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    1. #1
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      Why are some people almost ignored despite being "very good-looking", and vice versa?

      I am a 28-year-old male, and I wonder what it is that make some people make such a powerful sexual impression at parties and other social gatherings?
      I have heard stories about guys who "look good" and because of this "are constantly approached and noticed everywhere" - and sure, I guess this could happen - at least if they have a great charisma or appear "available" and "inviting" - but I have also seen "average-looking" people who somehow manage to make a lot of people interested, just by "being there" and perhaps making some conversations.
      And I have personally always been considered "very good-looking", and some people have even gone so far as to say I look like people like Brad Pitt and James Dean, and some Spanish woman once told me about two years ago that I was "so beautiful", but I don't notice anything like this in everyday life (I rarely visit parties though, and when I do, I tend to stay for a rather short time; maybe that's part of my own problem) - a lot of girls even seem to be afraid of me and have a very serious body language, or simply don't notice me at all (although I am kind of asocial myself and rarely spend time with other people, I spend most of my time and school and at home, so that could of course also be a problem) - and I even know some girls like this, those who look really really good but still often tend to be ignored.
      I find this very confusing, what is it really that gives such a powerful impression?
      It doesn't seem to be all about looks, since I know several people whose degree of popularity is vastly different from their attractiveness, whether they have actively pursued that popularity or not.

      I am particularly confused about the whole thing that "attractive guys constantly get approached just because they look good" - I have never heard of anything like this before, aren't women usually very focused on a guy's charisma and self-confidence as well?
      I find it hard to believe that a guy with model looks would get anywhere if he went around by himself at some party and looked insecure and stiff, no matter how attractive he was - especially when average-looking guys sometimes seem to be treated the same way.

      I don't mean to be obsessed with looks or anything, I just find this whole thing very confusing and contradictory in many ways, and I would like to understand it.
      Last edited by Yuusha; 08-27-2014 at 11:16 AM.

    2. #2
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      This story reminds me of my Field Hockey Coach, way back when I was a little 16 year old boy, or something like that. He was a pretty small guy. He wasn't terribly muscular. He didn't have a pretty face at all. He even had Acne. His forehead was basically scattered with red dots. You wouldn't consider him a straight up ugly guy, but he was definitely not pretty at all. He even said so himself when he told us. He used to say to us: "Guys, looks are not important if you want to get a woman. Trust me. It's all about the talk and body language." Or something like that. And wether that is true or not, the guy did have the attention of all the women. Meanwhile his more handsome friend barely got any attention.

      I think it does have a lot to do with self confidence. And open-ness. Your body language should say, come to me! I am interested in meeting new people! Or something like that. There are a lot of books written on this topic. Or video's on Youtube. A lot of guys love this kind of stuff. It shouldn't be hard to find, if you are really interested in how to become more confident and open and stuff like that.

      To me that kind of stuff gets dangerously close to manipulation though. I am confident enough as I am now, anyways. Perhaps a bit too confident at times.
      Lucid Dream Goal:
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      One week with at least 1 Lucid Dream in every night.

    3. #3
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      Because everybody knows that the sweeter the outside is, the ickier the inside is. (Joking)

      [Shrugs] Honestly, I wish I knew why humans of mine opposite gender tend to approach me--so I can make them stop. It's annoying.

      Throughout recent years, I have gotten adept at projecting a non-hostile "leave-me-alone-and-I'll-leave-you-alone" air, but there is always that one mosquito whom resists the repellent.

      But anyhow, to drop a coin in the fountain... In the end, everyone's attracted to something, so there's no way to draw a definitive line.
      Be free from passion, unmoved by joy or grief,
      and submit without complaint to unavoidable necessity.
      That is the way of the Stoics.



      "Do you know what happens to those who lose their true purpose?
      Inevitably, they destroy themselves." ~Sax (Kingdom Hearts II.5)

    4. #4
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      Appearance just gets someone noticed - beyond that it's more about personality or the 'vibes' a person gives out. No matter what a guy looks like, females won't like him if he comes across as a jerk, or a wet blanket, or timid and fearful, or creepy or something. They like confidence. I know it's been said already a couple of times, but it bears repeating, because it's the main ingredient in attractiveness of personality. Think about females you've known - even some of the really good looking ones can turn you off immediately by things they say or the way they act.

      Part of the problem is that many people don't see themselves the same way other people see them. It's important to understand how you really come across, to get past your own preconceptions about yourself. A guy who sees himself as thoughtful and intelligent for instance might be seen by everyone else as a nerdy wimp.
      Last edited by Darkmatters; 08-28-2014 at 01:19 AM.

    5. #5
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      Quote Originally Posted by Darkmatters View Post
      Part of the problem is that many people don't see themselves the same way other people see them. It's important to understand how you really come across, to get past your own preconceptions about yourself. A guy who sees himself as thoughtful and intelligent for instance might be seen by everyone else as a nerdy wimp.
      Yeah I guess that's my own problem as well, I probably come across as a fairly stiff and nervous person (in fact, I can often feel that my muscles aren't completely relaxed whenever I am around people), so I probably send out some weird nervous signals.

      One thing I find so weird about this whole situation is how I constantly read on various sites how it is said that people who look good "are always treated a whole lot better", "are the center of attention everywhere", "get away with saying rude or creepy things to the opposite sex" etc.
      But seriously, I almost never see these things happen to anyone in real-life situations.
      I have even kept an eye on extremely attractive girls for a long time several times, just to see how they are treated, and I cannot see any major differences, so I assume those differences would be even less for good-looking guys.
      And I have got some fairly strong signs that I am apparently very attractive-looking myself - a girl who asked me out on Facebook since she dared not do it in real life since I was "so cute that she became shy", and my hair-dresser has told me several times how good-looking I am, and people have compared me to hot celebrities - and I don't notice those aforementioned extreme behaviours either.
      For example, when I go to school I am not "constantly checked out everywhere" or "treated extremely nice for no reason", I am just one of the students in the bunch, trying to learn to know new people, just like all the other attractive students there.
      Hell, if some ultra-hot girl walks through a corridor with lots of people then they barely notice her, they just stand there like usual and she walks past without creating much attention.

      I know a lot of the stuff on the Internet is BS, but if it's "real" then what world do they live in?
      I have almost never seen this happen to anyone.
      Of course, really pretty girls can often be treated extra nice - at least if they have a likeable personality - but except for that I cannot spot any dramatic differences.
      Those stories about girls stopping their cars just to whistle at some random good-looking guy on the street and a guy getting unbroken attention from almost every woman he passes sound a little ridiculous.
      And there seem to be no exceptions either, they more or less imply "if you are hot, you are definitely going to be treated like a god(dess) 100% of the time, no question about it - if you aren't, then you are not hot, simple as that", which makes me even mure doubtful about the whole thing and makes me suspect that it's heavily exaggerated - and they sound like it's totally about physical looks as well, and that it is all that matters for how attractive someone is.
      Would you mind giving me your opinions on this as well?
      Last edited by Yuusha; 08-28-2014 at 04:42 PM.

    6. #6
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      It's definitely your personality that sucks people in or pushes people away. If you have the personality of sandpaper, unless you are just that fucking hot and they are that drunk or horny, you will soon get ignored after a few minutes (or less) of conversation. Same goes the other way. If they don't find you that attractive initially, if you just seem to be the life of the party or like you know and are friends with like everyone there, or are like super funny and easy to talk to and they feel like you are a good listener, then they will like you despite your less attractive exterior.

      To a degree money or possessions can play a role as well but I wouldn't personally go for someone for either of those things alone.

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