is ignorance bliss

Ever find out something about someone that you were interested in or dating or in a relationship with that you just.............wish you hadn't.

I hate it when I let my worrying/curiosity get the best of me and then really regret ever having seen or read what I did.

I guess it's important to see what people are really like because we build up these dillusions as a result of our feelings...but it still just hurts. Sometimes I just don't want to know. But I also don't want to give people an excuse to keep things from me or lie to me just because I can't handle the truth. I just wish people were different and I didn't have to deal with this fucking bullshit.

*deep sigh*

I'm sorry you went through whatever you went through :( I agree with you saying that you wished people were different so none of this would matter. :eek:

Ignorance is bliss? I dunno, it depends on what subject. For example I'd rather be ignorant of when and how exactly I die than know it right now. Not knowing the exact future is a blissful ignorance, methinks.

However when it comes down to like lovers and cheating and other crap like that... I guess it is better to know the truth. It is going to come out at some point, and it will just hurt you all the more. I think in the moment itself, you wish you were still ignorant, but ultimately you feel grateful you found that out. If only to limit the damage done :(

Take care, ok? I hope you feel better soon. :hug:

Hey, nina, i agree with what lucius said...when it comes down to relationships, and loving someone...there's nothing like pure trust...
And if you fall in love with someone, give them your heart, and then they betray you, it really does hurt...
Like lucius said, it's always better to find out sooner rather than later...sort of like, damage limitation.
Not all men are egocentric, self-centered bastards.
some are very kind, loving...It sounds like a cliche, but there's someone out there for everyone...you just have to be lucky enough to find them..when you're not looking, they'll come and find you :D
Hope you feel better soon...

:hug:

Thanks guys. You are both awesome people I wouldn't trade you for anything. :)

:hug:

Nina.. is ignorance bliss.. yep for awhile, until the truth comes out or until it can't be ignored any longer.

For me when I was dating, all the "warning" signs were often there but I chose to ignore or excuse them because I wanted so badly for things to be the way I needed for them to be. I often sought my self-esteem within the person I was dating (I was very insecure and tried to validate my worth through the person I was with). It took being with alot of a$$holes and eventually marrying/divorcing one that I took a step back.. and took a realistic look at myself and what I thought was important in a mate (for me it was all about looks). Blessedly with age does come wisdom.. (I can still hear my mother saying "never date anyone prettier than you are") :)

Nina, after reading your posts, you always seemed to me to be a strong, independent woman and I admire/envy that about you.

If someone has hurt/disappointed you, I am so sorry. If you stumbled onto the truth or opened a door that you wish you hadn't.. again I'm sorry. (I once snooped in a boyfriend's closet and found letters to another girl that he was dating behind my back. He claimed he didn't know how to tell me.. that he didn't want to hurt me.)

Take this time to look inward and determine what is REALLY important to you in a partner (compassion, honesty, devotion, a sense of humor, etc.). Rush not into another relationship.. take a breath..

You will be ok.. things do get better.. I promise..

Thanks Clairity...I had to deal with that sort of thing for 4 years with my ex-bf...always wondering...always ignoring the warning signs, always finding little hints and clues here and there, etc. And even though that's in the past I guess I'll never fully get over that feeling when you realize that the person you love so much is lying to you or could be cheating on you...or maybe isn't the person you thought they were.

But I think the worst is when you find out or hear from a friend about something that happened...something that breaks your heart...and something that was never true to begin with. While we were together my ef thought I cheated on him several times...because people were telling him things that were untrue. Nothing pisses me off more than when I am accused of cheating or doing something wrong when in fact I did not.

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Originally posted by Aquanina
Thanks Clairity...I had to deal with that sort of thing for 4 years with my ex-bf...always wondering...always ignoring the warning signs, always finding little hints and clues here and there, etc. And even though that's in the past I guess I'll never fully get over that feeling when you realize that the person you love so much is lying to you or could be cheating on you...or maybe isn't the person you thought they were.

But I think the worst is when you find out or hear from a friend about something that happened...something that breaks your heart...and something that was never true to begin with. While we were together my ef thought I cheated on him several times...because people were telling him things that were untrue. Nothing pisses me off more than when I am accused of cheating or doing something wrong when in fact I did not.

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i agree with you there nina, to hear something from a friend is worse than hearing it from your beloved. if you hear it from your friend, you have to check your friend's integrity, and then you still have to deal with your loved one!!
At least, if they tell you straight off, you can admire them for their honesty, and you don't have such a double whammy to deal with...
Whatever's happened, i'm sorry to hear about it...chin up...

:hug:

Gee Nina and you never would even tell me his name :cry:

You know where to find me when you need someone to talk to. Wish I had been able to stay in chat the other night.

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Originally posted by Aquanina
While we were together my ef thought I cheated on him several times...because people were telling him things that were untrue. Nothing pisses me off more than when I am accused of cheating or doing something wrong when in fact I did not.

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Understood..and how do you disprove a lie? Should you even have to if he truely loves you? Then there's the motive behind those spreading the lies.. jealousy perhaps?

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Originally posted by Seeker
Gee Nina and you never would even tell me his name :cry:

You know where to find me when you need someone to talk to. Wish I had been able to stay in chat the other night.

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No worries seeker...you'll find out soon enough.

And Clairity...yes, I do think it was jealously and also things just being miscontrued and misinterpreted. Oh, and guys just being assholes. For instance, while we were together we started having problems and there was this other guy who was "in love" with me and really wanted to date me. But I had a bf...so I never did anything more than hang out with him in group settings.

Then I found out there was this other girl who had been coming around my bf's at the time house and she really liked him and was trying to hook up with him. Then the rumors started. This guy went bragging to everyone that we had hooked up and all this BS that was never true. It caused me and my bf to break up for about a week because we both thought we were cheating on each other. Later I found out that this guy that liked me and this girl that liked my bf were really close friends and had been planning it all along. Really sickening. :shakehead2: People can be so shitty sometimes.

