Printable View
This is in USA. I'm a shy male adult, i have something like aspergers too and disabilty so i'm not good with language and i'm not cognitive level of my age. But anyways i keep hearing that there is somebody for everybody, but how come no girls ever like me or even say hi or ever approach me?
Even talkative outgoing girls dont say hi to me. I would think they would since they are fearless. :shock:
So anyone have any thoughts on this?
You can get into a relationship from looks first, which is what wanting females to approach you sounds like. Same with men approaching females, or any which way. That begins with outer ques and appearance to hopefully form a relationship, then who you are in the inside comes secondary. I don;t find that appealing personally. But another type would be putting yourself out there focusing on showing who you are to people, humans, everyone anywhere whenever you're out. The best relationships or friendships happen when you aren't looking for one. So just put yourself out there not looking for anything from anyone but just to know them, and if you and someone simultaneously fall in love with each others personality, interests, mind, soul, then these pods we walk around in and call our body never need to experience the visual ques of approaching.
Do not worry my friend, looks are not everything, though some women may think so. What really stands out in a man is his confidence. Even more so, women are strongly influenced by a great sense of humor, and also how a man smells. So if you just loosen up around women and be confident you can really do ALOT for yourself. Another thing is making a woman feel good about herself. My friend, who literally weighs like 300 pounds really liked this one girl that you could say was "way out of his league". This girl was gorgeous, 9 out of 10. So my friend starting going for her and really made it obvious that he liked her and she knew this, but she didnt like him back, at all. Eventually my friend realized this and did something I never thought he'd do. About once a week he would go up to this girl and compliment her, you know something simple to start off with- "Hey you look really good today" and he got up to the point where he even bought her flowers a few times. After some time of doing this, the girl went out with him and they later got married. As you can see, looks dont matter at all even though some women would tell you that looks are everything. Dont worry about if you are "not good enough" or you think you are ugly or anything like that. The only thing that makes somebody ugly is an ugly personality. So try some of the things I said out- be confident when talking to girls- look them in the eye when you talk to them, compliment them from time to time, wear cologne- as wierd as it sounds, but most of all- Be yourself man, that'll bring you really far.
Go to the internet for advice on how to pick up chicks, they said. Those people know exactly how it's done, they said.
You gotta be cautious with this, though. It's a good idea, yes. But doing so the 'wrong' way can come off drastically different than how you intended.Quote:
About once a week he would go up to this girl and compliment her, you know something simple to start off with- "Hey you look really good today" and he got up to the point where he even bought her flowers a few times.
Other than that, Narwal and OneUpBoy71 have given you some good advice. But my quick 2 cents as well - CONFIDENCE It's the one of the best tools you can use. I'd almost then rate hygiene above humour, as well. But that's just me.
Just be a member of a rock band. It doesn't even have to be good as long as you play gigs... anywhere. Doing that will turn everything around.
Relevant:
http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comi...tting-laid.png
I've never had a serious GF but I've gotten laid plenty of times and I still don't really know how it works. I could try to give you theory but it's just theory, the same garbage everyone sells; the Tao of Steve (film), Art of Seduction (book) and the rest that follow them. At heart there's a pretty basic philosophy to all of it. Be yourself and stop centering your happiness upon a romantic relationship or lack thereof. Do what makes you happy and pursue for pursuit itself. It's like getting upvotes on Reddit; the dumbest shit is going to get upvoted no matter how thoughtful and provocative and intelligent and useful your content is--the best musicians lay underneath the froth of talentless radio fodder, and likewise males who appeal to the lowest common denominator will get laid more often and make the rest feel inadequate or inferior for failing to do the same. Like fashion magazines make the average woman feel inferior, also is propagated a cardboard cutout version of masculine attraction to make the average male feel inferior. It's all just conceptual fabrication, none of it matters in the moment. In the moment, you can choose little by little to defy your fear, and little by little to properly evaluate the consequences of your risks. Women don't approach men because men are required to wade through their fragility where women get a pass. I didn't make the social norms but I savor the strength these requirements have granted me. Quickly enough you learn the more willing you are to have yourself flailed, to less seriously you take things and the less seriously you take things the more at ease you put people around you and the more at ease you put people around you the safer girls feel around you and the safer girls feel around you the more likely they are to initiate.
I've pretty much been in just one long-term relationship so I guess I can't give great advice here, but I still think confidence is a an important thing to have (as long as you stay true to yourself).
How about some inspiration:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cq_tZ1Fc4yA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0ZZo5zdmag
Spoiler for Kind of raunchy so use caution:
I'm not saying you need to be a womanizer, but I feel it shows that confidence can go a long way and if you get rejected then don't worry about it and move on.
But really for someone who's actually had plenty of girlfriends before it is. Plus its better than the advice you've given him.Quote:
Originally Posted by Original Poster
Yes I see exactly what you mean, if you do something wrong or go too far it'll come off as creepy. But I guess you could say that approach was intended for somebody who at least somewhat understands girls haha :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Validus
Honestly, voByJunior2013, you seem a little too concerned about girls in general.
If you worry about not being "good enough" for them for whatever reasons then it will show in your charisma and behaviour as well, and this tends to be a turn-off for a lot of girls.
