Story of how my brother passed away last night

**Bosco** · 06-30-2014 07:28 AM

Hello everyone, I would like to use this post to let out some feelings i have about losing my brother to alcoholism last night.

My brother was a severe alcoholic from the time he was 21 to the time of his death last night at the age of 31. I am an alcoholic also and have drank heavily since around 20/21 and I am now 26. I always had a feeling alcohol would take my brother but not so soon. He was a good guy and not an angry alcoholic by any means. I believe he drank to suppress something but i will never know what is was.

Me and him were best friends. We had a fight about a year ago and i only saw him a handful of times over the past year even though we made peace and were no longer angry with eachother. Before that it was pretty much everyday we saw eachother. I would like to tell the story of how he died without anyone saying he did it to himself or any negativity towards him because he always wanted help and i dont think he knew what he was doing to himself until it was to late.

Two weeks ago everyone in my family was trying to get ahold of him but no one could. My mom decided to drive to his apartment and check on him. He had just lost his contract job two weeks prior to that and everyone was worried. When he answered the door my mom said he was very jaundiced. She called an ambulance but when they arrived he would not go with them. My mom learned at this time from the EMT's that the day my brother lost his job he got very drunk and had a fall in his parking lot and a neighbor called an ambulance for him. He was very VERY bruised from head to toe from this fall. After a while we talked my brother into going to the hospital. He was diagnosed with Acute Alcoholic Hepatitis. The first few days at the hospital were very hard. He was going through pretty bad withdrawals but he got through them. About a week in he was told by the doctors he was getting better. We were all relieved and thought he would be going home soon. A day or two later we noticed something wasnt right, he was very confused and he was not using the left side of his body. We told the nurses and doctors and they said that was just part of his liver disease. Two days later we finally convinced them to check his head because we thought he had had a stroke. Well it turns out it wasn't exactly a stroke but he was bleeding in his brain.

They took him immediately back to the ICU and put him in an induced coma. Two days later they said the bleeding had stopped and there was more than likely no brain damage and that they would try to bring him out of the coma in a few days. Everything was fine until we noticed he O2 levels dropping just a bit, then his Blood pressure dramatically dropped to around 95/40. We found out that his kidneys were starting to fail. The doctors decided to try to bring him out of the coma. When they stopped the medicine he never woke, he was already in a real coma at that point.

Over the next 24 hours he had no urine or fecal matter pass. His blood pressure was still the same and we knew he was dying. He had a seizure that lasted about 1 min, and then another one that lasted 10 mins before that could give him medicine to prevent more seizures. This happened about 5 hours before he passed.

It was around 3 am last night when he passed away. It was strange though. I was laying in one chair and my mom was in another and we were both trying to sleep. Every time i dosed off towards the end i would wake up gasping for air and i would have a huge adrenaline rush in my chest (this happened about 5 times within 15 mins). I told my mom i was going to move my chair out of the room for a bit and try to get some rest. As i left the room my mom got up and went over to my brother, told him she loved him and I guess said her goodbyes. She told me after she said all she had to say to him, she sat back down and at the exact same moment she sat down his heart stopped beating. She opened the door to where i was sitting and told me to come in. He was gone at this point.

I feel like what happened was he knew i made my peace with him dying and he was kicking me out of the room (The adrenaline rushes in my chest was my sign to leave, there was no anxiety with them but they made me uncomfortable enough to step out for a moment) and that he wanted to hear my moms voice one more time and die with her alone.

After we knew he was gone my mom left the room and i stayed for a moment with the nurse. I heard and saw his final exhale of breath. It was almost like when someone opens a can of soda and the gas releases. Also his mouth opened to let it out. That sight and sound will never leave my memory.

After all the family came back and they took his breathing tube out we went back in to see him one more time. I had never seen a dead body that was not at a funeral and it was scary how fast the body's appearance changes after death. His body did not look real.

After this whole experience i have decided i will not be drinking anymore. I hope if any of you fight with addiction that you take this post to heart. I do not blame my brother for anything, I feel he was very sick and needed help he did not get. I honestly feel bad for him that he was so lonely and had to go the way he did. I saw him crying in the hospital at some points and i KNOW he regretted how he lived his life. He would of taken it all back if he could but it was too late.

RIP to my Brother and Best friend James NOV 29 1982 - JUNE 29 2014

**~~DeletePlease~~** · 06-30-2014 08:08 AM

That's rough, man, I feel for you. I actually just finished speaking to my Dad about his alcoholism a few minutes ago, he's tried to quit a few times but he can't seem to abstain for longer than a few weeks. I don't think he realizes just how much of a problem it is, he doesn't seem to understand that he truly has to quit, so he keeps on drinking thinking everything's under control. I've kind of just been putting up with it for the last little while, but having read your post, I think I'm going to encourage him to get some professional help.

If it's any consolation, your experience has helped me with my situation. =/

**Zhaylin** · 06-30-2014 08:11 AM

So sorry for your loss.
Thank you for sharing your story with us.

**Bosco** · 06-30-2014 08:18 AM

If this story can help even just one person I will be happy. Thank you both for taking the time to read it because it was not easy to write.

**acatalephobic** · 06-30-2014 09:15 AM

Originally Posted by Bosco

If this story can help even just one person I will be happy. Thank you both for taking the time to read it because it was not easy to write.

Thank you for sharing, it enriches yourself and others simultaneously in ways you may not even realize at first.

I am very sorry for your loss, for your families loss.

Unfortunately I think that many (if not most) people underestimate the multitudes and severity of risk involved with drinking. Because it is so prevelant people develop a sense of immunity to any real danger involved, even when sober...add alcohol to that mindset and the danger increases even more. The fact is the stuff is unpredictable, and not to be treated otherwise.

Although it may of little consolation, I hope that through your own reflections upon this you are able find strength, and that others still may find strength in the insight to be found. Every body reacts to it differently, and even given a generally stable environment the variables are practically innumerable. Good people with families and loved one are susceptible to these tragedies, even when you least expect it.

If the story of your brother could positively impact someone, even just one other person. Think of how proud he would be to know that person was someone he loved...and that they would live all the better for it.

It is sad and difficult to understand, but life does not always give us the opportunity to "take it all back", but what we can do is our very best in the now, for those we love.

I will never forget the loss of one family member...I knew she needed a hug from my Mom and so I called her up at work and told her so. And just as my mother got there, she hugged her...and that's when she let go. And although I was utterly crushed I felt she was finally at peace. It sounds cliche, but in that moment I felt it true and honest like nothing I'll ever forget. And if nothing else I felt grateful for being able to give her that.

Take care of each other now, best wishes to you and those affected.

**Narwhal** · 06-30-2014 10:38 AM

Your brother is in bliss now, it's most painful for the people they leave behind for now. But through him and you, potentially helping even just one person, it is never in vain.