Let me start by saying almost all sayings/cliches are exactly right or wrong. For example, consider "ignorance is bliss", "the truth hurts", and "life is just a dream".

Is ignorance bliss? No. I think it's just the opposite.
Does the truth hurt? If you lie to yourself then yes...

I think those two tie in together. If one cannot handle the truth, one lies to one's self, one makes excuses, one looks the other way. When one ignores their problems, will this make them happy? No, it only delays the inevitable. Each additional lie believed makes the truth hurt that much more when finally confronted.

You have two options Nina. You can learn to accept the truth now with minimum pain, or you can repeatedly hurt yourself with every single relationship you go through. Once you realized there are things you may not want to know about your boyfriend...You need to confront them. If you tell yourself that it is going to be painful, you need to realize that's just another lie that's going to hurt worse.

This dating life of yours is a nightmare. You can't keep running from the truths that will eventually catch up with you. After being hurt enough times you will remember, and learn to take control of the dream and not be afraid of the truth. No more false awakenings, time to wake up Nina.

That being said, I think you put too much emphasis on your dating life. You seem pressured to always be with that perfect one. Take a step back and realize things will work out, just be patient. Stop forcing this next guy to be the one. If it works, it works. If it doesn't, then move on. Don't turn your head and say it can work...it has a chance to work...it's still mathematically possible...Alright it's broken, I knew it wasn't going to work, I should have put a stop to this earlier.

In the beginning, you put all your apples in one basket, Nina. Slow down. Day after day, steadily put one more apple in the basket. Believe that things will work out, Nina. Give it time and be patient and it will. It may not seem like it.

That's because life is a dream. It is illogical, symbolic, complicated. You may think you are going in the exact wrong direction. It's alright, deep inside you know the right way to go. Become passive and let your subconscious take you to your happy dream ending. Stop turning lucid and forcing the ending, it hasn't become happy yet. The detour is necessary to make sure the time is right.

Now, you probably think that's harsh, but I mean to help you. I was honest, but you've said you can't handle the truth. You know that we all like the :hug: Aquanina, and it when you break up with people, you turn into :damnit: Bluenina. Get this relationship problem sorted out so we always have Aquanina :mrgreen: to hug instead of Bluenina :blue: to console.

Thanks I appreciate the help...

But really, no offense man...but you've got it all wrong. For one...what the hell are you talking about? Boyfriend? Looking for the perfect one? Huh? I'm just saying it's hard being infatuated sometimes. Guess I'm being a bit vague. Oh well.

Just forget I ever posted this.

Is ignorance bliss"

I believe that no matter what you learn about your friend, weather true, or not, it is entirely up to you weather you hold it against them, or just let it go. I know that in my own life, there have been any times which there where things spoken against me. And it has been forgiven and forgotten, as if it never happened. There are many relationships which are lost over the smallest things. I think it is a true person of character who chooses to forget the things which hurt us.

The Rev.

I know what it's like to find shit about someone you been holding in mind for a while, and finding it hard to let go because you already gave so much of your life to them. It's so much easier dealing with that same situation with people you just meet.

I often wish I didn't know a lot of things, that my intelligence was more a curse than a blessing. It was better at worrying than thinking solutions.

Some people say the truth hurts, which I think is incomplete of a statement. The way we think about things has yet to be questioned, not just what is happening out there. So-called truth only hurts when it doesn't match what we want of life.

But I overall agree ignorance is bliss, whether it be never having been exposed to the truth, or having found out and finally letting go of the truth.

ignorance is bliss to the dolt who wishes to spend 'life' in the shallow end. in contrast, ignorance is the most dangerous vice to those of us who like to swim in the deep end.

mwhaha is it advice, or is it a pool tip? ye shall never know, y'arrrr.

FISH OUT OF WATER!

awwww.

Hey, kid robot, i love your sig...that's so true..in my book, once you've learned that,you can put your feet up and retire!

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Originally posted by Aquanina
Ever find out something about someone that you were interested in or dating or in a relationship with that you just.............wish you hadn't. *

I hate it when I let my curiosity get the best of me and then really regret ever having seen or read what I did.

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I know exactly how you feel....coincidentally enough I was feeling exactly like this not 6 hours after you posted this.

Nonetheless, as most of you know, I'm not one to want to keep things in the dark so I'm rather glad that I know now, despite the initial wave of hurt that I felt. Now I get the oh so lovable opportunity to see past those nice little delusions I created for myself and continue on my painful journey of truth that I love so much :wink: *click*

"First taste of love, oh, bitter sweet"
Live and learn my dear, focus on the positives;

if u were my gf I'd write u a song about a unicorns.

Ignorance is bliss fo sho...
how could one disagree that simple lives live simple minds.

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Originally posted by SleepSpirit
\"if u were my gf I'd write u a song about a unicorns

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Let me tell you man, if you were being sarcastic then you might just be the funniest person in this forum right now

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Originally posted by Aquanina
I guess it's important to see what people are really like because we build up these dillusions as a result of our feelings...

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exactly...only seeing what we want to see. been there before... strange how crazily easy it is to see how someone really is once we get over her/him, considering how difficult it is to do just that when still in love. i mean, we think about them all the time--they're always on our minds--and yet, we don't know at all who they are? like, hello, why couldn't i see she was a heartless bitch before? i mean the hornet's nest where her heart should have been REALLY should have clued me in. :wink:

"if u were my gf I'd write u a song about a unicorns"

I supose that's going in my sig now since its one of the funniest things I've herd in a while.
and I love unicorns.
:wizard:

hope your doing alright nina and not to upset.