Of course, some of them might find it cute it some way, but in general girls don't tend to find insecurity too attractive.
Learn to love yourself (without being cocky of course, although cockiness tends to be a sign of insecurity anyway, so it's kind of a self-contradicting scenario) and stop worrying so much about everything, and you will come off as a much more attractive guy.
Also make sure you have a concrete goal in life, anything that feels meaningful - girls are very impressed by guys who have clear goals and ambitions, and this will make you feel a lot better about yourself as well.
I grew up with OCD and depression, among symptoms that indicated that I even might have been schizophrenic, too. I've always had trouble getting girlfriends, and my first one was definitely somebody I unhappily settled with. But it's my fault as a person, too, because I didn't aggressively pursue the ones I crushed on.
Since those horrible days from elementary to high school, I've found it easier to be comfortable in the world, mainly because I've found out that I wasn't eating healthy and wasn't really getting enough exercise. Body image is a reliable way to boost self-image.
but enough about me...my best advice is to go up to a girl, smile, and say hi. They will like it. Girls are not bitches, and are a very warm kind of people :)
Some women are shy. I know I am very painfully shy. I say hi at most and then quickly walk away. Its sad really. Hopefully, I become more outgoing at least meet a guy who will take the initiative. I just hope I can find someone special some day.
I'm surprised that's the main thing you're worried about: girls liking you. But not everyone is a social butterfly, and then ask yourself, "Why would someone want to talk to me a stranger?" It's probably not personal. I didn't see you mention anything about them rejecting your greetings. If you want to talk to them so badly, take the conversation to them. Otherwise, you'll be convinced you're this forever disliked person, you'll never try to engage a conversation, and then you really will be lonely. The solution isn't complicated (not to sound mean).
You won't get approached cause it isn't feminine to approach. There's a polarity between the sexes and the masculine does, feminine reacts. You are putting yourself in the wrong end of the equation hoping to get approached.
That being said, OBVIOUSLY its a generalization. There are girls who approach too. But I think you should start working on overcoming your shyness instead of hoping for external circumstances to handle this girl situation for you.
It's people like you that cause me to troll. What's better than the advice I've given him? Did you even read it? Did you comprehend it? Could you summarize it back to me? I don't mean to take your oblivious mumbling personally, I know you meant no offense by it, but I'm curious if you even know what my advice is considering you've thought it necessary to denounce it without an explanation.Quote:
Originally Posted by OneUpBoy71
As a woman, I find it funny that everyone tends to think there's a formula to make the general female/male population like you. Not all women/men are the same, nor do they have the same tastes in women/men.
It's probably best to get a little less shy, makes some friends, and when it seems appropriate you can see if developing a relationship beyond friendship is of interest. Rejection is part of the process, and it happens a lot, but there are a lot of people in the world and you won't make a connection with someone if you never try.
Also good reminder for OP is to never listen to women's advice on how to pick up girls. They are in cognitive dissonance about what they themselves want bar for maybe few super-aware ones (1 out of 10 000 maybe).
Try reading this blog for a few days and see if you have any ideas:
The Best of Rational Male
You bumped your own pity me thread, for starters. It's in your head.
I wouldn't necessarily say that.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jakro
I think the problem is that guys often tend to misunderstand what girls mean (not too strange though, because girls really do tend to be more indirect about their desires, and sometimes talk more or less in riddles :cheeky:).
For example, if girls say they want "a great guy who they can depend on" this tends to be intepreted by guys as "oh, so if I act super-nice and always make sure to never anger her in any way, I will probably be a great guy, and she might become interested in me".
The problem is that this is not generally considered a positive quality by girls, and they will instead think of it as a classic "nice guy scenario", where the guy seems insecure and tries to please them in every way possible, all the time, and that's not sexy.
What's really sexy for most girls (and I generalize a lot here because I really think it is true for most girls) is when a guy seems comfortable with himself and has no real "need" for a girlfriend, but still sexually appreciates a specific girl that he particularly likes and loves to be with her, and also makes her feel that he will be there for her when she needs his assistance for some reason - but also signals that he doesn't tolerate any disrespect, and is always ready to state his personal opinion about things without over-contemplating what he thinks his girlfriend "wants to hear";
and it's also very common among "nice guys" to prepare every phrase and every step of their planned approach for eternity before they actually approach "the hot goddess".
It's that kind of insecure behaviour that guys often mistake for "niceness" and "respect for the girl", and it's exactly that kind of "niceness" that girls find unattractive, because it signals insecurity more than anything else.
In fact, having differing opinions and provoking a girl in a playful manner can often come off as quite flirty and can lead to lots of mutual laughter and joy.
In fact, flirting very often consists of playful teasing.
Bottom line - treat all girls like ordinary human beings, and flirt playfully with those you find attractive, but don't "expect" a lot of "results" right away, but instead let things develop without planning everything ahead.
If there is chemistry between you, things will progress naturally, but if it feels forced, then let it go.
^^^Mad 'cause women don't want him.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jakro
^^^Already just said women are different, denies that women can't give advice on how to pick up other women.
http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7...cc6bo1_500.gifQuote:
Originally Posted by Original Poster
I wondered this once, but then I remembered that I hardly approach anyone myself, so it is fair enough.