the person to discuss them with.
Look to alternative denominations. I'm going to assume she is an evangelical/fundamentalist of some kind. Every denomination has a cheat sheet of things that are "wrong" about every other denomination. What do the Methodists have to say that could help you? The Catholics? The Lutherans? The Quakers? Jehova's Witnesses? (Don't laugh at that one. Witnesses are some of the smartest, most open-minded people in the Christian pool, and for you, they are a VALUABLE resource.)
Don't let her use distraction issues. You shouldn't really make it apparent that you're bringin a page from other denominations. If she knows that's what you're doing, she'll just break out her own "cheat sheet" and shoot imaginary holes in your argument. The fundamentalists are very good at that, trust me. Keep your eyes and ears open for anything she says that sounds relevant to the issue, but isn't. If she says "This is what Pastor Ted from Colorado says, and he has the most popular church in the country," (that's true. Pastor Ted is a dangerous man, in my humble opinion, and he has a mega-church in Colorado Springs. He is a national celebrity, and it's not at all impossible that she's heard of him.) then you say "popularity has nothing to do with this issue. In Germany in the thirties, the Nazi's were popular, that didn't make them right." Of course, there are infinite possible distraction issues she could bring up, so be ready.
Dont let her know she's in an argument. I've already touched on this one, but it bears reiterating. As soon as she knows her views are under attack, she will defend them like a momma bear defending her cubs. If you think you're losing her, say "Hey, calm down! I'm not arguing with you, I'm just trying to get a better grip on this whole thing through discussion!"
Play Jesus/Socrates. Jesus loved to use the Socratic method of asking questions that undermine the opponent's viewpoint by making THEM say what's wrong with it.
This stuff is all about communicating effectively. You'll realize you can employ the principles behind this for any discussion, even one that isn't about religion.
Remember, you aren't necessarily trying to make her abandon Christianity, you're just trying to make her abandon insanity.
Talk like her, but sensibly. When she says things like "God is doing this because of so-and-so," or "This is happenning because God wants such-and-such." you should say "That's dangerous to think that way! The Bible says you shouldn't presume to know God's reasons."
You can point out the fact that no one knows who will be going to Heaven or Hell using this passage from Mathew Chapter 7:
15“Beware of the false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves.16“You will Or recognize know them by their fruits. Lit They do not gather Grapes are not gathered from thorn bushes nor figs from thistles, are they?17“So every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit.18“A good tree cannot produce bad fruit, nor can a bad tree produce good fruit.19“Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.20“So then, you will Or recognize know them by their fruits.21“Not everyone who says to Me, `Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter.22“Many will say to Me on that day, `Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many Or works of power miracles?'23“And then I will declare to them, `I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.'
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Note that many of the people condemned claim to have been Christians, and even performed miracles. Also, it says a Bad Tree cannot produce Good Fruit. You cloud tie that into your example about your Jewish Grandparents.
Also, asker her how could it be that Jews were the chosen people of God, and have even been returned to Israel, but are all going to Hell? That line of reasoning might go into political directions that I don't entirely agree with, but the important thing here is helping your friend.
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