Chapter 1
The werewolf leader, Argon,
leader of the werewolves, stared into Flake
's
(apostrophe) eyes, snarling
and emitting with hatred and defiance.
"Give up and hand over Ravi
, or know pain like no other"
, (with dialogue, the comma needs to be inside the quotation) Argon hoarsely whispered,
while his eyes gleamed in a crazed way eyes glazed with a primitive hunger.
"Pain is a kind of illusion. You would be surprised by how much pain you can self-create, using only your thoughts
(very powerful line)."
, (remove the period, put the comma inside) Flake murmured to himself.
Not many of Flake
's
(apostrophe) kind were left
. Though he was completely human, he had acquired, after years of relentless training, an absolute stillness of mind. He had virtually no thoughts, no future,
and no past
. His consciousness knew only the present. This seemingly small and unimportant change enabled Flake to see through all of his self-created illusions and psychological pain, to the extent
, (no comma needed) that he could physically morph the reality around him, making it seem like magic to the common eye.
But magic is just science we don't yet understand, Flake thought to himself.
Even as the leader was talking As Argon watched, a dozen wolves
were viciously hacking hacked viciously at Flake
's
(apostrophe) barrier with claws as
long, sharp and hard long and sharp as daggers. Patches of glowing blue light started to appear upon cracks of the barrier. After only five minutes of holding the
"shield" telepathic barrier, blood
started began to gush from Flake
's
(apostrophe!) ears, eyes and mouth. His face was distorted in pain
and concentration and his outstretched hands and body trembled, and his body and outstretched hands trembled violently, but he nevertheless maintained concentration. Flake was about to die
and felt ever increasing agony (redundant. You've already made it quite clear how much pain he's in), but despite everything he felt completely at peace.
Flake didn't feel He felt not even an ounce of fear
or mental distress, and even at
the brink of death
, it was
like as if he was separate from his mind was leaving his body,
and was watching himself from
far away the point of view of another person.
My best shot at making sure Ravi gets out alive is generating the Shock Wave (since the cost of this spell seems to be one's own life, I think it deserves to be capitalised. Gives it importance),
as since I could only kill about six of the wolves before they'd get me. I should be able to generate enough energy in a few minutes and release it Once I've gathered enough energy, I will blast their minds out... Yes, its the only way. It's suicide, but what can you do? These doggies are in for a rare treat, Flake thought to himself, muffling a laugh.
(Inner thoughts stand out more when italicised.)
"Always so angry, your kind. Even though you're likely going to destroy everything I know and care about, I hope you find peace and I bear no ill will towards you
."
, (remove the period, put the comma inside) Flake said in a fully calm and compassionate voice. Flake slowly lowered his hands, sat down in a lotus position, stared hard into Argon
's
(apostrophe!!) eyes and
voiced declared with a knowing smile
...
"Death is only the beginning."
* * *
Ravi was running for his life.
His father had told him to not stop until he felt he'd lose consciousness and fall dead. Ravi
's
(apostrophe) chances of survival were near nonexistent, but he had nothing to lose. The werewolves had found out what he was and what he knew. They craved nothing more than to rip him into pieces, carve his heart out and leech his soul.
There seemed to be no end to the fall of snow and the whirl of wind. Ravi
's
(apostrophe) heart was pounding so hard he was scared it would burst out. He finally gave in and paused to catch his breath,
only for the frigid air to bite his lungs. Ravi
's
(apostrophe) body had frozen to the point that he
couldn't feel a thing. His fingers were stiff as rocks, and he couldn't stop shaking.
Not a moment later, a thunderous boom echoed through the air. Automatically, Ravi turned around to see his burning village in the distance. From inside the village, a bright, spherical wave of energy expanded until it tore every building asunder. Instinctively, Ravi shielded his face with his arms, and an unseen force all but knocked him off his feet. When Ravi lowered his arms, he once again looked toward his village. But the village was no longer there. As Ravi stared at the now empty space that was once his home, his father's last words to him echoed in his heart.
"Don't forget the teachings, my boy. I love you."
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