It’s been about a month since I abruptly left Dreamviews and I just thought I should let people know what led up to my departure. I barely took time to say farewell.
Perhaps I should start with a little history and background info.
I’m 40 years old. I’m a transgendered woman (some of you know that). I’m married to a wonderful woman and we have two children, ages 15 and 9.
My family has had some issues recently that required more of my time and attention, not the least of which was the start of school in August.
The least malignant issue would probably be that of my son. His academic performance has struggled and I’ve had to increase the time I spend with him to better prepare him for 10th grade. His dysgraphia (a problem with writing) makes a large portion of school difficult, and this showed heavily on exams he had to retake in July. His understanding of the material is mostly acceptable but his ability to translate what is in his mind to paper has always been a problem, and he is now in danger of academic impairment.
My daughter’s issues are slightly more concerning.
For the last 3 years or so my daughter has complained of occasional stomach illness and nausea. It’s starting to become problematic and interfering with her time at school. Following three weeks of recording every tiny thing she ate or drank we had her tested for Celiac Disease, thinking it a possible gluten allergy. That test recently came back negative, so we’re still exploring what’s wrong with her insides and why she has almost daily internal upset. The possibilities aren’t thrilling.
We have additional reason to worry about her digestive system.
About two years after our daughter was born, way back in 2006, my wife was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer. Initial radiation treatments (plus chemo) and removal of the affected section of colon were thought to have ended the ordeal, but it reappeared after a few months out of treatment, this time in the lungs (stage 4). I’ll spare you the details of the years of treatment since 2007 but by 2011-2012 things were looking better, despite being told initially to expect not to be alive by 2009. She has been amazingly tolerant of the chemo treatments.
At the beginning of 2013 the cancer in the lungs was found to be slightly enlarged and a new treatment was started, supposedly the last option. It’s been a hard year but we were all optimistic as she seemed to be responding to it well enough.
Unfortunately, tests showed a rise in the markers used to detect cancer activity (CEA levels) and concern became higher during the last two months following some episodes of dizziness and neck pain (a congenital neck problem unrelated to the cancer was thought to be the cause). These last symptoms were originally hoped to be unrelated to the cancer, but a recent MRI confirmed the worst; the cancer has now appeared in her brain. The two large nodules in her lungs are now a secondary concern.
As I type this message, my wife is on her way to have her first radiation treatment for the newly found brain tumor. We’re uncertain what the next two weeks will bring with daily radiation treatments but I expect it won’t be easy. Seven years of procedures has proven that nothing about cancer treatment is easy.
It’s been a long time since I was this scared and uncertain about the future. I’ve already faced several years of fear of losing my wife and I’ve done my best to remain optimistic throughout. I’m the rock, the stability that holds the family together. It’s not been an easy position, and it was a contributing factor to joining Dreamviews in the first place. Everyone needs a good distraction from life, and DV has been a wonderful place to find diversion. Certainly I count many of you as trusted friends; the people (outside of my home) who made me smile every day.
I wanted to remain a contributing part of Dreamviews and I thoroughly enjoyed working with the other volunteers that comprise the staff of DV, but right now I need to invest my energy in my family, without distraction. I hope to return to regular posting someday. I’ve never found a better place to share, indulge, and learn than Dreamviews, and I’ve been lucky to be part of so much amazing work and positive change for the forum.
I will post future updates. I miss you all.
~melanie
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